I would die before you

With the pack making use of the communal den, Sagacity was given more free time with which to complete her duties for the pack. She enjoyed having others she trusted, namely Naira, Asta and Mapplethorpe, close by so that she could go hunting or patrol the borders with an easy mind knowing that Mercy was safe. For the first time in quite a long time she went out in the morning- a time of day which had always been used staying with Mercy as that was when the boy was most active. But with two other little pups his own age, he no longer needed his mother to entertain him. It was good, she decided, for him to socialize with children his own age.

She dug up a hare she'd buried earlier in the week and consumed it hungrily, crunching through the bones and leaving no trace behind. She still needed to take in a high count of calories in order to see to Mercy's needs and with his teeth developing he'd rely less on her milk and more on regurgitated meals like the one she'd just eaten. This meal would give her a small boost of energy with which to skirt around the borders and then leave some meal for her growing boy. He was a quick grower and she assumed by his growth pattern that he would likely be large, like his father.

She descended down along the craggy mountainside until she reached the borders and moved along at an eager walk, the sunlight warm on her silver and black dappled back. She drew in a breath of fresh mountain air and relaxed her shoulders. Life was good.

(This post was last modified: Aug 06, 2013, 04:15 PM by Sagacity.)

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The black male had found himself keeping to the rocky terrain of this Mountain of Dire. He was not particularly accustomed to the higher altitudes, or the way of life near the clouds, but it was proving a challenge to him. His prey was not simple to catch up here on the mountain side. They were quick and agile on the rocks, and it easily got the best of Faol's stamina. Even as age tried to physically restrain him, he was learning to maneuver his feet better, think ahead at what their next move would be. Although he was much more successful on solid ground it made him revel in pride when he finally crushed the hare in between his jaws. The black male was not ready to accept that he had passed his prime, even if it were only by a day. He was past the age of rash actions and senseless emotions. However, his body still stood proud, his pelt still handsome. Tainted with white it might be - it only showed his drive to survive. He would be the one to laugh at Death when he came knocking upon his door.

Being up here left him much time to think; a little more than he had bargained for. There was something about the Lore that caused him to feel happy, but lonely at the same time. Each wolf that he had come across was tainted with the smell of pack, but did not come off as unhappy. He couldn't quite grasp how his mind had been altered. He used to teem with the hatred of pack wolves. They were all worthless, untrained, cowards. However, their stench didn’t burn his nose as much as it used to. Whether it was age, loneliness, or forgetfulness he could not blame it on one.

(This post was last modified: Jul 04, 2013, 12:58 AM by Faol.)

Had she been living as a part of a pack which welcomed strangers to the borders all the time, she probably would've shirked the role of a guardian as much as possible. As it were, very few wolves came up Mount Dire and fewer than that came to the borders of Nomad's Pass, which was certainly a small amount of visitors. Perhaps the wind turned them away, or perhaps it was the rumours of a mountain pack which would send strangers cartwheeling down the mountainside if they weren't liked. She liked to think that it was the latter, and that most wolve chose to avoid Nomad's Pass by virtue of the fact that it was a dangerous place to live, and they weren't a pack without enemies.

Nevertheless, it was with even greater surprise that she caught Faol's scent close to the borders. Her ears perked; had he followed her scent here? She'd been doing a bit of hunting outside the pack's borders, maybe he'd found her trail and had followed it up the mountainside. Whatever the reason, she was quite surprised to find him so close to a pack's range, even if it was one she belonged to and she liked to think that they were on pretty good terms. With a bounce to her step, Sagacity quickened her pace along the borders until she finally spotted his dark pelt against the scenery.

She chuffed a short bark as soon as she saw him and continued to pick her way along the mountainside toward him. Part of her, the part which knew she hadn't told him the truth the last time she'd seen him, felt somewhat guilty. But that part of her was silenced completely as a smile lit up her features. She nodded her head to him and slowed to a stop once they were within speaking distance. "I had a feeling I'd see you again soon," She said, her tone jovial, and her tail waved gently by her ankles. Had it been anyone else she would've acted completely differently- but as it was, this was her friend, and she felt no need to be defensive.

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Faol was not left to ponder for too long before he was accompanied by another. He had meandered quite a distance from his den site just looking for something to keep him occupied. A good scale along the mountainside would be tedious enough to stretch his muscles. Little did he know that he would be meeting, yet again, with Sagacity. Their meetings seemed to be less serendipitous each and every time. However, when her scent lingered on his nose he wasn’t about to head the other way – it beckoned a part of him like a siren’s song. It wasn’t long until her well-known figure moved from around the rocks, nearly blending in like a vein of silver. Quite a dandy in his eyes. She chuffed a greeting to him and spoke, her tail wavering in the slightest bit without hesitation.

The smile that graced her face created a contagious like effect and created a rarely seen genuine grin to part his maw. He moved closer to his friend, his own tail waving easily in greeting. Words rolled from his tongue without thought. ”I’m glad to see you again, Sage.” he said, yellow eyes holding on her own for a moment. Of course she could take it as a mere greeting, but she was surely not aware at how out of the ordinary it was for him to behave in such a way. His stomach had turned tail at the mere sight of her. However, he chose to ignore the fact and play it off as if her presence had no effect on him other than a simple kindness in greeting.

Faol had to admit that it was odd to see her all the way up here. Especially since the last time they had spoken they had accidentally met at the hot springs. Their radius was particularly close, but she had dodged his question in earlier conversation about where she was residing. He grew curious, but a small voice in the back of his head prodded him with ideas of suspicion. Pushing it aside he spoke,”How odd that we meet again in the mountains, eh?”

Any hesitation she might've felt melted way when he smiled and greeted her. The memory of the ice in his eyes and coldness in his voice had not left her, but it faded with the warmth of his current mood and set her completely at ease. She''d not forgotten what he'd said to her, in fact, she'd thought about it fairly often after their last meeting. How could she explain the comfort and security she felt, living in a pack? How could she be so sure that she wasn't simply a pawn? And how could she know and trust that her safety was important to the other wolves in the pack, and that she''d never be asked to kill another wolf simply for the sake of the pack? After many nights thinking about what had happened to Faol, she simply decided that while it had been tragic, it was not a commonplace occurrence, and that it wasn't something she need fear.

Plus she was fairly sure that if it ever came to it, she'd leave the pack before doing anything so merciless and cruel. And that was that.

His words seemed so genuine that she was prompted to step forward and touch her nose to his cheek, a brief gesture to show her gratitude and a reciprocation of the sentiment. "I'm glad to see you too," She said. It was surprising to see him here and perhaps he sensed it too, for his next comment brought about a somewhat sheepish smile. Oh, how little he knew, how much could she say? Or, really, how much could she hold back? With something akin to bashfulness, she spoke. "I live here." She admitted, a small gesture toward the mountain's peak. "With a pack." She said, and, knowing that she couldn't hide it from him, she tacked on the final and perhaps most important (at least to her) bit:: "And my son." His statement had seemed more like a question anyhow, some sort of observation that meant he assumed that their meeting wasn't quite as chance as it had been before.

"They're good," She said, feeling the urge to reason as to why she lived with a pack, even if he thought they were treacherous. "We have little to do with any other packs...It's quiet, natural...It's free, living here," She said. For some reason, she needed for him to understand why she'd chosen this place to live- and that she wanted to convince him it was safe as well. There were words she wanted to say, pleas she wanted to make- but he knew she had to hold them back until she sensed that he was comfortable with her living in a pack.

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He was more than delighted to cross paths with her again, even though he was fully capable of covering it with the smallest of gestures. She took it upon herself to place a note of gratification upon his cheek and warmness welled in the spot her nose had touched. In all of Faol’s life he had not been bewitched so quickly by anyone, and it left him dumbfounded, simply without an answer. He stood close to her, close enough to extend his maw and touch her if he wanted, his attention fully focused on what she was about to say. Standing a whole head taller than the small woman he could almost pass as her father, but was lucky to call her a friend. His fur was covered in dust and left him looking dull, but clear yellow eyes watched her gently. However, their conversation took off quickly, and this time she didn’t seem to be playing coy. He was sure that their meetings were no longer accidental and the answers to his questions would be laid before him – whether he liked them or not.

In his mind’s eye his jaw fell nearly slack. He felt as if he had been stricken by a cold rush of lightning that caused the hair along his nape and spine to lift forward. It wasn’t that Sage had been lying to him, but she surely had not been telling him the truth. Faol had known her all of what? A few months? But telling himself that didn’t make the realization any easier. His paw lifted slightly from the ground as if he was to take a step back, but she spoke again.

She made her plea, telling him that this pack was good. They were nomads, easy to get along with the other packs. Other packs? So not only had she lied about where she had been, but she knew of others in the area. And her son. The dark male was more torn about the last sentence than the whole idea of pack life combined, and he couldn’t process the words from his brain to his mouth. ”Your.. son?" he questioned, one ear twisting back to lay upon his head in defeat, hurt. Suddenly everything he had thought about Sage had changed; maybe not her personally, but the ideas that he had ignorantly played out in his mind. It grew a fire within his heart, but he clenched his jaw and tried to hear her out.

He had no claim on her. She was but a mere friend, but a feeling of red ebbed within his cavities and he doused them with reassurance. She was making a plea on their behalf and he would find out why. His voice felt as if it were wrapped in rust.”What is the meaning of this, Sage?” he questioned. He felt as if their roles had changed and suddenly he had become a father, speaking to their pup in frustration. He didn’t want to feel this way.

”I know I haven’t known you long, and so I cannot pass judgment, but what’s the point of telling me this now?" he cut himself off by taking a deep breath.

(This post was last modified: Jul 05, 2013, 03:09 AM by Faol.)

She should have known as much.

For any stranger, admitting to being a mother wouldn't have been a big deal. But she knew that Faol likely though he knew her better than he did. She was wily, wry, sarcastic and free- detached from the life of civility most pack wolves strove for. This was who she was at heart, and who she'd presented to him. Thus, when she admitted both that she was with a pack and had a son she felt a pang of guilt. His surprise was not a shock to her- she knew full well that this wasn't anything he would've expected. Part of a pack, sure, but a mother? That was something completely different, as she knew fully well that she'd never projected the image of a wolf with a mate to him or anyone else. Just the same way that she knew he had no mate, either.

Part of her wanted to tell him the truth- that the child was from Rhysis, or at least that he was hers, born of an unknown father. Perhaps she could tell him the part truth- that she'd been abused by a male and impregnated. She knew that Rhysis was the father, simply by virtue of her son's date of birth and development. But she could've also passed him off as the illegitimate son from a horrible crime. Part of her wanted to tell him this- but not when she'd told the pack differently, and when she took a moment to consider it, she found a small glimpse of light in telling Faol not the truth, but the lie she'd told the rest of the pack.

It could completely save his opinion of her. She'd no longer be a woman who'd loved someone, or a woman who'd been foolish enough to mate with a man who was not her husband. She could be the saint she tried to make herself be.

"I found his mother dying. Not long after the last time I saw you." She said. "She gave birth alone in the wild, but did not survive. I took him in as my own," She said, pain singing in her words. It cut her to think about such a thing happening just as much as it cut her to know she was telling a lie about her own son.

What struck her most about the situation was how it effected Faol. He seemed hurt by this disclosure, and she felt that she knew why. And the only way to get around it would be to be honest with him about at least one thing. "Because I want you to join the pack." She said. And she said so much more than that, with her eyes, but couldn't bring herself to speak the words. Part of her was still in love with Rhysis- but that was a part that could never be free.

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It took him a moment to gather his thoughts, to unscramble all the words that Sage spilled out before him. He didn't understand how she had hidden these things from him so well. It felt as if she talked about them with little emotion as she confessed them to him, changing every thing he thought he knew about her. The silver wolf before him was so young, and seemed like unlike the type to settle down. He must be right..right? His head filled with questions all the while his chest welled with different emotions. He found the best way to sort them out would be to cover them up for now, to stifle them, and save them until it was time to figure out what they all meant. Sage told him the story of how she acquired this pup. That he was not biologically hers, but he wouldn't have assumed, from knowing her personality, that she would just up and accept a boy of her own without any hesitation. That was a lot of responsibility; one that she claims was not directly hers by his birth.

Faol stood in silence as she progressed through her speech - ending with the fact that she wasnted him to join her pack. The large male was immediately displeased, taking a step to sidle to the right of her as if he were to leave in that very instant. While in the Lore Faol had been offered a handful of times a position in a pack, but he had quickly rejected them and went along his way. This time, however, there was a slight hesitation in his step. His mind failed him for a moment as he looked to Sage. He didn't know that she was stretching her truths, telling him white lies, but he still stood beside her with a ignorant confidence. He looked her over with hard eyes and came to the conclusion that she was much more deceptive than he thought.

"I know nothing of your people, Sage," he said gruffly. He completely skipped any conversation about her pup, it was none of his business who she associated her intimacy with -if that was the case. Although the thought made him jealous and resentful."You're telling me this because you want me to come with you? I don't understand," he finished. He spoke to her honestly because her logic did not make sense to him, but he would allow her to explain. Whether he wanted to believe it or not Faol was willing to follow his silver spark into the darkness.

(This post was last modified: Jul 23, 2013, 08:13 PM by Faol.)

When he moved away from her, a movement sudden but not graceless, she felt the drive to move closer to him but avoided doing so. Instead, her amber eyes implored him, questioning gaze searching each of his eyes for an explanation. He'd remained silent while she'd spoken of Mercy and only a moment later, after mentioning her pack, he'd moved away. For the slightest moment she'd thought he'd keep on going and leave without a word, but he stopped and regarded her with a gaze that made her feel scalding hot. She felt as though she'd done something wrong, a pup who crumbled under the gaze of an adult after it'd been caught wandering too far or being too rough with another pup. He made her nervous with such a bold gaze, and she wilted slightly like a flower under too much sunlight.

His voice was rough and had the effect of sandpaper being rubbed against skin, both in tone and in the blunt words he used. She felt as though she'd been sliced open, exposed, and now had to explain herself, thereby making herself even more vulnerable by offering some sort of confession- a confession she was very reluctant to make. But the truth was there, and she felt that there was no way to repair their friendship unless it was spoken. It was painfully obvious, in that moment, that she owed him a lot.

She couldn't bring herself to look at him when she decided to speak, so great was her nervousness. She didn't want to see his reaction because she was so fearful it would be negative, and wasn't sure she could handle it. It seemed as though the feelings she harboured were one-sided. She assumed that if he'd had any feelings for her, he would have understood already why she'd told him about her life in a pack, with a son, already. She'd felt obligated to explain that he wasn't her biological son because she'd wanted to make sure he wouldn't be jealous, if he felt anything for her. But she saw no trace of jealousy in his eyes, only confusion. Thus, it became even harder for Sagacity to speak.

"We're forbidden from speaking of the pack to strangers, unless we've come to know and trust them, and deem them worthy of safeguarding our secrecy. We avoid conflict by being ghosts." She said. There, she'd admitted one thing- that she trusted him and thought he was safe and reliable, not the sort to stir up problems. She hoped he might be relieved to know that they avoided conflict by being so secretive- given his past experience in a pack, she believed that if he was to join any pack, this would be the one. But she knew even if she'd been in a different pack, she would have still wanted him there. Now came the difficult part.

"I want you here." She said, words still simple and vague as she struggled to force the real words out. Her ears turned back- she was more frustrated with herself now than anything, and still refused to make eye contact with him. "I like." She said, and the words ground to an abrupt halt. Her teeth were gritted as she forced herself to speak again. "I like having you around." She said, finally, struggling with the emotion which finally began to seep into her voice. She hung her head slightly. "I suck at this." She said quietly, and her features finally softened, as did her voice. "But I want you here. I don't want to see you just every now and again, by chance." A fleeting look was sent his way, revealing the fear she felt, having said more than she'd ever wanted to say. The words were forced simply because she was not an emotional wolf, and struggled now that she felt a flood of feelings trying to rush past her lips.

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<3

It felt as if Faol's lungs were constricting inside of him. It wasn't the altitude anymore, for he had grown accustomed to that, but all the words that slipped from between Sage's lips. Never in his life had such words been sweeter than heaven, but hotter than hell. Her eyes looked to him, questioning him, as if they were going to tell her what he was thinking. There would be no answer for her because he himself didn't know what to think of the entire situation. In the few minutes they had spoken she had nearly dragged him across the whole emotional spectrum. He could do little but stare at his friend to try and understand why she was so determined to persuade them that this makeshift family was trustworthy and reclusive. The fact that she had told him about the packs existence, even though they were not to be spoke of, showed that she trusted him. However, at this point he didn't know if he could say the same. He only watched her silently as she continued with her story, completely skipping the less than desirable mentioning of her son.

Faol took another step away, placing one foot in front of the other, but not moving much farther. He felt as if his paws were filled with lead. Each step that he took his body pushed him backwards, to stop moving away from her, but this time they felt more equal than before. He could see the look on her face, hear the nervousness in her voice, and he felt bad. Not angry or disappointing or hurt.. just bad. He wanted to comfort her. He wanted to tell her that it was okay she didn't tell him about these things. That he would forgive her for keeping him in the dark.

She adverted her eyes from him when she spoke, but it didn't lessen his attention any. Her tone was edgy, the words were forced. He could hear it in the way she spoke to him as if her whole demeanor had suddenly changed. Never would Faol have guessed the words that came next - not in a million years. Her ears folded back, teeth gritted, and suddenly felt confused. He didn't know what to do, what to say, how to react. She left him nearly dumbfounded in the entire sense. The male was so simple a wolf, it came easily to him how to express his emotions, but it seemed that Sage struggled heavily. Either she was saying this only to bribe him to join her league of ghosts.. or she didn't want to come with terms that she actually liked have him around.

A quick look was sent his way, and in that moment he could see the genuine insecurity in her eyes, and he felt more at ease. Without saying a word Faol moved closer to her, slipping his head beneath her jaw line, and around her nape to lay it softly along her spine. His large form trying its best to be gentle. He didn't know how she would react, but he swallowed hard, pinching his yellow eyes shut behind black fur, and nuzzled her softly in reassurance.