I'll see you when I fall asleep

September 7th; Afternoon; Overcast; 73° F/23° C

When had this happened? Where had they gone? And, most importantly, why did they leave? Why did HE leave? Why had he taken Merlin instead of him? The news of Ice Aesir's departure, along with Merlin and Cali, had been more than a week old now but just continually brooding on it still set fire to every fiber and vein of Fenru Tainn's body. It also wasn't a "good" sort of burn like the sensation of sparks erupting from the flame within his chest; it was more like he had been thrown into the fires in which most of his family and his grandparents had perished in.

Having been left to his own devices, the young Tainn wandered past the borders he had marked just hours before this sudden wave of anguish. With his nose to the ground, eyes kept up, and ears slicked back, Fenru had reverted back to his previous self. This will only be for a little while, he kept telling himself as he kept to the shadows of the trees. Just for a few. It had only dawned on him that morning, the fifth sunrise without his step-father, that he had not yet proven to himself that he had come into his own - found out who he was, what he wanted, or what he hoped for - and that he still cowered in the shadows of his superiors. First Rihael, then Indru... and Marsh and Ice... with his Uncle Triell in charge now, would he still feel like he was only worthy of crawling on his belly and rolling over? He had just challenged Triell a few months ago; surely, he couldn't have fallen that far...

The youth pressed his nose to the base of a tree as he absent-mindedly broke into a rather large clearing that was composed of a decent-sized lake. His amber eyes surveyed its still, glass-like surface for a while before he turned around and started to head back to where he had come from. His younger brothers would be missing him by now, he assumed for the sake of trying to convince himself to return to the pack boundaries. He sighed and shook his head, stopping for a moment while he leaned up against dark-barked tree.

Run away... Follow them...

Fenru shook his head harder from side to side, his lumbering frame quaking until the shiver went to his shoulders and all the way down to the tip of his tail. No... He gave a snort and closed his eyes. No matter what, he had vowed to himself that he would always stick to his family. He was his mother's son - not a copy of his brother Rihael nor Indru's successor. Ice would be back; he was sure of it but, for now, while the pack functioned and carried on without him, Fenru was around just in case Corinna or Triell needed him. With the possibility of rain and being so far away from Oak Tree Bend, the young Tainn would only tell himself that the reason why he was out this far from home was that he needed to think... to think and partially grieve... one... more... time, so that if Ice, Merlin, and Cali never returned, he had already come to terms with their prolonged absence and their homecoming would be much sweeter and more relieving than they initially should be.

(This post was last modified: Sep 08, 2013, 03:49 AM by Fenru.)

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The shadows that marbled the already dismal forest seemed darker than she remembered. The last time Lucero had wandered this copse was in late spring, when the air still held a chill in the early hours of the morning and the sun came out later in the day to warm and brighten her world. She'd spent an afternoon on the shore of the secluded lake she didn't think she'd ever be able to find ever again─its smooth, dark waters suited by the lining of tall and dense pines and oaks. Then, the world was cloaked in shades of emerging greens and a sky so blue and clear that it made her feel as though she could lose herself up there. With the sky fixed in a spectrum of dull and deep greys, she didn't feel so lost as she did demure.

Just ahead past a modest knoll where the half-rotten log of a fallen conifer seemed to point in the right direction, the ivory furred girl caught a distant glimpse of what she thought was the gleam of muted sunlight off water. The loch was like a hidden gem tucked away somewhere amid miles of woodland, where, no matter which direction she looked, everything looked the same. Once, she might have felt out of place here, an unassuming, leggy creature with a glitter of angst hidden in the golden tones of her eyes. Today, she found peace in the copse's quiet darkness and hope that she would gather some satisfaction from relocating the sequestered body of water.

A tempered breeze rustled through the green and gold and pale crimson leaves overhead as she neared the end of the forest and the start of the pebbly beach. As inviting as a cool drink and the warmth of clouded sunlight promised to be, something caused her a moment of hesitation. Still as ice, a single ear folded as the other swiveled to take in the sounds of the afternoon─which, aside from the leaves and the lapping of not-so-distant water, were few and far between.

Fenru was just about ready to leave the scene of Heiress Loch behind when something bright caught the corner of his eye. It stood on the forest's edge just like he did, and eventually he realized it was a wolf. Like his heart had done so many times before upon perceiving an ivory-furred individual, it leapt up into his throat before plummeting back down into its proper place to beat in a terrible and awe-stricken rhythm.

I-Ice?

He had to shake his head as he scolded himself for the sake of resorting to wishful thinking. The stranger standing there could not have been Ice. Their coat was much too white where Ice's fur was gray and silver. The more he stared, the more Fenru realized that he was talking to himself in his head about how familiar the shape of rogue's face and build was. For a moment he scowled from the doubt that had begun to pile up at the back of his skull. Any thoughts about missing Ice and Cali were suddenly eclipsed when he fully noticed just how long-legged the woman was.

He might not have known her long but he really should have known better than to second-guess her presence... The near-intimate night they had spent on the edges of Firefly Weir were permanently etched into his memory. How could he have forgotten, even for a mere second?

The Tainn fully stepped out from behind the tree he had been hiding behind and onto the coarse gravel that signaled the beginning of the beach bordering along the lake. The smile that came onto his masked face was unsure but nevertheless genuine and hopeful beyond measure the closer he came. Once within earshot his full tail gave a small wag and he barked out to her with a tone that was, without a doubt, weighted heavily with despair, "L-Luce?!"

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At first her heart skipped a beat. All of the sudden it felt as if all the air in her lungs had been sucked right out, and her dry tongue pressed roughly against the roof of her mouth. The glittering light that glinted off the surface of the water flickered in the periphery of her vision, which was faintly blurry before becoming unusually sharp. The sound of pebbles shifting on the beach sounded distant and strange and overcame the rustle of the wind. For a moment she hesitated to look in the direction from which the voice had so eerily spoken her name, but something was sparking from the depths of her heart to the tips of her toes and she couldn't keep her eyes from searching...

For him.

There, upon the sands of the shoreline he stood. A thousand days without him wouldn't have marred her memory of the boy who she hardly knew and all the same stole the breath from her. That soft, dark fur. The sharp and curving angles of his jaw. Every single line of his musculature. And those eyes. They shone like the sun, alight with all that was good in the world and was good in her, and held the most tender degree of mystery.

Immediately her legs felt weak and trembled as if they didn't know to stay still or jolt into motion. She didn't know whether to believe that her mind was playing tricks on her or to run to him and bury her face in his chest. So many sleepless nights she'd spent lying awake, mulling over the hours of the night they'd spent together and imagining this very moment. Sucking in a sharp breath, Lucero emerged from the capering shadows of the copse, stepping out onto the beach to face the man who she'd missed with everything she had.

"Fenru?"

He really shouldn't have doubted that he had, yet again, called another by another's name; maybe it wasn't Lucero, perhaps it had been her sister or a cousin or, heaven help him, Arlette's sister... but his fears, the small inklings of dread that had sprung up when the ashen lady hesitated to look his way, were swept away when he saw her face and watched as she started to approach him. The enunciation of his first name gave him even more reason to try and smile. He had finally found Lucero. His Lucero.

He took a few tentative steps toward her, just enough to be able to see every detail in her face and the feminine curves in her frame, and scent her perfume in the air. Though the sun barely shone through the clouds, Lucero still stood out like celestial being against the backdrop of towering trees. She was even more beautiful than when he last saw her bathed in moonbeams. His tail relaxed and his ears slicked back momentarily before coming back up to their normal positions atop his head. Half of him also wanted to close the distance between them but, for the sake of respecting and partially wanting to mind the fine line he had drawn up in his head between considering her as an "acquaintance" or a "close friend and crush," he remained wary of his proximity.

"I've missed you," he simpered, growing bashful by the second. "How've... How've you been?" Upon remembering what he had told his Aunt Borlla, his smile softened, wondering if anything had been said between then and now.

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The two syllables of his name may have been spoken in question, but there wasn't a doubt in her mind regarding that before her was the boy from the weir─even if she was utterly shocked to have run across him like this. At once her eyes lit up as they traced the gentle curve of his modest smile, one of her own splayed ear to ear across her face. The rush of excitement and emotion was intoxicating, like fireworks exploding in her chest, but she did well to contain it as any mannerly woman would. Instead, her tail swayed steadily behind her, ears pressed forward in attention─and he certainly had all of it─as she matched his every step closer. The molten gold of her wide eyes smoldered, taking in every inch of Fenru's handsome face before falling if only for a second to her paws in a shy moment only he could elicit.

Warmth flushed along the girl's cheeks as his voice washed over her like a lullaby. "I've missed you more." A play of exaggeration, but the softly spoken words were more true than she could really express. The summer months had come and were nearly gone, but there wasn't a day she didn't miss him, or hadn't thought about him. Luce traced his lips with her eyes as they moved, hanging on every word.

As much as she wanted to mirror his reservation, the affection she held for him wasn't dormant now and it showed in the subtle way she leaned on her toes to be closer, the girlish way her hips swayed as she shifted her weight. Her heart was racing, but instead of gulping down worries about what he might be thinking of her, she let the euphoria seep from her expression unchecked. I'm good...really good. I've...spent the entire summer thinking of you, Fen." The gravity his presence had on her pulled her a step closer, just a few nose lengths away as her smile faded to a satisfied, smitten grin. "How have you been?"

From the look of things, he'd been doing as well as she had, if not better. Time had been kind to the dark masked half-stranger-half-wonder, and maturity suited him. His boyish charm still glowed about him like a halo, but there was something sage along his brows and in the way he stood before her like he'd conquered a part of the world she'd never seen.

Fenru's heart gave a small leap when she revealed that she had missed him more. That couldn't have been possible, but the way the Tainn saw things, he was partially convinced he wasn't important. Or, at least, he felt he hadn't been important enough to keep his father figures around long enough for him. Sure, his mother cared so deeply as to not let him go away for long, but that was a different thing entirely; the bond between a mother and her son, Fenru knew well by now, was one that could not be easily severed, but the youth held no desires to do such a thing. Nevertheless, she, too, missed him whenever he left her side for weeks at a time. For Lucero to reveal such a thing planted within him a rejuvenated seed of hope and security... confirmations of the fact that he really did matter.

He smiled through her sentiments about her constantly thinking of him over the summer. "And I of you," he returned with a small wag of his tail. When she asked him how she was, however, his defenses nearly crumbled from that one blow and at first he just shook his head. He grimaced and again his ears rotated back against his head. "Just okay," he whispered. "I could be worse, but... you're here and I can be nothing but grateful and glad for that..."

His lungs tried to fill themselves with fresh air but failed. He shook his head again, unsure of what to do with himself while the walls around him so easily crumbled to allow Lucero to rush in... if she wished to. Somehow, Fenru wasn't sure she would, being a mere acquaintance and all. He tired his best to keep his jaws shut and keep his lips sealed, but there was no use. "My step-father has gone," he divulged on a breath. "And he didn't take me with him... he took the Lowest member of the pack." Lines along his forehead began to form as he succumbed to his anguish. "Why...Why wouldn't he take me instead? He didn't even say goodbye. No 'keep on your guard, Fen' or even a 'I'll be back soon.'" Hanging his head in shame for such an outburst, he stepped back and sat down, hanging his head and looking away.

He whimpered. "I'm sorry, I jus'... I came out here to look for him..."

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♥

"And I of you."

Such a gentleman. There were several things about Fenru that made him different than others she knew, and his mannerly way with words was one of them. Lucero simply smiled a soft smile to his regard, her tail mirroring his as it swayed. 'Just okay' wasn't a reply that she'd expected from him, and though he'd proceeded with care in flattering her, at this her brows would furrow in concern. When they'd parted ways the morning after their priceless night among the fireflies, she'd gone back to Phineas with only hope in her heart for her newfound, dark masked friend. He'd seemed excited to be starting fresh with his family, and she'd hardly forgotten their promise to meet up on this side of the world when things settled down for the both of them. In her head, she guessed she'd imagined him all this time, regal and strong, with the world at his disposal and in a happy place. To hear otherwise caught her heart like a vice grip.

He shook his head in dismay, and she could see the strain on his face as he tried to breathe or hold his breath or both all the same. Whatever was going through his head, the weight of it wasn't hard to see settled on his shoulders, invisible as it was. When he finally did open up, she took his grief with an open heart and an open mind. "Why...Why wouldn't he take me instead? He didn't even say goodbye." The frown that she could feel emerging on her face wasn't easily suppressed, but she kept a straight face, her golden eyes round with empathy. When he hung his head and stepped away, her tail dropped limply between her hocks.

"Oh, Fenru─I'm so sorry..." Her tone was soft and low, and she made up for his backward step with a forward step of her own. It was hard to tell whether he needed space or support, but Luce couldn't bear to see the sadness that seeped from him. She reached to nudge his chin with a gentle, affectionate, and brief nudge as if to say I'm here and gave him space to breathe. "Maybe he needed you to stay behind and keep your family safe, or didn't want anything to happen to you." She bit her bottom lip. "I'm sure he had a reason, and I...I'm sorry that you didn't get to say goodbye." Lucero held tight and looked for Fenru's eyes, her own emanating a silent reverence. " I hate to see you like this...I-Is there anything I can do?" She bit her bottom lip. "I could help you look?"

She had time, and there was no place she'd rather be than with him, to support him and help him any way she could.

*glares Fenru's muse into submission...* Sorry this thread's taken forever. Shall we wrap up? <3

"Oh, Fenru─I'm so sorry..." The sympathy in Lucero's voice could not have been any clearer. Just hearing it made the Tainn cringe; the rust-tinted ears on his head came back against his nape. She made an attempt to console him, her words becoming the poker that stoked the still-burning ember in his chest. It almost made him feel more ashamed. If he was truly a man in his own right, he shouldn't have needed to rely on someone else to help him recover from his self-provoked downfalls.

"It's..." he started, taking a deep breath and exhaling before he righted himself. "It's okay, Luce. I think I just needed to see a familiar face." The grimace on his face was still evident, but a slight tilt of his head spoke of newfound hope... that perhaps she was right in thinking that Ice had intended Fenru to stay behind for the sake of keeping their family safe. "I think I wanted someone to know what was going on -" Breathe in, breathe out, Fen... "- and you're prob'ly right."

His amber eyes fled to the cloudy skies above the forest canopy. "I think I have to go now," he quietly announced, lowering his muzzle. "I have to check up on my brothers. Maybe when we meet again, things'll be a bit better?" He shuffled his large muddied paws to one side ready to leave if it hadn't been for the angle of his neck and how sadly he was gazing at Lucero. A small smile managed to make itself apparent on his muzzle and, with a quick touch of his nose to her cheek, he strode back into the depths of the Copse with two words still hanging on his lips. I'm sorry.

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What she saw in the language of his body and from the shifting expressions on his face was unrest. She'd been caught off guard to come across him this way─unexpectedly─but the reunion she'd always pictured and anticipated was a happy one, starlit, emotional in the kind of way that made your heart melt into the walls of your chest until it was warm all over. It wasn't to say that their encounter this day wasn't those things, but she realized abruptly that there were bigger things in the world, in his world, than her. At least here and now. A part of her felt a tinge of guilt, flickering in the back of her mind as she looked over the tension of his brows and the way his chest swelled as he sucked in a breath, for thinking even for the briefest moment that she wished her presence could strip away his worry long enough to live out her hopeful dreams. Silly girl.

A somber grin flickered at the corners of her dark lips as she listened to him reason, her golden eyes remaining on his face as he looked to the sky and spoke the words she didn't want to hear. They roved over the dark fur between his eyes and russet shades that painted his ears. They dragged over the arch of his snout and the dark, liquid black of his nose. Along the bristled curve of his chin. If she looked hard enough, would it buy her more time with him? Would she be able to better remember him in the coming months, should as many pass between now and the next time they saw each other as had passed between their night at the lagoon and now? Her breath caught in her throat. She wanted to answer him, to tell him that when they met again things would be better, but no words formed in her mouth.

Lucero's gaze fell to her toes for only a moment before casting back to @Fenru, her eyes wide with a sadness of her own. She leaned in as closely as she could as his snout grazed her cheek, the feel of his touch all she'd been wanting and at the same time like a midnight freeze to frost a part of her heart. And then, he was gone.

A dull whine seeped from her throat into the darkening, lonesome shadows of the copse.

"Goodbye, Fenru."

(This post was last modified: Dec 24, 2013, 06:15 AM by Lucero.)