Lost Lake Kickin' In

For @Namara

His stress was finally sky rocketing. He had not seen, heard, or smelled Athena nor Aphrodite lately and as of late, his sleeping patterns have been becoming worse and worse. He wished he could somehow take his mind off things and now he was pacing outside the borders, as if he were waiting for them to come home, quite impatiently. It was quite obvious that he was exhausted; his paws were dragging on the ground that even he didn’t notice. He did not want to lose anyone else that he cared about. Treena was gone…Belladonna was gone. His sweet, sweet Belladonna. Head sinking at the thought of his princess a dry sob erupted from his chest before trying to regain his control. It takes a few moments, but he eventually gets back into what others called his guardian mask, feeling much safer in his applied skin.

Eventually, the overtired male sunk down into the ground, his head lying down on the side and his tongue flopping outside of his mouth. The man was so thirsty but did not wish to get up, he was too tired and he did not have enough strength to move from his spot. He also soon recognized the sharp pain in his stomach as hunger. With a defeated sigh he lay there on the ground, worry eating at him like a vulture would a dead animal. A small whine escaped her mouth softly, his green eyes slightly shutting but opened just enough so that he could see a little bit. He needed food and soon, but he had no energy to call out for help…hopefully someone would be by soon enough to help him regain himself before everything else went haywire.

I think I've finally seen the light..in you.

It would seem that luck was on Namara's side today. For once since her accident she had been able to catch a small hare that had strayed unknowingly across her path and was on her way back towards the pack den when Ash's scent trail caught her attention. She frowned, ever since Aphrodite and Athena's disappearances Ash had constantly walked the borders. Whether or not he knew she always followed his paths when he was not around, blending in so much so that he would be proud had he been able to watch. But still Namara worried for him, the pressure and blame he constantly placed upon his shoulders was not good for him. The gray female knew well that it was not his fault and that all wolves walked their own paths.

Still he worried himself and Namara feared for his health. It was not good for one's mind to keep themselves in blame and heartache. Though her attitude had changed greatly in passed months she still held a fire in her tongue and wished to seek him out to tell him to move on. Not from here but she knew that Belladonna and Treena were not far from his thoughts due to the recent problems. Of course she did not expect to find him in a heap on the ground. When his huddled shape became clear to her she raced forwards to help. Though she was no healer Namara knew enough about him to tell he was unharmed merely dehydrated and exhausted likely starving. So without words she placed the hare before him and turned to race away.

Kyadi had been nonexistent on their borders which secretly didn't surprise the she wolf at all. However she could remember being brought water in moss when she was injured and forced to stay in the den. Namara raced down the mountain. Nimble and deft once more, her paws would glide over every rock and precipice until she could find a downed tree near the lake. Once she had located the moss she soaked it further in the lake. A flick of her tail and a turn upon her heel and she was once more racing, this time up the mountain, with a heaving and soaked chest. Her eyes were that of steel as her determined face was erased of any other emotion other than duty. Duty for the wolf that she cared for almost more than herself.

At last she did reach Ash and set the moss before him. "Eat that and drink this." Her tone left no room for argument. "I'm no healer and I know you have overworked yourself." She hoped that he was not actually sick. If he was Namara did not know how long he could hold on for her to run and fetch Nina. The only emotion now on her face was one of deep concern. Almost uncharacteristic of the steel eyed and seemingly cold hearted she wolf.

Luckily, today had been one of the many days that Namara had decided to follow him. Every once and awhile he would look back to see her dark coat flash through a patch of light, and though sometimes he just wanted to tell her to fuck off, the words never really came to his mouth. He always ended up just ignoring her presence, giving her the satisfaction in thinking that he did not know she was there. The alpha admired her technique though. She tried to stay in the shadows at all times and avoided the wind so that it bended to her ability to blend into the shadows. A part of him was slightly thrilled that she was becoming more like him in the Guardian sense, but at the same time, he did not want her to go through what a Guardian had to go through daily. As a Guardian, for him, there were a certain set of rules. You get attached to those who prove their loyalty to you or your alpha through undying loyalty and devotion, and then that when more strings become attached. From there it’s easy to imagine them all being in place and then days or weeks later they are all pulled away from you with such force it is hard to stand. Namara was a fighter though and he was sure that she could withhold much more pressure than he would ever be able to.

He was slightly aware of her presence as she set something down in front of her muzzle…something that smelt really really good, and he just wanted to rip his teeth into whatever it was, but he forced himself not to. It could be something deadly for all he knew. She came back soon though, with what he recognized as moss soaked with water. She commanded something of him and if it had been any other instance he probably would have put her in her place, but not now. He was so tired and he just wanted to sleep. Ash was pretty sure he muttered his thoughts of being tired out loud to, but forced his neck to stretch out a lick the tiny droplets of water that dripped off of the moss. He then moved towards the hare and happily ate it without much hesitation, but before he finished the thing, he looked back up towards his subordinate, his voice cracking slightly when he spoke, "Would you like the rest?" Even hurt Ash was not completely rude or impolite. He had his morals and denying a pack mate food if they needed it was not something that Ash did…unless they had to be punished, which Namara obviously did not.

I think I've finally seen the light..in you.

I guess we'll just turn this into the "oh look everyone is gone" thread.

Namara was silent while Ash ate and drank. It hurt her to see him in such a state but she made no mention to this. Instead she gazed around silently and thought of this "home" if it could even be called such, Steel was nowhere to be found, and she had only seen Elliot once in the passed month. It was strange to call a place home, when only her and Ash's scent remained. He had nearly killed himself just trying to keep the borders marked and the grey hued she wolf began to wonder if it were even worth it anymore. She did not want to kill herself and Ash if they were both waiting on a pack that would never return. Still she kept silent.

She shook her head at his offer of the rest of the hare, she had eaten. Namara also wouldn't have taken a bite had she been starving. It was Ash after all, and Namara would give her last breath for him whether or not he knew it. "What now Ash?" Her tone held a slight sarcasm. Almost like she had said, You would be dead if I was gone too, what happens when I'm not here? Instead she fixed her silvery stare directly on him. She knew only she could act this way around him, and only when no one else was looking. At least as far as Poison Path was concerned. But first their had to be a Poison Path to begin with. At least Ash was okay.

There was nothing within Poison Path there for them anymore. It was deserted and they had all left him to fend for himself. Had Namara not been there, he most likely would have died, but luckily, the woman was the only one who had yet to let him down. She pushed herself to do her best and in turn Ash gave her the respect she deserved. That did not go without saying that every now and then he had to put her in her place, but for the most part he let her behavior slide. Cal it favoritism but Ash didn’t care; Namara was one of the few that got to see Ash’s soft side. Her question did not catch him off guard though and he chose to pointedly ignore the tone that she was using with him. He already wasn’t in a very good place, but an idea was soon forming in his mind and he would not mind if Namara would come with him, so with a deep breath, he spoke to her calmly, "We find a new home…you remember Ava..? The one I was telling you about. She leads a pack in the east…if you want we can head there and see if she would be willing to accept us."

His tone was calm and collectedly, though truly a war was being fought in his head. How different would it be from going to alpha to a low subordinate? In truth, if they hurried, Ash would still maintain his large build and all would be good for both Namara and Ash. He could then scope out the competition and role from there. With a heavy sigh, he looked towards Namara, wondering what her response would be to this. It would be easier on him if she would come with him. It seemed as though his former love’s voice in his head had driven him wrong for once and his heart was once again paying the consequences. Perhaps he had been right all along when his heart had been tugging towards Namara the whole time, but after all that had happened, he did not want to put the woman through any more hurt on his part and kept his mouth shut. Now that he had quenched his needs, his guardian mask soon fell upon his handsome, defined features. He then looked towards the other side of the mountain, his mossy green eyes filled with nothing. No happiness of life shown within his orbs as they had days ago. He felt empty right now and he felt the only thing that could refill such a thing was family.

I think I've finally seen the light..in you.

The large she wolf examined her crooked paw after he had spoken, Poison Path was home though, even if she hadn't seen Athena, Aphrodite, or Elliot recently, that didn't mean they couldn't wait right? Of course she knew that was exactly what it meant, the pack had been deserted, it was all gone, Steel was missing, the pups were missing, the leader was missing. Poison Path had been dead before they had ever considered. It all fell apart before her and strangely, Namara did not weep for it, she merely gazed at Ash and took a deep breath. There was her reason not to give up, in the flesh, he was why she had striven to live, first to find out why she had been saved, and why it seemed Ash paid more attention to her than anyone.

But he had grown into her anchor to life, still she would never tell him this. For surely he must love Athena, he had never told her otherwise. Namara nosed Ash with a soft whine, "Try and stop me from following, someone has to keep you from doing this again." Namara fell silent once more waiting for his response, she felt a pull towards him, but she stood fast where she was for even though she may show more affection towards the dark male than that of anyone else. In her head he never gave her his heart, and so Ash was one she could only steal fleeting moments with. Even if she knew she could no longer stop the free fall, he would never know it was happening.

It was nice knowing that he truly did have someone who gave him their everything. Ash knew that Namara had a part of him in his heart but knew to never act on such a thing. He already knew he had broken her far too many times and had no plans to do any more damage than he already caused. She held a place in his heart as well but he was having difficulties determining if it was for the right reasons. Yes, she reminded him highly of Treena…his first love but he also knew that she wasn’t her. All the contradicting thoughts were confusing him and he did not know what to do with them. He was pleased to hear that Namara would be traveling with him and he was happy that they would be able to stick together, as well as that she would not leave him like everyone else had.

Nodding his head, his tortured eyes took in a last glimpse of Poison Path, or what use to be known as such and turned towards his lake, biting his tongue harshly to keep from howling out in his pain. Taking a deep breath, he then turns towards Namara, his mossy green orbs searching hers for a moment before he mentions with his head for them to start walking. Frowning as he continues to walk, his brows furrow in the process, leaving him in a state of thinking. Suddenly he stopped and turned towards Namara a concerned look planted on his face when he asked the question, "You won’t leave me…will you?" When she answered, he searched her face for any implication that she would be lying to him. He hoped that she wasn’t because if she did leave, he knew it would be her last straw before he snapped.

I think I've finally seen the light..in you.

Namara was silent while Ash began to lead the way, seemingly deep in thought she merely walked along and waited, knowing he was going to say something.... sometime. She would walk beside him to the ends of the world if he asked her to, and she would walk just as she was now, with her posture proud and strong, not demanding, not with an air of dominance, but merely pride in who she was. Namara Laylani had grown from a cruel heart, into a broken one, and now to a stone one. It was not stone in the sense that it was cold and hard no, it was stone in the sense that it was strong and true steadfast, never to be broken. Only time could wear it and scratch it. But it would never be broken again.

But still she did not expect the words Ash would speak. At the very same moment one of those rogue winds of time struck out at her heart and peeled back a layer of sediment for she knew that as much as she wanted to respond with something like, Of course Ash, I love you, I will never leave. She knew she couldn't. It would never come out, especially not now, even though the time was now better than it ever had been before. Namara would hold her feelings deep and just speak one simple word. "No." Her gaze met his, two platinum points of color, with all the strength and fire she had ever held. No one could ever doubt her answer.

The strong brute could tell that she was surprised with his question in the way of her body language. There was some kind of tenseness that had not been there a few moments prior and her answer did not come right away. He wasn’t sure if she was trying to come up with a proper lie or just contemplating what she was going to say to him and it was why he was shifting from side to side, his nerves haywire. It was as if she sensed this nervousness though because soon after her answer graced his ears and he could once again relax. The look in her eyes told him all he needed to know about their future and that the two friends would be able to make it through this together.

Nodding his head, he grunted in response before turning back towards the way they were going. As long as they stuck together everything would be alright between them. No longer would they have to worry about making those lower than them happy. They weren’t high up in position anymore…and even though it was a calming thought, the problems did cross through Ash’s mind. What if he had a problem with not being able to lead? Would he be able to be a subordinate like he was to Tlarx and Eden? He hadn’t been so in what felt like many lifetimes and he knew that the drastic change might prove fatal to him. Whatever did end up happening, Ash knew it was all worth it if it meant keeping Namara as safe as he possibly could.

{END} ((You can post an exit if you want)

I think I've finally seen the light..in you.

She let the silence stretch out and merely watched him as he visibly relaxed. She could see the gears turning in his head but for once Namara didn't ask about it, for once she didn't care. It was enough that he had asked if she would stay, it told her that he would stay too. Gave her the proof she needed that he truly did care, but how much? Would he be there if she fell again, would he be there if she went back to her old much more hotheaded and headstrong ways? Only time could tell and until then Namara could only hope that she would always have Ash after all he would always have her. It was something that she wouldn't change for the world.

Namara felt that now she could truly be a rock, for they were equals now and that meant that no traditions, no hierarchy or anything of the sort could keep them apart. At least in her mind that was the way it was. Namara was grateful for it and ready to face the world now that she had him by her side as an equal even though she would still follow him. But that was only because now she knew that if she took the lead he would follow her without question. It lent more warmth to her heart than she could have ever imagined and the walls around her started to break down, little by little. Truth be told Namara was afraid that when she finally fell apart that he would just leave her in a pile of ash and rubble.