lost and found

@Miccah and @Nina; Ashanti couldn't stay away <3

so wake me up when it's all over, when I'm wiser and I'm older

ashanti aranna

all this time I've been finding myself and I didn't know I was lost

The lands... the borders... she didn't recognize any of it but she felt more comfortable in the tight thicket rather than back where she had been raised in Ipsum Falls. It was all new to her. On his death bed her 'father' had told her that she was not his daughter and that she had been two years of age when he had found her. The thought had shocked her and made her wonder what had happened that had made her lose the first two years of her life. The girl had been reinvented and had no memory of the tragic past. It was all for the best, for she did not remember the experiences of the rape. It might have stung her to remember her son after all that time but it presented a new opportunity. He was no longer a symbol of weakness and only the son that she had delivered when she was young. That was quite fine with her and she did not need to know the back story for it.

Ashanti, or Celestina as she believed her name was, was at the borders to Secret Woodlands and it all felt so familiar. How did she know it all if she had never been there before? Why did it feel so... safe. It was almost like it was calling out her name and begging for her to return... to come home. She drew a deep breathe and howled for the alpha male or alpha female but made it clear she would appreciate if both made their presence known. Perhaps she had spent a lot of time there in her past, or maybe it was just some random gut feeling that made no sense. It was close to sunset and she could see the stars starting to show themselves to her. She offered a small smile as she looked at them. Something had led her there, but she had no idea what. Why had the arctic female been led here by fate or the stars. One particular scent caught her mind, a man's scent that made her feel more comfortable than before. Miccah. How did she know that name? Why did she know that name? She supposed that if she knew him than he would recognize her howl and show up. Only time would show what this place might or might not have been to her.

OOC: OMG YESSSS <3333

Miccah was patrolling the borders, a place where he could be found more and more with each passing day. Of course, he never negelcted his other duties as well. He was alpha now, and had come to grow accustomed to the worry each leader held for their pack. The burden was heavy on his shoulders, but he knew he didn't need to carry it alone. Nina didn't trust him yet, but she was a great leader. She would never let Secret Woodlands fall. A howl made him stop mid-stroll. His ears pricked rapidly in attention, and his heart seemed to beat out of his chest. There was one woman in the world who had that particular howl. But it couldn't be. It was impossible! He had literally seen her losing her mind. One couldn't recover from that, could they? Before he could stop himself, let the logical part of his brain take over, his heart moved with his paws.

He coursed silently through the thickets, his large bulk moving as rapidly and silently as he could. The very idea that she had come back home, come back to him was enough to make his pulse skip a beat. He was feeling too many emotions. Anger, excitement, happiness, love. Miccah couldn't make sense of it all. He made it to where he percieved her to be, but kept himself in the shadows. It was indeed her, his beloved white beauty. Her scent, though different, was still hers. He wanted to run, to jump, to yell in utter bliss for she was BACK! But no. He no longer had to worry about just himself. Miccah had a whole pack to protect and uphold. He wouldn't let his emotions get the best of him. Taking a deep breath to steel his nerves, the alpha made his presence known. Lifting his black banner, he held himself high with quiet confidence. The power had not gone to his head, for he had been born and bred to be a leader. The wise teachings of his father came to the forefront of his mind as he stared at his past love. She seemed...different. She was no longer the woman that people viewed as a weakling. One that always held her emotions on her sleeve. Miccah opened his maw. "Asha," he rumbled affectionately. Though he was being kind, he still had to be cautious. "You came back," he stated. Waiting to see how the woman would react to his words, his blue orbs scanned the area around them. Searching for any danger that could hurt him, his pack, or his past beloved.

<3 Much love @Miccah

so wake me up when it's all over, when I'm wiser and I'm older

ashanti aranna

all this time I've been finding myself and I didn't know I was lost

Celestina waited carefully on the borders, minding herself and scuffing at the ground with her paws as the uncertainty filled her eyes. It was not long before one of the alphas arrived, or so she assumed him to be, he had dark, black fur with piercing blue eyes. She felt bad as he murmured a name that she did not recognize and then said those words that made her ears prick up in interest. You came back to us. So she, or someone who looked and acted like her, had been here before and her name bad been Asha? She cleared her throat lightly as she started to speak. "Hi. I'm... well that's the thing, I don't know who I really am. My 'father' called me Celestina but on his deathbed he said he had found me out there, lost and without a memory... I've been looking for clues as to who I really am." She said rather awkwardly as she gazed at the charcoal leader. The white fae had taken her tail and moved it swiftly under her as she was accustomed to the pack heiarchy with her time in Ipsum Falls.

"There was a name I had been repeating over and over in my mind. It's the only thing I have to find my way back." She whispered, so quietly that she might not have even realized she said it let alone the man before her. Was she wasting her time? More importantly was she wasting his time with her silly stories and false hopes? She tried to clear her mind as she waited for him to react to what she had just informed him of. "My father, or adoptive father I guess, he told me that when he found me I kept saying one name... just one single name and it's the only clue I have. I feel drawn to this place. Is there a wolf here named Miccah?" She asked with uncertainty, as if she were chasing a shadow or a dream. A small ounce of hope to find out if she was really this 'Asha' wolf he mentioned or if he had mistaken her for another. Her heart skipped a beat as she stood there, every second without an answer being pure agony.

OOC: Sorry if it sucks
@Ashanti

His deep blue orbs never strayed from her face as she began to speak and showed him submission. He nodded, wanting her to know that the gesture was noted and she just had to keep talking. She had arrived to some place, 'Ipsum Falls,' and apparently had made her life there. She had no memory of the past, so therefore she couldn't possibly remember her time with the dark beast. Not their whirlwind childhood nor their brief time together in Secret Woodlands. The sharp sting the knowledge brought to his heart was enough to possibly make him flinch, but he held it in. He couldn't let her see how her words affected him, for to her, he was just some stranger. But then, the Fates shined hope in his being as she continued to speak and Miccah continued to listen.

"...I kept saying one name... just one single name and it's the only clue I have."

Could the charcoal man dare hope? Was it him she spoke of?

"Is there a wolf here named Miccah?

His gaze showed shock, but as quickly as it came, it left. A slow smile spread across his maw, and his blue orbs brightened. "Your looking at him...Celestina," he spoke in his deep baritone. The word rolled off his tongue, as if he was savoring it. As if he was trying it out for the very first time. And he liked it. But, he couldn't help but wonder even more. Who was this woman that stood before him? Deep inside, was she still his Ashanti...just stronger?

"Your real name is Ashanti, Celestina. You resided in this pack once. You were our healer." He deliberately left out some information, for he didn't know if he should tell her or not. Continuing, he spoke. "Tell me more of this Ipsum Falls. What did you learn?" He was still alpha, and before he accepted her back into Secret Woodlands, he had to make sure where her strengths lay.

Celestina listened and watched carefully, observing his every action in hopes of determining whether or not he did know her. When she mentioned what her 'father' had told her he didn't look different. His gaze didn't soften and she was beginning to think that she had just reached another dead end. Some hope was instilled when the shocked became evident in his eyes and a smile had spread across his muzzle. He was her only clue to her past and then he started to tell her the information she had been dying to know. My real name is Ashanti, Asha for short. She had started to compile the information as she listened. She had use to belong to the pack that she stood at the borders to and it was called Secret Woodlands.

Next he wanted information, things that were clear that he should know if he truly was the wolf she had murmured the name to when her 'father' had found her those months ago. "My time there was short, leaving after Dractive's death. Dractive was the man who took me in and I called father until discovering that he was, in fact, not my father. As soon as I recovered from my injury and could start to remember things again I was taught healing, why I have no idea but it was fascinating. I still remember all of my teachings from Luna to this day in fact. I dabbled in hunting and being a guardian though I'm afraid I am not the best fighter, if I ever was one before. Hunting I'm alright at and if this truly use to be my home... I'd like to be back where I belong." She filled him on everything that he needed to know, everything that he wanted. She had a debt to Ipsum Falls, especially to Dractive. However Dractive rested and rotted in the cave behind the falls for which Ipsum Falls was named and Lina was queen. So many confusingly similar names from Ipsum Falls that it had taken her awhile to learn.

Maybe some day she would pay that debt, but she had more important things to think about and do. Celestina had to learn about who she had been and what Asha was made of. "Why did I leave?" She asked. There was no way that she had just left, she had to know why she had been gone from Secret Woodlands in the first place.

(This post was last modified: Apr 25, 2014, 04:42 PM by Ashanti.)

She spoke and he listened, just like always. Except this time, they were no longer two naive people searching for their happily ever after. Now, they were fully grown adults, both knowing the pains that the world could bring at your happiest moments. So, she still held an affinity for healing? He supposed that would've never waned. She had always held a passion for herbs and healing, ever since she was a child. As she finished, Miccah mulled over what he would say. There were so many possible answers to that one little question, it seemed impossible to narrow it down to just one. 'You were depressed.' 'You went crazy.' 'You had a son bred of rape, and maybe that was what finally pushed you to the brink.' How could he tell her this? How could he stand to tell her, risking the chance of losing her again when he had just barely gotten her back?

The words stuck in his throat, and he swallowed thickly. Opening his maw, words juat poured forth. "You were depressed, Ashanti. You got better it seemed, as we talked of our future, but then it was like a mental switch happened from one day to the next." His voice grew softer, and it seemed like he wasn't even there anymore. The man was lost in his memories. "You spiraled deeper and deeper into depression. You didn't eat, you didn't sleep and in short, stopped taking care of yourself. I tried...I tried to help you, but you jus shut me out. You wouldn't let me in. Days passed...until one day you just... snapped." At the last word, Miccah's blue orbs blinked. He was once again immersed in the present. Shaking his head slightly, his eyes trained onto Ashanti, wondering how she would react to his words.

Love you Mily! @Miccah

It scared her as he started to explain what had happened that had finally pushed her over into leaving her home. She had been depressed? She had snapped? Suddenly she was thankful that she had lost her memory and found her home once more. Things were different, Ashanti wasn't depressed, she was happy, overjoyed. "That sounds... terrible. I-I'm sorry." She murmured out an apology as she looked at the ground. He had meant something to her. There were key words that had hinted that at least. You shut me out. Yes, she felt something for him but it was unexplained. Maybe it had to do with why she had said his name when Dractive had found her. Maybe it had to do with whatever their relations were. Was he just her alpha or something more?

Perhaps she had been a friend. The white fae didn't know but she wanted to find out more. She would do just that with one more question she had to pose to him. "What was the nature... of our relationship?" She asked him, careful how she placed her words. "You said I shut you out... were you my friend, or just my alpha. What was I shutting out?" She asked with her eyes practically begging him for answers. She just didn't know. She was trying to remember but she didn't have a clue about the first two and a half, almost three years of her life. She took a deep breathe as she prepared to get answers from him.

Surely he wouldn't hold back knowledge of her own past? After all she would still know it if she hadn't lost all her memory. To be honest she was still shocked by the news she had gotten from Dractive. How could he have gotten the whole pack, Ipsum Falls, in on the lie that she was his daughter?

(This post was last modified: May 02, 2014, 08:59 PM by Ashanti.)

As she apologized, he couldn't help but wonder why. She had nothing to apologize for, in his opinion. Ashanti had always been a rollercoaster of emotions, and he had come to accept that. She couldn't remember anything, so therefore, she held a clean slate. His eyes locked with hers as she asked the one question he wasn't ready for.

"You said I shut you out... were you my friend, or just my alpha. What was I shutting out?"

Miccah mentally groaned. Make that two, he thought. There were really many ways to answer her questions. One one paw, he could lie to her and tell her their relationship had just been plain friendship and she had just become depressed, he didn't know the cause of it. On the other, he could tell her the truth. Too bad he could've never brought himself to lie to her. Not to the old Ashanti and apparently to this new Ashanti as well.

He had made himself place a neutral mask on his chiseled features as he mulled it over. He disn't know how to handle this 'new' Ashanti yet and didn't want to wear his conflicting emotions on his face. For the first time, he briefly broke eye contact and directed his blue gaze to the thickets that were his home. Slowly, the man opened his maw. "We...we were very close. Of course, at the time I wasn't the alpha. I was just second, and you were as well." He stopped, trying to decide what to say next. Blinking, he forced himself to turn back to her. It wasn't really a lie, more like a half truth. It's not like he could tell her he had loved her since childhood and that they were practically mates. More or less. At least, he thought they were headed in that direction. Miccah almost snorted. Yeah, a great way to start a conversation. 'I've been in love with you since forever and thought you felt the same way, but before we could make it official you lost your mind and there was nothing I could do about it.' Just what she wants to hear. Miccah let out a sigh, and then opened his maw. "You weren't just shutting me out, but everyone. I don't if we pushed you too hard or what...but, you lost your mind. There was alot of things you were going through I guess, and...you juat couldn't deal with it anymore." I fear that I pushed you too hard. You weren't ready. We both weren't. Of course, the coal colored alpha didn't speak these thoughts.

@Miccah

Ashanti listened to the slow and soft, but still evident hesitation as he spoke of them being close. She was getting mixed signal about that in general. Was it that they hated each other or the exact opposite. She tried to figure it out as he spoke once more of her shutting everyone out and how he was not alpha at the time, only a second. What shocked her even more was that she had been a Second herself. What? She asked herself in confusion as the pure white fae tried to work her way around the reason of all that she was learning. How was she to ask if she could come back home again? Would they trust her to be stable in their family again after what they went through that she has no remembrance of?

She closed her eyes for a second as she thought back and remembered all the information she had just received. She drew in a deep breathe as she spoke and asked a crucial question. "Can.... Can I come home Miccah?" She asked, using the word home hopefully. With time, hopefully, everything would heal and maybe she'd even remember everything about this place again. Was it too hopeful to wish for such things? The woman had an almost desperate look in her eye, her heart silently breaking that she didn't remember him or the pack or anyone. "Please?" She added onto her plea. She didn't want to wander when she could get information and a home right here in Secret Woodlands. She drew a deep breathe and held it as she waited for an answer.

One last post from you and were good :D feel free to fade out <3

OC: Miccah waited for her words. He wondered how she would react. Would she she be distraught or reel in her emotions? Only time would tell. Thanks to the Fates, the dark male didn't have to wait for long.

"Can.... Can I come home Miccah?"

Her words made his breath catch, and for a fearful second, the alpha couldn't even breathe. He ignored her 'please' that she had later tacked on, for how could he say anything when in his heart he had already made the decision? Ashanti was no betrayer, so he would have no qualms of accepting her back...except he would leave his heart open for heartbreak once again. He barely made it when she left the first time, how would he survive if she left him for good? Forcing himself to take in a breath of fresh air, the bulky creature exhaled as he stepped forward in her direction.

As he neared her, Miccah's head grew fuzzy at her scent. It had been so long. No matter what she said, if she believed she was Ashanti or not, her scent would always stay the same. The scent that had made his head spin as a Yearling was having the same effect now, two years later. Closing his eyes briefly to make himself focus, the man reopened them to reach for her muzzle in a gentle, yet firm grip. Slowly loosening his hold, the dark pelted man walked a circle around his past beloved, their fur mingling together as he marked her with the Secret Woodlands scent. Before he could once again lose himself in her proximity, the man stepped away as if burnt. "I...I must go," Miccah muttered. He had done his job. He needed to leave. It was all too much. Her coming back home, her telling of the recent events that had happened and now she was too close. He couldn't be this close to her without letting his true emotions slip out. The words 'I love you' threatened to slip past his tongue. It was all too much. Too much. Not being able to stand it, Miccah turned and quickly dissapeared into the shadows of the thickets.

He needed to be alone.

{Miccah exit}