All recluses have a mean streak

@Aponi :)

Having a little girl is like following an old treasure map

• NAIRA •

with all the important paths torn away

When Aponi’s scent crossed the borders yet again it sent a shiver down the length of the mothers spine. The girl was still a walking skeleton, barely upright and yet she insisted on leaving the safety of her home yet again? The frantic mother made a short detour, finding @Sagacity not far from the borders herself and warned her second in command to keep Mercy close. The way the pair had been glued to each others side left no doubt in her mind that if the crowchild were to cross her wayward daughters scent he would be on her trail like a fly on... well shit.

The occasional stabbing pain in her flank was pushed to the back of her mind as she made her way southward, already guessing the location to which her daughter was returning. It was not a place without significance for her mother and she had to think back to remember the last time she had been within earshot of the crashing waters of the Bramble Falls... It had been well over a year ago, but this time she did not expect to run into any River wolves her prior encounter with Triell, and her attempt to abandon the pale child Aphrodite enough to convince her they had long since abandoned the nearby Grove. It helped to settle her nerves some.

There was no point in trying to be stealthy in tracking down her daughter. A low howl was quick to leave her lips, beckoning her daughter forth. There had clearly been some haste in her departure and she only wished to know if all was well with her silvered child.

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Aponi lay curled within the stone cavern, her whole body trembling as she fought against the anxiety that overwhelmed her. Her heart raced in her chest and she felt as if the world was collapsing onto of her, she couldn't get any air into her lungs. Gasping the girl clenched her blue eyes closed, trying to force it all out this feeling, this weakness, whatever this was. In her mind she chanted a name over and over, Mercy, Mercy, Mercy, Mercy as if it would help, but it was a pale comparison to having his actual presence. All of that was behind her now, she was no longer a princess, no longer an heiress, she didn't belong to the Keep, she didn't belong anywhere. The trembles increased until her whole body shook, vibrating against the stone floor, her teeth chattering as if she was freezing and she felt as if she was. A low howl shocked the girl straight through to her bones and she froze instinctively. Her mother. Her mother who she had barely seen since she had returned, both because of how reclusive her mother and become and partly because Aponi had been avoiding her. She couldn't help but feel like her mother had become pregnant to replace her because she had been lost. Conflicted the girl stayed still for a moment, surely her mother would find her sooner or later so she might as well get this over with. Rising from the cave she moved forward into the daylight until she stood in plain sight across the clearing from her Ma. There was nothing but silence.

@Aponi :)

Having a little girl is like following an old treasure map

• NAIRA •

with all the important paths torn away

When her daughter finally emerged her entire posture softened. Ears tilted back and her tail dropped from it’s alert position level with her spine to point to the soggy forest floor. Even here the mists from the falls permeated the air and she allowed her head to rest comfortable between her shoulders as she moved forward to roughly rub her cheeks against those of her gaunt and weary daughter. “You worry me child.” she chided gently, the softness of a smile pulling at the corners of her mouth, her voice full of concern. “What caused you to storm off in this state hmm?”

She would admit, there had been very few overly tender moments between the pair. After the disaster of her first litter she was determined that her daughters would not suffer the same fate. While she had been present she had remained distant, for their own good she continually told herself. She was terrified of the pain that might come if she were to grow too close and another disaster like Belladonna were to happen again, and while Adonis and @Datura were happy to swan in and out of their mother’s life at will, she would always keep her hurt when they chose to leave close to her heart.

She was of course completely oblivious to her daughters encounter with Karpos in the den. All she wanted to do was check on the girl, and make sure that she was safe. It was all she had ever wanted.

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Aponi had never seen her mother's posture this way before, at least not as long as she could remember it. She had always been in her life, a stern hand to guide her along the way, present but not as warm and welcoming as Pa always had been. When she was younger and had gotten hurt or scared it had always been her dad that she ran to first, never her mother and somewhere along the way a gap had grown between them. For a while Aponi had resent and lashed out against her mother, now she respected her as a authority figure and felt an almost obligated caring towards her but their relationship was distant. So when her mother showed her an act of caring an act of warmth the near yearling didn't know what to do but stand stiffly and receive it. The girl made no move to reciprocate and didn't even know what she would do to reciprocate so she became a statue until her mother pulled away. The question. That question she knew was coming since she heard her mother's howl, but now what could she possibly tell her. Looking her dead in the face Aponi's voice was dull, emotionless as she answered with a question of her own, "Is it true that you ordered the pack to be kind and put up with me because I am your daughter even though everyone believes I am obnoxious and arrogant?" These had been Karpos' words after all, and he would know better than she what had been said behind her pack and within the pack territory, she had been missing for months. Months she had been missing and only a couple of weeks at home before now she had voluntarily left, there was no going back now.

Having a little girl is like following an old treasure map

• NAIRA •

with all the important paths torn away

The discomfort in her stomach was hard to bare standing so as she pulled away from her daughter she allowed her rear to fall to the forest floor with a rather resounding thump. She had always been on the heavier side but never so much that her legs were so willing to give out beneath her. She really was getting old. Her thoughts however were not on her own failings for long. The stoical stare offered by her daughter was like staring at her own reflection in the waters of a still pond. She had to tell herself it was for the best. If she was smart enough to keep most of the world at a distance, she would be less likely to get hurt.

The question however, that left the girls lips left her reeling. “Now why would I bother to do something like that?” she questioned. It wasn’t as though she ran her pack that strictly. “I have no idea what everyone else believes but I know @Sagacity was as beside herself with worry for both of you as myself and your father were. Your uncle @Chulyin is hardly an expressive man but you are his blood, he would love and care for you regardless of what anyone else felt and @Evann carried you home. Do you think she would do that simply for my sake?” she attempted to reason with her child. “What on earth has happened to put such thoughts into your head?” she questioned again, concern clearly painted on her masked face.

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The silver girl watched as her mother seemed to struggle to stand before finally sitting down, her blue eyes never wavering. Expression seemed frozen as she watched the concern cross her mother's face along with her questions. Aponi shook her head, still stoic, "Karpos told me those were your orders to the pack." She watched to see what reaction her mother would have to this news, surely it would be surprise that Pa's favourite was a little rat who couldn't keep his mouth shut. That anger that had morphed Karpos lived inside Aponi as well, threatening to rear its ugly head when she felt overwhelmed and anxious, now though, now she just felt empty. Staring at the mother she knew she was supposed to love, but she couldn't bring herself to feel anything more than maybe respect. The same dead tone carried through her voice, it was as if she was hearing someone else say the words and she was just listening. She wished this was true, that she was someone else and not the former princess of the Keep whom even her mother couldn't bring herself to love. "I wasn't sure whether I should believe him, it is not as if you show any love to me yourself." It wasn't said with the emotions one might expect to hear; grief, depression or maybe anger it was as if Aponi was just stating a fact. In her mind it was, it was something she accepted long ago, her mother had brought her into the world but had never truly loved her, rather just raised her with as much distance as possible.

Having a little girl is like following an old treasure map

• NAIRA •

with all the important paths torn away

Orders? When did she ever order anyone do anything that wasn’t essential? An exasperated sigh left her lips as she let her daughter continue. It was a shame it took disaster to result in the pair finally having a heart to heart, but for now she was content to listen. Aponi’s hurt at the words of the young boy was clear, even if they were filthy lies. Naira did well to hide her brewing rage. “Are you that delicate that you need constant reassurance?” she half teased her daughter. “I thought you were tougher than that daughter of mine.” She was trying to make light of the situation while the cogs turned over in her mind (a newly developing occurrence seemingly fostered in the presence of @Mapplethorpe).

Allowing her daughter space was what was needed now. “I am sure your father will be beside himself with worry, but I won’t drag you home by force. You are old enough now to make up your own mind about where you want to be...” she allowed a moment of silence to follow her words before she continued. “I won’t tolerate liars so you can be guaranteed Karpos won’t be there if you decide to come home,” if your father hasn’t beaten me to it before I get back... she left the words unsaid, for surely as much as he favoured the boy he would not tolerate the garbage that had apparently spewed from his mouth either. “and you will always be welcome there.” she promised, wondering what the future would hold if her daughter decided not to return, and wondering if @Sagacity managed to track down Mercy before he had left of her daughters tail.

So much drama so late in her pregnancy... it would be wonder if this litter wasn’t born with two heads.

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Well this was really sad to write

Aponi could hear the teasing in her mother's voice but she shook her head, a small humorless smile painting her maw, "Fragile? Oh mother don't you see, I'm not fragile, I have become just like you; cold. You taught me how to keep everyone out, not to need anyone, a lesson I've learned well." The near yearling chuckled now, realizing just how true those words were, just how much she had learned from Naira. The once stoic voice was replaced with something colder, something harder, it was laced with resentment, "I learned a lot from you when you thought I wasn't watching, pride, how to lead a pack, a lot of valuable lessons for a child to learn. Despite this I never learned the one thing that a mother is supposed to teach her daughters; how to care about someone." Blue eyes stared into gold as she laid the truth bare for her mother to see what her indifference had done to her. It had changed both her daughters; made Nova reserved and cautious to speak, made Aponi proud to a fault, built a wall around her children that no one would be able to conquer, not even herself. When her mother brought up Pa it was the first time during this meeting that Aponi felt a sliver of guilt. Her stomach twisted at the thought of the man who had told her stories before bed worrying about her, he already had aged so much. It had shocked the former princess how much grey had appeared in her Pa's fur while she had been lost, how slow and stiff his movements had become. The icy eyes dropped to the ground now as the girl hung her head almost shameful of what she was about to say, "Tell Pa that I will miss him dearly and that I wish he wouldn't worry, but that I'm not going to be coming back to the Keep." Silver head lifted as Aponi felt as if a weight had been lifted off of her, the decision was made and as far as she could tell it would be final. The fae wanted nothing more than to never walk the ground of those woods again.

Having a little girl is like following an old treasure map

• NAIRA •

with all the important paths torn away

She took more pride from her daughters words than hurt. One day she might even thank her for it, although Naira doubted she would be alive to hear it. “One day you might find that to be the most valuable lesson of all.” she countered quietly. There was much she kept from her, the identity of her real father (although on that even Naira wasn’t sure of the true answer). In all honesty she could have been conceived at these very falls... The betrayal of her own flesh and blood, Poison Path... A lot had happened to make her to woman she was today. At least this way her daughter could hopefully avoid a fraction of the hurt that had befallen her mother.

She tilted her head downwards in acceptance of her daughters next statement. “I’m sure he’d rather hear it from you yourself but I will pass it on.” She assured the girl, now a young woman in her own right. As she turned to leave she did leave her daughter with one final piece of advice. “Caring will only cause you pain. Be careful who you lay your heart out to.” she offered with a very serious expression on her face. She was far too pregnant to be this far from home and there was still much straightening out to do once she returned. She very much doubted this would be the last she would see of her daughter.

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{Naira's Exit}

Her mother's word were quiet and if Aponi hadn't been paying her full attention she would have missed them. Her voice was equally as quiet as she retaliated, "Or one day it will prove to destroy me." How long had she craved her mother's attention? Throwing tantrums and taking her frustrations out on everyone around her, it had been her mother who taught her how disappointment feels. It had eaten her up inside even when she didn't know what the reason was, and now Aponi could see it had always been her mother's indifference. In this moment the young woman could finally feel herself letting go, letting go of any hope of her mother showing her care or affection, letting go of the Keep and in its place she further cemented the wall her mother had constructed for her. She vowed to herself she would allow no one else see her true self, her mask would no longer be a facade or defense mechanism, it would just be her. The near yearling made no motion as her mother turned to leave, made no sound to her words, didn't even acknowledge that she had heard them. Be careful who you lay your heart out to there was only one and she had left him behind, Mercy. Once more anxiety swam through her veins making her feel so small, so insignificant as she watched the tawny form disappearing, would she ever see him again? For long after her mother disappeared Aponi sat shivering in the sunlight, so free, so alone.