The long way home

Firefly couldn't quite pin down her feelings as she crossed back into the familiar territory of Black Thorn Downs.  She was...happy to be home.  Well, the closest thing to home she had ever had.  But there were many other reasons for the young wolf to be unhappy.  In the first place, there was the shame she had to face now.  At Black Thorn Downs, she was lucky and she should have realized that.  She had good leaders and good friends.  She was well fed and learning so many things about scouting and fighting and herbs.  She was even beginning to learn a thing or two about boys, the silly creatures that most of them were.  But it hadn't been enough for her.   She had joined Black Thorn Downs because she knew that winter was coming.  She had gotten separated from her mother and her brother and she needed somewhere to stay if she was going to survive.  Of course, she wasn't exactly disappointed to have the opportunity to go on an adventure all by herself, but she never could have imagined what she was going to find.  A home, a family.  Something more real than what her mother had offered her.  And that is exactly why Fly left.  Yes it would have been safer and smarter to stay with Minka and Tokino through the winter and then go look for her mother in the spring, but would she ever really leave?  If she stayed with the Down wolves for that long, if she got that comfortable, how would she ever convince herself to leave them?  Fly knew that there would have been a thousand excuses to postpone the search for her mother and brother, which is why she had to go right then and there.   Impulsive and reckless, Fly never stopped to consider the devastation that winter could bring.  It had been a very, very difficult season for her and it wasn't until the snow started to melt that she was able to make her way back to the Downs, the home she never should have left.  She walked with her head and tail low, feeling defeated and wrong.  There was no way for her to even guess what Minka and Tokino would have to say about her leaving without a word.  No telling what Kova would think of her.  Fly wasn't even sure they would take her back.  Sure, she had grown into her build a bit more over the winter.  She was taller now and a little more filled out.  Thanks to her hunting skills she had not starved, though prey was scarce.   At first glance, she probably looked like a perfectly capable wolf.  But one look into her dull brown eyes told a story of a wolf who was hardened by a harsh winter and on the brink of giving up on any belief in the word 'family'.  After all, her mother had refused to take her back.  She had refused to acknowledge that it was only an accident, that Fly had sacrificed everything to come and look for her, to make it right.  That had been in the middle of winter and Firefly spent the rest of the winter alone, barely able to survive.  If her own blood could refuse her shelter in the middle of a devastating winter, why would the Black Thorn Downs Alphas take her back now?  Fly knew her future was dim, but she pushed forward with the tiniest light of hope in her heart. Finally, she reached the border.  The land seemed bare now, but Fly knew that it would be filled with beautiful berries and plenty of prey in just a few shorts weeks.  It would be a beautiful, plentiful home.  One she probably didn't deserve.   Trying not to think too hard about all the reasons she knew she should be turned away, Fly tilted her russet head back and howled.  A pang of sadness pierced her heart and clipped her howl short.  She should be crossing this border without suspicion.  It should be her border.  Too bad she had messed it all up.   "Speech"

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(This post was last modified: May 03, 2015, 08:59 PM by Firefly.)

Kova was being a bad boy again. He wasn't staying beside his mother taking care of her every need. Even whilst knowing that Minka would be bringing his little sisters and brothers into the world, Kova couldn't help but visit the land he had grown up in. Most of the pack, if not all of them, had moved north to the timber covered mountain. Surprisingly enough to Kova at least, there was still a very noticeable border in the blackberry fields where his pack used to live. The scents of @Gent, @Astraeus, and Bane being the most noticeable among the mixed wolf scents along the border. Kova wondered for a moment as to how long the smells would stay here for. Then the boy started forward passing the border by. The Lagina wolf was going to walk the old trails that he was used to, and then maybe look for some early blackberries to take home to his mother.

Then a haunting sound caught Kova's attention. It was coming from what was once Black Thorn Downs southern border. The wolf howl was one calling for the pack, but Kova knew that the pack wasn't here right now. He also knew the voice of the caller, and because of this the youth began loping towards her. Firefly had been his favorite pup sitter, and when she disappeared Kova had been more than confused. He had been devastated, because he didn't know if he was ever going to see her again.

Now that he was a little more grown, Kova couldn't just feel happy at hearing her call. He also felt confusion, anger, and a bit of resentment towards the she wolf. Why is she coming back now? Did she leave us on purpose or did she get lost like I did? Kova's thoughts scrambled about within his mind as the wolf approached the southern area of the fields. He spotted her fiery form long before the boy reached her. However as he closed in on her position Kova let a low growl echo from his throat. Slowing to a stop before the she wolf, the young gray lad kept himself respectfully neutral despite feeling as angry as he did right now. All the boy wanted to do was push her to the ground and yell at her while crying. 

Instead he composed his face much like his father often had. Restraining his anger, Kova tried to look calm though he did let his confusion show into his features. “Why are you back Firefly? Where were you?” He asked without even greeting the she wolf. No, why would he greet her if there was a chance that she was a mean woman who would leave him again.

Firefly watched anxiously as a grey figured loped towards her.  For a moment she felt the smallest bit of relief that it was Tokino coming to greet her instead of Minka.  Something about admitting her failure to Minka seemed unbearable to Firefly.  As the figure came closer, Fly realized that she recognized the scent and it was not Tokino.   Her jaw parted slightly and her brown eyes widened in shock as Kova approached.  She had only been gone for a winter but he looked so much...bigger now.  To her surprise, Fly noted how thin he looked.  Had the pack had difficulty with finding prey through the winter?  Fly had just assumed that they had faired better than she had since they were a pack and could hunt in numbers.  The idea that they might have needed her hunting skills and she had let them down, that Kova might have suffered in a way that she could have prevented... "Why are you back Firefly?  Where were you?"   The boy's voice was not welcoming, but then Fly had not fully expected it to be.  Still, the anger and confusion in his voice were not that of a pup.  He had grown since she had left.  Perhaps, winter had been harsh on him too.  The shock slowly faded from her eyes and was replaced with the earlier dullness of defeat.  The russet huntress lowered her head even more so that she was well below Kova's line of sight.  Complete submission to the pup she used to protect because now Firefly felt like there wasn't a damned thing in the entire world that she could protect.   "I left."   Low and flat, the words were dropped on the thin veil of silence that had come between them.  What a dumb thing to say, Fly thought to herself.  Of course, he already knows I left.   But there was something about saying so out loud that was necessary for the young huntress.   "I left to go look for my mom and brother.  I was afraid that if I didn't go right then and there that I never would.  I had to leave." Fly kept her eyes trained on the snow-covered dirt.  The words were true but to her the truth sounded weak.   "Speech"

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He stood there waiting for Firefly to reply. A slight breeze ruffled their coats casting a few small pieces of dead leaves into the air around them. The young male shifted to the right distributing his weight out evenly on all four legs. He caught her looking over his pelt, which in turn made Kova bite his lip and look away in embarrassment. The last time Firefly had seen him he had been much smaller and probably more cute. He 'd also been of a more healthy weight back then. When she shifted and began to answer him, Kova glanced back towards Firefly again.

She had taken a submissive stance, and although Kova was confused as to why she would act this way with him, He did feel a little more at ease seeing her this way. However, her first words brought out an annoyed whip of his tail as Kova glared at the she wolf silently judging her. Then as she explained herself Kova couldn't help but feel mad at himself for being angry with her. He had done the same thing, and searched for his family after becoming lost from them. Even if he had found a group of wolves to live with near the palisade Kova probably would have done the exact same thing. He would have left them to look for his parents and Noble when spring came.

Luckily for him, Kova hadn't become too attached to the lost wolves he'd met while on his journey home. He didn't have to make a choice of possibly permanently leaving somebody who was precious to him. Still, Firefly's words had calmed the young silver crowned prince. Her pitiful stance tugged at his heart strings allowing Kova to let out a long sigh. He stepped closer to Firefly thrusting his nose close to her lowered head. He wasn't angry with her anymore, but he wasn't sure if his mother would be okay with Firefly's explanation.

 “Were you able to find them?” He asked while poking Firefly's cheek with his wet nose. He didn't like seeing other wolves look so down in the dumps. It almost hurt him to see another wolf hurting either emotionally or physically.

Firefly's eyes remained on the ground, so she couldn't help but stiffen in surprise when she felt Kova's wet nose pressed against her cheek.  It was the first time another wolf had touched her since she had left the Downs with the exception of a few scuffles she had gotten in with strangers trying to steal her food.  It only took a moment for Fly's posture to relax under Kova's friendly touch.  He had always had such a gentle soul; Fly was glad that had not changed.   With the tension in the air slowly dissipating, Firefly cautiously raised her head to push her cheek into Kova's so that she knew she appreciated the kind gesture.  Then he asked the question that Fly knew she would have to answer, probably more than once.  When she had first left her mother she had spent much of her time thinking about how she would explain her journey to the Down wolves.  At first, her answers were always filled with anger.  She imagined telling Minka and Tokino about how her mother was a horrible, bitter old wolf who sent her only daughter out to die alone.  A growl was always rumbling in the back of her throat whenever she thought of having to explain her mother's rejection to her pack.  But Firefly had spent the winter alone, uncertain of her future.  Her anger had been snuffed out by the freezing snow and now all that was left was shame.   She was ashamed of leaving the Downs and she was ashamed to admit that her mother had turned her way.   For a moment, Fly considered lying to Kova and telling him that she had never found them.  It would be the easiest answer. But Firefly was never one to conceal her feelings and if she tried Kova would certainly see right through it.   "I found my mother.  At first, she seemed relieved.  But then..."   The horrible scene replayed in Fly's head like a nightmare she couldn't wake up from.    "She asked me where I'd been so i told her that I had joined a pack to stay safe and was planning to look for her in the spring."  Fly thought of how happy she had been as she explained this to her mom.  She was so excited to have found her and it felt good to see that her mom had worried about her, that she hadn't been forgotten.  She thought her mom would be proud of her for surviving on her own for so long and for getting accepted into a pack.  Fly's eyes were glazed by the memory.   "Then she growled at me and told me that I was ungrateful and that I didn't deserve to be with her and my brother.  That I should just go back to my new pack.  So I tried to tell her that I left to find her, that my pack might not even take me back." Fly paused and sighed. This was the part where it all went wrong.   Fly would replay this part in her head over and over again and try to figure out what she could have said or done differently, what had made her mother so angry.  At the time, Fly never could have guessed what would happen next.  That's probably why it hurt so much.   "She didn't care.  Told me that I wasn't her problem anymore and then she bit me. Not a warning bite, but a serious bite as if I was a stranger trying to take her territory."  Fly was just as mystified now as she was every time she went over the story in her head.  She just couldn't understand how her mother could do that.  All of the memories she had with her mother and then...that.  Fly's winter coat had only just begun to shed; her red fur was still thick.  But once her fur thinned out, Fly was sure that there would be a visible scar in the juncture between her neck and left shoulder, where her mother's teeth had pierced flesh.   As the memory faded, Fly slowly raised her eyes to meet Kova's.  The effort seemed exhausting to her, but she needed to see his reaction clearly.  After her mother, Fly thought that she could handle any sort of rejection.  She thought she was beyond caring, but seeing Kova had sparked something in her that she thought long extinguished by the winter winds.  It was a faint spark, but it was there.  She did care and the idea of revealing her mother's rejection to Kova made her anxious.   "Speech"

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He stood stock still as Firefly pressed her cheek against his moist nose. From that gesture alone he could tell that she needed more comfort than he could give. Maybe... Mom will understand... Maybe the pack can take her back? Then she can have a family again, a family with us in it. He thought quietly while listening to the rusty red she wolf. She hadn't exactly gotten taller since she had left, but her body had thickened out some. She looked like a real adult now, instead of the leggy yearling he remembered. Or maybe she had grown a little taller, but his growth had skyrocketed throughout the year making it harder to tell if she had grown any.

Fly proceeded to tell Kova about how she met up with her mother. He began to feel happy for her at first, but as her story continued that fiery anger slowly stroked at his heart. How can a mother be so cruel? He thought while allowing a deep growl, which in turn made his voice crack to a lower pitch, to spew from between the youths clenched teeth. He turned his head away from Firefly to show that he wasn't angry at her. Then Kova spoke. “What was wrong with her?” the question flew out from his muzzle as Kova shifted to the left. His fur was bristling in anger as he glanced back to Firefly. She continued her story, and by the end of it Kova couldn't help but feel anger at Firefly's so-called family.

“You're not a stranger to me... I'll make you my problem then. You're mother can just go..” Kova paused trying to think of the right word to call Firefly's mother. He hadn't heard any curse words from his parents or pack mates yet, so the young male didn't have anything seriously bad to call somebody he disliked. “Your mom can just go slap herself with a fish for all I care. You are ours now. A part of my family.” Kova said this in such a serious way that his posture had come up to become a dominant one. What Kova didn't know was that he had, in effect, just claimed Firefly as his own without even asking his mother first. To Kova, he was just trying to be nice and cheer up his friend Firefly.

“Which reminds me.. The pack moved way up north cause of Secret Woodlands pack. They attacked Lugh and hurt him bad. ” Kova was still distressed by Firefly's story, but thinking about Lugh made his hackles lower in worry. He really shouldn't be spending all his time in the blackberry fields. Both Lugh and his very pregnant mother needed him right now.

At Kova's first words Fly froze in shock.   She was his problem? A distant echo in her mind laughed at his struggle to come up with a vile enough insult to convey his anger, but this did not even register on her features.  Instead, her red brows furrowed in confusion as she tried to understand exactly what Kova was saying.  He was...accepting her back into the pack?  Could he even do that?   A feeling of relief swept through her before she realized that Kova truly couldn't take her back.  That was a job only for Tokino or Minka.  That disappointed realization was brief; Fly's gratitude for Kova's acceptance was overwhelming.  He was claiming her and all of her problems as his own and Fly had a newfound appreciation for that.  She was his family.  Fly's heart filled with pride and gratitude and a small whine passed through her lips as she struggled with the emotions.   "Kova.."  She mumbled trying to find the words to express how much it meant to her that he was taking her back, that he had forgiven her so readily.  She would never be able to repay him or his kindness.  Before the winter, she might have found Kova's kind and gentle nature endearing and cute.  Now, she saw his kindness for what it really was: strength.   Before Fly could gather her thoughts and put them into words, Kova told her about Lugh.  Fly's heart skipped a beat as she pictured the gentle old wolf who had taught her all about herbs.  Without his lessons she might not have survived the winter alone.  It was only because of Lugh that she was able to nurse the wound her mother had given her.   "No, not Lugh!"  At first Fly's voice was distraught, filled with guilt.  She should have been here to help him!"Is he okay?  Are his wounds..."   Fly stopped before saying fatal.  She couldn't bear the thought of one of her pack mates dying in her absence. "...healing?" She finished instead. "What about everyone else?  Was anyone else hurt?" Fly's voice slowly began to transform from fragile and worried to steady and angry.  How dare those stupid Woodlands wolves think they could attack the Downs wolves and get away with it!  If Fly ever caught that scent again, whether Minka and Tokino accepted her back or not, she would tear those Woodland wolves to pieces for what they did to Lugh.      "Speech"

Dawnthieves.de - Table by PuppyThief

Wow we are already at 8 posts. Is it safe to assume that she'll follow Kova back to the new pack territory to see what his mother has to say about her?

Kova was somewhat happier to see the shock on Firefly's face rather than the pain and sadness that had been there moments before. He would rather surprise her than see the she wolf hurting. To her question about Lugh Kova could only frown and shrug his wide developing black and gray shoulders.  “I don't know, I mean... Lugh hasn't died, and he's able to move around on three legs.” Kova said simply before glancing towards the forested hills that split the fields from the wilderness of the far north. He had itched to come back to Black Thorn Downs and visit his old home, but now the youth itched to get back to the pack. Maybe home really is where family is... He thought quietly as Firefly asked about the rest of the pack.

“Everyone else is...” He paused then. Not everyone was okay. His sister was still missing, and Tokino was running himself ragged looking for her. “A while ago a big winter storm hit, and both me and Noble got lost in it. I found myself in some strange new land, and much later found my way home. Noble though... She's still lost, and father went out to look for her. So I don't know how they are doing, but dad was fine when he left.” Kova gave Firefly the update on the pack easily despite his own worry about Noble. Truth be told, Kova was sure that his father was fine. It was Noble that he was most concerned about because he knew how she must have been feeling right now. He knew the hunger Noble was facing, and the worry about surviving on your own day after day. Then there was the pain you felt knowing that your family wasn't going to find you... It must have been worse for her being gone for so long.

“Will you come back with me? Up north? Mom and dad can definitely use help filling up new caches. We weren't able to bring the old stuff from here with us so we ate it all before moving.” Kova gestured to the old Downs wolves territory as he commented about the caches. They had dug out and eaten everything in this old territory to bring up their strength for the move. However, the timbers were rich hunting grounds. He was sure that a big pack hunt for deer would help to fill up a few new caches.

Yes, she will!:)  

Firefly's posture relaxed when Kova reassured her that Lugh was still walking.  Losing the use of one leg could be devastating for a wolf, but walking on three legs was much better than not walking at all.  Fly's relief was short-lived as Kova continued to explain how the rest of the pack was faring.  Kova had been lost in the winter storms?  He must have been so scared out there all by himself.  Fly could easily imagine how the young Downs wolf must have felt.  After all she had been on her on that winter too.  The idea that both she and Kova had spent the winter lost and alone didn't sit well with Fly.  They had suffered alone when they should have been together, side by side.   Over and over again Fly was regretting that she had left.  It had been the worse decision she had ever made.  And Noble was still lost out there!  Immediately Fly felt the urge to go out and find Kova's sister, but she knew that it wasn't where she needed to be.   Fly observed Kova's features as he finished telling her about Noble and Tokino.  He was clearly worried for his sister, but he wore his worry differently now.  There was something about the way he related the news to her, as a matter of fact, that seemed more mature.  He was beginning to learn how to conceal his emotions, an important trait for any good leader.  As he invited her back to the pack and explained the situation of the caches, Fly realized that he did seem to be growing into a very dependable wolf.  Fly had always fancied that Kova would be leader one day; he was her little prince after all and princes eventually became kings.  But it was a whole different matter to see Kova acting so grown up.  He wasn't a pup anymore and Fly wasn't exactly sure how she felt about that.  One thing was for sure, Kova had been through a lot and Fly had not been there to help him through it.   She owed him an apology at the very least.   "Kova, I am so sorry that I wasn't here to help.  You should never have had to face this winter's storms by yourself.  And I'm sorry about your sister too.  If your parents let me back into the pack, I promise to do everything I can to help find her." Fly's voice was unwavering as she made this vow.  She did not raise her eyes to meet Kova's, but instead focused them sternly on his chest.  Ever since her encounter with her mother she had felt so unsure of herself, so incapable of making the right decision.  This, finding Noble, was something that Fly was sure about.  It felt good to know what the right thing was again, to have something to focus on as a way of moving forward.  For that moment, Fly imagined that finding Noble was a solution to everything, a way of righting all of her wrongs.  Then Kova asked about taking her north to the new territory and Fly stiffened.  Before she could even attempt to find Noble she would need to speak to Minka.   Filled with uncertainty of how she would be received by Kova's parents, Fly nodded cautiously.  Her timber brown eyes followed Kova's line of sight to the North.  What would this new territory look like?  What is she didn't like it as well as the berry fields?  What is she liked it more but Minka wouldn't allow her to stay?  Fly had gotten past the first part of her journey and she had been welcomed by an old friend.  Now, the second leg would take her to a new territory and a pack that may very well resent her for leaving.  Would Kova's invitation hold any sway over Minka's decision?  There was no way to know in advance.  Fly knew she just had to push forward.  Wiping the worries out of her brain, Fly gave Kova a reassuring smile to show him that this was truly what she wanted.  Then, with a flick of her tail she gestured for him to lead the way to the new territory.             "Speech"

Dawnthieves.de - Table by PuppyThief

And I shall fadeeeee

Kova tried to smile warmly, but to be honest he was starting to get a little embarrassed at Firefly's wandering gaze. She looked at him as if she were amazed at something he did or was doing. The young wolf understood her initial shock at his earlier words, but why was she still looking at him with those intriguing eyes?

At Firefly's apology and promise Kova sighed. He definitely did hope that Fly could help to find Noble, but at this point even he could see that his sister was most likely a lost cause. Why his father was so determined to find Noble Kova would never understand. At least not until he had pups of his own which could be many years into the future. For now he could only hope that Tokino would come back home soon. Even with the itch of concern for Noble scratching at his head, Kova had resigned himself to sticking close to home and helping out the family members that he could see, touch, and feel. It was hard to think this way, but Kova thought that this was right... Even when it could possibly be a wrong move on his part.

 “If you find Noble I will forever be indebted to you...” He answered in a quiet tone before angling his body and pointing it northward. Then he glanced back at Firefly and gave her a childish grin which morphed into laughter.  “Why are you looking at me like that? It's creepy Fly!” He teased before trying to swat at her face with his forepaws playfully. He didn't wait for her to answer though. Instead Kova took her cue to lead and dashed forward towards the northern hills of the blackberry fields. The ground was eaten up by his long strides as they surged forward enjoying the chance to run free. Bushes whipped past Kova as the blurry gray figure bounded by. He looked back a few times to make sure Firefly was sticking to him like glue then concentrated on remembering the best route to his new home.  Leaping clear of a particularly tall blackberry bush, one that still had his mothers scratch marks on it mapping his own growth, Kova continued onward back to Round Stone Crest with his dear friend in tow.

(FADE OUT)