Oak Tree Bend Lovers Be Damned

He was surprised when she began speaking again, seemingly no longer trying to trigger his temper. Their game was forgotten as Jessie told him, of places and events he'd never heard of before, though it didn't matter, the point was that she was talking now, from her heart, and the ebony male felt his exasperation towards her fade. In a few, simple sentences, the grey woman revealed more of herself to her student than she ever had before, and Drestig was thankful for her openness, even if it wasn't entirely deliberate. He wouldn't say that the statement surprised him exactly; Of course SHE would think her job is most important! But it saddened him to hear, that she considered herself worthless without her role as scout. Ember eyes turned back to the slight form next to him, watching impassively as she relived the past. The clear pain that crossed her face making his own stomach turn; no matter then unclear state of their relationship, he did not like to see her hurt. Despite her anguish though, her voice was steady when she continued, and the dark man couldn't help but shake his head lightly at her words. As she kept speaking, her voice turned harsher, ending in an almost-snarl as she turned her deep emerald's towards him, as if in challenge. For a silent moment, he stared back, no anger in his gaze, unwavering strength, but no real challenge. Then he sighed deeply; "That's the difference between you and me, Jessie." He said, voice low but clear, the tone frank and even, honesty radiating off his features; "To me there could never be just duty. I do not live and breathe for my role, I live despite of it." His face was still open, voice weighted, not with the usual sarcasm, but with something deeper and more sincere. He felt as if they had finally reached the root of something, gone past the state of teacher and student, and into more friendly territory. And though Drestig had never longed for this kind of intimacy with his mentor, he did not feel adverse to it. The black pelted chap shifted his weight, shaking his shoulders lightly and turning his head to once more stare at the slow trickling water. He was starting to feel tired even though the day hadn't been particularly active. "I like pack life, I like the sense of family we have here, and I'm loyal to Triell and the Bend," He said half musing, eyes trailing a small leaf that had been caught in the stream and was slowly carried away by the water; "But I wanted to be a scout for a chance to wander still, to keep exploring and experiencing outside our land. I'm more than happy that I can do that while serving a purpose to the pack, but it is not my only purpose. " His glowing fiery orbs lifted again to look at the colorless woman, passion glowing deep in them; How can she say that 'worth to the alpha' is all that counts?! "What am I other than that? I am me, Jessie! I am adventurous and cheeky and a pain in the ass. I like to hunt and discover, and race and spar. I am uncle to Zera and Darrah, enemy to the wolves of Magnolia Glen, something of its own entirely to @Silver, and friend to Triell, and you." He tilted his head, looking at her questioningly, more confused than angered by her statement; "Do you really think that none of that matters? That we are nothing but the sum of our duty?!" Word count: 603 Thoughts ”Speech”

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Jessie had never been one for intimate relationships. She still got uncomfortable when it involved Hotei. And now their little games were coming to an end and they were actually having a conversation. She shifted uncomfortably, her emerald eyes still pinned on that of her pupil’s. When he spoke, she listened, the passion in his voice revealing to her the certain life that he held within him. Perhaps it was the lack of death he had experienced or the simplicity of him having a stronger mentality than her. The fact was, that Drestig still believed in the possibility of relationships, whereas Jessie’s illusions had been shattered when her best friend and sister had abandoned her. The woman had come to the lore for her sister and had joined the pack for her sister and now she was no longer there. Brenton had come to look for her, to proclaim his love for her, only to leave and never turn back. The reminder of their absences stung Jessie’s heart and it only made the Scout resent Drestig a little bit more for what he had. For what he still believed in.

Yes, he was an ass and yes, he had those enemies that Jessie would have gladly defended him from. But any personal relationship between the pair, Jessie had tried to cut because she feared it. The Tainn hated taking chances and she still hated it. She had taken a chance on Hotei twice and both times he had disappointed her. While he had promised his third time and was still there, it still caused a paranoia to rise within her. A reminder of those who always left her. So when Drestig was done with his words, Jessie swallowed, moistening her throat before she spoke, her voice soft now, ”I don’t think that personal relationships are realistic. In the end, you either end up hurt or the other does. And when one ends up hurt, so does the other…” Her emerald eyes darkened, and she murmured her last sentence, it barely a whisper, ”…unless they’re already dead.” Death had accompanied Jessie wherever she went and she had no coping skills to deal with it. Unfortunately, it had taken a toll on her social skills and the trust she was supposed to be able to put in others. Lately, she had come to accept the fact that she never would be able to trust. Not even Hotei.

He had no way to know what thoughts his little speech sparked in her head. All he could do was watch as she took in what he had said, wondering if she would understand his positions, if she could; She seems so... Jaded. Drestig had no doubt the salt and pepper woman had been through a lot, no wolf was born with this kind of apathy. And there was something to how she carried herself, the way in which she rejected the mere idea of sentiment, that spoke of someone once full of hope, who had seen too much loss. Still, it was beyond the dark man's realm of imagination how she could have ended up so empty, so devoid of any ability to trust; Or love! Drestig was no stranger to loss, in fact one of his earliest experiences had been the loss of his entire family, his whole world. But if that hadn't put him in as weary a position as Jessie's, then  what possibly could have? In the end, her answer, despite the softness of her tone, made his mouth tighten into a thin line. Her position was completely incomprehensible the ebony lad, but then again, perhaps that was why his was so adverse to her. They seemed to clash on quite a number of subjects; And yet here we are... Their relationship was a very strange one, but to Drestig it was another one he could add to the record; What is it to her? His eyes had drifted from her once more, but as her ending statement reached his ears, he snapped back, ember eyes wide as they stared into her dark emeralds. Exactly how many deaths did she have in the bank? And who? Perhaps the explanation to her hostility towards Silver was that she knew firsthand what it was like to lose the one who meant everything. But Silver was 'his', whatever happened with their relationship, it was his headache, not hers. The black wolf shook his head, sighing lightly, then rose to his feet. With a few short steps, he walked over to his teacher, sitting down next to her and looking down into her sorrowful eyes; "You're not alone Jessie, whether you like it or not." He leaned his shoulder gently into hers, cocking one of his brows a bit. With a small, almost sad smile, he said, finitely; "I don't agree with you, relationships are important, they transcend ourselves... Like duty, I suppose. Regardless, both are unavoidable, and so is pain." He shrugged his shoulders, decreasing the weight of his words. Maybe one day, he would be able to understand her thinking, but for now he could not imagine a life devoid of relationships and the meaning they held. And he knew, no matter how much she tried to distance herself, and how much she told herself she didn't care, that there was no way a wolf could live without caring for others. Perhaps she didn't want to feel anything, but that wouldn't stop her from it. Drestig's heart was still young enough for the good times to outweigh the possible hurt, and perhaps, just a little of that optimism was able to rub off on the older scout. In any case, he would support her. Maybe this mentor/mentee relationship could offer her some comfort, without breaking the border of intimacy she had created around herself. Word count: 566 Thoughts ”Speech”

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They remained silent for quite some time and Jessie basked in this short peace she was being offered. Surely, she was completely pissed at him for going against her wishes, but had she not done the same thing when Ice had been alpha. He had, after all, banished Hotei for his idiocy and like a moron, Jessie had gone crawling back to him. Falling in love had taken its toll on her and she was more than ready to be done with it. But however hard she tried to shake the passion she felt for Hotei, it never left and she knew it had made a permanent mark on her heart. She did not know what the future would come to, but she knew that if he was not in it, her sanity would be quick to melt away. They balanced one another out, even if he had a bigger temper than she did, which was saying something in and of itself. However, as much as he promised himself to her and swore that he would not leave again, the Tainn felt herself foolish to allow such hopes to entertain her. It had been well over a year and still she had her doubts. It often made her believe that Hotei deserved much better than her. All she consisted of was an aging face with a bitter attitude who could not find it in herself to trust him. Jessie knew that this was what got on his nerves the most and she knew that he blamed himself for it. The worst part was: she let him.

Still after all of this, she loved him. Jessie could not find it within herself to let him go, so there she was. A miserable existence, knowing that any day now, she could have her heart and soul ripped away from her and torn into pieces. She had been that way too many times and she did not know how she would react to the death of another loved one. Even the thought brought an uncomfortable pressure to her chest. It was why when she was physically touched by Drestig, which felt like the first gentle touch she had felt in ages, she tensed. It took her a moment to realize that the gesture was non-threatening and just an act of friendship, something she had bitterly denied him when he had returned with that girl. After a few moments of getting use to his touch, Jessie relaxed slightly, her muscles smoothing out in comfort as she shared this…companionship with him. His words stirred something in her brain, perhaps they were consoling words from her past, or maybe he just reminded her of someone she had spoken to in the past, but once again, Jessie felt her heart ache deep within her chest. Deciding that it would be best not to reply, the Tainn made herself comfortable within the cocoon that was Drestig’s large body. Content to remain silent, the smaller girl looked out into the lake, her emerald green eyes reflecting mysteries that no one had access to and were unable to be solved. Perhaps, she wouldn’t be afraid to open up a new friendship. She could only hope that this time, her choice would not screw her over. 

He felt her tense and did his best to ignore it, keeping the gentle pressure of his shoulder against hers as a reassurance; a promise. It was hardly surprising, that she would react this way to his touch, truthfully, part of him felt like flinching too. But he also wanted to prove his point, that she could not escape relationships with others no matter how hard she tried, and that he would not leave her alone; Even if she wants me to! It was weird, how their clashing personalities had somehow pushed them together; his almost compulsive urge to irk her, and her persistent resolve to never let him get to her, locking them in this constant give-and-take that was their budding friendship. It was the sudden relaxation of her muscles that caught him by surprise. Feeling her lean back into his embrace, he almost jumped back, as if her touch was scalding. Part of his resolve to step over to her had come from knowing that she would not like it. But he had also wanted to console her, though he wasn't sure where her misery was rooted, he wanted to let her know that he was there, to help if needed, or just for her to yell at if that was what would help her most. Thinking back to the first time they'd met, he smiled to himself, remembering his first impression of Jessie; I was pretty right on my money..! She was exactly as strict, aloof, loyal and business-minded as he had thought. But there was more to her too: she was far from devoid of humor, even if her kind was more dry and much less playful than his own; She held a love for her craft that went beyond merely wanting to serve her pack, or simple wanderlust like his; She also seemed to cherish the fact that he saw that, and sought to learn from her to achieve a similar mindset. Finally relaxing himself, the ebony man turned slightly to look over her head, ember gaze fallowing her dark green. They sat there for a long time in silence, each in their own thoughts, but enjoying the other's silent presence. Finally, the cold got the better of the tall male, his body starting to ache from sitting still so long on the frozen bank. Gentle moving free of their embrace, he shook himself a little, stretching his legs slowly as he got to his feet. He cleared his throat, considering saying something, but then just nodded at her, the silent gesture feeling like a better end to their conversation than any words. In the end, he felt, they had accomplished something, though he wasn't sure what, and as he slowly trotted off, he wondered what this friendship might come to; Perhaps something that we can BOTH learn from... Whatever may be, he felt content, happy to have, somehow, cleared up this complication with his teacher. Though, now he longed for another form of contact, and his strides let him swiftly back to the den, where he hoped to find Silver waiting. FADE Word count: 517 Thoughts ”Speech”

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