June 10th; Late afternoon; Cloudy; 64 ° F, 18 ° C
After leaving Tomen for Quil to soothe into a nap, Rook departed from the cool underground den. Fatherhood, thought it had come natural to him as leaves would to a tree, had left him a shell of himself. The pack and family might have had their suspicions but Rook was convinced that they couldn't see the anguish he was currently enduring. In the usual hours of solitude he kept during the late afternoon, he did as he was told: traverse the borders, report of any unusual activity, and track and hunt when he could.
Today, however, he had to stop in the middle of his route a number of times to simply take a deep breath, hold it captive in his lungs, then release it by exhaling through his mouth. By the time he had come to the banks of Jasper Rocks, he plunged his aching forepaws into the cold water and sighed. For a while it seemed that he was the only one in the world.
There was nothing but the sound of the rushing current and the whisper of the summer breeze pressing against his ears. It was no wonder now that his parents had brought his brothers here to rest. This part of Relic Lore was peaceful and quiet, as if time stood still in this very spot... unless all this calmness was Prosper and Theo's doing. Rook gave the silhouette of his reflection beneath him a skeptical scowl. It didn't matter if he believed in things such as angels and the Holy Spirit and the Devil and whatever else Kiche had told him of as a cub, he was still convinced that there were other forces at work here.
If not his older brothers, then ghosts, spirits or, perhaps, the Spirit of Wildwood itself.
Rook moved forward to bring his hindfeet into the water. He stood there for several moments with his head lifted towards the heavens. Certainly he had a reason to be here, the trick of it all was trying to balance himself and work everything out (on his own). As it was, a sort of restless stirring had begun to tie his insides in knots. It made him doubt everything he currently knew and had once been so sure of.
He loved Quil; he admired and respected her sister. He cared for his parents and he thought the world of Ryvet and his tales and experiences of lands from far away. Then, every so often, they came like spectres in the middle of night, the longing and the loneliness, the thoughts that brought him to Titan and Beren... Bishop and her pious ways...
Rook winced as he let out a soft cry; the pressure in his chest had built up so much that it felt like his ribcage was on fire. If Borden's youngest son had everything - both of his parents, his family, a mate, a son, a pack where he held precedence, a full belly and his good health - then why was it that he felt this way?
When his head leveled at last, his mismatched eyes fell to the deep pools at the bottom of the number of small cascades that snaked between the river stones. Perhaps it was inevitable; maybe Lyall's had a penchant for such things as escapism and other ways of finding "a way out." Unbeknownst to him, his sister Taima had even done such a thing; the only difference was that she took action without a second thought. It wasn't the thought of drowning or being surrounded by the currents that stormed his mind, however, it was those moments from last summer in which he had shared a summer with the ones he presently missed. He wanted to hear Beren laugh, he wanted to return Namid's smile, he wanted to be wherever Titan was. The things that were keeping him from them were copious and possibly unethical.
Continuing along that train of thought, Rook was distant, dead to the world to some extent, as he finally let himself internally break down. He had come here to hide, to pretend to pray, so he could, for once, feel like someone who was like his past self - so naive, happy, and without sin - the pentimento beneath the piece of work he had turned out to be a year later.
Chances are I have a BEN WHISHAW gif for that.