Spectral Woods Broken

Warning: Language
6/27/15 Midnint, then duskish

@Jessie first, @Drestig @Triell

 The storm had come out of no where. The dark Tainn had been walking the borders, fighting his usual battle of insomnia. Him and Jessie were on slightly better terms, but not even her form sleeping next to his could cure his wandering mind. So he did what he always did when he couldn't sleep - he went to the borders. There was always a sort of special silence when he walked along the marked lands, a silence he cherished. But as he kept his sharp yellow gaze roving the dark woods, a stroke of lightning cracked across the sky, bringing light to the territory for just a moment. Hotei flinched. He had never been partial to lightning since the fire that had destroyed his youth. Then came a rumbling from the clouds and next thing he knew, rain was pouring down on him. In no time at all it seemed, it soaked his fur and made the ground beneath his paws slick. It was the hardest storm he had ever been caught in, and Hotei struggled to see where he was going. By now, the rain was coming down so hard he could barely see a thing. Panic awoke within him as another crack of lightning came, lighting the sky with an eerie glow. But the burnt man forced it down. There was no time to panic. His only priority needed to be to find his way back to the den and safely wait out the storm. If he stayed out much longer, it could prove to be dangerous.

The Tainn only wished he could fucking see, just for a moment. If only he could have a moment where rain wasn't clouding his vision, where clarity was given, he could get his bearings and know where to go. But the Fates weren't on his side it seemed, though that wasn't anything knew. So Hotei stumbled along through the storm, knowing he would need to find shelter. And soon. Though his vision was obstructed, his hearing was perfectly fine. For a moment, the man froze as he heard the most frightening sound of his life. The sharpest crack of lightning and then only a few moments later, the moaning and creaking of a weak tree snapping and, as he finally had that sole moment of clarity, the woosh of it coming down...right towards him.

Fuck.

----

Hotei opened his eyes blearily, and he tried to lift his head but the intense pain that coursed through his body made him immediately give up on that mission. It took him a moment to realize that, according to the sky, dusk was soon to arrive. It took him another few moments to piece together last night's events. As he painfully turned his head to survey the damage, his breath hitched painfully as he tried to breathe. It seemed he might've broken a few ribs. Probably more than a few, but that was as far as his knowledge went. The Tainn was no healer.

It seemed the tree had caught the lower half of his body, which would explain why he couldn't feel his legs. The tree was not that large, but it was thick. Hotei wasn't stupid. No one would be able to move that tree, not even the whole pack combined. The dark man knew what that meant. Still, moisture lined his yellow orbs. He wasn't scared of dying. No, that wasn't the problem. He was scared of leaving her. He had vowed to Jessie that he would stay, that he would never leave again. And here he was, broken and mangled, another broken promise lying between them. So yes, he was terrified. It ran deeper than the fear he had felt while he was trapped in that fire.

Hotei was leaving her, breaking his promise, and he could do absolutely nothing about it. Fuck dying. Fuck the Fates. Jessie still needed him, and he still needed her. Of course, when did the Fates not love fucking him over? They didn't care that he was breaking his promise, but he sure as hell did. The pain was becoming steadily stronger now, probably due to his rising agitation, so Hotei forced himself to calm down and close his eyes.

Jessie would find him. She would. It was time to say goodbye. Funnily enough, his physical pain couldn't even compete with the pain in his heart.

speech

(This post was last modified: Jun 28, 2015, 09:41 PM by Hotei.)

Lemme just put this here.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XaKr98ktoxU

She probably should had known something was wrong the moment she woke up and did not find Hotei sleeping beside her. Especially when it was noticeably storming outside.  As she looked outside, it quickly became apparent that it was hard to see. There was no way anyone out there would be able to do anything in their current position. Her heart sped up nervously as flashes of lightning filled the night sky. Vividly, she recalled Hotei’s past, remembering how much fire or anything bright could trigger his…well, whatever mental funk he had been in. However, Jessie had faith that her love would be able to overcome this storm. He would be fine and once it passed they would find one another and joke about how the fates always seemed to want to separate them. They would probably fight, they always did, but in the end the lovers could not resist one another and they would once again proclaim their love.

The pepper-and-salt colored female did not sleep for the rest of that time, waiting eagerly for the storm to reside so that she could seek out Hotei. It took a while but after several hours of waiting and fretting the storm finally eased to a drizzle. Jessie was quick to stretch her legs and exit the den, anxious to find Hotei. Wasting no time, and knowing well that it would be impossible to find Hotei’s scent with the weather they had just experienced Jessie tilted her head back effortlessly and let loose a low call for her love. She waited…and waited…and continued to wait. As each moment passed and she did not receive an answer, a hollow feeling formed in the pit of the Scout’s stomach. Either, Hotei had left, which did not seem like an option after the past year, or something was stopping him from getting to her…to calling for her.

With this in mind, Jessie’s paws were quick to take her to the borders, knowing that if the Tainn was to be anywhere, it would be near the borders. Had any of the sadistic bastards taken her love like they had taken Silver, there would be hell to pay. She did not let the thoughts consume her. If she did, Hotei would not be found and that was her main priority. So pushing away her personal feelings on the matter, the gray woman thought logically, knowing that if he was at the borders and the hell storm started he would have tried to make it to safety. Or at least, she hoped he had. She wandered for what seemed like forever, and froze when she came upon a sight that made her heart stop. From far away all she could see was the fallen tree but as she forced herself to move closer, she quickly identified the body of the burnt man she knew all too well.

He was not moving and in that moment her air caught in her throat and she was not able to breathe. The woman rushed forward in a haze, taking note that his chest was moving. Swallowing and trying to regain her thoughts, Jessie’s eyebrows creased. While her body was there her mind was in a completely different place. There could have been a million different things going on around her, even a cougar circling her to go in for a kill and she still would not have noticed. Moisture clouded her vision as she looked down on the one man she had looked up to for the past few years. She choked on her words, only comprehending that he was dying and there was nothing she could do to help. It was obvious that the tree had crushed his lower body, possibly breaking his spine and immobilizing him from the rest of his life. But again, that was only if they would be able to remove the tree from his body, which seemed to be utterly impossible.

Her body sank down into the mud, a low whine escaping her throat. Her jaws parted and for several moments nothing came out of her mouth but finally, ”Hotei…I love you.” Sad emerald eyes peered at her mate as she waited for some response if there even would be one. Resigned, Jessie whimpered his name repeatedly. She was losing her love and as much as she did not want to admit it… In this life, it was not a matter of wanting to be with him, she needed to be with him. To survive, to be able to breathe and now that he was slipping from her grasp, she did not know what to hold onto anymore.

 

The storm went largely unnoticed by the ebony man, like everything did. For the past months he had been a recluse, patrolling borders and the surrounding lands on his own, or resting in the den, that was now so cold and empty. At first he had been ablaze with emotion, sorrow, anger, his mind reeling. He had gotten his revenge, he had made sure those monster's were gone forever and could never hurt anyone again. Then the numbness had come, filling him slowly, stretching out like icy tendrils from his heart and consuming everything else. What was the point, so he had gotten his vengeance, he had sated his thirst for blood, what did it matter? She's gone! So he had started sleeping more, only leaving the den when he needed to eat. First he had simply taken from the caches, but in the end he couldn't justify that, what with Nayeli having pups and everyone else working hard to keep the pack stocked. And it was spring after all, plenty of critters running around, easy pickings. So he began hunting, still only for himself, by himself, but it was a start. As the days grew longer, it became harder to stay cooped up. His hunting trips grew longer, taking him further away from Oak Tree Bend borders. But he still remained as detached from the rest of the pack as he could, leaving early and coming home late, avoiding the main gathering areas, and especially avoiding the communal den; he couldn't handle the thought of new life, new pups. Not when... Whenever he slept, he dreamed of her, saw her happy and alive, face smiling, eyes sparkling. Then he woke up to find the space between him empty and cold, and he would remember... It was typically after those dreams that he would long to get out, away from the den, and the Bend, and all the wolves full of good intentions and painful memories. This time he crept out into a lazy rain, nothing that affected him particularly, he didn't care whether it was sunny or cloudy, cold or warm. Mud could make tracking easier, too much rain could wash out the scent and make it harder, it didn't matter; There's nothing to do about it... It was only after trotting for some time trough the drizzle, that he realized just how soaked everything was, already his legs were covered in mud, an image that brought uncomfortable memories to the forefront of his mind. Growling irately, the dark man shook his head, ears flattening back, close to his skull. The rain, now that he was aware of it, felt like a personal insult, like the heavens had specifically decided to make everything more difficult to him; Well you go ahead! Not like it can get any worse... He lifted a leg to start moving again, but froze mid stride as his eyes lifted to fall on the clear path of wreckage up ahead. It seemed the storm had passed right over them, and for a moment he wondered why the lightning hadn't woken him up. Then he shrugged it off, again, what did it matter? Still, he moved in closer, feeling the scent of charred wood burn in his nostrils. The thunderstorm had taken down one of the true giants of the woods, even larger than the mother oak at the core of the pack land. Lightning had struck her and cracked all the way through the trunk, making the mighty giant crash to the ground, taking several of the surrounding trees with it. As the silver-tipped scout slowly circled the tree, he felt a sudden spark of emotion, an unexpected relief that this had happened at the edge of the land, rather than the center. But that was only until his ears caught a terrifying sound, a low, pained whimper that made his blood freeze. In a few, swift strides, he rounded another cluster of branches and saw the horrific sight. Jessie was crouched in the mud, whining desperately, her nose hovering in front of that of the burly, black wolf who lay trapped under the fallen tree, body obviously crushed under the mighty weight. And the distinct scarring on his face left no doubt about his identity; Hotei…I love you. Drestig tore his eyes from the, horrifically still, body and turned them on Jessie, his entire body locking down for a moment as he stared at her. Seeing the grey woman like that, so thoroughly gripped by despair was not just shocking, it was incomprehensible. So often, he had joked with himself that she couldn't feel anything, and now here she was, clearly writhing in the grasp of feelings he only knew all too well. He hadn't known for sure, but he had speculated, catching the way they interacted with each other whenever the pack gathered, the occasional slip of words that offered a hint. The exact nature of their love was still unknown to him, probably always would be, but it was clear, seeing Jessie's face now, that they were in love. The dark male's face mirrored her sorrow as he forcefully regained control of his body, staggering over to her, trying desperately to figure out what to do. One look at the giant trunk told him that moving it would be impossible, and even if the whole pack somehow managed to do it, Hotei's body would undoubtedly have been crushed under the weight. "Hotei..." He breathed hoarsely. He wanted to jump up and put his paws on the tree, push it aside to free the burned wolf underneath; Screw the rules! But he knew it would be pointless. "No." He whispered, eyes drifting back to Jessie, curled up in the mud, whimpering desperately. And he remembered that night, how she too had been the first to come to him. Lowering his hunches to the mud, he sat so close that his hip touched her flank, lowering his muzzle a little whine softly into her ear; I'm here. Word count: 1,003 DRESTIG AVALON I need your grace to remind me to find my own

Ayelie-stock @DA

      
 

Permission to pp Jessie. :'(

The dark Tainn tried to take in a breath, but the fire within him grew and he could only choke out a wheeze as the pain in him steadily rose. He couldn't take a breath without searing pain coursing through the parts of his body that he could actually feel. It was futile to wish that this had never happened, to wish that he could be granted more time. Hotei only wished that Jessie was here, comforting him, telling him that he was an ass for leaving her like this. The man managed to wheeze out a breathy chuckle, and forced himself to open his eyes as he heard paw steps heading towards him. Was this the imagination of a dying man? The Tainn forced himself to fight through the pain as he tried to focus on the wolf before him. It wasn't until she spoke that he realized it was Jessie, his mate. Relief coursed through him. She was here, and it wasn't his own mind playing games on him. Her being so close, feeling her touch, seeing her sorrow, eclipsed any physical pain that he felt and brought forth guilt. He wanted to tell her that he was sorry, that he loved her too, but even thinking of opening his maw to speak hurt.

But Hotei knew he couldn't stand to see her like this much longer. He could feel himself already slipping away, and he wanted to embrace the darkness calling his name. Just to escape the pain. But he dreaded leaving her here, alone. He wanted to say goodbye to @Triell, to Drestig. Almost like the fates had heard his plea, he noticed a familiar black figure heading their way and his yellow gaze watched at how his pack mate tried to bring comfort to his mate. Where once he felt jealousy, now he only felt relief. Drestig would take care of her, and Triell too. They were the only two men he trusted to do so. But he needed her now, now more than ever, because he was scared of imagining a life with her not in it. He needed her, and the Tainn was losing her. That thought brought more pain than anything else. "...Hurts..," he weakly calls out. The burnt man directed his gaze to his mate, guilt and pain and love dominating his usual neutral features. "Broke...promise..," he wheezed out. The Tainn had promised to stay and he was leaving her to death - a permanent disappearance from her life. But she only smiled at him and reached out to touch his muzzle with her own. "It's okay," she said, and Hotei knew she meant it. Still, he didn't want to let her go just yet. The pain was becoming even less tolerable now. The Tainn closed his eyes. "It's okay if you have to go," Jessie said in a choked whisper. The Tainn leaned into his mate's touch one final time, forcefully trying to push away the fact that he was leaving her. It was inevitable though, and the man slowly pulled away and laid his head down. Drestig..," he wheezed. "Take...care...her," His words were slurring now as he edged closer to death, but the Tainn still had things to say. He looked at Jessie and opened his maw. "Love..you. Tell.....Triell...," There was a longer pause between his words now. It was clear what was happening. But he had to say this. ".....Proud...," he finally managed to force out. His parents would be proud of his younger brother. He was proud. Ruiko would be proud. Triell was a good King. With a little smile tugging at his muzzle, Hotei Tainn took his last breath as he succumbed to the darkness that was death.

{Death post}

A lynx has left behind the remains of a deer. +5 Health

There was nothing else that day except for him. Her body had long before sunk in the mud, covering her pelt in mud and making her normally pepper-and-salt colored pelt look brown for a change. As she looked at the battered body of her lover, she could feel the pressure in her chest beginning to crush her. Jessie had not even realized that Drestig had arrived, her mind and body not processing that he was right there. The only one who deserved her eyes was Hotei. Emerald orbs were pinned on the burnt man, knowing full well that soon, this would be the very last time she would be able to see the life in him. He had saved her on multiple occasions from spiraling into a dark void of nothingness. And now as she remained there, watching as his life faded before her eyes, she could feel that void returning to claim her as its own again.

Hotei’s words caught her attention, even if her brain did feel like it was caught in the murky waters their Hot Springs. His words caused a last bit of anger to spark in her brilliant emerald eyes before it faded. A promise was all that fucking mattered to him? A promise that he had made to her…and stood by. A sad smile graced her lips, as her eyes took a faraway look to them. Softly, she whispered in his ear, so that anyone else present would not be able to hear, ”It’s okay…” her voice trailed off, and then she continued, knowing it was her wifely duty to be the best she could be, ”it’s okay if you have to go.” Her whispered words to him were choked out but she knew he heard them. Her head fit perfectly into the side of his neck, a reminder of how well they knew one another, physically and emotionally. Without him, Jessie highly doubted she would be there and now, these…were their final moments.

When Hotei continued to speak, she sighed, reveling in his voice but none of what he had to say, until the words she so desperately wanted to hear left his lips. The rest of the words processed in her brain but she could not verbally respond to him. All she could do was stare when finally, as if in slow motion, Hotei’s head crashed into the muddy ground, jaw-slacked and eyes just beginning to glaze over. Inside, the Tainn felt herself shatter, knowing that she would never again spend a night by the side of her lover.

She could not move. There was no way she would even be able to think about moving when all she could think about what Hotei’s lifeless body next to hers. No longer breathing, no more heartbeat, no more whispered words of love, or heated arguments. They were all gone…they, Jessie and Hotei, were no longer. The realization that she would have to try to live without him numbed her. She did her best to block it and push it away to the darkest parts of her mind, just as she had done before. Perhaps this time when the inevitable fog came, Jessie would not be able to escape from it. The immeasurable pain she felt in her heart and soul was nothing compared to what she had lost before. Cali, Brenton, Ice, and the many others that had left them were all trial runs. This was the real test and Jessie failed it miserably. Quite dejected from what was going on around her, Jessie remained where she was, her body stiff and eyes plastered onto the lifeless face of her dead mate.

 

Jessie did not react to his presence, not even noticing it as all her attention was for her dying lover. Drestig didn't blame her. He found himself wondering, if perhaps, if he could have found Silver still alive and shared her last moments with her, maybe it would have been easier. Looking at the mud stained woman and her burned love now, curled into each other as Hotei tried to battle the pain, he doubted it, this was not better. The dying man stirred, and his equally dark friend's attention returned to the presence, his eyes wide with sorrow as he watched the other battle the pain. Hotei spoke to his mate, and Drestig forced his eyes away, trying to give them their privacy as best he could. He did not see the exchange between them, but it was not hard to guess what was happening while his back was turned; they were saying their goodbyes. The ebony scout hung his head and slouched his shoulders in grief, feeling powerless as his closest friend lay dying, right next to him. Why didn't the Bend have a healer anyway? Why wasn't there someone who could do something to save Hotei?! Hearing his name spoken in the larger male's hoarse, pained whisper, Drestig turned back around, brows furrowed in agony as he looked down at Hotei. It was obvious that death was close, and the man was fighting to hang on and get everything said. The smaller lad leaned forwards, stretching his head down to bring his ears closer to Hotei's mouth, making it easier to hear his exhausted whisper. The words send a small convulsion through Drestig's body, his ember eyes squeezing shut for a moment as he battled the pain; No, don't! Please don't... But he could not deny the reality, and he forced his eyes back open, meeting the wounded guardian's dimming gaze. Clenching his jaw, he nodded solemnly, forcing his tongue to speak a reply; "I will, I promise! Don't... Don't worry." His voice was croaky, and the reply seemed weak, but he couldn't think of anything else to say. As Hotei returned his attention to Jessie, Drestig straightened back up, leaning back to allow them this final moment; it couldn't be long now. He heard the dying mans last whispered declaration of love, and for another stabbing second he was taken back to that night; What I would have given to hear her say that, one last time..! He registered a tensing in Jessie's body, noticing the change in the atmosphere as the sound of Hotei's strained breathing ceased. Drestig forced himself back to reality, looking down at the dead body in front of him. Hotei was gone. Jessie lay frozen, staring at her dead lover, and Drestig let her be, simply sitting stonily beside her, close enough to offer comfort, though it probably wouldn't help much. He knew the pain that was coursing through her, but there was nothing her could do to sooth it. Finally, he leaned his head back and howled, a long, low, sorrowful note, informing the pack of their loss, and calling for @Triell's presence. Once he finished, he looked down a Jessie, a shiver running down his back as he saw the blank stare on her face. "Jessie?" He whispered. He wanted to let her grieve, but her passivity was scaring him, and he felt like he needed to call her back from whatever distant place she was drifting off to; "What can I do?" He knew the answer; Nothing! But he needed her to speak, even if it was just to yell at him. He would largely prefer her dry, standoffish bossiness to this statue like state; Come back..! Word count: 619 DRESTIG AVALON I need your grace to remind me to find my own

Ayelie-stock @DA

      
 

I guess we should try to finish this up. <3 Sorry if this post is confusing. I'm subject to panic attacks quite often and Jessie's thoughts are meant to be completely confusing.

All that her brain could process was the fact that her mate lay lifeless in front of her, not breathing. As she continued to stare, an uncontrollable shaking consumed her body, heart beat quickening, and body tensing. Her eyebrows creased, feeling an immeasurable pain in her chest, her airways slowly begin to close. Quickly, her breath came in short gasps and her claws dug into the muddy ground, in desperate need to find some stability. She couldn’t breathe. No safe feeling came over her and as her panic attack continued, her gaze never wavering from her mate, she became increasingly aware of the flashing of her vision, blinding her from looking at Hotei before his body was completely dead and cold. As it continued heavy, dry sobs escaped her body, trying to regain oxygen in her body.

Jessie had never been subject to a panic attack before, so the fact that she could not breath did not help her calm down. While her body was tense, her muscles had frequent spasms, a direct result of not having enough oxygen brought into her body. She did not know what she needed… How did she make this stop? Where was Hotei…? He could help her. The woman lay sprawled on the ground, her heart beating fast within her chest, thumping hard against her rib cage, trying to work for the lack of oxygen that the Tainn was receiving. She was grasping for something, for what she did not know. For all she knew, there was no one there with her, no one there to share her pain and no one there to hold her. That had been Hotei’s place and by now, he was long gone.

I get it, I have some experience with anxiety myself, so I understand.

She still didn't react, frozen in place, eyes glazed. Drestig was beginning to feel panicked himself, heart beating loudly in his ears, heat flashing over his body as he waited, and waited. Suddenly Jessie moved, muscles tensing as she scraped at the ground, as if trying to grip onto it. The black man's ears twitched when he heard her struggled breathing, eyes widening as he saw her fight against invisible weights, tightening her chest and closing up her throat. Unlike her, he was no stranger to anxiety; He remembered that day they had returned from their scouting trip and he had found Oliver as member of the pack, forcing him to remember the painful truths about his past. Now he looked at Jessie, and instantly realized what was happening. As she toppled over, stretching out on the ground gasping for air, he stared for only a second, then moved in.

He stepped in between her and Hotei, lowering himself down to lie in front of her, eyes level with hers. Stretching out his muzzle so there was only inches between their noses, he didn't want to touch her as it could just make things worse, he looked straight into her eyes, willing her to see him. "Jessie look at me, look at me! You're okay Jessie, I'm here. Nothing's gonna... Ah, you're not in danger, you have to calm down!" It felt like lies, he knew she was probably as far from okay as she could possibly be, but he needed to get through to her, to calm her enough to get control of her breathing. She was far beyond reason at this point, he knew that, but he also knew that she was still in there somewhere, the practical, logical wolf that she usually was, and he needed to get through to her; "This isn't helping anyone Jessie, things won't change! You have to try and relax, understand?"

It seemed hopeless, he was no healer, if talk wasn't enough to pull her back, he didn't know what to do. Of course he could try and use force; If it comes to it I'll give her a serious bite! But he hoped it wouldn't be needed, hoped that she was still able to hear him, if he was just insistent enough; "Come on Jessie!" He was shouting now, claws digging into the mud in a mirror f her just moments earlier; "Get it together!" In truth, gentleness might have been a better approach, shouting might just push her further into the irrational fear that had overcome her, but he had no real skill when it came to kind reassurance, and it felt like he needed to shut to be heard; Come on Jessie...

Word count: 453

"Speech" Thoughts

WHEN YOUR DREAMS ALL FAIL,

AND THE ONES WE HAIL,

Drestig Avalon

ARE THE WORST OF ALL,

AND THE BLOOD'S RUN STALE.

@Jessie @Drestig

My heart is broken

The heat of summer eventually orchestrated one the man's least favorite things. A thunderstorm, more worriedly that of lightning, and blistering rain. These days he did not go far from the rocky outcrop, and took shelter in the den. Why there would always be that pinch of fear from his childhood, he found it easy to speak to his pups of a time when the lore had been without water. Placated  Drift and Sahalie stayed inside. He had no way of knowing what had happened, even though as wicked light danced outside, and the thunder boomed he worried. Something did not feel right.

---

He did not know how he had fallen asleep. Maybe, the rain's softer pitter patter had lured him there. Maybe, it was the warmth and reassurance of two little breaths. Whatever had brought him into a deep sleep could not keep him there. Sadly, not for the first time a mournful howl cut into him. Orange eyes took in the dim light of the den's opening he recalled the storm, and his fear. How he did not want to crawl into the cold, and mud and see. What would await him this morning? Who was left to take? Triell had long felt things could not be any worse. That for damn time they Bend needed a break. Knowing well he was no child, and could not avoid the inevitable he drudged into the morning light. He tried to keep his mind empty, while his legs padded to Drestig's call. Somewhere on the outside of their realm.

To say he was not prepared for the sight would be an understatement. He had intentionally avoided any mental images of pack members, because imagining anything horrific would set him over the edge. But this? The sight of the great oak shot down, and split alone was hard for his brain to comprehend. Lightning obvious, but it had taken out more of its kin. Before he could look any further, orange-yellow eyes caught movement. In the the middle of the mess there was Drestig in the mud with well it appeared to be Jessie. A blind man would have known something wasn't right. It was if she was choking, or suffocating. "Drestig? Jessie?!" He yelled in alarm yet to see his brother among the damage. "Jessie, what is it?" He called, trying to make his way through the broken limbs to them.

are you with me through it all?