Round Stone Crest Got tossed along the way

OOC: Backdated to 6/14/15 – The morning after the encounter with Vitani. For @Gent


6/14/2015
Weather:
67° F, 19° C
Overcast with light rain/ mist
10:46 AM

Sleep had not come easy. Despite the care she received from both Gent and Astraeus, as well as the attention from their medic, Raela felt no better that night than she had in the seconds following the white wraith's departure. Sure, she felt safer back in the comforting protection of her pack mates, but she worried for their safety each moment they were alone. When Aeus had finally separated himself from her side, and left to check the borders among other things, dread had seeped in to every corner of her mind. Even knowing Gent was out there somewhere turned her stomach. These were both large, formidable wolves, but so was Vitani. In the morning hours she drifted fitfully in and out of sleep, unable to fully rest under the strain. By now she was exhausted of the back and forth, and chose simply to lie still in the mouth of their hilltop den. She wasn't supposed to be doing much for a day or so, just to give her wounds a head start with healing.  For once Raela found herself completely fine with that. She didn't even want to move. The pain in her scabbed hip was nagging but nowhere near debilitating, and her right ear had already begun to mend itself. No, her stationary attitude came from the crushing weight of her own failure. Kind words had done little to penetrate the dark center of the subordinate's mind. Any way around it was a flop, a mistake. A pathetic one. The voices from her past refused to let her off easy, and for now she believed every berating word. She didn't deserve healing. Her old pack wouldn't have lifted a finger to help her even if she'd won the fight. Healing was something she hadn't even known about until running into other wolves. Here they were, trying to keep her comfortable and rested after she'd been defeated by a loner. She'd never be a guardian in this pack, that was for sure. Who am I kidding? I'll never be a guardian for anyone. Not even myself. The atmosphere seemed no happier about anything. Diffused bright light coated everything; painting the sky solid white. From the pristine sky came tiny droplets of moisture; not even true raindrops. The slightest breeze pushed them this way and that, like a curtain of moisture over everything. Mist. It was at least, the most preferable type of rain. It didn't pelt your eyes or soak you to the skin. The foison of droplets collected on her face and neck until she looked like a snowflake; feeling surprisingly refreshing when combined with the cool wind. Just this part of her was exposed in the den's opening; plopped unceremoniously on the earth. The agouti girl was sprawled helplessly on her side; as if she were a carcass dragged there waiting to be eaten. That wasn't an inaccurate description of how she felt either. Yellow eyes, now dulled with sadness, managed to pull back from the void to see none other than Gent approaching the den. It was the only inch of her body that moved to acknowledge his presence besides her ever-attentive good ear. There was little she could do to stop it from moving, especially when the other radar of hers was pressed to the dirt. As he drew nearer she resumed staring off into space. Raela didn't want to speak. What could she possibly say to him anyway?  Image © Chris Smith Photography Manipulation © Jenandra

            

It had not been a restful night for the blue king either. The man had barely attempted sleep in the dawning hours of the day, settling down out of primal need only for his unrelenting thoughts to force him back onto his paws and out into the waking world. After Raela had been given over to the care of others, he had scanned the borders relentlessly, laying his scent down thicker than he ever had before. If his sibling, or any other audacious pissant, planned on breaching his border again, they now had an indomitable and unignorable warning that this time he would be the one to answer to. When it seemed the rest of the world had closed its eyes and slipped into slumber, the night so quiet and still that it was almost impossible to imagine any dangers lurking in the darkness, Gent had begrudgingly returned to the heart of his domain. He had checked in on Raela once, taken count of each of his members, then regarded her condition a second time before crawling into @Minka and the children's den, curling up tightly against his partner while his snout pressed against the children's backs.

Perhaps it was a half hour, perhaps it was several before he opened his eyes again. Many times his mind had drifted into consciousness, thoughts racing but he fought the wakening and forced the raucous noise within his head to quiet. He would be useless to anyone if he was worn too thin, and that would not do. Seeing his friend so distraught, seeing her bloodied, had deeply unsettled the great beast to the core of his very bones. The threat of war with Secret Woodlands, the thought of having to turn his back on Danica and her unborn child, had not even shaken him so. When at last he could not put it off any longer, Gent rose to his paws, taking great care not to disturb the little family he had sheltered with.

As he approached Raela's resting place, he was relieved to sense that Astraeus was no where around. Hopefully, the man was at the borders, shouldering his responsibilities with a little more gravity now that they'd had such a vicious breach. Not only did this thought reassure Gent that it was possibly alright for him to be taking this time away from guarding the perimeter himself, but he knew that the conversation he wanted to have with his friend would be impossible with Taranath around.

The utter lacking in Raela's eyes and features caused another wave of deep concern to wash over Gent's head, and he felt very much as though he'd been pushed under water. Not a single sound was made as he walked to her side and laid down, the length of his side pressed gently against her. For a moment, he was completely still, able to feel the pattern of her breathing against his fur and skin.

"Raela, I need to talk to you about what happened yesterday."

A young deer has been separated from the rest of its herd. Hunt Opportunity

Something about her friend's calm, quiet demeanor was perfect for her current mood. He didn't call out for her attention, didn't make a demand, nothing. He seemed to read her discomfort and do his best to avoid causing more of it. It was a very different approach than her pack would have taken, that was for sure. It might have been foolish to expect her best friend to treat her that way, but some part of her couldn't help it. He wasn't just a friend, he was her leader, and she'd let him down. Still, she was pleasantly surprised. The woman didn't turn to look at him, but instead relished in the feeling of his giant form against her side. It was a silent support; but ever so sturdy. The gesture could not heal Raela's self-image, but it at least pulled away some of her despair.  His words finally parted the misty silence; uncharacteristically soft and cautious. It didn't carry the weight his words normally did. The mention of the encounter forced a sigh from the woman. The remorse was plain in her half-closed eyes as she stared on. At least with him there she had some security. Talking about it would hurt a little less. Especially if she didn't make eye contact. Accepting her fate, and growing slightly curious as to what he had in mind (and pleading that it wasn't a reprimand) she took the offer. “Okay, what is it?” Her tone was airy, but far from irritated. The subordinate's golden pools fixated on nothing in particular, but settled somewhere in the green foliage opposite them. All her limbs felt so heavy. Even her tail seemed plastered to the earth. A soft breeze teased at her fur, bringing with it the deliciously cool air. At least that felt nice.  Image © Chris Smith Photography Manipulation © Jenandra

            

Now that he had initiated the conversation, he wasn't quite sure how to continue it. There was so much to say, but how to put it into words? What parts should come first, what would she want him to open with? His indecisiveness led to more silence as he continued to lay motionless beside her. Gent's stillness encouraged the moisture, so thick within the air, to settle upon him in fat beads that emphasized the blue shading of his coat. It agitated him, this weather, but it at least did not soak him thoroughly as would a rain storm, saving him from that specific discomfort.

Finally, he decided to start with what was most important, and that was Raela's well being. While he had already assessed her physical wounds multiple times, the emotional devastation was just as obvious. Yet while he had the skills of an herbalist instilled within him at a young age, sensitivity training had been at odds with his upbringing and, over all, the way he lived his life. There was nothing he could foresee himself able to do to help her, yet the king felt compelled to try all the same, and he hoped against hope that by talking it out he could maybe find a way.

"I'm sorry this happened," he told her, an apology as rare as tanzanite coming from his lips but utterly genuine all the same. "You shouldn't of had to fight alone,  someone should've... I should've been more vigilant, we should have more members and a stronger defense so that no one gets caught alone..."

He truly did not see this as her failure. It was his own, as king, to have allowed it all to happen. The pack was miserably lacking in numbers, and he hadn't bolstered them. He hadn't ensured that everyone was properly trained in defensive fighting. What if it had been Kova caught alone, what if Vitani had gotten to one of the pups before any of their sparse numbers realized she was there? He was failing to keep them safe, leaving them open to far too many dangers. He was failing as an alpha.

His voice came in like distant waves; drawing her good ear back to catch the sound. Why was he apologizing? What had he possibly done wrong? She remained lifelessly still as his deep voice droned on. So that was it? It wasn't her fault because she was alone? The woman's brows furrowed from their place next to the ground. There were so many things she could say but they refused to coalesce into sentences for a few quiet moments. The air was so heavy she could practically feel it pressing down on her ears. Her pack wouldn't have made such excuses. Alone or not you had to be able to deal with enemies. Finally, the words oozed from her mind. “If I had called for help, when I smelled her-” her speech was slow and deflated between them. “Someone might have come sooner.” Irritation at her own failure swelled, hardening the subordinate's voice. “But even if I was alone, I should have been able to take her.” Anger edged in behind her words; the girl's eyebrows descending with disgust as she stared ahead. “There's not always going to be someone else around when stuff like this happens. If I can't take care of a single loner when the pack is in danger...” It was all true, every pained syllable. “I don't deserve your protection. She could have attacked the pups and I'd have done nothing but slow her down. Even then you'd just have another dead pack member.” Depression seemed to be taking her voice by then, reducing it to quiet, anguished berating. The last sentence slipped past her lips just above a whisper. “I'm useless either way. ” Her eyes pinched shut, somehow hoping that the darkness would remain and that she'd never have to face anyone or anything ever again.  Image © Chris Smith Photography Manipulation © Jenandra

            

His voice had drifted off into absolute silence, her slow breathing and the subtle warmth of her pressure against him the only things grounding him as her own response failed to enter the air. There were no expectations within his head, much less anticipation as to what may come next. This conversation as a whole made him feel completely displaced, as well as exceptionally at a loss. When finally her voice once more entered the air, he began to understand why this was so difficult for him.

His reaction to the whole of it was ultimately emotional, not logical. Raela was correct; there was plenty she should've done differently, and the fact that she had not been able to handle a rogue (though Gent was aware, as Raela was not, of the very diligent training his sister had undergone to be the violent firesetter she was today) was extremely troubling. Especially given that they did not have other options when it came to border defense, their numbers being so limited. Yet all of that, still, was seen as ultimately his onus. This was his pack, such things were his problems that he should have remedied far before this point. Instead, it seemed everything only grew worse with each passing week.

The leviathan's ears swept back against his skull as she spoke of not deserving his protection, as though wanting to keep the words out of his head. Even if she had made the mistake of not warning the pack, overestimating her own abilities. Even if she had failed to hold Vitani at bay, and could have possibly let the woman through to get to the children or catch Minka unaware... this was Raela. Her worth did not lie in whether or not she could guard the borders. There was so much more she was capable of, that he needed her for.

"We all have some blame to share," he finally admitted. "You clearly weren't trained well enough to handle the situation. You can see that as your fault all you want, but as your alpha it is my responsibility to never shoulder you with more than can be handled, and to make sure that the pack has what it needs to be sustained. I assumed Astraeus and myself could handle things on our own for the time being, I've let stress and my concern for other things cloud my mind. I should have been focusing on you, on Cessair, on Kova and Datura..." his voice tapered off as he caught himself being long-winded once more in her presence, and shook his head.

"What's done is done. All we can do is learn from it and move forward, and that's what I intend to do."And that was the only thing that would truly make him feel better, and so he hoped that it would assist in easing Raela's mind as well. Dwelling on what had occurred, muddying words over it, they would only serve to mire him in these useless emotions, in something he could not grasp. Progress born of this horror, that was what he yearned for.

"You aren't useless," he suddenly voiced, almost angered sounding with the abrupt force he'd placed upon the words. He needed to make that clear, it was the first thing she needed to understand. "So you aren't a guardian. That's not the only measure of worth around here, and you should know that just as well as anyone. You're the first wolf I seek when I need advice, I've told you before and I'll tell you again: you are my light. You were the first one in my life who could quell the darkness. I have the children, now, but I still need you."

He had turned now, looking at the rusty top of her head, iced pools laying in wait for her to make eye contact. There was silence upon the air again, but only for a moment, before he relinquished his determined stare and looked out at the forest pressed so claustrophobically around them.

"Guardianship is important though, especially given our sparse numbers, yet it's not like you're hopeless in the matter. You just need more training, and I'm going to personally see to it that you get it. Everyone will be trained now, and we'll be a better pack for it," he spoke thoughtfully, almost as though he was informing himself as well as her.

The pause between their voices had her ears straining with some interest. Gent had surely learned to take his time with such things, but she couldn't help but feel a reprimand was still lurking behind his lips. She had done wrong. She had done poorly. She was lucky he wasn't dragging her through the dirt; physically or otherwise. But, he'd vowed never to harm her, and she supposed this fell under that oath. It was some comfort to her paranoid brain. When his low voice did return, her erect orange ear slid away. ”You clearly weren't trained well enough...” Her eyes moved further from him. That was no mystery at all. Her pack had hardly considered her worthy of training, and practically gave up on her before she could learn much of anything. Her only practice was experience, and the training with Aeus. One session and a single scuffle with her mother was hardly enough to make up for a lifetime of lack.   The sudden crack of his voice in the lull of her self-loathing made the woman visibly jump. Golden eyes flashed back to the ebony king, glowing with fear as her head snapped in his direction. It was more movement than she'd accomplished this whole time. Would he yell at her now? Surprisingly, his tone seemed to calm as he went on. Her skull found its place upon the ground again, hardly feeling worthy of the praise. Moisture threatened to invade her eyes just as it had the air around them. He still valued her. After this. She could not deny in her heart that he spoke the truth; she did not doubt her own advice – she never had. Still, the Asurn mindset subconsciously directed her thinking. The strength to defend my loved ones... all the words I could say are useless in a fight. Vitani wouldn't listen to a thing I said. I'm still useless without strength. Her mind spoke on in the silence while Gent's icy gaze searched for hers. But Raela would not give it.  As if hearing the mumbling of her mind, the patriarch continued. He was going to train her too? Fear twisted her guts like a knife. In no world could she deny the wisdom in his thinking, or the warrant for such action, but the thought of letting him see how weak she really was in battle... Her face hardened like stone. He was right and there was no way out of it. Why, as the advisor this was something she should have come up with! Am I so worthless that I can't even do that any more? Her eyelids drooped. Feeling the chill of dread in her bones, the woman forced a response. “Yeah.” It was all she could say at first. She swallowed hard. “Thanks.” It was a genuine reply, but obviously tinged with some apprehension as the subordinate's ear stayed flattened into her fur. Oh god. His disapproval would hurt more than even Aeus' could; as that of an Alpha and her dearest friend. The anxiety seemed to lock her up altogether.   Image © Chris Smith Photography Manipulation © Jenandra

            

After all of his words, her response was uncharacteristically short. His pale eyes fell upon her as the beast began to feel more and more lost. Had nothing he'd said had any effect on her at all? The man had gotten a rise at one point, he'd seen that, but it had been more anxiety-filled than anything. This utter lacking had the king feeling absolutely crestfallen. His words had always been used to manipulate, even with all the practice opportunities his friendship with Raela had given him to express compassion he still was unsure if he could manage to twist his silver tongue for good, yet he would have thought it all would've helped him to say something right out of all the many sentences he had laid upon her ears. Even if he couldn't pick the perfect words, none of it had been eleemosynary; everything had been true, from the matter of fact to the encouraging. Especially the encouraging.

A deep silence began to crowd them as his mind hummed with all the possibilities. Should he pursue the track he had been on, talking until he was either blue in the face or Raela at least smiled, even if just for a second? Apprehension crept along his skin as he knew what he must decide, and what must come next. It was time to move on from doting over Raela's bruised self esteem and share with her the information that he felt she deserved to know.

"The woman who attacked you, Vitani," he began at last, his voice solid even as his nerves began to fray inside of him. Gent wasn't entirely sure why he was so reluctant to impart this knowledge, but even if it wasn't logical, he suspected that something within him thought that perhaps Raela would have reason to blame him once she knew. "She's my sister. My half sister."

He spoke of the distinction as though it mattered, but truly it didn't. His siblings had been such a hodgepodge of lineage it hadn't truly mattered whose mother was who. Given that his own litter mates had been decisively culled upon birth, his half-blooded sisters and brother, even the adopted dolt Roman, were the only siblings he knew.

"I figured I'd never see any of them again. None of us really wanted anything to do with one another even when father was alive. I don't..." his voice rapidly became quieter as he spoke, his next few words obviously very carefully and emotionally selected. As with any choice of his made from raw pathos, he felt uncomfortable with it, yet meant it all the same. "I don't know why she came here, but I'm so sorry she did this to you, Raela."

The thoughts in her head were not easily shut off. In fact, it was near impossible to calm them when she got to worrying like this without some sort of distraction. She was grateful for the dirt at her side; keeping her grounded while her mind fretted away about disappointing him and everyone else. She pulled her limbs closer to herself as the quiet grew; searching for some form of comfort if there could have been any. For a few moments it appeared as though her colossal friend was at a loss for words too. It sort of seemed natural, she supposed; when she had offered him so little in return. If he was trying to beatify her, it wasn't going to happen; not with so much on her mind. The quiet was actually becoming something peaceful, even if a war was being waged in her head. For a moment she was kind of glad to not be speaking. When the black mammoth did decide to speak, it was strong and shattering, in more ways than one. Sister? The shock was plain on her face. Raela broke from her sedentary state, shifting her weight up to lie on her stomach instead of her side. Her head rose from the ground to look him in the eyes. There were so many questions and they all swam in her wide yellow pools. The russet woman's brows knitted and rose with concern and utter bafflement. Half sister? ...even so... Fortunately for her the king was willing to depart further details, albeit slowly. Orange ears drank in every sound as if the words would never be spoken again. For all she knew, they might not be, and this was the first time her friend had ever opened up like this. Her own anxiety was completely drowned at the mention of dead fathers and estranged siblings. There was so much implied story there, but she didn't know how much more could possibly be drawn out; or how much he would allow.  Her lips remained sealed, concern for him growing as his voice thinned away. There was so much more there. The Crest woman was perfectly still through the silence, save for how her honey eyes searched his face over and over. The patriarch followed up with a sentence woven from pure sincerity. The female's ears tipped away as she watched him. In the next moment she dared lean in toward the great ebony male; rubbing her muzzle and head gently against the soft fur of his neck. She knew the man was awkward about physical touch, but she also knew in no world would it be unappreciated or turned away. Then Raela drew back, staring up at his frozen eyes again. Her voice came soft. “It's not your fault,” she assured him, despite what he'd said earlier. If anything it seemed appropriate to at least tell him that Vitani's actions weren't on his head, even if they were kin. Why, if she was held accountable for the behavior of her family... It got her to thinking, and her bright eyes fell away from his somber face. “If any of my siblings showed up at the border it wouldn't be much different,” a hint of a smile tugged at her lips as she tried to shrug the admission off. He knew already that her pack had exiled the smaller agouti woman. “But they're far away.” She couldn't picture them making the journey this far west, but little did she know the Asurns were already on their way.  The subordinate tucked her head down between her paws again as the silence returned to the misty air. Perhaps this place was no perfect sanctuary, but it was the best she'd ever seen. A long, drawn out sigh pushed from her lungs to try and dispel the remaining anxiety lodged within. Her eyes turned back up toward him again. “Thank you Gent,” she added, a sad smile gracing her features at last.  Image © Chris Smith Photography Manipulation © Jenandra