Oak Tree Bend Inside My Mind

She did not know what it was but her mind finally tried to get her out of whatever funk she was in. Every morning she would force her stiff muscles to move, not bothering to stretch them in fear that she would not have enough energy to make it out of her makeshift den. It really was nothing. Instead of entering the small den that Hotei and Jessie had shared together, the pepper and salt colored woman decided that it would be best for her to remain outside of the den. Inside was a sacred place she had only shared with him and she resigned herself to believe that if she did allow herself the pleasure of sleeping where he had been, she would be accepting that fact that he was gone and would never return to her. Jessie’s constant need for him did not falter and she found her heart breaking with every waking moment. In her mind he was here and there, painted in every corner of her mind and heart, a reminder of how powerful their relationship had been. But then when she just waited to lay down and sink into her own personal hell, she would remember how much he had given up for her and how thoroughly pissed he would be if he was here to see her living her life the way she was.

But as soon as even that thought crossed her mind, she would remember that he had always been the one to bring her out of the void. These thoughts only worked to deepen the depression within her mind and it darkened her soul with each passing day. So as it was, her body got use to a certain kind of pattern. Wake up, drink, find something of sustenance to keep her going for the day, patrol the borders (even though all she really did was walk the borders, not paying attention to the lands beyond, truly it was like a stroll) and then she would return to the pack den, sit, and stare off into space until she realized that it was time for her to rest and return to the outside of where Hotei use to stay with her. On this particular day, Jessie was on her evening stroll, her eyes glassed over as she moved. Her movements were slightly sloppy, it was obvious she was not thinking in the present. Had anything snuck up on her she would have been an easy kill and someone could easily sneak up on her. Perhaps if she would have been in her right mind, she would have cursed herself for being as pathetic as she was being and forced herself to live her life. Besides, she did not know how much of it was left and like it or not, Triell needed her to be her very best and that meant doing her job.

It was one of the days that Annelise had resigned herself to staying home, despite how utterly uncomfortable Oak Tree Bend made her feel. It was barely a pack, and certainly not a home to her, each and every wolf avoiding each other. She did not know where she stood with any of them save for prince Darrah, and found that each one in addition to the young man that she interacted with rubbed her the wrong way entirely. Still, she was slowly accepting that if she truly wanted absolution for the sins of her past, she would have to find a way to make things work.

A funny thought hit her then, as she stalked the perimeter, ears and eyes sharply looking out for any sign that something might be amiss. Perhaps that's exactly what this was, and exactly why things were so difficult and unusual here for her. Perhaps the powers that be were forcing this contrition upon her, making sure that she truly was repentant. A scoff left her throat, but seeing this as a test of her determination helped ease some acceptance out of her. In that moment, as if on cue, Jessie's scent then entered her lungs.

Anna paused for a moment, foreleg lifted still as she pushed her nose up higher into the air and took a few snuffling breaths, assessing the proximity of her pack mate. It was perhaps the single wolf she least wanted to see, their argument in the face of Silver's death a very large, neon sign illuminating the unlikelihood of them ever getting along in Anna's eyes. Yet she knew she had to try, and so the blonde woman pressed forward once more, now steered in the widow's direction.

As the distance closed and the other woman came into view, Anneliese's steps slowed with hesitancy, and part of her wanted desperately to turn back. Jessie was walking as though zombified, stiff and barely coordinated, eyes clouded with dark thoughts. She was a walking well of emotion and that, quite honestly, scared the shit out of Anna. With a gulp, she gathered her courage, and drew closer.

"Jessie...?" she asked, tentatively.

PLOT WITH ME!

A young deer has been separated from the rest of its herd. Hunt Opportunity

The gray woman was still weak from her relapse. It would take a while for her to regain all the muscle she had lost during her spout of depression. While it was still far from ending, at least she wasn’t sitting mobile in the middle of the territory staring blankly ahead of her, as if she were dead herself. Of course, she knew she had to continue living. Whenever she did die, she was sure Hotei would condemn her for her stupidity. Jessie was thankful for Drestig. He had, luckily, dug deep enough to grasp some part of her soul and give it a shake to start up her engine again. Now all she needed was time.

It was easy to avoid most of the pack. Oak Tree Bend was not much of a family anymore. Most of the time, Jessie wasn’t sure if she was avoiding them or if they were avoiding her. In truth, it was probably a mutual effort. No one wanted to talk to one another because everyone was getting closer to death as each moment passed. Unfortunately, one wolf Jessie certainly did not want to see showed up. Having her pity party in private was one thing, but adding one more to the party was too much. Anneliese had called to her, the woman who had pissed Jessie off because she said the wrong thing at the wrong time.

Out of instinct, she straightened significantly, her curled tail lifting up and chest puffing out as she turned to look at the other woman. The only thing that indicated her sadness was her eyes. The usual cold, heartless eyes were filled with the despair of losing a lover. Her lips parted and she spoke, her voice flat, ”What do you want?” Her tail lashed behind her in irritation, more towards herself for not noticing the other woman than for Anneliese herself. Jessie did not even know the woman and when they had first met hadn’t really cared. Most of the wolves that joined the pack ended up leaving anyway. Luckily, that had a few loyal that remained, but now that she thought about it, the only two adults that had remained since the founding were Triell and herself. Waiting calmly, she continued to stare at the other woman, waiting for an answer.

The moment her voice escaped her, Jessie reacted abrasively. Her posture immediately shifted into the overbearing dominance that had begun their troubles together, and despite the lack of challenge expressed through her own stance, it was clear that all of it was very thoroughly unappreciated by the blonde paladin. The woman before her contracted many virtues that Anneliese had been raised to hold dear to her heart, and despite her heavy belief in preserving hierarchy, she found it difficult to respect Jessie's ranking above her, much less the silver lady's title of second.

Her fur raised along her spine momentarily, ears splaying out to the side as her beryl eyes narrowed ever so slightly, distaste evident. However, she forced these disdainful feelings to quell, putting them aside in acknowledgment that her company was grieving the loss of her mate. Truly, Anneliese did feel for her. She had yet to find a 'love of her life,' and could only imagine the amount of emotional pain the Tainn was in. Yet none of this made the Schroder woman any better at dealing with emotions and offering comfort. She wished it to be a skill she possessed, but feared that such tact would never come to her.

Tail sweeping low against her hocks, her fur smoothed and she averted her gaze, offering Jessie the respect she so consistently demanded through her body language.

"To see how you're doing," she spoke honestly, voice soft, amiable; but pitiless. Jessie's situation may have pulled at her heart strings, and Anneliese felt the same concern for her as she would all of her pack mates, but it could not be mistaken that Anneliese might feel any more than this. Jessie was not a victim in her eyes, was not an unfavored soul that needed coddling. She had suffered loss, but so had they all, and so would they all continue to. Such was life, and to cosset one through it would only hinder them.

PLOT WITH ME!