Riddle Heights oh, tell me now, where was my fault

He knew she was going to ask about it eventually, but he had silently begged that she would not. His eyes clung to her, looking at where her eyes fell upon him, how the corners of her mouth moved; when her tongue darted across her lips his own tongue slipped out too to do the same. Her voice, though halting and shaken, seemed promising. If she did not still love him, she would have chewed him out. The wild war drum in his chest beat harder, faster. He could hear it chanting. The tip of his tail, tucked up against the burnished gold of his flank, began to flick rapidly. 

His heart nearly stopped entirely when she offered her help. He knew she could not help him, that he was beyond help, but he wanted her to try. He needed someone who cared about him, who would take care of him.

"That... was my first episode... I think. That's what the ...shaman said."

Datura's superstitious life was a part of him that he did not like to talk about. Especially with Bella. He figured that she would confuse it with her animism, which he considered it to be very different from. His experience with the super natural was based on fact, on things that had truly happened to him. Bella concerned herself with feeling, with meditation, with inference. But these things did not explain zombies and they did not explain his sickness. He was out of touch, he was beyond nature. She could not sooth his turmoil by breathing in and out. Bella's nature did not heal. It was useless.

It was just her presence that he needed, her love.

He thought back to the things that @Veho had told him as the imbibed the mushrooms — mainly for the purpose of loosening Datura's conservative tongue. The silver man had gone on at length about the crazy things wolves did, without realizing it. About the subconscious emotions taking over the mind and Datura's lack of a moral will power. But Datura did have morals — at least he thought he did. He had memorized everything that Ava had taught him. But somehow it had not been enough. Veho talked about Datura's lack, about the parts of the wolf that were missing from him. Datura had been too high, too comfortable to object. These things sounded true. Too true.


"I can't control this other side of me... It does.. it does what it wants. It didn't want anyone else to have you..." he was scared to say these things, thinking they might turn her away from him. "I..I've killed others too." Excitement was making him shake. It felt good to say these things. He tried to keep the smile off of his face, but some of it seeped through. But there was also pain in his eyes. "At least.. I don't know...five?" He gulped, wondering if he could push her hard enough to get judgement.


He wondered if she still loved him.

"And more bad things are going to happen."

Posting availability
9pm - 10:30pm EST weekdays
Weekends sporadically. 

@Datura

The moment she had said it, she had regretted some measure of it. It was true that she wanted to help him - in that moment, more than anything - but she was not the naive young girl who had simply pointed out over the world and thought that, if she repeated herself enough times, he would understand. In what way, realistically, could she help her brother? Could she really convince herself that patience and love was enough to heal this chasm of pain that lay sprawled before her? What if he was right, and it couldn't be fixed, but she was just too stubborn to accept it? Would she ever accept it? If she started now, if they pursued this, that would be it. Bella could not give up on him twice. She would die waiting for him to change.

His story was sad and dark and made her feel ill. He hadn't wanted anyone else to have her? Had he known about Wolesh, or had that been a remnant of her decision to stay with Poison Path when the Aquila hoard came for her? Thinking about that day still made her feel uneasy, though she never doubted the choice she had made.

At least five, he said, and his uncertainty was sickening. "And more bad things are going to happen." Nauseous, Bella was forced to sit down, and she turned to stare blankly out over the horizon, trying to fixate on something which wasn't the hint of mania in his smile and the torment in his eyes. It was so hard, to fight with herself in those moments, fight with the fond memories she had and the horrible ones, fight with her need to nurture and guide and love and protect - because this was twisted and wrong, and even Bella could see it, through the haze which was her history with her golden brother. 

This required careful, rational thought, a measured approach. Blindsided and hurting, aching, she was in no place for that right now. Was it the sensible choice, or just the emotional one? He spoke with such conviction that there were bad times ahead. Did she want to expose her children to that? She could try to keep the two worlds separate, but lying to her children like that wasn't something she could do, and would she even be able to guarantee that they wouldn't get mixed up in it?

"Why," she said at length, after she had taken a few moments to make a decision, forcing herself to look at him again, "are you telling me this? Why now? Why me?"

(This post was last modified: Sep 15, 2015, 09:29 PM by Belladonna.)

so sorry this is crap :C

He fidgeted behind her turned back, waiting for her to look at him. He didn't know why she had looked away. They had been on such a good track. His ability to remain like this, wallowing on the ground waiting for approval, was quickly waning. His patience waned with it. He had done everything right. Things had looked good. Could they not simply skip to the good parts? 

He was about to open his mouth when she spoke to him again.

The golden man frowned. The why's had never really mattered to him, unless they had concerned him. But teasing apart the reasons from reality had always been beyond him. He could not reach with his mind to the connections and feel the relationship between ideas and events. These things simply happened. He was just simply telling her the facts. Did it matter why? It certainly didn't change much. Maybe if he continued on, she would figure out the why for herself. Datura could not tell her what he did not know or understand. "Not all of the bad things are me. Things are happening now in my pack, north of here... And I'm tied up in them and I cannot help it." 

Was it worth it to explain what had happened with Aesire? Did she know about their mom's second litter, about a younger sister named Aponi who was probably more mad than he was? It was too complicated for Datura to understand. He had not even known the woman that had fallen from the mountain. He had participated in exactly none of it. "I didn't do it," he whispered pleadingly. But Aponi was his sister and he was supposed to help her. He had failed her so many times with his absence — the one where he was off attempting Bella's murder. His paws were tied.


His mouth hung open and he made a few helpless noises as he groped for words. "Ah...ah.. She's a bad influence Bella. Aponi. Things are going to fall apart faster and I just. I need you. I need something to hold on to. Come with me to Silent Moon Plateau." Datura was always demands.

(This post was last modified: Sep 24, 2015, 02:50 PM by Datura.)

Posting availability
9pm - 10:30pm EST weekdays
Weekends sporadically. 

She could see that her questions didn't hit home, that he hadn't been expecting them. Doubt flickered through her, causing her heartbeat to quicken. Maybe the why's were not important, or at least those which pertained to Bella specifically, but then... why Bella at all? As she listened to him, he made it rapidly apparent that the situation was bigger than just him, than just then, and that maybe this was his ulterior motive. That he hadn't approached her for reconciliation and apology at all, but just because his pack was in trouble and, to Datura, Bella was a creature who did whatever he wanted.

For the second time since seeing his face again, anger flashed through the regret and confusion and hurt.

I need you, he said, which were the exact right words in entirely the wrong context. She had just wanted him to need her for his own sake. Looking over him, Bella saw a large, burly, healthy man, in no obvious distress save for that which he was currently going through. He had a pack now, even if it was unstable, and the names and pleading which fell from his lips meant nothing. What had happened that he needed to declare his innocence of it to someone entirely outside of the pack? With everything he had past admitted, she found it difficult to believe that he could not be some measure of guilty. Was it really her responsibility to fix something she had no hand in breaking - that she had no connection with at all?

No connection save the beloved brother who had tried to kill her.

A part of her wanted to throw that back in his face. Let me stay dead, she could spit, and take precautions to ensure that they never crossed paths again. It would be as it had been, and she had long made her peace with that reality. Or she could go to him, comfort him, promise to help heal whatever was afflicting him and his pack, take his burdens as her own as she had always been inclined to do. She could not deny the throb of love she felt when looking at him, though whether that was a fragment of the past or something deserved in the present, she did not know.

"I can't," she said quietly, dropping her gaze, unable to meet his eyes - but then she forced herself to do so, reminded by all the darkness and irrationality that he had admitted to and that she had witnessed. If she disappointed him, how would he possibly react? She sorely hoped that he would surprise her. "I won't," she corrected, more forcefully. "Not right away. My life is bigger than you, now. I have other responsibilities. If I'm going to help you, come back with you, I need to get everything in order." I need to sort my head out. She tried to make sure she sounded a great deal more confident than she felt, terrified of breaking down in front of him and showing weakness. Her weakness for her brother had caused them so much strife. If he wasn't able to change, then she had to.

There was nothing more to say to her, if she would not help him. He could not stay here to talk to her —for there was nothing particularly conversational that could be said between them. If she did not want to know what his life was like now, then he could not find a reason to ask about hers. She probably didn't want him to know anyway. Because he was sick. Because if she let him in he would tear her apart. Old frustrations began to flush the decayed pathways of his mind: this was how it had always been. He had always been on his own, despite a desire to be a part of something, to have a real family. He had screwed up many times, but somehow this had been happening before he had screwed up —back when he had been a little boy curled up against Ava's black fur, the pariah of Poison Path. How had they known even then?

Her words were the final nails in his coffin. These mountain rocks would be his tombstone. 

Datura wondered if perhaps he had not explain himself well enough, if she did not understand. He was in danger, and he could not escape. He was trapped here with Aponi because she was family. But family did not matter to Bella, it seemed. At least, as far as he could know. Without even making an attempt to meet her eyes, the man began to turn away. If he stayed now he would just hurt her.

"I was stupid to expect anything from you."

(This post was last modified: Sep 24, 2015, 03:09 PM by Datura.)

Posting availability
9pm - 10:30pm EST weekdays
Weekends sporadically. 

Why was it now, years later, when they were fully grown, did Bella finally see what a child Datura was? Her defiance of his demands meant nothing to him except that she wouldn't bend to his will, wouldn't coddle him like she used to. He didn't care about her situation, about her life, about her needs - it was all about him, he had only approached her for his own ends. Had he even apologised for attacking her? She couldn't remember, her memory of this very conversation was turning into a confused blur, as the angry parts of her fought with the parts which wanted to do everything that he asked. It was in her nature to please, to help, to soothe. It felt wrong to turn anyone away, least of all the brother she had loved so much.

Had loved?

Heartbeat quickening still, her eyes narrowed as he turned away, as though she was no longer of use to him. At least he hadn't turned aggressive, which she had half been expecting - so instead she would have to deal with this instead. Her lip curled upwards as he spoke, the dismissive insult a cold dagger in her chest, the insinuation that she wouldn't do anything for him at the drop of a hat outrageous. Once upon a time, her answer would have been different, would have pleased him. She would have done anything to please him.

Now she just felt the hard prickles of something strange, something which felt like fury.

How dare he. How dare he expect her to bend to him as if nothing had changed. Everything had changed. And if he wanted her for nothing more than some pawn, he would be bitterly disappointed. Bella was done being servant - Wolesh was dead and Datura didn't deserve it. If he had just asked for his sister back, for forgiveness, for understanding, it would all be different. But that wasn't who Datura was.

"Then go," she spat, rising to her feet, turning to leave just as he had. "I guess this makes me the disappointment for a change."

Hating herself for that, but riding the waves of adrenaline, Bella fled after her son.