Whisper Marsh moonlight sleeping on a midnight lake

(Throwing this up a bit preemptively, but we needs some @Veho. Will likely edit this post with more indepth thoughts once her thread with Datura wraps up.)

Her head hadn't stopped spinning.

She hadn't been able to pay her usual attentions to her children that night, for her distraction was too great. The morning hunt that she had planned went totally awry when she realised that she had been staring at the same blankly-staring young goat for the better part of the morning. It must have thought her entirely odd, and in respect of its fearlessness (or stupidity), she ended up leaving it without trouble. She was too preoccupied to eat. It wasn't her stomach which growled, hungry.

With the seed of doubt in her mind, planted by the mountain to make her question where she was supposed to be, all her usual delights and haunts felt empty. Any attempts at distracting herself with common pleasures fell flat. It all felt hollow, meaningless, for now she was burdened with great responsibilities and she was terrified of the weight.

One problem she could try to fix, and it was only in focusing on it could Bella find any peace in obsessing over the bleak situation that @Datura had painted. How was she supposed to heal that kind of damage? Though it felt entirely wrong to ask herself - did she even want to deal with it? Was it her problem now, two years after she had thought that chapter abruptly and violently closed? Could she expose herself, and more importantly, could she expose her children to his level of disturbed? Looking back at herself, she remembered the unconditional love, the forgiveness, the loyalty. She also remembered that she had been a child - they both had. They had both changed. She could not simply give in to the child inside of her who cried out for her brother's happiness and love, above all else. She could not.

Perhaps her feet had brought her here because she hoped for authority, for somebody else to provide the answers. It had not been that long ago that fate had brought her and her beloved @Ash back together, and this is where his pack had been, so where was he? Without blood parents for any kind of guidance, without her mate, without being able to burden her children, Ash was who she leapt to. The man who had raised her and loved her would know what to do. But it was as she searched among the trees, desperately sniffing at fading borders, that she realised that Datura had overtaken her purpose once more. She had hoped to find Ash to discuss her and her children joining his pack. If she was not meant to be on the mountain, then surely this was her place in the world. But just like Poison Path, the scents had gone cold, the air dead, and she could feel her heart beat a dull, defeated tune as she was forced to conclude that they had gone. How could they have gone, and so soon? She had only just found him again. Was Ash punishing her for disappearing two years ago? Was this what it had felt like?

All this way for nothing. Keeping her breathing rate under careful control, keeping the boil of panic contained and out of sight, she wandered further north without purpose. Even as she felt the loss crush her chest, Bella tried to focus, to figure out what to do next. Datura's golden face kept coming into view and dashing any coherent thoughts with pain and confusion.

She barely even registered the land around her as she walked, heart lost.

Wasn’t there a pack nearby, the last time he’d stumbled into the marsh?

Veho’s nose twitched as he held it high, scenting the air for the telltale sign of a larger group. Of course, he hadn’t come seeking the large collection of canines last time he’d ventured into the swampy flatlands, and he did not come seeking them this time, but the absence was obvious to him even now. Of course, the medicine man had been as high as a kite last he ventured this way, managing to startle poor @Nineva in his less than sober state, but he did not require the mushrooms he’d previously sought to know the spirits were restless today.

But whatever were they trying to tell him?

The man had come out to gather some supplied for @Borden but such upheaval was terribly distracting – the grey wolf found himself wondering if perhaps he should partake in the ritual again to get closer to the veil that he might understand a bit better. Breaking into a steady jog, Veho picked his way around the deepest of mud, continuing to scent every dozen strides, when something familiar caught his attention. All at once, his tail began to swing behind him wildly and the male veered towards the left, pace shifting from casual to something much more excited as he offered a bark to the wind.

Only a minute or so later he had sighted Belladonna, offering the woman another soft chuff as he slowed, pausing next to her flank as he reached out to offer his friend a touch. “My dear, I’d not expected to see you so far in my direction,” the wolf crooned, ears pressed forward in a friendly greeting. It took him a moment to realize just how distressed the woman was and immediately he sobered, taking a step to nudge her ruff. “Bella, what’s wrong?”

@Veho

As though in a dream, Bella heard the chuff, and for a split second her heart lifted, presumptuously assuming that Ash had finally found her. When she turned towards the call, it was not Ash at all, and the disappointment clouded her comprehension until she realised who it was, and the recognition swept a smile across her tired face.

Veho approached with an affectionate touch, one which Bella embraced, his tone quickly turning from surprise to concern. Weary and unable to lie to the man who had rescued her from her own thoughts not long ago, Bella sighed and pushed her muzzle underneath his own, seeking his warmth and comfort. He was not her Ash, but for a wolf she had met but once, he was a mighty fine replacement. Had she known that the wise, kind man lived nearby, she would have deliberately sought him out.

"Veho," she murmured, finding strength in his presence, her mind moving back to the last time he had saved her. "Are you destined to find me every time I need guidance?"

Another sigh escaped her, but slower, for her heart was calming and her thoughts no longer racing. Was this yet another gift from her mountain - or perhaps Veho's Ancestors? She took a breath and opened her mouth to explain but could not find a good starting point. It was everything and more. Not since more than two years ago had she been this lost and broken, and caused by the same man. Her rescuer, though, was a very different wolf to last time. Perhaps that was a good sign. "My brother found me," she muttered, closing her eyes and just letting the words fall as they would. "He claims to need my help. He, h-he is very troubled, and I want to help him, very much, b-but I don't know if I can... or if I should. His darkness, it... it destroyed a great many things a long time ago.

"And now I need to provide for my children, but I cannot do it alone, s-so I came here looking for a dear friend-" she paused, and smiled, realising that in a way she had managed to do just that- "but his pack is gone. It's only been a few weeks. Why would he leave? I can't do this alone."

There are several fresh rabbit tracks in the mud. Hunt Opportunity

Perhaps they’d only met once, but he would consider Belladonna anything but a stranger. Her desire for comfort was met with a soft sigh, the male arching his neck to allow her the space to tuck her muzzle into her his thick ruff. For a moment, he simply stood, allowing the woman to collect herself and her thoughts. There he drew in a deep breath, steadying his own mind as he sought out the veil the spirits lived beyond. “I do not put too much stock in destiny,” Veho murmured softly, drawing back just enough to share a nuzzle with the distressed female. “But I believe the Ancestors often turn me on the path I need to walk, either through conscious thought or what appears to be random circumstance.”

They worked in mysterious ways he often thought, and it would not behoove him to try and decipher this magic.

As she began to speak, he made no move to interrupt. Purging the darkness and releasing it to the world was the first step, he often thought. Keeping anger and fear inside was akin to allowing an infection to fester. Perhaps it would hurt initially, but bleeding the wound would allow it to heal from the inside out, and this would allow for a mended, healthier scar in the long run. Only when Bella did lapse into silence did the medicine man hum softly, considering the information offered before opening his mouth to speak. “You do not owe it to him, to help,” he finally decided, pressing his cheek to the woman’s. “It is hard to say, without knowing or seeing him, whether your brother is honest in his request for aide, but even so, the dynamics change when you have children. You do what is best for you.” Even her children were old enough to find for themselves, if she wished it so – but this was not all that concerned the loner. A friend, missing – yes, he had noticed the absence of the very same pack. A soft sigh, and he shrugged. “I do not know. It was a small pack. But you do not have to be alone, my dear. You will always have a friend in me – and you are welcome to join Grizzly Hollow if you are ever looking for sanctuary.”

Though, similarly, she did not truly believe in destiny, she would have drawn comfort from the idea that they would find each other whenever she needed it. Such a selfish notion that was, but perhaps one day she would find some way to repay him. Once more he attributed her good fortune to his Ancestors, and she reminded herself to thank them the next time she found herself in a quiet moment. If she was going to benefit from their kindness, the least she could do is be grateful.

After her outpouring of muddled thoughts and pain, she fell silent to let @Veho pass judgement on all she had bared to him, finding herself desperate for external opinion. She was too close to it all, she knew, particularly to @Datura - never had she been able to act impartially around her brother and their last encounter had been no different. You do not owe it to him, to help, Veho said, and those simple words gave her some peace. He could not know the whole story, the entire bloated, painful saga that was their relationship, but without it he could speak of what an ordinary sister should owe an ordinary brother. Having never experienced a normal sibling relationship - or any familial one in general - she was desperate to know what was expected, what was appropriate. His statement that her role of mother was different than her role as sister resonated deeply within Bella, who had already turned towards that conclusion, and that being mother was more important. If only her children could appreciate her choice.

It was when Veho went on to imply that he was familiar with @Ash's pack did she pull back and watch him intently. He had known of their family? That he didn't know what had happened, though, was another blow, but she could not expect him to hold all the answers. The gentle man was not done with surprises, though. "You live at Grizzly Hollow?" she asked, her distress momentarily forgotten at the excitement of recognising the name. "With Cinder - with Rook? How is he?"

Rook had offered Bella a place at the Hollow, too, but she had turned in down in favour of returning to a mountain which had, so far, given her little but nostalgia - and, of late, increasingly clear signs that her place was no longer upon it. Perhaps this was another such sign.

“Yes, Grizzly Hollow. I’ve been with them for some time – I joined properly right after we last met, in fact. I had sought guidance from my Ancestors for that reason,” Veho divulged, recalling to have been in a more ethereal state the first time he’d met the woman before him. Sobriety did not hinder her splendor, and even as a wayworn traveler, her purity glowed from within. Reaching forward, he offered her snout a gentle nudge, nose underneath her chin as he tried to cement the gentle friendship that had blossomed between the pair. He knew, reasonably, he could not solve all the problems surrounding the other wolf like a swarm of bees, but he could do his best to purge what little of the plague he could, and brighten her day.

At her second question, the medic nodded again. “Yes, with Rook, and Cinder,” he confirmed, realizing the secret names would be of little use now that Belladonna knew their true identities. “Admittedly, I know Cinder only in passing – we’ve yet to have a conversation among ourselves. But I would consider @Rook as a dear friend, dearest, in fact. I would support him in anything he does. The other wolves I’ve gotten to know among the cedar woods are like in mind. I…enjoy living there. I believe in what they stand for,” Veho decided after a moment, a slow smile spreading from inky lips to pale eyes. If possible, he might have blushed, just a bit – as it were, his skin flushed beneath his silvery fur. “The wolves of the Hollow are doing well, but we have room for more before winter. A healthy pack is better for everyone. Know that the den is always open to you, even if you decline now. The offer has no expiration date.”

Thinking of Grizzly Hollow was a welcome distraction, for talk of Lyalls brought back not only her pleasant visit to the Cedarwood but, further back, time spent at Renegade's Reach and the kindness her family had been shown there. Remembering that times of need had been met by the charity and patience of others gave her comfort; it had been okay then, and it would be okay now. She just had to tell herself that. @Veho's warm presence made it much easier to believe.

"Your Ancestors guided you well, then," she smiled, thinking the wise, gentle man to be a good fit within the pack among the cedars. She hoped that he was very happy there. His touch upon her chin was met with a sigh; as a single, loner mother, it was her duty to be comforter and supporter. There was no room for her own weaknesses, but they had caught up to her anyway. Not that @Tauza or @Staleek wanted or needed her comfort, she offered it anyway, just as she would to @Ahkna whenever she found them though it was clear that her daughter was more than capable of looking after herself. It had been a long time since they had last howled together, though, and she suspected that her eldest had ventured further afield. It was her right. Of all of them, she trusted that girl to look after herself the most.

Veho's smooth voice brought her back to the present, pushed away the casual panic she always felt when thinking of her children's wellbeings, and she let herself fall into his world. They were dear friends, he said, the dearest, and Bella pictured the pair together and smiled. They were both soft hearts, she could see the friendship easily. She did not suspect at any deeper meaning to his warm words, content to be happy that Veho had found like-minded souls at the Hollow. She let herself entertain his offer for a fleeting moment, quietly, tucked away beneath the layers of quelled distress. When he reiterated it, she breathed heavy.

"You are lovely to say so, Veho. Rook offered the same when I met him, so I hope it would not be unwelcome with the rest. I will - I will have to talk with my children, they are too old for me to make decisions on their behalf anymore. It's why I came here," she admitted, sitting down as she glanced toward the faded borders of a pack she had barely known. "I knew the leader, he was... is one of my oldest friends. He raised me." In truth she had not meant to walk down memory lane so openly, but Veho made her so at ease that she felt no shame in it; she had already bared much of herself to him. Her voice had fallen barely above a whisper, the words spoken as if without conscious thought, her eyes glazed as she stared out at the empty marshland, another abandoned home. "I don't think the mountain is right for me anymore. I thought... maybe my place would be here instead."

“They always do,” Veho replied easily – even when everything else went wrong, he could always rely on his Ancestors.  He took some comfort in knowing that not everything would be easy, or comfortable.  There were things he’d not understand at the time, and perhaps there would be events he would never come to comprehend, but his faith dictated that it was all for a greater good, one outside him and the world he lived in, and one that may not even make sense to a mortal wolf such as himself.  It was okay, like that.  It was good, like that.  The world did not, and did not need to revolve around him.  He was but a pawn, doing the best he could to make a positive impact where he’d been unable to do so before.

Tipping his head when Bella decline, he gave a short nod, allowing her a soft smile.  “Of course.  As I said, it is not time sensitive, nor does our friendship have any conditions to it.”  Should Belladonna remain a lone wolf, or should she join a pack elsewhere, the special soul would always have a little place in Veho’s heart.  Whatever she needed, he would not find it in himself to deny.  And she was right, of course – a mother’s life was no longer her own.  It was important to consult with her children first.  It was a sign of her good heart, even.

After a moment, he gave another nod. “You are not anchored to the mountain because you had a past there.  I think I would have never blossomed at all, were I forced to stay at the Reservation where I grew up.”  Where Neha was laid to rest.  How would Veho have ever moved on, faced with his beloved sister’s grave day in and day out?  “I regret I cannot tell you where your friend has gone, but only that no violence has be fallen the region.  Perhaps they disbanded?  I am sure he is about.  Now is a time for change – but I am sure your place will be found soon, if not among the Hollow, than elsewhere.  You are a good wolf, Belladonna.  Whomever will have you will be utterly graced.”

(This post was last modified: Sep 29, 2015, 06:23 PM by Veho.)

He was accepting of her answer, because of course he would be. She felt as though she had known the man for much longer than reality, as though they were woven of the same cloth - just spun under different circumstances. Their friendship had no conditions, he said, and she beamed at that, deeply touched. Gently, she touched the end of her nose to his, reflecting the sentiment. He was a beautiful creature, and no matter what he said about destiny, she knew that if she would have been in poorer straights had she not happened upon him these two times.

As he spoke of the mountain, she decided that, like with @Datura, it was good to hear a totally external opinion. She was too close, to vulnerable to her own emotions, to think on it clearly. And since they were so alike, Bella found that she trusted @Veho's views quite implicitly. He had not been wrong last time, after all. His words were comfort, too, on the matter of @Ash, for if he was right then at least, hopefully, they were not harmed. She could not bear to consider it otherwise, the very notion far too cruel. She would continue the search, she concluded, with a vigour and spirit renewed by the kind man before her. And maybe if she could not find them, or they were in no position to receive Bella and her children, then she would finally take the Hollow wolves up on that offer.

Veho went above and beyond, though. As the compliments fell from his lips, she blushed deep and hard, humbled by his vision of her - feeling as she did, so low and beaten, surely she was not worthy of such praise, but his words had always been honey. And she was not quite so despondent now.

"You are entirely too nice to me," she said, accusation in her tone but shining lights in her eyes. "I must endeavour to make sure I deserve it. Come, now," she said then, shifting herself to sit beside him, leaning her shoulder into his. It was every bit for her sake as she intended it to be for his. "Let me try to return some fraction of the relief you've given me. If you are bearing any burdens, please let me help you carry them."

(This post was last modified: Sep 30, 2015, 05:15 PM by Belladonna.)