Iridescent Lagoon kiss me hard before you go

For my sweet @Rook~
RE: The Iridescent Lagoon has turned a strange color.

There were, perhaps, more important things to be looking for. Hellbore, if any remained after the first frosts. Skunkbrush, which should still be present even as other plants died away and returned to the earth. Instead, Veho’s nose was pressed to the ground, ears flat against his skull as he focused all his energy on the particular, musky scent of his favorite fungus. He was vaguely aware that seeking out the source of relief in a time of great anxiety had dangerous implications, but what other choice did he have? He could hardly go to his sister for advice – he’d always considered himself the shoulder to lean on, and refused to give up that illusion just yet. To seek out @Namid would be to admit defeat, to admit something was wrong, and if he were going to sink that low, it would be in his best interest to summon his ethereal @Belladonna and sink into her heavenly ruff. Their last discussion had been incredibly painful, and while she’d not be the first to hint Veho might be a bit mawkish, he was no more ready to hear it now than any time in his past, not in his childhood after Neha’s death, and not after leaving his parents.

Yet here he was, all but drowning in his own emotions as he trotted along the banks of the lagoon, idly noticing it had taken on an unusual color. Were it any other day, were he not plagued by hurt and awash with guilt, the healer might have stopped to investigate the strange shades. Who knew what it might do to the fish – or was this simply a symptom of the freeze? Having never lived this far north before, Veho couldn’t say, and he left it at that, trotting onwards as the chilly water splashed up against his belly.

Deciding he was too close to the source of water, the wolf veered further inland, pressing his nose back to the ground. This proved to be a wise choice, as he soon picked up the telltale musk of earthy growth. Sniffing and slowing to a walk, he made his way through trees and over logs, until he found his drug of choice. There the mushrooms grew, in a relatively more open patch, sprouting up from decaying grass. It was the perfect time of year to harvest these fruits, for they relished the decay brought on by frost. After a moment, Veho decided to find himself a large leaf – he could bring many more home this way, and it would be much more difficult to lose his bounty if he decided to partake.

Tears stung at moonlit eyes as he reached down, gingerly taking each cap in his mouth and tugging just enough to free it from its stem. How badly he wished to speak with his Ancestors – and how he knew he was just as likely to detest their advice as he was to appreciate it. All he wanted was to be with his partner – and it seemed he was the source of shame, of secrecy. The guilt festered, even as he tried to shake the crippling sense of unhappiness off, and continue his chore. If he hurried, perhaps he could make two trips this day. No one would have to know.

Mood music~

honey, i'm on fire, i feel it everywhere

Borden's death had shaken the younger Lyall's empire to the core. It was not just a simple quake, a tremble that rocked the pillars and laid down some cracks in the base; in fact, the loss had been so great that it was as if Rook's sorrow permeated and chilled the air. Everywhere underfoot the foundation was covered in rubble and, in certain places, there were spots where one could see the sky where the figurative roof had caved in. In his grief, Rook had little interest to be with anyone but Borden and had so often sought refuge at the edges of Whisper Marsh that he was almost certain that he was missed.

In this particular hour, after he had spent several moments of trying to hold himself together, he shakily removed himself from the bit of earth on top of Borden's grave and began to take a walk. Along the edges of the wetlands, he got his feet wet, focusing on keeping his head up as he went. He concentrated on breathing for the most part, inhaling and exhaling deeply as to keep himself ever present in the waking world. The panic attacks were plentiful as of late and he could not risk succumbing to another evening lost in an oblivion that consisted of his sobbing several hours past midnight. The headaches that followed after a fitful sleep were not worth it; as Grizzly Hollow's Leader, he knew better than most that he had to have a clear head. He had to separate his mawkish, cub-like self from the everlasting image of his father that the more mature side of himself was almost always chasing.

Southbound, he went, only stopping until he caught a whiff of that certain someone in his midst. His heart thumped uncomfortably in his chest, half-debating with himself over whether or not this was a decent time to "catch-up."

Inside his chest, his heart could only whisper to him all the reasons why he ought to just follow it... follow Veho towards the Lagoon.

Most everyone knew Rook Lyall for his forward, near-impulsive decisions. The choice he made was as characteristic as they come, and immediately he trotted along the damp bank of Iridescent Lagoon, only vaguely aware of its strange coloring. His eyes were not interested in the unnatural hue of the water's surface; he was looking for that splash of gray and white against a backdrop of darker foliage. All he had to do was draw a bit closer until the grasses gave way to the paragon he was in pursuit of. A smile fought to find a place on his face, the longing burning in his chest as the curiosity pinched at his distraught mind,

Oh what can ail thee, knight-at-arms,
Alone and palely loitering?
The sedge has withered from the lake,
And no birds sing.

A whine almost fled from his throat as he caught sight of the Medic, busy in the grass. They were well away from Grizzly Hollow, he knew, and perhaps no one would see him if he lifted his tail in a high, needful wag and romped towards his lover with a gait that suggested he had missed him. Whether Veho was aware of his presence or not, Rook cared little, all that mattered in this very second was that he press himself against the medicine man and close the distance between them. The Leader's mottled crown came into contact with Veho's ribs on feet that pitter-pattered with a deer-like step. Tail wagging and body shaking, he sat down in the place where a few mushroom heads had been just before Veho had picked them.

There were words to be said but Rook had no use for them. It was clear with the scent of worry and malaise mingling in his coat that he desired nothing but to be in the Macieo's presence. If he was going to be turned away, Rook would not blame him; all he had wanted was to be close to Veho once more.

Chances are I have a BEN WHISHAW gif for that.

A young deer has been separated from the rest of its herd. Hunt Opportunity

Indeed, the medic was incredibly focused on the task at hand – had not Rook burst into a forward romp, the other man might not have actually noticed the alphas approach. As it were, the crunch of dead grass beneath thick paws had his ears flattening back, hackles shooting upwards out of surprise as the medic whirled about, not quite sure what to expect. When he realized it was not a stranger (nor an enemy), his thick pelt settled back upon his withers as his tail rose to half mast, answering the friendly wag with one of his own. It was considerably less enthusiastic, he realized with a wince, but he could not drag himself from the murk of self-induced misery.

Was it purgatory, or was it hell?

With a soft noise, he huffed, head rearing up as a head was pressed into his side. It might have been a bit harder than @Rook intended, for a soft ‘oof’ fell from the wolf’s lips as he took a step sideways, trying to catch himself from the force. He moved to find his balance and great the younger wolf, and already he was settled on his rump, tail still swishing through the dying grass and mushroom stumps as moonlit eyes met his lover’s mismatched gaze. All at once, he felt his heart melt, unable to keep ahold of the turmoil and hurt in the wake of that beloved face.

“Rook,” he murmured softly, closing the gap between them. The unhappiness was put on the back burner, if only for a moment. He stepped forward to embrace the younger man, nose bumping against black nose before pressing into that white cheek. His tail began to wag again as he turned about, wishing to settle beside the alpha. Pressing their sides together, he sighed softly, whiskers splayed out to the sides. “How are you, love?” Veho murmured softly, not entirely sure himself to what he referred. “You are so ephemeral these days. I miss you.”

...slowly opens the topic up for Veho.  :x

honey, i'm on fire, i feel it everywhere

"Rook," the Medic greeted, and it was as though the sun had come out at last. Rook whimpered. "How are you, love?" He filled his lungs with the distinct odor of stagnant water, crisp Relic Lore air, and Veho... with his own array of earthy scents that had collected in his pelt. The wag of his silver tail wafting a variety of fragrances towards him as he sat down a the Leader's side. "Terrible," he rasped he had let go of a soft sigh. "I could be better but I'm okay now."

There was a delay in which a late grimace appeared on his face, suddenly fazed by the word ephemeral. Of course the Medic didn't mean it in the sense where Rook had twisted the word around to fit the description of a ghost, but Rook's ears came down and he focused on the ground between his forepaws. "I miss you, too," he came back to look into his companion's face, to give a subtly pained smile in return. His nose twitched and it dawned on him that the scents that he was not able to place was that of freshly picked mushrooms.

"Sorry if I interrupted you," his two-toned eyes picked its way across the large leaf and the mushroom caps that had begun to pile up in the middle of it. "I just... I just couldn't help myself, seeing you here, all by yourself... without anyone to see us together..."

Chances are I have a BEN WHISHAW gif for that.

While he had not expected a different answer, the medic felt it prudent to ask his lover regardless.  After all, what was a relationship if parties were not allowed to express how they felt, especially when they felt poorly?  Veho dipped his crown in a knowing nod, reaching out to press his nose beneath the alpha’s jaw in a comforting gesture.  A pink tongue flashed out as he hummed softly, nibbling on the younger wolf’s thick ruff for a moment.  He groomed as Rook thought, again allowing silence as the young lord slowly worked through his thoughts, how Borden’s death left him feeling.  It was a weight of his shoulders to hear directly from the horse’s mouth, however, that the Lyall heir was not spiraling downwards.  

Unfortunately, the breath of fresh air was short-lived.

The medic had opened his mouth, about to insist that his companion had interrupted nothing vital or time sensitive when he suddenly found himself at a loss for words, pale eyes blinking dumbly at Rook’s explanation.  Ears swiveled forward, and then they swiveled back, flattening out towards the sides in a perfect line as he furrowed his brow.  The completion he felt only moments earlier had vanished, as if his partner had pulled the plug out of his heart and left the warm contents to spiral down the drain.  It took the man a moment to recover, and once he did, he cleared his throat.

But how to approach this?  The conversation was hardly tolerable with Bella, and she was a dear friend, one with no stakes in this matter.  If this was taken the wrong way, if the younger male actually took offense…  What if he was left?

How is that any different than the situation you are in now? a wicked voice hissed in his ear, causing Veho to shake his head violently.  He gave his skull a second shake, the insect of a thought still plaguing him as he cleared his throat for a second time, forcing himself to seek out that mismatched gaze he often held in such high regard.  “Rook,” he rumbled, voice unnaturally low.  For a wolf usually so prone to give a dithyramb, he found himself with little to say.  They’d had this conversation once before, and at the time, he’d found himself reassured.  In the days and weeks that past, however, Veho grew to begin to doubt his lover’s words.  It was not that he didn’t trust @Rook, but the secrecy was beginning to eat him alive, and he ofen wondered if it was not doing the same to Grizzly Hollow’s alpha male.

“Rook, are you ashamed of me?  I’ve asked you once before, and the answer was no, but you insist on meeting me alone…and are we discovered, discard me as if I have some communicable disease.”  The episode with Titan and the porcupine quills came to mind particularly.  Despite the other medic being a friend to both, and desperately needed in that particular situation, the masked man had jumped back as if stung when the swarthy wolf made himself known to the pair.  “Are you ashamed of us?  We cannot--  I cannot--”

For the first time in a long time, the eldest Macieo was at a loss for words.

(This post was last modified: Oct 20, 2015, 04:53 PM by Veho.)

honey, i'm on fire, i feel it everywhere

"Rook?" Veho's voice came to his ears. The Lyall perked up, numbed by the feeling of of Veho's tongue and teeth along his ruff, coming through his fur and smoothing it out where it stuck up in places, "Mmm?" His brow furrowed for a second, aware of his tone. Rook, are you ashamed of me? Veho continued with analogies that bit and poked at his core. Rook visibly trembled, not in anger but in disbelief. “Are you ashamed of us? We cannot-- I cannot--”

"No!" he returned with a shake of his head, his eyes wide as he peered into that masked face. It hurt to even see his partner in such a state. "Of course not. Why would... Why would you even think that?" He stood up now to stand before his lover, wanting to assume the more dominant position despite being far from their home territory. His lips were drawn into a hard line and he wondered if Veho would maintain his stare or look away. "That hurt," he remarked, it might have been a little too sharp on his tongue but the emotion there had been reactive - nothing more.

"You listen to me, Veho Macieo," he started, his tail assuming its usual position in the air behind him. "I would never be ashamed of us. Never in a thousand years... You must know by now how much I relish our privacy, though, surely?" There was a grimace present on his face, "I don't want to share." By the sound of it, he could have very well been speaking of a stick that Bishop had grappled away from him just for kicks and giggles. He clarified, "I don't want to share you. What would you have me do, hmm?"

The somberness still lingered despite his small smile. He briefly touched his nose to Veho's, half-anticipating that he might repulsively pull away. "Are you asking me to be with you... officially?" It felt as though there was a rock in his stomach. He still thought back to that rainy night with Quil whenever he had thought of asking this specific question. Then, there was always the lingering memory of @Beren and that elusive thought of Fenru that plagued his sleepless nights just before the morning. "You... You really love me that much?"

Chances are I have a BEN WHISHAW gif for that.

“That hurt,” Rook announced, and the medic’s ears swept backwards, pinned against his head. He exhaled with a hiss, snout wrinkling as a sharp remark turned his tongue sour. You think this doesn’t? he wanted to demand. It paled in comparison to feeling like the carcass picked over once and left to rot in the sun, too putrid for even the coyotes to spare a second glance. How dare he, Veho thought vehemently, gathering his feet beneath him as his partner stood. The wolf took once step back, in no mood, or no place, to challenge dominance – but he was no longer feeling as warm or kind as he was only moments ago. To be tread upon like dead grass, he just-- He couldn’t--

The medic’s head reared up, ears pressed further against his skull as the alpha summoned all of his assertiveness, insisting he be listened to. For once, Veho found he did not want to offer him the time – and all the same, he did, clenching his jaw shut and keeping any remarks on the tip of his tongue. Grinding his teeth, he bobbed his head, ears twitching as he waited his lover out, whiskers flaring as he wiggled his snout. “I am not asking you to share,” he insisted, shoulders sagging as he finally exhaled. Being angry was so exhausting, really, and already the spike of indignity raised by the comment was beginning to give way to the hurt hiding behind the emotional facade. Anger and blame were so much easier, but no more comfortable, and finally Veho’s tail fell, mirroring his shoulders.

Finally went his metallic gaze, dropping from that masked face to the damp earth, a heavy sigh whistling free from the man as he bobbed his head. He had finally been outed. The selfishness was bared for what it really was, and for the second time, he wished violently for the earth to reach up and swallow him whole. “Yesssss,” came the Macieo’s reedy hiss, the tip of tail twitching uneasily. “Yes! Yes, I do, I do! Why would I be here-- Why would I care, if I didn’t love you that much? You are the sun and the moon, the stars and all that shine! You’re here, and all the lights are misty in the river. In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight, and all I see is you and me forever and forever,” Veho gushed breathlessly, finally lifting his gaze again to study the alpha’s face. Gone was the steely barricade hiding pale eyes, and left in its wake were mournful ghosts, whispering both of hopes and fears. The grey wolf trembled slightly, eyes searching from point to point, looking for a sign, for any sign that @Rook truly felt the same. He gnawed the inside of his cheek, and waited, and thought – it felt like an eternity, despite being just a few breathes, and more words escaped before he could stop them.

“I would die for you, Rook Lyall. But I would live for you, too.”

late is better than never

Maybe it had been too much of his parents' fantastical stories, the kinds of tales that told of true love and of knights and Merlin's magic or it could have been because of his misfortune of falling head over heels for a fraction of a summer and realizing that Beren Dunn's affections were not appropriately reciprocated (really, "Bear" had just left Rook there, left to meander the meads in what could have been an eternity if Grizzly Hollow had called to him). He cringed inside his skull. When had he gotten so cruel? Was cruel even the right word?

Veho's words repeated in his ears when their eyes met and Rook knew now how it felt to be ashamed - not of his partner, but of himself. To him, Rook had been everything that contested everything that gleamed and glistened, but to Rook, everyone in his life had been . If this had been any other moment in time, the younger man might have tried to regain that closeness from before, but he allowed Veho is distance. "I can't speak for @Quil," he whispered, that familiar note of sadness creeping back into his voice. "I can't speak of anything on our part of this but for you and me... I will admit that I've wanted this for a while. I just don't understand how to do it."

"Have you spoken to her?" he asked, his dominance display easing up at last. "Do you think she'd be fine with it?" There was so much at stake, now more than ever. "I mean, I know she knows something is up; I didn't intend to hide our relationship. I don't mean to... I love you both..."

The sentence hung in the air like some unbidden curtain of fog and Rook fully looked over Veho, focusing on every part of him he could see without even noticing the Lagoon in the background. "I just don't understand," he repeated again, obviously wanting to show his companion that he was not invulnerable as he seemed. In the darkest folds of his memory, the haunting dream that recurred almost every other night now since Borden's death, resurfaced to the forefront of is mind. "I think I'm sick, but I want this, so don't ever think that I ever regretted anything that we have."

"I need-- I need to know this is all possible."

(This post was last modified: Oct 21, 2015, 12:54 AM by Rook.)

Chances are I have a BEN WHISHAW gif for that.

The shaking continued and the man found his gaze drifting downwards, seeking out the mushrooms he’d selected what felt like an eternity ago. It felt like the end was closing in, he thought, like the sky was about to fall upon his head – fear clutched at his chest with cold claws, talons dug into his soft heart as he momentarily forgot how to breath, studying the shape of the mushrooms, the color of the leaves, anything to avoid looking up at Rook as he spoke. “I can’t speak for Quil,” the alpha said, and the words stopped there, suddenly drown out by a roaring rush. Heat rose up, blooming across his nape and spreading up towards his cheeks, disguised only by his thickening winter coat. He felt sick.

“Would you want him to chose?” Bella had asked him not so long ago, and the medic had insisted it would be terribly selfish to make the other man pick between the queen and himself. In truth, he would not be opposed to having @Rook all to himself, but even know he knew he’d not be able to live with himself, ruining someone else’s happily ever after with such wicked selfishness. Perhaps more than that, he was terrified of the answer – he was terrified of this.

Nobody deserves to be second best.

How easy for her to say, Veho thought bitterly, slowly dragging his eyes up to meet the lord’s face, trying to read any clues from his expression. What he was suggesting, what he was implying… The medicine man remained silent for several moments, brain struggling to catch up with Rook and his ideas after wallowing in a deep mire of self pity. Ears swiveled back and forth, a clear indication that the gray wolf was thinking while his expression remained pinched, focused, and it did not occur to him that perhaps his partner was expecting some sort of immediate answer. Only after a few moments did he manage to shake out his coat and lift his head, some familiarity returned to his expression as he tipped his head to one side.

“Rook,” he sighed softly, stepping forward to remove the barricade of space he’d placed between the pair, “you are not sick. You might be different than the most of us, but that does not make you sick, and it does not make you wrong. It only means, perhaps, you will have to extend your patience while the rest of us try to understand the way you think.”

And perhaps that was a revelation Veho himself needed to have, nuzzling his face into Rook’s ruff with a heavy sigh. He felt defeated and relieved all at once, eyes closed as he tried to gather up the scattered remnants of composure and wit. Starting this conversation, he was so certain things would simply shatter beneath him – that was unworthy of him, he decided after a moment, doubting Rook’s devotion. “I have spoken with Quil in the past. I find her to be a very agreeable companion. I believe we are of like minds,” he hummed carefully, peeling one eye open to watch the side of his partner’s face. “Though I cannot say I have any idea how she’d react. She is…I think you are stretched a bit thin, moving between the two of us. Perhaps she could be taken care of, by two? This is what you mean, yes? I don’t see why it would not be possible, if…”