Sex: MaleThe sun was setting somewhere beyond the mountains, tendrils of ruby and flame coloring the deepening turquoise sky, when a shadowy figure slunk back across the borders of Oak Tree Bend. Despite the clear skies, the day had offered little warmth, any promise of spring still hiding deep in the frozen ground. Still, the ebony and silver man could sense the time moving, feel in his heart that the seasons were changing, even if the trees were still naked. The leader hadn't been spending much time on the territory lately – he had tended to his duties, checked to borders and made sure none of the other's needed anything of him – but most days he was off, on the woods and beyond. Thinking; Thinking! He'd been doing an awful lot of that ever since he received his temporary post. Even more since the disastrous meeting with Triell and Spieden. Triell's reaction had struck a chord in him, despite all the thinking he had done beforehand, it seemed he was back to square one. But his reasoning hadn't changed, and while his resolve had faltered, in the end he knew he needed to do this. Which meant it was time for something he had been putting off for way too long. So instead of heading straight for the den this evening, he went searching, to the place he was most sure he would find her. Nervousness made his hackles bristle, but he tried to calm himself, knowing that he had to do better this time, he couldn't risk… As he neared, he woofed softly, pushing all fears from his mind as he called her: "Jessie?" Word count: 273 Thoughts ”Speech” |
It was still in her daily routine. To visit his grave every day, a bitter reminder of the other side of her soul that was on the other side, missing. It was with a heavy heart that she would sit there every day, remembering what happened to him, remembering the times they had spent together. In the end, she would always leave with a heavy heart, reminded of what she no longer had and wandering if she would ever share a bond remotely similar to the one she had with Hotei. Jessie had never been found when she came to visit her dead lover, and if she was, the grey woman was never bothered. So it came as a surprise to her when a voice interrupted her silence.
The lady's muscles locked uncomfortably, jaw clenched at the realization of who found her. Had it been anyone else, she would have politely told them to fuck off but there was no inclination at Drestig's view of her practice if he knew anything of it prior to this visit. The pepper-and-salt colored woman was healthy again but by no means had any of her former light to her eyes. She cleared her throat, in order to spare him the horror of its disuse before stepping away from her dead lover's grave and towards where her pupil's voice had come from. Tired eyes looked towards his dark form before looking over his shoulder, not wanting to see what was in his eyes. "Drestig...what is it?" Her voice was calm but her heart hammered quickly in her chest as she waited for his answer.
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He kept his distance, allowing her the privacy of the moment and the time she needed to turn and face him. Their relationship was such a strange one, they seemed to only see each other fleetingly, yet he felt he was closer to her than anyone else in his life; Knew her better than even himself at times. Still, they treated each other in this strange, mixed way, usually keeping the other at legs length, stiffly avoiding the other's gaze, only to clash in deeply emotional moments, over and over. It was infuriating. At times he longed to just sit with her, embrace her, without feeling raw and exposed, fearing she would stiffen under his touch. And yet he couldn't imagine it any other way. So when she came towards him, avoiding his burning gaze, he couldn't keep a half smile from his lips. Then his fear returned, filling his chest and clenching his heart with freezing cold fingers, and the grimace faded. He sat down, suddenly afraid that he would be too shaky to keep standing. Like Jessie, he looked over her shoulder, at what lay behind her, feeling a pang of guilt and pain. "I'm… Sorry to disturb you…" He managed lowly. His mouth felt dry, pulse pounding loudly in his ears. Pale pink tongue slipped out to moisten his lips, with very little result. Then he pushed forwards, knowing that every moment he waited would only weaken his resolve further; "But I had to speak with you." Drestig breathed deeply, trying to straighten his thoughts and find the right place to start. he had to do this right! He couldn't afford it to go south, like is meeting with Triell. Finally, smoldering ember's looked straight at the grey woman across from him, voice uncharacteristically vulnerable when he said; "Jessie, please. Look at me." It was completely a plea, no hint of authority in the request. But he needed her to look him in the eye, to meet him openly when he said what he had come to say. Word count: 341 Thoughts ”Speech” |
He knew that he was intruding on her privacy. It was what made his hesitancy endearing but also brought doubt within her heart. Why was he here? They avoided one another’s gaze and out of her peripherals, she could see when he turned to try to meet her own gaze. Jessie, however, remained strong and kept her eyes pinned on an unknown object behind his bulky body. His confirmation that he had intentionally come to find her weighed heavily in her heart and she waited for whatever was to come. Drestig had never been one for many words and when he did have something to say, it was important to listen. The grey lady waited in silence for whatever confession was to come, but he remained silent. While she wanted to drag her eyes towards him to see what his body would tell her, Jessie reminded herself not to. For she knew her eyes were her weakness. It was only when his plea slipped out did her façade falter. Had he demanded that he look at him, she would have simply refused, infuriated by his attempt at dominance over her. But something in his voice made her raise her emerald eyes to meet his burning amber gaze. With her heart in her throat, she spoke quietly, ”Drestig…what’s going on?” She didn’t like the way he was looking at her, or the tone in which he was speaking. It wasn’t normal. Which could only mean that something was wrong. |
She took her time, clearly hesitant, but in the end her deep emeralds, almost black in the dusk, met his. He could see his own fear mirrored in her gaze, the uncertainty in his heart flickering across his face for a second. Then she asked her question, and he was forced to oblige. "Jessie," He began, swallowing hard; "I've been thinking… These past months, they haven't been easy. For either of us." It wasn't that he wanted to drag her into his thought pattern, to impose on her the same penance for running that was so strong in himself. But he needed her to understand. "This place," He continued, not daring to lose he gaze even for a second, to glance around them; "It's… Toxic. I can't stay here, there are too many bad memories, too many ghosts haunting me." Now he wanted to look away, to hide his cowardice from her; But that's not how this works! He'd come to confess, to explain himself and, hopefully, talk it over with her. So he simply had to bite back the shame. If anyone would understand, she would; Right? They'd lived through this grief together, seen each other at their lowest. She knew what it was like, spending every day haunted by those who would never return, yet seemed to cling to this very forest. And yet she hadn't run. Perhaps, like everyone else, she was stronger than him. In fact he knew she was. She had lost and moved on, so many times over, somehow managed to keep her heart, if not intact, then at least bandaged well enough to keep beating. Even with the shadow of all this death hanging over her. Drestig felt himself falter again, begin to regret having come here at all. So he hurried to continue: "I want… No, I need to leave. To go somewhere else, try and start over. I still have hopes, dreams even… I want to build a future, but I can't do so here." His puffed out chest deflated, eyes finally sinking to rest on his graying paws. He'd said it. Now the question was how she would react, if she would have any sympathy for his cause, his lack of backbone. After all, she still came here, visiting the last resting place of Hotei, the very place where he had died. While Drestig had long abandoned Silver's grave to the weeds of the hill. All that was left of her here was pain. Word count: 414 Thoughts ”Speech” |
Their tortured eyes were direct mirrors of one another. Jessie had always been observant. As a Scout, it had been her job to study the body language of others and anticipate any possible scenario. The fleeting uncertainty in his gaze caused her heart to skip a beat, a reminder of exactly how much he meant to her now. She bite the inside of her cheek, willing herself to remain silent. While she was certainly good at her job, patience had never been her strong-suit and his hesitancy to tell her…whatever it was he had to say, was putting her on edge. Her eyes remained locked with his as she listened to his words, and as he continued speaking, an icy storm passed over Jessie’s heart, growing colder with each word. She tried to remind herself to stay indifferent, that she knew where he was coming from. Not so long ago, hadn’t Serach approached with the same intentions? Hadn’t she had similar thoughts ever since Hotei had passed? The realization made her swallow, which was only contradicted by the put forming in her throat. The pepper-and-salt colored woman reminded herself of her need to breathe just as she let out an unsteady exhale. I need to leave. His words echoed in her mind as a silence passed between them. The widowed Tainn almost didn’t notice when he broke eye contact with her but she did. A familiar feeling of anger and hurt welled up within her at the familiar situation. This had happened before. While her voice was cold, it was not unkind, ”So that’s it then? You’re just going to leave? Leave the pack, leave me?” Her emerald eyes were sparkling and narrowed and she channeled her anger into something that Hotei had experienced quite often. ”Do you already have followers waiting for you, Drestig? Last time I checked, it takes more than one to make a pack.” Her last word was a soft hiss as she sank back on her haunches, now taking her turn to avoid his gaze and look towards the ground, at his paws. They were much larger than her own. For once, Jessie had thought that someone had understood what it felt like to lose and to never want to feel that, or anyone else to feel it, ever again. And suddenly she felt cheated and wronged. Drestig was leaving her too. |
Silence. Moments ticking by like eons while he waited. Say… SOMETHING! He pleaded silently, breathing ragged. And then she did. Her voice was a strange, a mixture of detachment and emotion; Anger… And something else? The words cut deep, ember eyes widening as he lifted his head back to look at her, sudden dread making his breathing shallow. "No!" He exclaimed defensively, then grew more unsure; "I mean…" But she wasn't done, clear hurt lacing the anger when she lashed out. Then she averted her eyes, a painfully defeated air around her slumped shoulders. Drestig felt a painful wrench of his heart, instinctively leaning forwards as if to close the distance between them, even though it was way too wide. His eyes were soft as they looked at her, voice hoarse when he spoke lowly: "Jessie." Again he was begging, pleading not to lose her in this; "You could come with me." And oh how he wanted her to. Because he couldn't imagine not having her by his side, going on without her continued support. Was it love? He wasn't sure. It wasn't like with Silver, wild and fiery, and seeming to have existed since he first laid eyes n her. No, this was entirely different, quiet, a slowly building trust, a connection formed through shared hardship. All he knew for sure was that he didn't want to leave her. Word count: 230 Thoughts ”Speech” |
She went with honestly. "I want to," she started, before taking a deep breath and continuing, "But I can't leave the pack...and...and you don't have to either. There are other ways..." Now she was the one that was pleading. Her conversation with Triell made its way back into her mind. I hate it here so much... and in turn he had claimed that he thought about going back to the river. Admittedly, there had been dark times over in Swift River but Jessie had never liked it on this side of the mountain. Ever since she had found Rissa's body. Would it be so hard to move the pack again? To relocate? To keep Drestig with her. Before she lost her nerve, she admitted one thing that she would have never thought would cross her mind. Inhaling deeply, she spoke, "I don't want to lose you, Drestig..."
He sat, frozen, waiting for her answer, hardly daring to breathe. Would she reject him? Then what? He couldn't think of that possibility, couldn't even imagine what came next if that was the case. When was the last time he had felt so vulnerable, had exposed himself so openly to someone else? Silver… Of course, on that night when he and Jessie had returned from their trip, and he had found Oliver a member of the pack; His past suddenly back to haunt him. He had run, with no destination, no purpose other than to get away, he had taken to the woods. And she had found him there, exhausted, mind fractured. He had bared himself to her that night, told her his deepest, darkest secrets, fearing that they would turn her away, but having no other defenses left. And here he now sat, again, once more terrorized by a past that had come too close; Will I always need someone else to steady me? Ember eyes lifted to look at Jessie and he decided that, if it was her, he didn't mind. And perhaps she needed him too; We can be strong together! And then she spoke, her voice though low carrying easily across to him. A sharp intake of breath, black ears folding back, then lifting again; Want to! However the but was easily sensed at the end of her declaration, and he remained still, silent, biting his lip as she continued. It was not a destructive condition she added, not a dismissal, not entirely anyway. Her voice sounded so vulnerable, it made him grimace, teeth grinding behind tightened lips. But the words, fragmented as they were, cleared some of the fog in his head, his eyes widening as wheels started spinning in his head. The grey woman added one last comment. And then he was moving, because damn if she didn't want to be touched, he couldn't hold back any longer. Swift steps brought him to her side, where he lowered his head to level their eyes. Black and grey hairs brushed, but he didn't move to actually connect any more, nose hovering bare inches from hers. "You won't." He breathed, looking to meet her deep green gaze to show her how much he meant it. His breathing was swift, eyes closing for a second as he collected his thoughts. Then he smiled softly at her; "You're right. I don't want to leave anyone here… But I can't be sure they'll go with me. They might not see this place like we do…" Though, as he said it, he remembered Triell's parting words at their meeting: '…the founders of the Bend chose this place because their last home was scarred by tragedy and now it is no different.' So maybe he would have some support for this idea. Word count: 471 Thoughts ”Speech” |