Round Stone Crest Can you feel my heart again

OOC: For @Gent <3 

2/15/2016

Weather:
17° F, -8° C
Snowing
10:43 AM

Her howl carried itself up into the trees; darting away through the falling snow in all directions. It was exhausted and full of a desperate longing for her home and the friends that waited just over the next hill; friends that had waited much longer for her return than they should have. The russet woman paused only a moment to hear her call ring between the trunks of the giants before her; panting with the effort of pushing herself through the deep snow. Once the oxygen had returned to her blood she pressed on; wishing that this white powder was thicker – at least then she could walk on top of it. Warm breath puffed from between her parted jaws and already her legs were beginning to ache again. She was so close; but then again that's what the former Queen had told herself for miles now. Everything had become so familiar; and as she dragged her chilled limbs through the drifts it provided a last spark of determination to her muscles. Once she was home this dreadful trip would be over. 

Kova was nowhere to be found. The lad seemed to have a knack for disappearing into the winter itself like a ghost; she thought sadly. They all did. RSC had been crumbling when she left, and what remained of it now was anyone's guess. She had been gone too long. For all Raela knew her title might have expired in the eyes of the other females, and she'd have to reclaim it. At the moment though; all she could think of was getting back, and finding – "Geeeeennnnnnt!" The woman stopped again, tipping her nose to the falling snow in yet another howl. She'd been doing so again and again as she neared the mountain; eagerly hoping to spy his dark form splashed against the pure white earth; rushing to her with warmth and comfort. She'd no desire to climb to the top of the crest in this tired state; and perhaps if she kept calling he would hear her ahead of time despite the muffling snow, and be there when she reached the border. 

Raela's song ended with another tired gasp of frozen air. At least it wasn't as cold here as it had been in the past week. The agouti female's ears, now bald and painful at the very tips from frostbite, arched skyward to hear her voice rushing up the mountain much faster than any wolf could run. The temperatures had been so vicious that she was actually lucky the injuries were so minor. Now she would just have to ensure they were disinfected, and she couldn't do that without him. He had to be up there somewhere; racing down toward her right now, probably relived to know she'd not perished or become lost like the Lagina children. It was the weather that had stalled her travel; and the desperation of not being able to find a single hint of Kova anywhere. She'd pushed further from the Crest than she had meant to, and with a storm on her heels. The mission was an absolute failure; but at least they had not lost yet another life. 

Excitement swelled in Rae's heaving chest as her honey eyes took in the mountain above. She was almost there; almost there. Her coat was covered in thick white flakes; they were falling slowly in heavy clumps – seemingly doing their best to bury the woman alive before she ever reached her destination. It was sad too; this was her favorite kind of snow; so peaceful and beautiful – when one was tucked away in a den or under a tree. At least the wind had stopped. Everything was so deadly silent like this. The only sound was her labored breathing, and her quiet trudging through chest-high snow. There was no pack to help carve her path or keep her warm – but they were just minutes away, or so she hoped. Her eyes darted between the trees ahead; pleading with the universe to see someone there. Anyone would do, but it was Gent's presence that she truly longed for. Once she was with him, it would be alright.   

            

The beast could scarcely believe the stunning sound that sailed through the air to dodge the endlessly wafting snowflakes and settle within his exhausted mind. Raela? Did he dare to hold out hope still that she might have returned? It had been seven days too long, seven days for the despair to be hammered into his heart that she may not come back. Amidst the swallowing waves that were the losses of each of his other pack members, he felt as though he were standing upon a precipice, with no choice but to accept that Raela was another of these vanishing numbers.

Then the call came again, sweetly singing his name alone, and for the first time in his life, he was thrilled to have been proven foolish. How could he have doubted her, her strength and resolve, her loyalty and heart? He did not even save breath to answer her back; all was thrown into his descent down the mountain side, flurried and reckless. When at last his pale eyes fell upon her, his heart warmed and for the first time in a long time, he felt that he could breathe freely.

He tried to call out to her but only air escaped him, the man fully winded by his rush to meet her. It didn't matter. His form nearly collided with hers, and immediately his eyes and maw set to work, cold nose trailing the angles of her face and the curves of her neck and shoulders. Seeking even a single tuft of fur out of place. It wasn't until he reached her frostbitten ears that he stopped his determined search, tongue passing gently over one of the raw tips. He loathed that she was hurt at all, but if this was the only harm to have befallen her, he would be thankful.

That no one accompanied her did not occur to him. So grateful that she had returned to him, the mission for which she had left failed to even cross his mind. All that mattered was that for once, someone had returned from the swirling void of snow, and miraculously it was the woman who had been at his side every time his world had threatened to fall apart.

"I missed you so much."

<3

The gently falling snow quelled even the frantic approach of the monstrous black wolf; and it was the huff of his heaving lungs that froze Raela in her tracks. Her eyes were wide and sweeping, but at last she spotted him. He came charging; bounding through the snow that swallowed her legs and only reached his mid-way. The fluffy powder exploded around him; marring the pristine obsidian of his coat wherever it could grab hold. The realization exploded in her chest and she felt the energy surge full force into her weary body. Ducking her head down Raela heaved herself on; jaws parted and yowling with uncontainable joy and relief. The smaller woman bucked mere feet through the miring flakes on this crazed rush; desperate to reach him as fast as she could while the snow stubbornly held her down.

The King's massive frame had no such trouble though, and as Raela whimpered and whined with glee, tail wagging furiously, the wolf dearest to her heart halted finally beside her. Oh god to see him again! She had spent so many nights alone, ducking under snowy pine trees or piles of rock, sometimes only digging out a hole in the snow just deep enough to shield away the worst of the wind. She ducked down a bit in case he collided with her out of zeal, but instead she was met with a ravenously curious nose – searching her to verify that she was indeed alive and well. With the little strength she had left Raela returned the gesture; nuzzling and sniffing him – pressing herself into his exertion-heated fur in the seconds she could before he continued checking her over. Oh he was as warm and comforting as she'd imagined, and his scent was so familiar and relieving it nearly brought tears to her eyes. She was home. 

Gent's search ended at her ears, and his touch, however gentle, sparked a stinging pain. She recoiled reflexively; pinning her oversized ears away from the curious tongue with a wince. They'd hurt like that for a while, according to her knowledge of frostbite from the Asurn pack and those that had been claimed by it. However, she would actually get medical care, and had nothing to fear about loosing the ears altogether, much less her life. Perhaps if she'd had smaller, more normal audits then they would not have been hurt in the storms. It was of little concern now though as she stared at the crest King. The happiness still roiled in her lungs as she panted, beaming up at him. Her tail's intense flurry slowed to a halt as his voice finally, finally crushed the silence – and the words were so perfect. 

Raela's eyes squinted with a soft whine, and she pressed forward to rejoin with his warmth. It was exactly what she wanted to hear. It was an encomium of the highest caliber; she had been missed. "I missed you too," she breathed, rubbing her muzzle up and down his chest and neck. There was no fear in these gestures any more; she was safe with him. There was peace in that moment, with the snow muffling the whole outside world, but the former queen's mind drew back to her absence; to her failure. Rae's ears fell to her skull. "I couldn't find him," she admitted with despair; still unwilling to part from the man's side. There was nothing more to it. He was just gone. Perhaps still alive, but gone. Just like Minka, just like Ari and Lugh and so many of their other members. Gone.

(This post was last modified: Feb 16, 2016, 01:22 AM by Raela.)

            

His eyes refused to lift from the damage done to her until she made it impossible for him to look upon it any longer. His mind was filled with all that he would need to do to ensure that the deadened areas would not cause any further harm and minimize her pain. As she tucked herself against him he embraced her, purposefully stretching his throat overtop her skull so that her ears would be pinned against his warmth. Crystal gaze swept over her back to continue the search, but his concern was swiftly deteriorating. Her happiness was so clear, so infectious, it filled his own tired body with energy. Able to contain it no longer, his forelimbs stamped joyously as she breathed the sentiment back to him. How good it felt to hear those words from her.

Then the mood attempted to shift with her next set of vocalizations, but he refused to let it budge far. Pulling her tighter against him with his chin he swiftly attempted to sway her away from that darker topic.

"I don't care," he admitted, without a shred of shame even if the laws of morality dictated that he should feel differently. "It's enough that you are back, that's all I've been asking for."

What would he have said to Kova, anyways? The boy had taken too long, and lost the rest of what he was trying to protect. He would have been heartbroken, would have blamed Gent. They would have fought and wasted energy and dragged down what remained of their pack even further. There was nothing left to salvage of Minka's, and Gent had, within the past few weeks, forced himself to accept that. All that mattered now, was that he and Raela survived. If they could maintain what little subordinates they had left, all the better. But if they all fell away... as long as he had her, he would be able to draw strength. That was the only guarantee that winter had left him.

"I think we need a new plan, Raela," he sighed. "We can discuss it later, though. After you've warmed up and rested. Can you make it to the summit?" If not, Danica's old den was the next best option. He just wanted to get her out of the snowfall.

(This post was last modified: Feb 16, 2016, 02:26 AM by Gent.)

Gent's embrace offered more shelter than any carefully-crafted den; any rock-solid cave she'd slept in the last few days. She could feel the anxiety ebbing away, and all the more so when his mass came down to draw her in further.  His speech almost startled her; not the tone but the message. The woman shifted to try and look his way, and tearing herself from his fur was harder than it would have been otherwise, but she didn't move far; just enough to find his icy eyes and to watch them as he spoke. Her ears deflated some as the king went on, but she was still so grateful to hear how much her absence had affected him – even if she hated to have caused anyone this anxiety in the first place. 

She cared for Kova's well-being, but at this point it couldn't be helped. It was far more important that the Crest get their leadership back in proper order, and then themselves. "I'm sorry, I went too far and on the way back the weather was awful." How she lamented the way it had kept her from her family; how it had grasped at her feet and pushed against her the whole way north. "Was it bad here too?"  She asked idly, tipping her head toward Gent. The former Queen wondered how everyone had gotten on without her. Was anyone else coming down to meet them right now? Rae's eyes peeled away for another moment with these thoughts, but Gent swiftly continued with a sigh.  She nodded in agreement; they were in desperate need of a new plan for sure. Things were shaky, unstable. It was the last thing she wanted for these wolves. With his question, her golden eyes trailed up to the summit. Only now, with the adrenaline and dopamine subsiding, did she realize just how awfully tired her legs were. Being in his comforting presence practically sapped away that last burst of power from her cells. Raela turned to look at him with defeat. She had quite the reserve of stamina, but it too had limits. 

"Ahh, it would be hard," she admitted, staring into the snow, "but we really should get inside." the last thing the woman needed was to be spending her meager reserves on keeping warm; even if the temperature was comparatively mild for winter. Taking a step back, she bowed her head and shook her pelt out furiously; dislodging whatever had not come off in their jubilant display of affection. 

            

A lynx has left behind the remains of a deer. +5 Health

His thoughts took their time reflecting on her absence and what they had weathered during it. Thankfully, he had only one absence to report to her, and details much clearer than 'the storm took him.' Yet it would be painful all the same, and he found himself letting the question slip away without too much notice. Stalling, just for a little bit longer.

As expected, she admitted that the climb might be beyond her. It wasn't such a worry. The lower-altitude ridge and the den upon it had proved a resting spot for him when halfway home and too worn to press further time and time again. Maybe in time, he would be lucky enough not to think of it as Danica's.

"I've a closer place in mind then," he informed her, with a sweeping nod of his maw in the direction they would go. Already the snow had piled itself upon his back in an airy drift, and the wind of his movement took a majority of it as he turned upon his paws to lead the way.

It wasn't until she was tucked into the den, atop the shredded furs that still managed to hold warmth, and assuredly comfortable that he pursued the scent of blood that they had noticed together on the trip there. What was left of a mule deer, mutilated and heavy with the stench of lynx. A sigh pushed into the air as he tallied up yet another burden to search for when he would inevitably have to tear himself away from Raela again, and then he took what could be carried and brought it back to the small shelter.

It was a cozy fit, but he had long since abandoned care for his personal space amongst his pack mates. Curling up along her back, he rested his head upon her shoulders and closed his eyes, allowing her time to eat. He tried not to think about it, what must be said to her, and yet as the silence persisted he could not control his thoughts so easily. At length, he decided he could not put it off any longer; the sooner she learned of it, the sooner she'd be able to recover from it, no?

"Draven left," he admitted at last, words quiet and heavy. "I was out in the lowlands, looking for... anyone. I came back and was told he had howled goodbye."

There was a pause, as he considered whether or not he should say anything further on the matter. It wasn't that he didn't trust Raela with his emotions by now; he didn't trust himself.

"... he never said a word to me, Raela."

He let her question drift out into the white abyss, and though Raela noticed it she didn't press. He showed little reaction to it at all really, and it came across as not wanting to bother her with the details rather than the hiding of truly tragic news. That was enough to keep her from worrying; too much. To her grateful surprise the black mammoth offered a different solution to the cold. Not quite grasping his meaning but happy all the same to not have to make the climb in her current state, the woman followed her friend dutifully. She strayed not a stride further than she absolutely had to to keep from running into the man as they walked. Soon the borders were left behind, and the familiarity of the territory, of her territory, had enveloped everything in sight. 

A sigh left her ebony lips as Raela took it all in. The scents of the others were wound throughout this place. Here she was, just over a year later knocking on the same doorstep. Except now; she was truly welcomed, and she belonged. It had been two weeks in the wilds of the land instead of eight months. If that wasn't improvement then she didn't know what was. Traces of blood met their noses as they neared the ridge; but thankfully it was the blood of prey. The rush of anxiety the scent had at first caused soon relented into hunger. When had she last eaten a meal? Scavenging had provided the woman with the means to survive the cold and the demanding travel, but it had been scarce and meager at best. Everything else was hungry too. Gent had promised to bring her whatever food lay in the valley once she was settled, and he delivered in good time.

Her russet tail thumped away when the man reappeared; bringing a few dusty flakes with him into the den. Those on her pelt had mostly been shaken or licked off, and the rest refused to melt until his body was pressed against hers. She thanked the King for his gift and gnawed eagerly at the cold, crunchy flesh. At least the frigid air kept kills from spoiling so fast; even if it meant they were a bit less pleasant to eat. For a moment Raela remembered the warm woodchuck flesh they had both devoured last year. Times had been good then; why, they'd hardly even known each other. Soon enough the meat was reduced to bones at her feet, but Raela felt the fatigue creeping up on her. She'd crack them for their marrow later. A singular cream paw reached out to push the bits of food away, and her head rested softly against the ground. It was silent outside, and even more so in their shelter. Gent's quietness might have concerned her, but instead Raela took in his scent with a gentle sigh. Her whole body relaxed beneath him and his endless comfort – until he revealed what he'd been hiding. 

“Draven left.” Her eyes opened slowly wider. When it had sunk deep into the pit of her stomach the woman's head rose to stare at him in confusion and shock. "Wh-" She sputtered, silencing herself to hear him out despite her inner turmoil. "He just left?" She breathed, searching the man's face for answers. It didn't make sense. Sure Draven had been depressed, and even more so without Calanthe, but she'd never expected him to just ...leave. And then Gent gave her the important piece of information. Not a word...  Raela's ears fell back. Draven had not been close with Gent since; everything, but he'd not hated the man either. Rae had thought they were recovering their bond but... Why didn't he- "Why?" she asked aloud; her voice airy and desperate. Another one gone now. Another. What was left of them? Pain filled her gut and her brows knitted upward. Honey eyes searched the patriarch's face but there would be no answers with him. Was it because she left? If she had been here would the pup have stayed? She worried even now for Draven's safety, but there was no denying the wound she felt growing in her heart. She had done everything she could for him... why. 

            

The man lifted his head to meet her gaze, gauging the depth of her reaction. All of it was expected, and the rising waters of hurt were met with a subtle frown and empathetic softening of his glacial eyes. There was no more for him to tell her, no answers to be given, and so he remained silent despite the question she asked. Maybe they would never understand what had been going through the child's head. While it still stung him, Gent had come to accept that, as well. Lost to the blizzards was one thing, but to choose to turn your back on those who had cared for you your whole life? The bitterness within his heart would not allow him to continue the charade. The children were gone, and he didn't want their selfish hearts back. The pack would be better off without them in the long run.

Yet she raised one more question and suddenly he could no longer meet her gaze. As much as it had been their choice to walk away, even as he had accepted life without them, there was still the subtle beast of remorse gnawing at him in the pit of his small heart. That this hurt Raela so thoroughly only made the bites all the more deep. It was difficult to foresee that he would ever be able to confidently say that there was nothing he could have done to make this all different. He laid his head upon her once more, burying his snout in the ruff of her neck and closing his eyes.

"That's a good question for any of 'em," he muttered. "... I'm sorry."

I'm sorry I wasn't able to stop it all from falling apart.

OOC: This is big. Recommended listening: -link-

His silence was a confirmation, and his downward gaze only deepened the hole in her chest. There would be no answers. Even if there were, would they be the kind she wanted to hear? Would they be like Aeus' “reasons”? The reminder of that man made her falter; sweeping her eyes from the black fur of Gent's face to stumble lost through the darkened den. She sat there, her mouth open just gently as her thoughts frantically limped about, reaching for something, anything, to hold on to. Nostalgia swallowed the woman whole. Golden eyes tracked slowly toward the entrance and the lazily falling snow. It was still silent. Of course it is; they're all gone. Moisture welled in her gaze; she remembered running through the blackberries with Aeus, and cuddling up to him at night. She remembered the pups; the innocent, sweet perfect little pups. They had loved her, they had loved Gent. 

There was a horrible emptiness in her core; sucking in everything – slowly but surely, it was all being covered in darkness and she felt it. The sinking, the melting, the death of every one of these things. The tears pooled, slipping unnoticed into her cheek fur and vanishing from sight. Breath swirled from her parted lips only to disappear above. Gone gone gone. Cessair, Calanthe – a whine pressed into her throat but did not escape. She felt the king's crown come to rest upon her shoulder, then her neck, but it felt far away. “I'm sorry.” The woman's gaze broke and dropped to the den floor. There was the urge to turn to him but she was still reeling. Gent was hurt too, even if he didn't let on as openly as just now. How could he not be? 

She bent her muzzle inwards to receive the pressure of Gent's, and stopped just shy of touching him. Again her wet honey eyes moved out into the snow. She could see the children, she could see Kova too; the way he used to jump for joy at the sight of her. There was so much promise in all of them. A breath of frigid air slipped shakily into her lungs, and brought with it the heaviest thought of all. Tolas. New tears clouded the smaller woman's sight. All of them. All of them, starting with you... Again Raela stifled a whine, tucking her head down into her chest and holding her breath. The pressure built within; demanded release, but she was so tired and beaten. At last she exhaled coolly, shaking physically now beneath the great black wolf's weight. The fur on her face was beginning to soak from the moisture, and would soon freeze. Another few quivering breaths; in and out, and she was turning to him again. 

How many more would they loose? How many more times would her chest ache and her tears fall to the ground? How many more times would she ask why? Raela pinched her eyes shut, pressing her head firmly into his and straining to keep it all in. Each breath betrayed her internal state, sounding tremulous and only a step above a sob. Her chest clenched again and again as it tried to and still the woman fought it.  Her lips wrinkled and she gritted her teeth each time. It was so much pain. She didn't have a word for him, but somehow it felt like a word wasn't even needed. Raela stayed like this; braced against him, sharing in the awful sinking feeling of death and loss all around.

Was it inevitable? Was there no respite from it anywhere? Time passed in silence as she grieved for everything, for everyone. How long, she would never know. It was a while. Her thoughts filled every inch of the silence in that den; took her on a trip of relived months and years. Among the memories that stabbed away at Raela's fragile center, a certain one rose again. From the clouded tangle of emotion and remorse it edged up closer and closer. The woodchucks in the spring. She sniffed, feeling the tremors of her body ease just a bit. That spring had been about Aeus, and the pups, but it had also been about woodchucks. This memory was different – it didn't make her feel sad, or wounded; as if she'd lost something precious.  

Her head parted from his, sliding down onto the dirt and hides while her gold eyes stared ahead. It had been about fighting “bears” and reaching out to care for battle wounds when they barely knew each other; when she was terrified of any contact at all. Then it had been about arguing, and about tearful promises. Then there was comfort and reassurance, then shared delight. Conversations in private, and then all the time. Then protection, then training, then encouragement. Then it all fell apart, but there was still comfort, and safety. Wolves came and went, and then they just went. They did... Her mind interrupted. She paused; gaze falling back toward the man at her side from the corner of her eye. She was frozen there, just staring quietly as her body came to rest. The tears had stopped, and she no longer felt the need to sob. It was, better. She was better.

Pieces seemed to fall into place somewhere behind her brilliant yellow eyes. The former Queen looked him over, avoiding his glacial eyes should they seek her. It was true. He was still here. Everyone else was gone. Every. Last. Wolf. Everyone they'd known back then. There was a swelling in her chest and she simply stared, overcome with realization and swimming in thoughts. Her heart picked up its beat. She could see his despair as plain as the falling snow. She had to say this. She had to, and still Raela hesitated. Perhaps he could feel the pulse in her back, or the little bit of heaviness in her breath. She was nervous to tell him such a thing; she'd never opened herself so completely before. And what if it was too much for him? More breaths. The smaller female brought her muzzle up to his again; closing her eyes and desperately trying to make herself do it. Do it. She pulled back an inch, and looked down; her muzzle parallel with his own. Gent, her mind began silently.  

"Even if," her voice was gentle; fragile as ice. Raela paused – that wasn't quite how she wanted to say it. "Maybe they're all gone. Maybe we won't see any of them ever again," her heart was racing now, fighting against the glaring vulnerability she was creating. Vulnerability, weakness – not once did her eyes move toward him. "And, I just started to think," Emotion constricted her throat; desperate to choke her off before she could tell him. "Maybe I don't need anyone else. Maybe," she swallowed. Her ears were burning. "Maybe everything will be okay if I just have you." her voice trembled. There it was. Hot tears stole away her vision, but what was it that she needed to see? There was terror in her core; terror for what kind of reaction he would have. She was frozen.  

(This post was last modified: Feb 20, 2016, 02:54 PM by Raela.)