Nightingale Palisade Who needs me anyway?

For @Raela
Dated 2/24
Mid day, sunny. 12*F, -8*C

 

Reach for the stars

Everything had changed. Once again, her world was turned upside down. But this time, it was by her own choice. For over a week now, Jynx had reverted back to her nomadic lifestyle, leaving Grizzly Hollow, pack life, and her title, behind. How ironic it was, that one fateful decision could change it all. She had gone from the Leader of a pack in which she had lead several successful hunts and acceptance of members, to the lonely existence of a solitary wolf, with no family to back her up. She had left everything. 

And in her own eyes, that was the way it had to be, for the best. She had known ever since that day @Rook had invited her back to his home, that her stay would only be temporary. The last thing she was expecting was to find herself filling the shoes of a Leader, responsible for the entire well being of the pack. And she certainly had not anticipated on staying quite as long as she did. Although @Veho had lost her respect, he at least helped in giving her the push...the realization she needed, that her time in the Cedars was up. She had tried to make it work there...to integrate herself with the others, to get to know them. But the responsibilities of being in charge kept her busy, and often tired at the end of the day. No one else seemed interested in going out of their way to engage her either. That was all the proof there she needed, plus @Veho's lack of respect and appreciation, that this pack was not the right fit. Perhaps no pack was. She belonged nowhere.

Of course. Was the thought that echoed in the hollow of her mind, as she now edged her way Northward. A bitter, humorless laugh passed up and out of her throat, eyes slightly narrowed as she trudged on ahead. She had no niche, no purpose. Why should she? She was but a misfit, born to a mother and father she never even knew, cast out of their respective packs. Hell, even her adoptive father had been, by coincidence, a lone wolf as well. With this harsh reality planted firmly in place, she in turn, accepted that this was how she was meant to live her life. As she edged her way carefully down the steep embankments, the ground still covered in a thin layer of rapidly melting snow, she kept her eyes fixed steadily on the glassy surface of the river ahead of her. Another reminder of where she had come from. But at least this one was out in the open, and not in the midst of the forest. She was glad to get away, to be in uncharted territory. The CedarWood forest often felt too familiar, almost suffocating. Despite only being gone just over a week, already any hints of a pack scent were long gone from her russet and gray flecked coat. She smelled of nothing but fir, earth damp snow. The way a solitary wolf should smell.

As her paws reached the muddied banks at the slowly flowing river, leaving multiple prints behind her, she came to a stop. Bending down, she took a moment to drink from the cold, refreshing water, eyes fixed on the opposite bank for any sign of movement. That is, until she ceased altogether, drawn by her reflection in the water. She stared back at the wolf who looked at her, with a cleanly defined muzzle, and simple yet attractive markings. And bright yellow eyes. Yet their expression was solemn, deadened. Jynx was reminded of the fact that all wolves, by nature, longed for the company of their own kind. She was no exception. But how could she fulfill that need, when there was no place for her? Deflated, and overcome by bitterness and self pity, the once proud pack wolf sighed and laid down with her head dejectedly between her forelegs, burning eyes staring into an empty void. 

(This post was last modified: Feb 24, 2016, 03:19 AM by Jynx.)

Well, it would seem that the agouti woman had it in her mind to travel even farther today. The herds in the Timbers had been accounted for, so there was no need to check up on them again just a day later. As Raela moved east she found her paws wanting to keep going; muscles growing warm and comfortable in their motion. Taking these trips away from the pack was proving to be cathartic. It was a great outlet for the tension within, and she returned much more stable. The Queen wondered however, if they would continue to be useful as her condition escalated. She could only hope. 

The ravine of the Palisade came into view much earlier than the woman had been expecting. She was deep in thought when the smell of the water caught her attention. Raela wouldn't be going any further than this today if she wanted to return in reasonable time. Immediately the Crest matriarch turned; moving down the slopes with care. A drink sounded absolutely fantastic right about now; eating snow while being out like this got old fast. Thankfully at least some of the water remained unfrozen, allowing her pink tongue to lap up its fill. Her golden eyes turned upriver, and on a whim she decided to trek along it some distance more. The sun was still high and the weather was good. Why not?  Besides, the river was beautiful; much more to behold then their tiny mountain creeks. What better place to relax before her heat really kicked in? 

Raela was not destined to walk alone for long. She would have picked up the scent long ago, but the wind was hardly in her favor. Instead it was the lone female that would surely have smelled her scent by the time the saddened lump of fur came into view along the bank. The Palisade had never been a happy place. Raela's first time here was dedicated to finding Minka's missing children, and had ended in failure. Now she froze; sunshine eyes locked onto a foreign, apparently despondent girl. Instantly the Queen recalled her meeting with Moraxia. Was this one about the same age too? Driven by the need for more recruits, as well as her inborn compassion, Raela chose not to turn tail. At the first sign of trouble she would be gone, but as of yet there was little to be concerned about. 

She gazed upon the similarly hued pelt, mulling over her course of action. It was always a bit frightening meeting strangers, but the new Alpha was gradually getting used to it. On the off chance she'd not yet been noticed, a gentle extended woof parted her lips. The matriarch dipped her head below her shoulders and began stepping forward across the snowy bank. She was Queen of absolutely nothing here. They were equal, and she was far too far from her pack mates to have any sort of real weight to throw around. As she moved her tail swayed once as a sign of good intent, and her brilliant yellow eyes studied the other's reaction. Really Rae was just curious, and it showed in her soft expression and cupped ears. The last thing she needed was to look like a threat. 

            

 Bear in mind that Jynx has reverted into a semi feral state, due to the circumstances and her mood.
<3

Reach for the stars

Even if the weather was pleasant, her mood was a far cry from it. All the sunshine and blue skies in the world could do nothing to budge Jynx from her mood. Sour, lonely and reclusive, she was torn in wanting to be by herself, or to take a chance with some company again. A heavy sigh pressed through her lungs, and out of her nose, her body heaving slightly with the movement.

Her thoughts jumped randomly from one idea to another. Perhaps she should find her way out of Relic Lore, and travel elsewhere. Or she could stay, and join up with a band of lone wolves. But then, she would have to cope with finding her place among them again...a situation she wanted to avoid. She could always frequent the borders of the packs, taking her chances by stealing scraps. But, that was hardly the wisest move she could make. Besides, it was not in her nature to resort to thievery. Fate it seemed, had already decided for her, if she was to be left in peace or not. Long before she could see her, the distinct smell of a steadily approaching wolf tickled her nose. She doubted they knew she was already there, laying almost lifelessly by the river. Save for the subtle twitch of her right ear, she paid the oncoming stranger no mind. Maybe if she held still like she had been doing for the past five minutes, they'd move on.

No such luck. Not today. Out of the corner of her eye, Jynx saw the movement. They were slowly coming closer, and she had been spotted. She cursed her luck as a shiver, which resulted in the stiffening of her spine, took over her body. Her ears lowered some, airplaning to the side to advertise her unease with the situation. Her hackles didn't raise, but her body remained tense. Another whiff of air confirmed that this wolf, a well fed female, belonged to a pack as well. Just great. Ever so slightly, she turned her head to the side, only so she might get a better look at this female, who had since whuffed out a soft greeting. The reply was not returned. Only a slight, wary narrowing of molten eyes. She looked her over. They were...startlingly similar. Close enough to be mistaken as twins, at first glance. As much as she would have liked to smile at this fact, Jynx was stuck too deep in a rut to care much. Finally, she responded with a simple "Can I help you?" Came her voice, hollow, if not slightly weary. 

There is a deer that was killed by a lynx nearby. +10 Health

The stranger barely even moved to acknowledge her presence or approach. This was worse than Moraxia; that was abundantly clear. Raela slowed even further, actually halting when she saw the female's ears flatten. That was a boundary she did not wish to push. Raela lifted her head some from its meager position; she had left a good distance between them and hopefully it was enough not to irritate her company. When at last the empty, depressed tone seeped into the air the matriarch's own ears deflated. It was not a friendly greeting, but not entirely hostile either. However, caught slightly off-guard and still very cautious about the situation, she didn't reply at first. 

It was a hard thing to answer really. Did she? The older woman simply stared, almost cocking her head to the side in thought. It took only a moment or two for her to figure out what to say, but a few seconds more to get up the courage to actually say it. The Queen of the Crest dipped her head again slightly. "I'm not asking for help," she began softly but with an even tone, and I don't think I'm the one that needs it either. What could she possibly need as compared to this random loner. Any pack wolf had it better by far; well, almost any. A single ear tipped sideways with uncertainty. For all she knew this wolf was not in the mood to be told such things, whether they were true or not. Rae kept her head low. More words were needed. 

"An' I won't bother you if you don't want me to," she assured quickly; just in case. Maybe honesty was the best choice from here on out. There was a reason she was standing there after all. "You ah... you look upset," the pack wolf added, shifting a little in place. Usually that was a decent way of getting others to loosen up some. However it could just as easily turn colder here than it had been all winter in a single second. She was quite unsure which was the likelier outcome. 

(This post was last modified: Feb 24, 2016, 05:02 AM by Raela.)

            

Her demeanor remained unchanged. Her lack of interest towards the stranger or anyone else was not to be taken personally. Jynx simply had no reason to be up and about, like her usual cheerful, engaging self. She could be celebrating her new freedom, but the circumstances in which she left Grizzly Hollow, and the unsettling emotions, reminding her of her downfalls, weighed her down. When the stranger spoke again in reply, she realized that she might not have chosen her words so wisely. She sighed and shook her head to herself. She didn't even know what she was thinking anymore.

With what appeared to be a great effort on her part, Jynx finally hoisted her upper body away from the damp ground. While reasonably well fed, her disheveled fur and strain of her leg muscles suggested she was fatigued. More mentally than physically. A solemn, skeptical look was sent to the slightly older female, who was still lingering nearby. Jynx respected her for keeping out of her personal space, as she was reluctant to let anyone too close. Yet she did indeed sense that @Raela knew something was wrong. That maybe, she wanted to help. And her words confirmed it, to which were immediately met with a wince flickering across her face, paired with a solid flattening of her ears. 

"Upset?" She echoed quietly, head tipped down, eyes directed at her paws. "More like...lost, you could say." The tone in her voice pointed out that she was not lost in the physical sense, but psychologically. It was a minor effort on her part, to see if the Crest wolf would pick up on what she meant. Of how good a listener she may be. As much as Jynx did not want to confront her own turmoil, which would surely bring her emotions bubbling up again, she chanced a brief look into the matching golden eyes of the woman. A halfhearted plea for understanding. But Jynx did not expect to find such in a stranger. After all, she had never been very good at making connections. So, what were her chances now?

Raela remained rooted in place even as the other female rose. The deep sigh was actually a reassurance; it meant that perhaps the foreigner was less agitated by her new company, and more so by something else. Either way, it meant there'd be no violence at the moment, and that was good enough. With effort disproportionate to her apparent physical health the similarly pelted woman finally turned and faced her.  Raela blinked away from the loner's hollow gaze, partially out of discomfort and partly as another gesture of peaceful intent. 

Whatever negative scenario she'd expected to take place was immediately erased. While the wolf became visibly uncomfortable, she didn't seem to take offense or offer any sort of snappy response. That much gave Raela hope, and her words were even more encouraging. Orange ears cupped forward from their unsure positions at the sides of the matriarch's head. Lost? She paused; golden eyes slowly tracking along the other's body until her expression was visible in periphery. Direct eye contact was typically a bad idea. You could say... In a surprising twist it was the stranger who stared into her eyes. Raela returned it briefly, but it was all the time she needed to assess the situation. There was pain in those eyes. Immediately her mind wondered what exactly she was getting at, and there was something in the wording that was... different. She didn't sound like she was desperately looking for directions. That wasn't the tone at all. Combined with the obvious depressive behavior, it was clear. 

Raela's brows shifted closer together and she glanced away. She had to do something here. She was reminded vividly of her own plight the year before. Leaving this young woman all on her own in such a state was more than sin. But, Rae needed time to think. The Crest wolf's tail swayed at her heels; idle as she pondered her reply. It only seemed natural to ask... Would she mind? "Can I... can I ask why?" That was really the only way for her to help. She had to know the situation first. With any luck, this loner would be grateful to have the chance to confide in someone else; or she could take it as invasive and close up once more. 

            

Slowly easing her body into a more proper sitting position, Jynx waited to see what she would find in that pair of golden eyes. Despite the brief moment of eye contact, and the lack of a threat in her gaze, @Raela had looked away, confirming that she did not wish for a confrontation. That had not been her intent here...to throw her weight around in the face of a stranger. She wasn't so sure what glimpse of emotion she had seen when the contact was made. The moment had been too fleeting for her to properly decipher it all, just yet.

Then came the question Jynx knew she should have been expecting. Silent for another long moment, she glanced back down at her paws. Debating, as she curled her dark tipped tail closer to her haunches. Maybe she was being too hard on herself, being far too emotional. Or just being weak, giving up too easily. Drawing her head back up, she looked at the lookalike stranger thoughtfully. "Well...it's a long story..." She began, licking her lips, which had already begun to feel dry again, despite her recent drink. "...I wouldn't want to burden you with it..." She admitted humbly. A wolf whose name she didn't even know certainly did not need the lone female spilling her heart out, in a guilt ridden life story. But, she appreciated the kindness in the gesture.

OOC: Sorry, bit short. 

The silence did little to ease Raela's worries. She really did want to help, but she could see that any prying was going to be a bit torturous. Still, it was worth a try. She was patient, watching all of the other female's mannerisms while she no doubt mulled over continuing the conversation along this path. Raela's autumn-colored ears tipped up to drunk in her words, and instead of spending a moment in thought she almost answered right away. Her face seemed to brighten a little, though it was hardly what one could call joy. The Queen's voice fell lower as she spoke. The words came easy. "It's no burden to me," she offered gently, a sympathetic grin just barely, almost imperceptibly tugging at her mouth. 

"And I've got time," the pack wolf added lightly; slowly sliding back onto her haunches in a silent gesture of encouragement. It was true of course; the problems of others were hardly a burden to her. If she could help, it was actually more of a passion. Her fluffy tail curled, coming to rest upon creamy paws. It was a much better use of her breath than just wandering around for fun like this. 

(This post was last modified: Feb 24, 2016, 11:24 PM by Raela.)

            

Jynx was half expecting @Raela to walk away after she had insisted she need not bother with listening. Instead, she chose to stay, encouraging her to come out of her shell and explain everything. Sunshine colored eyes narrowed thoughtfully. Ah what the hell. What was the worst that could happen? In the end, this wolf could very well end up laughing in her face, or extend even more sympathy than she already had offered. Somewhat encouraged by the reassurance and the soft tone of the female, Jynx bobbed her head.

"Very well..." She began in a quiet voice, taking a moment to gather her thoughts. Shifting on her haunches, she faced the tawny woman, so each had the others full attention. "I guess I'll start with the more recent events..." Jynx wound back her thoughts in time, to the very day she had arrived in Relic Lore. That, she figured, would be the best place to start. "I arrived here a year and a half ago, in the late summer, by chance. I was alone at the time...something I had been used to. I wasn't expecting to join a pack, but the influence of a former friend won me over." She recalled her very first meeting with Karpos at the falls, where he had been open enough to bring her out of her shell. "Not long afterwards, I went to the borders of the pack myself, to try my luck. I was accepted as a full time member." Jynx saw no point in mentioning the name Cut Rock River, or HearthWood River, as the pack was now known as. Her ties to them were severed, and she would not go out of her way to reconnect. "I did my job, pulled my weight like any hard working wolf should. But I...struggled to adjust at first. While I was happy enough, I never felt as if I made any real connections..."

She paused in her speech, to let @Raela absorb this all in, before taking a breath and continuing. "Not long after we were forced to re-locate, I went out on a solo hunt. I made the mistake of misjudging the terrain in the foggy conditions, and tripped, badly spraining my ankle." She gestured to her left hind limb with her muzzle, where any traces of the old injury were long since gone. "I had gotten disoriented and lost, far away from my pack. But while I was trying to recover on my own, a kind man found me. He offered to take me in to his pack, where his medics would treat my injury." Again, she avoided using names. "I was reluctant to stay, but stayed nonetheless. I found myself in a new home, with a second chance. But again, I felt misplaced. Unable to connect...that everyone else was too busy wrapped up in their own affairs to bother. I was kept busy too, thanks to a recent promotion." Jynx felt no need to mention the fact that she had been a short lived Alpha. Out here in no mans land, that meant nothing. Besides, revealing that could only increase the chances of being frowned upon, for leaving the pack of her own will. "My partner and I had our differences, and I confronted him about it, telling him how I felt. He didn't seem to care much. More like he was better off without my help. So I took my leave right then and there." She sighed, her shoulders heaving with the motion. Looking towards her face, Jynx tried to gauge @Raela's reaction. "I guess you can say all this time I have been...struggling to find my niche here. My purpose." She turned her head sharply, abruptly to the side, looking away. "I've come to the conclusion I have none..."

(This post was last modified: Feb 25, 2016, 02:15 AM by Jynx.)