Thicket of Secrets tired of wasted breath

For @Nina only.
Dated: Feb 13th, mid afternoon. 
Random Event: Dark clouds overhead threaten an incoming snowstorm.

There were many things that brought him south to the thickets. Some of these were political, logical; truly worthwhile. Other reasons were selfish and unbecoming. Luckily, he need not explain any of it to a single other soul. It was @Ainashi alone that he informed of his departure; he would be gone for the night at the most. There was no reason for them not to be able to survive a mere day without him, and if one of them was to become lost amongst the flurried darkness, well, it had been proven time and again that his presence held no sway over such fateful forces. He trusted that if his absence was questioned, Zilas would pass along the information accordingly; their friends to the south required an answer, and it was long overdue.

The journey itself held mild hopes, but in the end they would not be met. The shade king failed to encounter any of his kin, foreigner nor missing pack mate. Perhaps on the trip back he would have some luck? Optimism, even while it failed to truly reach his heart, was a lifeline that he was forcing himself to hold onto more and more every day. He felt heavy still with the guilt of his failures, but something was changing within the pit of his soul, crystallizing and metamorphosing.  He hadn't relinquished his grip fully on the past, but it was slipping all the same. Something had to break, and it would not be him.

His arrival was timely as planned, but behind him and overhead was the looming threat of hellish weather. The beast's pale gaze regarded it fleetingly before focusing ahead on the shadows of the thickets. Gent was beginning to hate winter, but its storms would not deter him. No matter what chaos the sky unleashed tonight, he was confident that he would find shelter from it. Hopefully, @Moraxia would lead the pack to do the same.

Tipping his maw upwards he howled, asking for admittance so that he might speak with his friend.

It was only a matter of time before the end of Nina’s reign. Aideen had done more than prove herself and Nina prided herself in knowing that she had finally found the right predecessor. To make it even more assuring, was the mate she already claimed who was also, coincidentally, in power. Secret Woodlands would be left in good paws and while she had no plans of leaving the pack any time soon when she did pass on, she knew that everything would be fine. However, the dark clouds overhead promised dark news and it deeply hurt her joints. A familiar call at the borders, no doubt confirming her thoughts.

She called back to him, allowing him entrance to her lands to meet her halfway. She was at the deepest part of her territory and with her aching joints it would take her awhile to navigate through the Thickets. None the less, the golden lass tried to be quick, her small paws working at a decent pace through her lands, which wouldn’t belong to her for much longer. When the two friends finally did meet head on, Nina’s pace slowed and the one-eyed woman took in his appearance silently before greeting him. "Gent…I wasn’t expecting you to be back here so soon. What’s going on?" She mentioned for him to become comfortable and she did so herself, slumping down slightly to show just how comfortable she was around the young lad.

It seems when you're around, my life is complete.

Her call was received by cupped ears, and the significance that she trusted him enough to welcome him into the territory at all, much less without her immediate accompaniment, was not lost upon him. Without hesitation he pressed forward, directing himself toward the origin of her howl. For once, his pale eyes were not searching and his audits took in only the minimal sounds necessary, the dark clouds within his mind far too heavy to allow for his usual attentive analysis. To see her allowed him only minimal relief, and he hesitated to sit at all. Slowly he lowered his flanks to the ground, tail curling round to lay atop his front paws.

"Quite a bit," he answered, voice hollow. It was clear that his mood reflected the storm on the horizon, and as much as he wished not to bare his weaknesses, he could not keep all of the disappointment and regret inside of him. It was leaking out, poisoning his normally confident and strong demeanor. A small piece of him wanted to ask her how her pack was doing, to distract himself with the current events within her life. However, delaying would help no one, and he knew that Nina would not appreciate any dodging on his behalf; she would want him to get to the point, and so he did.

"I wanted to give you our answer, on the alliance you proposed. I have no choice but to decline. Our numbers have fallen drastically, and what remains... we're still unstable from Minka's death."

He would not be in a position of owing. There was nothing he or his pack would be able to do for the woman, and so he would not make such a false promise as agreeing to an alliance, as much as he wanted to strengthen the relationship between them.

"I have nothing to offer you, Nina."

There is a moose carcass that has been scavenged by coyotes nearby. +15 Health

She greeted him with a polite smile and tried to make herself as comfortable as her joints would allow. Her discomfort was just a reminder of her impending position and while it saddened her that her reign was ending, it brought her a great amount of hope to know that a new legacy would start within Secret Woodlands.

Gent had her full attention, her single emerald eye trained on him. However, when he began to speak, her smile dropped. His tone suggested that he was not here on pleasant terms, as he was last time, and it saddened her greatly to learn that Round Rock Crest had yet to recover from their lose. It was a hard thing to deal with and sometimes when a shadow that great passed over a pack, it was time to start over. It probably should have been a relief to her then, when Gent declined her proposition for an alliance, but it just made her feel awful on the inside. She had wanted this and it wasn’t often that the Queen of the Thickets got refused. She, however, would not make the Crest alpha regret his visit and remained professional about his decision.

She cleared her throat before speaking, "I suppose there is nothing I can say to change your mind, then? But allow me to enlighten you for the future that it is for that purpose for alliances. They are here to help Gent. It is why I have no hesitancies making alliances with decent packs and it is why I have no problems with labeling any pack an enemy if I feel they have betrayed my trust in any way." her voice turned cold at the end of her speech, making it clear to which pack she was referring to. When she spoke next, however, her voice was softer, "That being said…I actually like you. Is there any way I can help?"

It seems when you're around, my life is complete.

Gent's ears lowered as she spoke, tone formal at the beginning. He knew this was a disappointment, that he was failing to meet expectations, and while the man was not a wolf who sought approval from others often, he discovered in that moment that a part of him desired Nina's. Why this was, exactly, he could not begin to place. Perhaps it was her tie to the past, that unretrievable, intangible thing that irregardlessly pulled on him so strongly. Maybe it was the experience and power she held, admirable to anyone but especially a younger man with such lofty ambitions. It could even have to do with the lack of a female role-model within his earliest months; hadn't he chosen @Naira over Mapplethorpe to idolize, as well? Whatever it was, he didn't much appreciate it at this moment; making him feel worse than he already did.

It wasn't until the word help passed from her lips that his ears picked up subtly, gaze lifting to hold hers at the words continued to flow. Her final claim was as good as a compliment to the shade king, and yet he felt confused, as though there was something he was missing. For a brief moment, nothing but silence encased them as his mind struggled with the pieces. The way she spoke, her idea of an alliance was more friendship than business. That was what Minka's ties to Maksim and his pack had claimed to be, and look where that had gotten them, him in particular. Had it failed simply because of the nature of it, or through some other, avoidable fault?

He didn't know the man who stood beside Nina and led, and his thicket friend had seen little of Raela. Raela... Remembering her brought pain to his heart, and against his wishes, a soft, nearly inaudible whine leaked from his lungs.

"I'm losing them. All of them," he told her, trying to keep his voice rigid as he spoke but faltering here and there. "One by one like the snow has a mind of its own and is picking them off. It doesn't matter how often I patrol, how little I sleep, how many times I warn them... Cessair even chose her death. She snuck out in the middle of an ice storm to freeze to death, curled up by herself on her favorite hill."

He had blamed himself, still did, but it also was impossible to ignore that ultimately, it had been the would-be scout's own choices that had resulted in her death. That was the worst part about all of this; it was completely out of his control. Gent despised lacking that power.

"I'm at a loss, I can't save them from themselves and so what can I do?" he asked her, unsure if she would have any answers at all but hoping dearly that she might. Gent swallowed hard then, before confessing, "Even @Danica is lost again."

He was distraught, that much was clear, and after she put her offer out there, Nina remained silent, allowing Gent to do whatever mental configuration he needed to in order to get through their conversation. Her eyebrows shot upwards when a soft, pathetic whine escaped the man's lips. It was so soft, Nina was almost sure she imagined it until his pitiful words matched the act. It seemed that his pack had suffered more than she had imagined and the Hervok woman listened in silence as Gent recalled what happened. So many losses in such a short amount of time was discouraging and the aging woman truly felt for the young man. It was not easy leading a pack that felt like it was failing. In Nina's case, when that had happened in Copper Rock Creek, they had simply needed new hope, a new beginning...and that was what she had given them: Secret Woodlands. Granted, they were all gone now but their spirits remained in the forest, as they helped found the pack she built and their memories lived on in her heart, even if she did not wish them to.

The most shocking of his news, to her, was that of Danica. For a moment, Nina mourned that her only daughter was once again missing before hardening her heart towards the situation. Gent had traveled there to give her an answer and now she was to give him guidance. Nina knew she would be no use if she allowed her emotions to cloud her judgment. "I would first like to give my deepest condolences for all of your losses. I know that it's hard to deal with so many things at once, but one of the duties of being a wolf in your position is leading and pushing forward to show the others that their is hope at the end and not to give. Like it or not, our lives go on and you, as well as the others, have to realize and accept this." She remained silent for a moment, her single emerald-eyed gaze searching Gent's before continuing, "And sometimes it seems like the end, but sometimes it's just the new beginning of something...and you need to know where to look." She sighed softly, knowing this probably wouldn't do anything to lighten his spirits but maybe it would give him some insight on how to proceed.

It seems when you're around, my life is complete.

Her voice entered the air once more and dutifully the king's eyes lifted to watch her lips form each word. As he had trusted her to do, she offered him guidance that was calm and direct. Each word reverberated with a truth that he had always held close but that was being clouded by the grief and self-doubt he was experiencing. That she validated such belief meant a great deal to him, considering the paragon of leadership that she was beginning to become within his mind.

In her pause, he thought her done. His gaze wandered to the side, breaking the contact she sustained to scan the snow covered ground as though it might help him piece together the wisdom she was imparting to him with what he knew and felt of his situation. Without much time to find such assistance, however, her voice pressed upon his ears once more. Quickly, the words drew his gaze back up, locking now with that singular beryl sight through which she watched the world; and something clicked.

True silence now fell over them, taking up enough time for several of Gent's slow heart beats to thud through his veins. The end as a new beginning. So simple, and yet he felt as though he were looking at his life from a suddenly fresh perspective. That was always his problem, wasn't it? He let the ashes of the past smother the landscape through which he walked, looking for new growth with ingenuine interest and never uncovering the shoots so that they might rise up and become something better.

Maybe they had all possessed the right idea, regardless of the poor execution, those who had left their pack behind. Maybe the Crest was dead, and he should leave its corpse buried with Minka's. Was that giving up? It was so difficult to let go of that ideal plan of action he and @Raela had formulated, that melding of the best of both worlds for all of them, but maybe that was what would be best for those who remained.

For the first time in what felt like a long time, Gent cracked a smile. Wry and faint, but it was there all the same.

"I really hope I learn to have your composure someday, Nina," he commented with a phantom of a chuckle.  "... does it get easier? Moving on?"

The graying golden woman allowed silence to reign between them as Gent mulled over her words. She understood that all of this could be much to take in. The lady watched him, her single green eye trying to pick up on any social cues.  When he finally spoke, she smiled at him, nodding in response. It was a compliment that she had no idea how to reply to and had no intentions of. She had the idea that the black man was not one to give out compliments lightly and so she took it gracefully. What he said next, however, threw her slightly. Eyebrows creased she looked to the denser part of the thicket for a moment. She remembered her relapse into herself when Koda and Iopah left, how lost she was until Mirren returned and helped her. Swallowing, her gaze turned back to her friend, perhaps a potential ally when he figured things out.

Her voice was soft when she replied, "No...no it doesn't. But if you surround yourself with souls that support you, you get through it faster, I think. It's a matter of how you approach what you lost really." In her life, it was inevitable that Nina would lose others but she would just have to face it. Of course, she had times where she lost faith in herself but there were others, like Miccah, who helped her get her tough times and she was sure that Gent would gather enough support to have strength through his hardships. She held onto the hope that he would, because she truly wanted to see more of him in the future.

It seems when you're around, my life is complete.

Along with @Raela, Nina was the rare soul that Gent could ask such a question without feeling weak for it. As the words shifted her demeanor, putting that detached composure he had just praised on pause, he felt validated in extending such trust to the woman. She told him no, but that wasn't necessarily the same as saying 'you will feel this defeated each and every time.' That it would never get easier only meant that he would need to become stronger.

She offered other skerrick advice; surround yourself with those who care, mind how you look at the situation. Should he be faulted on both counts? It was clear that he had not raised supportive souls, despite the love that he and Minka had constantly shown the children. But Cessair, Alphinaud, Calanthe; were they gone because at the bone they weren't the dedicated wolves they'd appeared to be? Or had he not supported them as he should have?

His mind recalled Cessair at the meeting, how he had only just then seen how badly she had gotten. The king had tried to make up for it, dedicating every sunrise to her from that moment on, but in the end it hadn't been enough. It was a mistake that he couldn't repeat; not just sleeping through that final time she escaped into the frigid night, but not being attentive enough to catch that first step she'd made on her downward spiral. A different approach. He needed to change.

That smile that had so faintly appeared was gone, a frown now pulling down on his lips as his eyes found the ground. Silence had overcome them as these thoughts had passed through his mind, and when he finally pulled himself from their murky depths once more, he found he had to clear his voice before he could speak again.

"Thank you, Nina. I'm... sorry I came to you like this, but... thank you."

Behind him, thunder roared loudly and he only just now became aware of how much the wind had picked up. The snowstorm would be upon them any minute now.

(This post was last modified: Jul 07, 2016, 03:04 PM by Gent.)