She knew she needed to be strong, knew there was the possibility of this happening as it was only a part of nature. But it didn’t make it hurt any damn less. Her heart felt as if it were going to fall around, tears an unending steam down her cheeks as she attempted to stifle her sobs. Her living pup at her stomach gave a small mewl and her heart broke once more, wishing with everything she had that the still one at her chest would make the same forgiving sound. But, it was not meant to be.
Auds swiveled and head snapped up as Cernan invaded the den without any reserve, the utterly alarmed look in his eyes wounding her only further. Auds laid back and for the first time in her life she growled at her son, baring her fangs. “Out!” she ordered, mismatched gaze moving to her husband as well, “Both of you, out.” She knew it wasn’t fair to Vespertio, knew it wasn’t reasonable but instinct was taking over. She wanted to be alone, needed to be alone. Namid didn’t want anyone seeing her this way, especially not the love of her life or her child.
Once they were out she was finally able to relax at least a little bit. Her nose went to press against the motionless, wet body gently. She didn’t know if she should name him, didn’t know if it would help her heal or make her never recover again. If she ever felt better, perhaps it was a conversation she’d have to have with Vespertio. Suddenly, another contraction hit and her head shot up with alarm. Her heart thudded violently in her chest. Oh, god. Please, let this one life. Please, please, she begged as she winced, totally convinced that if another child came from her breathless she herself might perish as well. She gritted her teeth and bore down, taking in a breath before beginning again. A good two pushes later and another small bundle came from her, holding her breath as she examined it then broke the sack. A single lick was all it took, and a cry came. Emotional as she was, she literally cried in relief, pushing the child, another girl, next to her sister. Oh, how would she be able to tell them when they grew older that they might have had a brother littermate. It was a conversation she would dread until the time came and even after.
With the two feeding at her teats, she suddenly wasn’t sure what to do with the boy. He couldn’t stay in the den with then, it was wrong and no matter how much she wished for him to suddenly come to life with a gasp she knew it wouldn’t happen. He was gone and there wasn’t anything to fix it. She bit her lip gently, “Vesper,” she called quietly, attempting to keep the shaking from her voice. Once he came, she gingerly placed the body in front of his paws. “B…bury him…next to Anthem. It is the best place, he will be well taken care of by him,” she whispered, turning away as he took what would have been their child. Shame burned on her cheeks, knowing the entire pack was out there. Knowing that they would see her fault, know that she had done something to cause a loss of life. Oh, how could she ever look them in the face again.
Limply she laid her head down, tucking it around to rest just behind the suckling girls. Her mismatched gaze fluttered closed from exhaustion and she fell asleep, dreaming of her boy and what he might have been.
fade