Fallen Tree Cove call me your favorite

For @Cernan only.
Backdated to 09/29/16, just before this thread.

The storms were building in the distance, and soon they would be upon the mountain lake and its inhabitants. A good opportunity to stop being dilatory and finally take his leave. It reminded him of Primrose, and that was fitting. That was perfect. And so he took that inky black claw from where he'd kept it safe and he headed out of the pack's main den for the last time in his life, on the search for his favorite young guardian-to-be.

It wasn't difficult to track him, for several reasons. Dedicated to his family and his future, the boy was dutifully on patrol and it wasn't unusual for Nathaniel to join him. He probably thought nothing of it as the man fell into step next to him, and the weight of that pulled at his heart. For Cernan alone, a large part of him wanted to just keep swallowing everything bad down and stay with the Cove wolves. At least through the Winter, or until the boy fully earned his title, or when he stepped up to take his father's place or...

It would just keep going on like that. He had to stop it.

"Stah," he spoke through the object between his fangs, jerking his chin into the air to motion for the boy to stop so they could talk. This was going to horribly suck, but hopefully the gift would help instead of just being seen as salt in the wound. Worst case scenario, maybe it would give Cernan something to vent on after Nate was gone.

OOC: This thread title hurts me physically. </3 

No, it wasn't strange to pick up the nearby scent of Nathaniel, or to hear his footsteps drawing nearer with only a glance from the boy to cement that it was indeed his role model come to join his little excursion around the perimeter. He always appreciated it though; it was like the man took him seriously, or seriously enough; and this was the warrior that had rescued him as a child, multiple times. He felt like a much more real part of the pack this way, an 'adult.'  It showed in the quick smile and swish of his tail. He hadn't really noticed the object in the older male's teeth, or the blankness of his face, not until all of a sudden he spoke through them. 

Of course, Cernan stopped immediately, round ears pivoting to face the command's source. In an attempt to figure out why Nate had told him to stop, his bright golden eyes swept through the forest and back, settling curiously on the man's swarthy, serious expression. He turned a soft semicircle, to better face his elder. "Hmm?" His voice inquired wordlessly. Nathaniel wasn't looking at any threat or scent as far as he could tell. No, he was looking at Cernan, and what was that thing in his teeth? The prince's gaze flickered between it and its toothy cage.  

Compliant, trusting, the boy didn't think twice about obeying Nathaniel. Cernan turned to face him, and for a moment the older man was silent as he simply stared back. Namid's son was all but grown now, and he'd come so far in so many ways from the child he had once been. Something deep within his heart began to ache as Nate fully realized in this moment just how much he had invested into the wolf before him. How Cernan was perhaps the closest thing to a son of his own as he would ever have.

It's for his own good he repeated over and over in his head, desperate to believe it.

Quietly, unable to dilate* any longer, he set the bear claw down at Cernan's paws for him to see. When his head raised again, his pale green eyes sought to lock with the liquid gold of Cernan's. In this moment, he was perhaps more serious than the boy had ever seen him outside of conflict.

"I need to tell you something, and you aren't going to like it," he prefaced, voice somber with the weight of what was to come next.

"I need you to trust me that what I'm doing is for the best. You do trust me, don't you Cernan?"

*dilatory

It dragged on longer than he would have liked it to, that expectant silence. He preferred those be as short as possible. Passed time was counted in glances; he couldn't hold his gaze to Nate's for long, both out of submission and discomfort. The man was his superior in every way, and the way he was staring at him, it was so solemn and heavy. He didn't like it. 

There were no immediate answers. Cernan's company deposited his cargo on the ground, finally revealing the claw in its entirety, and leaving only further questions in the youth's mind. Then he was staring again, pinning the prince down and looking so serious. He tried to meet the Cove guardian's eyes, this time able, if barely, to maintain it only because it seemed like that was what Nate wanted of him. Confusion was obviously plaguing his every thought, but the yearling voiced none of it yet. If it had been about giving him a gift, or something, like the claw could imply, he doubted that the air would be hanging so oppressively as it was now. 

Now he was worried. What wasn't he going to like? What did it have to do with the claw? His tongue moved once inside his mouth and he swallowed, trying to find his emotional shield sitting back somewhere in his mind. Rounded beige ears cupped forward uncertainly, desperate to know what was going on and feeling a slow rising of adrenaline. What? The next pair of sentences caught the teen completely off guard. At first he only blinked, trying to process it. His stomach was starting to turn just a little. Doing what? Again Cernan actively stifled his questions, choosing to breathe and fumble after that shield instead.  

"Yeah," he replied questioningly, his low tone rising off of the word. Nate had proven his trustworthiness over and over again, why wouldn't Cernan trust him? The only ones he trusted more were probably his family. Nate had always been a part of the Cove, a part of their family, at least to him. Ma and Pa called the pack a family, after all, but he didn't feel so attached to any of the other platonic members as he did Nathaniel. So, what the hell was going on?  

A lynx has left behind the remains of a deer. +5 Health

Clearly he was making Cernan uncomfortable, but that just made it all the more difficult to press forward. The more unnerved the boy appeared, the more Nathaniel wanted to just take it all back. Knock him in the shoulder, bark out a laugh and a shout 'just kidding!'

For the best, for the best, for the best...

In an attempt to move things along, the man cleared his throat, nodding as Cernan answered affirmatively. Yeah, maybe he shouldn't have asked that. It just made him feel guiltier. How could he take away what the teenager thought of him, though? He had to encourage the illusion; it was the only good he'd ever really done. Just because it was a lie didn't mean Cernan had to suffer the burden of discovering the grimy truth hidden beneath all the polish.

"Cernan I'm... I'm leaving. I can't tell you why, and I can't tell you where I'm going. But it has to be tonight, and I can't come back."

Maybe it wouldn't be enough anyways, all that childish trust that the boy had placed in him. After all, Nathaniel was asking him to take so very much on faith. He braced himself for any possible reaction, hoping dearly for the best but, in all raw honesty, expecting the worst.

Another terrible silence, cut only by the way Nate so suddenly cleared his throat. He looked really uncomfortable too, which only added to the growing dread inside his chest. Nate wasn't like this, this was all wrong. The man's voice rumbled out like a pile of stones. “I'm leaving.” His golden eyes opened wider and the pit in his stomach shifted.  The questions stampeded in, heralded by the knitting of his raised brows. The prince was shocked, disbelieving even. What had he said? Leaving tonight? "W-" He took a half step back. 

His hero was just staring at him, looking sad and solemn and... "Wh-" He wanted to ask the questions he wasn't going to get answers to. "Like, never coming back?" Disbelief coated the prince's suddenly much higher adolescent tone, his head lowering as if to reach out in question. The man had outright said there wouldn't be answers, and perhaps that was the 'why' Cernan wanted to know most. Like a child, he dove for the closest possible question, as if it would somehow get him around the wall Nate had just thrown in his face. "Wh- why can't you tell me?" The words he was hearing couldn't be real. Nathaniel couldn't leave them, he'd always been here. It wasn't something their great guardian would do, was it? 

Nathaniel hadn't expected the news not to phase Cernan, but seeing all that emotion and confusion unfold before him hit the man harder than he thought it would. Sadness crossed into his pale eyes, an emotion he hadn't allowed to be visible since the discovery of Anthem's death. Once he realized exactly the shapes his features were taking, Nate tried to smooth them all away. He had to stay strong, an example. If he gave anything for Cernan to feed off of, he'd only make things worse.

Then the boy asked a pretty decent question and Nathaniel had to be quick on the draw to get out an appropriate answer. Thankfully, deception was his bailiwick. He nosed the bear claw, in hopes of tying it all together or in the least distracting him with something easier to question.

"Because," he began, preluding his lie with truth, "you're brave, and you're caring. If I told you, you might try to help. If you knew and you didn't, you might regret it. I don't want to risk either of those things. I know its hard, Cernan, but you have to trust.

I wouldn't leave if I didn't think that you were ready."

OOC: The feels.

The fact that he didn't answer was basically an affirmative. Never, and still he couldn't fully grasp it. Nate was immovable, not once faltering in his speech. The claw was motioned towards, but again Cernan had no clue of its significance. His ears fell back against the compliments, bright gold eyes searching the man's face helplessly. Brave? Nate thought him brave of all things? On another day he'd have been thrilled. It was too good to be true, but coupled with the situation, it just hurt and left him mentally flailing. If Nathaniel thought he would try to help, then something must have happened. Something was making their guardian leave them and he had to know what it was. Did Pa know; or Ma? Would they tell him? 

Nate just kept saying 'trust' and he wanted to say that he was trying, but things inside the boy's mind were a tangled mess. It all got quieter with that last sentence and he further stilled. The meaning came across clearly, and Cernan swallowed. Ready for...this? Guarding the pack? He would disagree, but it was impossibly difficult to tell his childhood idol that he couldn't be right. If the pack's gladiator thought so, what did it matter what the boy thought of himself? Now the disbelief came in layers. The symbolism of the claw started to unearth itself just a little while he glanced at it, lying there in the dirt.

"But I-" He couldn't be left to take the man's place, he didn't feel ready. "We need you," the boy added, still looking so confused. "What happened?" It was a stupid, unhelpful question. He wouldn't be told but that didn't stop his mouth from moving, and it didn't kill his feeble hope.  

(This post was last modified: Oct 12, 2016, 04:08 AM by Cernan.)

"I can't give you any more answers," Nathaniel spoke decisively, with a firmness that made it clear he meant his words.

This was what he had done to these wolves, entangling himself into their lives and making them believe he was something good. It was no small peccadillo: if there really was a hell, he would certainly burn in it for all of his trespasses. Cernan would keep these memories, every single one of them. He would try to make sense of them, place meaning to them, and Nathaniel only prayed his tongue was nimble enough to ensure it was a good one. If the boy left this damaged, well that would be about the most unfair thing he could ever witness.

"Remember the bear we fought? Everything you felt? You were scared, weren't you?"

The boy must've been, Nathaniel had even been, especially watching the yearling and his sister in harm's way.