you do not know who is your friend
and who is your enemy
(With nothing but ghosts in his footsteps—)
—memories in the blue shadows he left in the thin carpet of snow, hushed whispers of another life in the breeze rippling through his thick fur. And in the freezing fog curled around his body, he didn't know which was haunted; the forest, or he?
He had never witnessed the forest in the full splendor of winter; he had left when the leaves turned crisp and orange, taken off on a fruitless hunt and left the woods in autumnal flames. (And when he had, so briefly, returned? He'd never made it down, didn't remember much, anyway, just the sky tilting and the sun falling to its grave.) Long years separated the present from his memories, but still, it was familiar in a way that made the air freeze in his lungs. He knew these paths, these frozen brooks, the scents—but not the way the sun slanted through bare trees and glittered upon the snow's cold crust. Winter had changed it, and somehow, he found it fitting that they met again as almost-strangers, just barely remembering the name and face of the other.
No birds sang in the charged, chilly air. The only sound was that of paw pads striking snow, the hush of his white-smoke breath, and within, the thunder of his heartbeat. He was getting closer again, to that point, the epicenter of his pain—the darkest, most bruised part of his heart. Time and again he had skirted the borders, sniffed the markers, bolted like a ghost at the slightest hint of activity. He had always approached downwind, heart trembling like a leaf in a storm, legs and lungs weak with nameless terror.
The guilt devoured him raw.
And now, he stood there again, just beginning to catch the waft of the border markers. His heart somehow doubled its pace. He felt sick with it, floating in a sea of adrenaline with nothing to tie him down, nauseous with anxious worry; he'd found the pack, but in what state?
He knew Corinna's scent better than he knew himself. He had lived under her protection and guidance for years, had served Indru, then her, had always been second to her even when they stood shoulder-to-shoulder—every time he had jogged along the boundary between Corinna's realm and the rest of the world, it had been with the comforting, reassuring scent of her presence in his nose. And now? Now it was just gone, like she had never been here at all.
He paused in his relentless worrying, stopped shimmying on the spot like a thoroughbred both anxious and excited for the race, but his heart thundered on even as his body stilled. Silver eyes flicked from tree to tree and the thin tendrils of mist between. It was time. It was time to face the sum of his actions, to show that he was not Indru, to—he didn't even know what he wanted, except for them to know that he had come back.
White breath smoked into the chilly noon air, carrying with it a tentative song of summons for the ghosts of his past.