Grizzly Hollow Trust Before Fall or Fall Before Trust?

For @Yvly | Set after pack meeting | Let's get this spree going 8D

Everything had gone okay, or so he thought. Business was handled and new faces were seen. Deacon couldn't complain really. He had stayed on his best behavior and that's all he could do. There really wasn't much more to meetings than that was there?

He had sought after Yvly in a patient manner. Wanting to ask her a few things. It wouldn't be hard to find her. Afterall, they had just been clustered together. "Yvly? Yvly? Can I have a moment, please?" His form weaved around to get closer to her. She was a kind woman and Deacon strongly thought she wouldn't reject him asking for a moment with her. The young Archer-Lyall simply wanted to ask a few more questions solely to the paler rusty woman.

"It's nothing bad I promise, I just have a few extra questions I'd like to ask you." His voice was a gentle hum, kind and friendly like usual. His body was held in a lower stance to show his usual subtle submission towards her. Deacon respected her and of course, he wanted to keep it that way. She had done nothing but been kind to him so far. Even when he had been a little rough with questions and possibly seeming too pushy. Despite his hidden disappointment at having no Lyalls in charge, Yvly (and even Veho) were proving to be respectable leaders.

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Pleased with how the meeting had gone, the Tawny leader had left the scene with a smile on her face and a jovial bounce in her step. For her first time she thought she had done pretty well, but Veho's presence had made it much easier. She was not sure what she would do without him leading by her side, and selfishly hoped that no one would take his place in the near future. Yvly paused from her aimless walking to rid herself of the last of her nerves at Deacon's voice, tawny body turning around to face the darker male, a warm smile gracing her features at the sight of him. He was proving to be a commendable member, always so eager to do something. "Of course, my time is your time."

Dark amber eyes lightly rested upon Deacon's face as she waited for him to speak his mind. She had swiftly become accustomed to the idea of others coming up to her seeking counselling or guidance, and tho this would be her first time actually giving advice, she figured she would not do too bad. Maybe it was the high from the meeting speaking, but she was ready to take on whatever Deacon would say. Tawny ears twitched forward at his request of asking a few questions, and she let a smile grace her features. "What is it you need to ask, Deacon? I'm all ears."  She would be happy enough to answer some questions, provided they were about topics she knew stuff about.

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Just like Deacon had figured, Yvly had responded in excellent time to him. "I hope you're doing well?" He asked first before his tail wagged and he pushed on to bigger matters at paw. Deacon had to admit, he was more than excited to get the ball rolling on his future in the Hollow.

"Well, actually, I wanted to talk more about my whole guardian thing." He looked down at the ground before eyes returned to Yvly's face. "I'm nervous honestly." His tail did more of a nervous, submissive wag than his usual friendly one. "I really don't like fighting that much. I mean, spars or play wrestling is fine but what if I'm a bad fighter?" He paused and his brain had started to swell with more anxious thoughts. "What if something bad happens on my watch?" Deacon couldn't suppress the gentle whine that crawled out of his throat.

Almost shrinking down into a ball, the Archer-Lyall's bright amber eyes stayed glued on Yvly's paws. "I'm sorry." Oh if his parents saw him they'd be ashamed of the pitiful man he had appeared to be.

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"I am, thank you for asking." Yvly returned the tail wag at Deacon's politeness. It seemed he had already learned a thing or two from their first encounter. Tawny ears pricked forward at the mention of the guardian role, letting the darker male know he had her full attention. If he was just as serious about achieving his goal as she had been then he deserved to be listened to. "It's okay to be nervous," she said gently in response to his more worried actions. She was not sure if he meant talking to her about or or going about attaining the role, but the Tawny Leader would help in any way she could. That was what a leader was supposed to do, and she wanted to be the best she could be.

Dark amber eyes softened as she listened to his worries, and when he finished with a quiet 'I'm sorry' slowly reached out with her muzzle to gently nudge the crown of his head. "There's no need to apologise Deacon," Yvly said softly, lips curling up in an encouraging smile. "Even the greatest guardian might feel anxious about doing the job well, so your worries are justified, even if they may seem a little silly." The words poured out of her mouth as she did her best to console the darker male. "Even if something bad does happen, there is no situation where you will be to blame. Everyone makes mistakes, they are all part of life. If you mess up it's not the end of the world, you just need to pick yourself back up and move on."

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No one had touched his crown like that in some time. He froze and did not dare move or speak. It wasn't exactly unwelcomed but it had been very unexpected. One might say this was his more impressionable child time with Skoll shining through, perhaps. Realizing he might have taken more time to regroup than necessary he slowly took in a deep breath.

"I-I appreciate hearing that Yvly. It really means a lot to me." He kept his body low and eyes down. Still staying perhaps overly submissive but he couldn't have helped it even if he wanted to. "How do you do it?" His mind curious as to how she offered such great advice, and it usually led him to have believed she followed her own advice. "You know, just picking back up and moving on? Doesn't it haunt you?" Everything he had done haunted him at least once. Whether it be in a dream or in his everyday life.

Sometimes he always felt like he had a way of getting personal too quick. Deacon was bad at controlling it, though. He wanted, needed others to be close and comfortable with him. One of his fears had been over smothering someone who he cared about.

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When Deacon froze after she touched the crown of his head Yvly momentarily panicked, desperately hoping she had not crossed an invisible line in trying to comfort him. That would be just her luck, trying to make the situation better but making it worse instead, however it seemed all was good as after a few moments of stillness and silence he took a deep breath and spoke once more. The Tawny Leader let out a silent exhale of relief at not having messed up their relationship in one, in her mind, seemingly innocent movement. Ears twitched happily as the corners of her eyes crinkled when smiled. She was about to speak by at his sudden question she paused mid opening of her mouth. The words took her back to when she had first learned of the change in leadership with her being pushed up into the top position. She had asked Veho that very same question, and even though the topics were slightly different, she felt as if it had all come full circle. Yvly had learned much since that day, maybe enough to part some knowledge onto Deacon as Veho had onto her.

The Tawny Leader thought about how she would word what she knew in a way that the darker male would understand and gain something from. "Well," she began slowly, dark amber eyes shifting so that when he looked up their gaze would meet. "Sometimes it does," she admitted, but swiftly continued before Deacon could have a chance to speak. "But the first step in moving on is forgiving yourself. If you can't do that it's going to be an uphill battle. It may be the hardest step of them all, but once you do that everything will fall into place." She softly laughed, though there was little mirth in it.

"I remember once on a hunt, it was the second I had been in charge of, and I made a mistake. Told a fellow pack mate to go the quick route in cutting off the elk but it ended up as a disaster." Yvly paused, more to let Deacon take in what she was saying, though let herself relive the memory as she told him what happened. "He... got hurt, real bad. No one blamed me for it though, they all told me it was a mistake that anyone could have made, but I tortured myself with the blame for weeks. Eventually, I came to the realisation that what had happened could not be changed, and that while my actions may have lead to the accident it was not my fault. Not entirely. So I forgave myself for what had happened, and slowly but surely the pieces fell together. Now I can recall on that memory with a certain... fondness that helps me in remembering who I am." When she ended her story Yvly was quiet for a few moments, tail thumping quietly on the ground beside her. She had never told anyone else that story, but felt Deacon needed to hear it. "And you know the best part?" She leaned in so her face was closer to his, a small grin on her face. "He survived."

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objects in space

"moving on is forgiving yourself."

He was never one to forgive himself. It seemed everyone could forgive him but himself. Nineva had even forgiven him for supposedly destroying her birth pack. Yet here he was not able to forgive for something he hadn't even done yet. Her laugh at the end of that forgiving speech had been so sweet, though. Like fresh honeysuckle in the spring. It drew him up from his pit of empty pity and he listened closely to her story.

So many questions arose within him but the male didn't dare ask them. "Who was it? Where are they now? They let you be alpha after that?" All of the questions hushed within his mind. Instead a simple "Thank you," was whispered for only Yvly to hear. He appreciated that story she told him. Maybe it was supposed to make him feel better and while it pulled him into a partially lighter mood the guilt was still there. He made sure not to let it show, though. Deacon didn't want his lead female thinking he was all uncertainties and self-pity. He was more than that but sometimes it was hard to show. "You really think I can do it? Be a guardian, protect everyone?"

The young male felt partially needy for seeking so much validation but without his dad there to tell him everything will be okay the days could be hard to get through.

(This post was last modified: Nov 30, 2016, 04:58 PM by Deacon.)

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Yvly was glad Deacon had stayed quiet during her story, if he had interrupted then maybe she would not have had the courage to finish it. He was the only other wolf that knew, not that she tried to keep her past a secret, but no situation had ever come up that needed her to speak up about it, until now. If she could impart some of the knowledge she had learned from her past onto him that he could use in his future then she would have done something good with her life, as well as her part as leader. Her job was to help and guide her pack in whatever way was needed, and in helping Deacon affirm his beliefs in his abilities as a future guardian she was doing just that. A simple smile graced her maw at his quiet thank you. The thanks was not needed, but if he felt it was she would not rebuke it.

The Tawny Leader nodded fervently at his need of assurance about him being able to take on the role of guardian. She would not lie to him to make him feel better if she felt he could not do it, but the fact he was so worried about doing good with the role made her feel like he would be perfect for the role. While he was not necessarily showing humility, his apprehension and worry over being a guardian who could protect everyone was just what a wolf needed to excel in the role. "I think you'll do great, Deacon," she said warmly, dark amber eyes glowing with confidence. She was sure of it.

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A young deer has been separated from the rest of its herd. Hunt Opportunity

Big ol' sappy baby. playing at the time of writing

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She was so kind. So, so gentle. He was used to strong women but Yvly was different. She was strong as a whole but soft when needed. Perhaps like a cloud. Providing shelter from the harsh rays of the sun but also nice and fluffy. He wondered if his mother would approve, Sorya and Enoki even. All and any Ridge woman had a certain edge to them. Even in their softest moments there was still that chance you'd be met with teeth or claws.

"I think you'll do great, Deacon."

He didn't speak and simply soaked in the female's words. While he assumed most of those close to him thought and hoped he'd do great, Dea could only remember his father praising him in such a way. It was met with a smile, though. Yvly's voice rather nice to listen to in general but even more nice with a praise. Deacon rose up to his height again, and not some crying little pup curled up in a submissive ball. "Hey, Yvly?" He waited momentarily before continuing on. "I'm sorry I ask so many questions, I really appreciate you putting up with them." Every time they met it had seemed that the Archer-Lyall was tossing questions at the rusted tawny woman.

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