Fallen Tree Cove Should’ve Come Sooner

@Namid

Lately things had seemed off in Fallen Tree Cove and that worried Kajika but what worried him most was that he had seen very little of his former alpha. He was worried about her and despite the fact that part of him was happy for Moonshadow to have the chance at being a leader the other part of him would always be loyal to Namid. She was the one who had accepted him into the pack and she was the one who he'd made his promises to. Since the announcement that Moonshadow would be the lead female Kajika had been conflicted about the changes in the pack. So much so he wasn't sure what he should do to deal with them but he knew he had to do something.

It was one of the reasons he had decided to seek Namid out to talk with her. He hoped that not only could he find out how she was doing but perhaps talking with her could help him to be more comfortable with the changes. Kajika decided to get his morning routine out if the way before he went to speak with her so that he could give her as much time as possible. Once he had finished he returned to the communal den and called for her since he wasn't sure of her routine anymore.

(This post was last modified: Nov 30, 2016, 04:19 AM by Kajika.)

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WARNING: this post does contain mentions of depression. Wanted to mention this to avoid triggers <3

Slowly, agonizingly slowly, Namid was pulling out of her funk. Clawing her way from the depression that had grabbed such a tight hold on her that she was afraid it might never let go. It had been a struggle to get up, to find the will to do anything besides sit and stare at the ceiling of the communal den. Even eating was something that took more effort than it ever had. Despite having all the love and praise she could ever want, she’d felt so...hollow inside. She hated it, or rather if she could have mustered up the will to feel such a strong emotion she thought she would have hated it. But lately she’d been having good days scattered amongst the bad, days where she could see the light at the end of the tunnel, could feel its warmth and those days she felt closer to normal than she had in awhile. Those were the days she liked best.

Luckily, one of those days was also this day. She found the positively frigid air nice, like it was waking her up out of her trance. She’d gone out to patrol the borders and was even in the middle of chasing down a rabbit when Kajika’s summons rose into the air. The pale woman paused, tilting her head curiously. What could he want? Well, the rabbit was long gone by now thanks to her distraction so she might as well go ahead and see what it was about. Trodding along she made her way to the communal den, winding around the trees before coming upon it. A low chuff was given in greeting and a neutral stance given. “Hello, Kajika. Did you need me for something?” she inquired, raising a brow.

He felt terrible for not coming to speak with Namid sooner after noticing she hadn't been around much. Especially after the announcement that Moonshadow would be the new female lead. Sure it was temporary but it didn't sit well with him even if he did know that it was what needed to happen. He wasn't sure that he felt that way because he thought his student wasn't ready or if Namid would always be their alpha in his mind. She should be the one standing next to Vespertio during the pack meetings. It was how it had always been and always should be though he wasn't one to take to change immediately which could also be part of why he had been feeling the way he was. After all it had taken him quite a long time to make any of the changes that he had in his life.

The air around him was cold and the slight wind ruffled the fur on his back which caused the skin across his shoulders to twitch slightly. His wait was soon over when Namid appeared offering him a low chuff before speaking. He smiled and dipped his head to her even though they were equals now, she still deserved the respect. “Hello, I wanted to apologize for not coming to check in with you sooner. It's been awhile since we've spoken and I've been worried about you.” There was no excuse for not coming to see her sooner but he hoped to rectify his mistake by seeing her now and making sure she was okay.

(This post was last modified: Dec 02, 2016, 01:20 PM by Kajika.)

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The woman was startled as Kajika dipped his head to her, mismatched gaze widening a bit. She wasn’t their leader anymore and hadn’t been for a few months now. Her and Kajika were equals and she didn’t want to be treated as anything else. “Kaj, you do not need to do that. We are the same now, I should not be treated as anything other.” she didn’t deserve it. But, a small smile was allowed to venture onto her maw. “The fault is mutual. We are all a family, and with how few of us there are we should be keeping better checks on each other. I am...doing better.” she said, not wanting to lead on much further. Even if she wasn’t their leader anymore there was still something she wasn’t comfortable with about showing just how weak she had been. Or, at least vocalizing it. She was sure they had seen it, seen her staring blankly into space or her weight loss or anything along those lines. It wasn’t something she was pleased with about herself at all, but the vocalization of it made it all the harder. “How are you doing? You are helping Moonshadow, yes? I know you both are close and she needs you very much to do what she is doing. It is a heavy burden at her age, but she saved us all.”

Kajika nodded at her words, “I know but it's eat I've always done and I think that you still deserve the respect alpha or not.” He would however respect her wishes even if it did feel a little weird not to show his respect for her. She had always been kind to him and given him a chance when others might not have but most of all she had given him the opportunity to prove himself. It was something he wouldn't ever forget nor was it something he would ever stop repaying her if he could help it. He considered her words as she spoke about them being family and checking in on each other. She was right of course now more than ever they had to help each other and make sure that everyone was doing okay. “I'm glad to hear your doing better and you're right we should all be checking in on each other but you've always been there for us Namid and I fear that when you needed the pack the most we weren't there for you and we should have been.”

A lot had happened in the past months and he wasn't sure what she would be comfortable talking about. It was because of that he thought it best to let her talk about what she wanted but he would listen if she did want to talk.

“I've been better,” He told her honestly but shook his head to her inquiry about Moonshadow. “We are close but I'm not really sure how I can help her in this situation, I've never been an alpha nor have I been in such a situation before. I know that I should try but I don't want to steer her in the wrong direction.” His conflicting emotions hadn't helped the situation at all either but Namid saying that Moonshadow had saved them all caused his ears to perk a little more, “I hadn't thought about it that way.” It did however make him feel a little worse about the way he'd been feeling. Instead he should be proud of her stepping up despite maybe not feeling ready and doing what she could to help her pack.

(This post was last modified: Dec 06, 2016, 08:31 AM by Kajika.)

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The woman blinked at his words. He thought they should have been there for her? That was something she couldn’t believe. Her state wasn’t their fault, it was nobody’s fault but hers. If she’d just been a little stronger, a little more confident, perhaps she could have held them and herself together. Still, she just sat there and smiled and kept her thoughts to herself.

When he expressed his doubt on his ability to help her she shook her head. ”I have every faith in you. And even if you don’t have any leading experience simply being there for her is more than enough. It is not an easy thing, to lead. I came into the Cove in much the same situation that Moonshadow has taken up. The woman that ran the pack before I came had deserted and we were upon ruin. Vespertio rescued me and when I was better, he asked to become mates and for me to take up the role of matriarch. I had never led before that, hell I had only ever been in one pack before that. I did not know much about how things worked and I had many doubts about my ability. But Vespertio was there for me to keep me sane and my packmates were there for me. I do not believe it is about your initial capability, but rather the support of those around you,” she said, tilting her head thoughtfully. She recollected her time in the Cove, about all the things that had happened in the year and a half that she had led them and how much had been given to her. She didn’t deserve any of it, she knew that full well but she was still blessed all the same.

As a pack they needed to be there for each other, it was how it had been I'm his birth pack before everything went so badly. If they weren't there for each other then they couldn't trust each other and couldn't work as the team they needed to be. There were times when Kajika wondered if that was the reason that things had gone so badly for them and now it all needed to be fixed somehow.

Confiding I'm Namid that he wasn't sure how he could help Moonshadow hadn't been hard but it wasn't what he come for. He had wanted to help his former alpha in whatever way he could because she was the one who needed to help more. Still he could not turn down her advice or words of wisdom because he knew that he needed to hear what she had to say. He listened as she told the story of how she became the leader and how it pertained to Moonshadow. It helped him to understand what his student might be going through and helped having Namid’s faith in him. Kajika nodded as she finished speaking. “Thank you Namid for your faith in me and you are right, I may not be able to give her advice on what to do as a leader but I can offer an ear when she needs to talk. As her friend, teacher, and pack mate I should try to help her to succeed for the wellbeing of the pack and to help all of us get through this difficult time. For what it's worth you may have stumbled upon this leadership but I feel that you are a good leader. You're going through a tough time and I won't pretend to know what you're feeling but you are strong, you would have to be to have lead a pack and gotten through the things I have seen you go through.”

(This post was last modified: Dec 12, 2016, 04:11 AM by Kajika.)

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Namid nodded encouragingly to Kajika as he professed his belief in what she’d just said. She was glad that he seemed at least a little more chipper on the subject, and if he was confident then surely he could inflect that onto Moonshadow. She knew that the woman wasn’t exactly comfortable with her newly found placement but the former queen was confident enough in her. Within that dark chest she saw much of herself when she was younger, or even when she was just starting out. It was confusing, startling, and plainly terrifying at first but eventually you learned and you grew more confident. If she was being honest, she didn’t know when she would be up to retaking her throne. She hoped that it would be soon, that she would be able to spring right back like the children had been able to when they were young and fell to the ground. Until that time, however, she would need to be selfish for a little longer and rely on Moonshadow.

”Thank you, I appreciate your confidence and your concern. In truth, I do not know how long with will hold on me. I hope that it will not be an excessive amount of time, but until I recover please do take care of her. I know it is selfish to rely on her so, but I also think that it could be good for her. She is such a shy girl, not all that confident in herself. Perhaps leading for a while could pull her from herself and boost her confidence even a little.” she smiled gently, swaying her tail behind her frame.

Namid had given him a lot to think about where Moonshadow was concerned and she had also helped him to realize his mistake. He just hoped that Moonshadow wasn't too angry with him for his behavior and that he could make things better between them. The truth was he did miss her and perhaps he was making something out of nothing after all Namid was supposed to get better and take the leadership back. It pained him to see his former alpha in the state that she was in but he wasn't sure how to help her. He didn't want to force her talk about something that was personal to her but he would always listen if she ever wanted to talk about whatever was bothering her. Kajika nodded as Namid spoke agreeing with her words about Moonshadow, he had seen what Namid spoke of as well in the girl.

“You’re welcome, I hope that you can get better as soon as you would like but I feel that this might be something that shouldn't be rushed.I will take care of her as I always have,” he assured, “Perhaps taking a leadership position for a short time would do her some good. She needs to have confidence but she has a good heart and I think that will serve her well. It might be okay that in times like this you need to be selfish so that you can get better. I also want you to know that I am here for you Namid as I always have been and you know you only have to call if you need me, right?” He wanted to make sure she knew that in case she ever did need something she wouldn't hesitate. The sway of her tail that he saw gave him some hope that she might be on her way to recovery.

(This post was last modified: Dec 13, 2016, 07:55 PM by Kajika.)

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“Of course, thank you Kaj,” the pale woman said, dipping her head. Truly it was nice to know that there were wolves who still had confidence in her even if she lacked confidence in herself. Vespertio, Kajika, and even Moonshadow she knew had enough faith in her to pull through this and she certainly didn’t want to disappoint. Everyday she was getting more and more reasons to pull through this funk and she harnessed those reasons and used them to the best of her abilities.

The woman rose herself to her paws and gave her pelt a shake out of habit. She knew that he was concerned about the new matriarch and how he could help her, and now he might be fired up about it. If there was ever a time for him to go express his concerns to his friend and make sure she knew how he was feeling, it was now. “You should go find her and tell her what you told me. Do not be afraid, I promise you it will go better than what you think it will. Tell me how it goes later, yes? For right now I think I am going to go on another pass of the borders then take a nice nap,” she said with a small smile. She trodded past him, giving the larger male a friendly bump to the shoulder before heading off to do her duty. Everything would turn out just fine, she knew it in her heart of hearts.

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