Nightingale Palisade how far I'll go

@Kino so sahalie and kino (and larkspur) separated from Spieden near WM and went south for a little. I intend for them to go back up north, but for a little bit they'll be in southern snowmarch/northern northern eden

Sahalie had come this way twice before—once with Askan and more recently with Spieden and everyone—but still she found it so hard to navigate the slopes, her eyes trailing off to her side to stare down at the threatening, half-frozen river below. Here and there she was able to find some trails, well worn by goat, deer, or other critters, but often times she was starting to feel as though she was losing the way or heading straight for a dead end. Her dark cheeks puffed with frustration, her breath a little ragged. Alastor, probably, wished she would not take things so fast but she just wanted to get out of here. Tiptoeing past a sad little bush clinging to the hillside, the river churning on her left, her hindleg snagged on some of the branches and she shook it violently, snapping the twigs and sending them tumbling down the heights. The dark girl sighed in exasperation, repeating in her head that she needed to stay positive.

No part of her was entirely sure walking away from Spieden had been the right choice. After all, hadn't she left Oak Tree Bend only to take care of the woman? But there was something that had unsettled her about the cliff that rose out of nowhere, the scent of so many wolves clinging it. So many new wolves, such a different world. It scared her a little, even though she knew she was being childish. Spieden wanted to blend in but Sahalie was afraid she would be lost in the crowd: nobody cared who the Tainns were up north. Her history and family tree were not rooted there. Nothing was rooted there. The plains seemed boundless and empty, not at all like a place to live. Too bright. Too open.

But Spieden.

She and Alastor—and @Larkspur somewhere, he was always off on his own— had been on their own for a few days under the pretense of doing some exploring. Sahalie had given Wild Rye Fields a wide berth: she was not ready to explain the circumstances to Jessie and Drestig. Would they ask her to join them? Sahalie was scared to join anyone, but she wished Kyna the best of luck.

This time she said it out loud, "Stay Positive."

(This post was last modified: Dec 29, 2016, 03:43 PM by Sahalie.)

 

They had left Spieden and the children back at the cliff, something that had surprised Kino but at the same time he wasn’t. He knew that this entire thing was hard on Hal, it was eating her up inside and out. She’d just had to leave her childhood home, the place that she had stored all of her faith in and had one day wanted to lead. Now everything was in tatters and he wasn’t quite sure she was coming to terms with the fact that she wouldn’t be able to pick up the pieces. Not this time.

They were moving fast, faster than the pace that his friend normally took. Her movements were erratic, desperate, exasperated. Movements that would not do in an environment like this. The edges were too steep, the rocks too loose, but she refused to slow down. His final straw was when her foot was caught in the bush and for a moment his heart stopped beating in his chest, afraid that she’d lose her balance and go tumbling down the side into the strong rapids below. ”Hal,” he called in frustration. But still, it seemed she wouldn’t stop. He sighed in annoyance, his lips set in a thin line. He was never forceful with her, never commanding and tried his best to keep his voice down but what she was doing was dangerous and he had no patience for it. “Sahalie, we are stopping,” the silver boy yelled, his voice broad in a way that he knew would reach even her. He’d caught sight of what looked like a cave etched into the side of the ravine a few minutes before and hoped that it was big enough for them. They couldn’t rest properly in their current place, the paths were too narrow. He jerked his head toward the cave, “Up, to that cave. Come on, I’ll be behind you,” he said. If she wouldn’t comply he’d make her, stand much was shown in the solid form of his stance and the stubborn set of his jaw.

@Kino

Alastor did not usually boss her around so it surprised—and even incensed—her to hear the command from behind her. He was behind her because she was leading the way and she had more experience with this terrain, and even though her experience clearly mattered little she had held onto it greedily. "Why," she barked back, her retort not even a full question because she really wasn't asking "why," she was saying "no." At least, she was until she felt some loose soil crumble away underneath her back paw and her weight had to quickly shift forward and to the right to prevent her from slipping away with the snow. His foot dangling in the air, her head slowly turned back to stare at the silver boy. He was right.

"Alright," she said, with another sigh, and followed his gaze up to the place he thought he had spied a cave. Trying to be more careful, the girl hopped up to a mound of ground above her and wandered up a zig-zag—straight up and she surely would have slipped away in the wet snow— path towards the brief plateau where she flopped on the ground, more exhausted than she wanted to admit. Her tongue lolled out.

"What are you thinking," usually she asked him with more curiosity, but her tone seemed demanding and tired, now.

Shallow water has trapped several fish in a small pond. Hunt Opportunity

 

She whirled on him, snipping back at him but he paid no attention. No, his attention was focused on the ground slipping from her hind legs, she was slipping and he took a few hurried steps forward topaz gaze widened in vague panic before she lurched her weight forward. He looked at her with further frustration, but it seemed that the event had knocked some sense into her. She grudgingly made her way up to the place he had specified and he followed along behind somewhat pleased to see that she was actually listening to him. She entered and flopped unceremoniously onto the ground and he followed, in instead easing himself down. He allowed himself a lick at his cut and bruised paw pads. Even though it was winter they had become accustomed to the soft forest floor and the rocky terrain did them no mercy.

”What are you thinking,” she asked and he raised a brow to her. He wasn’t the one who was acting completely out of character, he wasn’t the one who’d practically just lost his entire life. The question wasn’t what was on his mind, it was what was on hers. “I’m thinking that my best friend just had her entire life stripped away from her and she hasn’t said one word to me about it. I’m thinking that she’s stuffing things down and that she should know from her experience with a certain big silver idiot that that doesn’t work out well in the end.” Kino said, though there wasn’t much humor in his voice. “Now, I’m wondering what you’re thinking.”

@Kino

The winter wind howled at the lip of the cave. "Idunno I always thought you were more of a grey," commented with an inappropriate smile, flopping to her other side so that she was now facing the cave wall instead of him. The breath came out of her as she deflated like a very frustrated balloon. Sure, she felt a little bottled up, but at the same time she felt certain that there were times where her own feelings had to take a back seat. Sahalie did not intend to pretend they didn't exist, for this was impossible in the tempest of her heart, but she had absolutely intended to delay them. But now that they were up here in this cave, taking a break, no urgent needs pressing them, Sahalie sighed. There was no harm in giving Alastor the answers he was looking for.

"Well, first off, let's be real," the dark girl rolled back over to her other side, staring the blue eyes down, "It wasn't stripped from me. I did it myself. I chose to leave. No one made us do anything." Part of her Stay Positive Program was realizing that she was not a victim, not by a long shot, and she was in control of her own life. In fact, she was more in control of her own life than she ever had been, beholden to no one as a loner, and this was frightening. "But other than that. I don't know. I feel a bit lost. I don't like the north at all. It's so open and the ground is so uneven."

"But I also don't like that I let this scare me away from following Spieden. I feel like she still needs me. I shouldn't be afraid of other wolves, when have I ever been afraid of other wolves? I guess I just let everything shake me," her turned to survey the slope of the opposite embankment visible through the window of the cave, "But I'm just trying to find ways to stay positive right now. Like, I guess it's good that I'm getting to see new places...." Not that she really wanted to see them, but it was something.

 

"Idunno I always thought you were more of a grey," she mused and he grinned, distinctly aware that she had reassured his coloration instead of his comment about being an idiot. But, the grin deflated along with her vague dejection. He fought the powerful urge to press her to him, to comfort her with more than just words. She didn’t need that confusion. He sat and listened to her quietly, taking in her words and being surprised by how void of any bitterness they were. Of course, they were very different wolves. Kino was constantly consumed by distrust and angst, while his friend had the charming but occasionally annoying tendency to be entirely open and optimistic. And, even though she disliked the north he was very mixed about it. In general he himself liked the openness, the ability to see things for what they were and to have the advantage of seeing things coming. But, at the same time he had grown used to the cover of trees, the ability to hide if needed.

She expressed that she wasn’t sure why she was afraid, but he could tell her right away. Sahalie seemed to be afraid because all her life she had been surrounded by the things she knew, the wolves and trees that she’d grown up with and even if she went off on an adventure she had had the promise of returning to that familiar territory. Now, she was out on her comfort zone hanging in limbo and that feeling itself was very off putting. He knew the feeling well, he’d, somehow, felt much the same when he’d left the Crest. But, yet again it wasn’t his job to tell her how she was feeling. He needed to listen because an ear was sometimes far better than words. He paused for a moment, weighing his odds about his next question. “What happened with your dad,” he said, going the route of a gentle voice but a straightforward question. Kino, straightforward? Maybe the journey was doing something to him too.

"Ffffff," she scoffed, wanting to roll over again where she could not see Alastor's face, but she had flopped around like a fish enough for one afternoon. Sahalie had not spent a long time dwelling on the great divide she had created: the small girl on one side, her dad on another. It hurt to think that the two of them could not see eye to eye, that Triell had been determined to leave Oak Tree Bend no matter the consequences. At that point Sahalie had still fixed her heart on staying in Spectral Woods, and her father still had wanted to go. He did not discuss his reasons with her, and that hurt more than anything. There had been no goodbyes. Who was more frustrated with whom, the girl had to wonder. "Surprisingly a lot for so few words," She grumbled, remembering that the boy had left, at her behest, with Spieden and the children in the middle of the argument between her and her father and didn't know the end of the story.

"I told him he should stay. He told me he would do what he thought best," at which she shrugged violently and shook her head, "Which is a pretty frustrating answer, don't you think? He didn't even really tell me what he was gunna do. He couldn't even be honest with me. But I guess he's clearly left too, other wise he would have said something." Guilt bubbled in her stomach, remembering in spite of her anger that she had ordered him around as if she were not five years younger than him. But she had been trying to impress upon him his importance to Oak Tree Bend, how important they all were that they could not leave. "He didn't even care that I was trying to stay, that I was trying to make everything work. I just.... I don't think I'll ever understand." Because Triell Tainn—not really her father, anymore— had not wanted her to understand, had not needed her to.

"It broke Serach into pieces. He could barely even stand," and then the girl remembered she had not really talked about her encounter with Serach, either. "I feel so, so guilty for leaving him like that, for leaving them all like that. I don't even know how many of them are left down there. And I feel so responsible." How could she join another pack when she had left her home in ruin? Her lower jaw connected with the ground roughly as she stretched herself out, with no more energy to lift support any part of her body. Gravity was too heavy.

"What do you think?"

 

”Surprisingly a lot for so few words,” she said and he tilted his head curiously. Her tone of voice indicated that the split hadn’t been good, and of course the state that she’d been in when she’d met them in the ferns had proven that much. But, the exact details had been void until now. Triell had left? That was surprising to him. The man had been the leader, after all. If there had been anyone in the Bend that would have seemed to have more of a reason to fight for it, it would have been the older Tainn. When he had arrived on the scene, Kino had thought that he’d been there to try and talk Hal and Spieden into staying but it seemed that Hal had been the one trying to do the convincing. Well, that certainly shed new light on the situation.

Her next bit, that had been the bit he’d been looking for all along. The responsibility that she always felt for something that was, in the end, completely out of her control. The frustration that her will hadn’t been enough to hold something together, that she hadn’t been able to act as strong enough glue. He allowed his gaze to travel outside, his auds shifting forward to listen to her soft breathing. A soft sigh left him. “I think that it’s not your fault, though I know I’m not going to be able to convince you otherwise,” a small smirk pricked his lips as his gaze slid back down to her. An unspoken jibe filtered out. Stubborn. “Every wolf is their own mind, they are individuals and in the end they had to make an individual decision to do what they thought was best for themselves. You can’t make a decision for them, even if you don’t think it’s the right one. And...I think the Bend will be fine. It’s been through worse. What’s the saying…” he paused for a moment. It was on the tip of his tongue, right there in the recesses of his mind. “Ah, ‘We thrive regardless’. No matter what happens, they’re gonna pull through.” He allowed himself a small break in will power to lean forward and press his nose to her shoulder. That much would be okay, right?

Laying as she was on her side, there was no way for her to avoid Alastor's touch, but still she found herself drawing up her leg as if to protect herself. His optimism—which had once been her optimism—felt inappropriate and forced at a time like this, and for once she didn't really appreciate it. "It's my home, Al." Was her home, but it was such a struggle to change that in her mind. Oak Tree Bend had been Alastor's home too, though with some frustration Sahalie realized he was not in mourning like she was, it had not been his first home, his only home. For Alastor this was just a new chapter in his life. She could not be frustrated at his perspective, but she could be frustrated that they did not share the same one.

"You can't just....grow up feeling a sense of duty to a place and then just brush it all off like dirt on your fur," Like Alastor seemed to be doing. "I had a job, we all had a job, to make sure that place thrived. And now there are less of them. What we is there to thrive? What if they all left and it's just Serach and Aponi?" But again and again the girl seemed to run into this idea of wolves doing what was best for themselves, what made them happy. Sahalie had thought a lot about this when it came to Drestig and Jessie finding a new home; to Kyna about the meaning of family, and yet she still felt hung up on whether it was right or wrong. She had told Kyna she wouldn't blame her, yet here Sahalie was blaming herself, blaming her father.

"And don't talk like you know everything the Bend has been through. Because I don't think you do," she amended, her tone bordering on a growl. Alastor, she was sure, only knew as much as she had told him. Sahalie herself was not sure that this was the worst moment in their history, but she didn't feel right just diminishing it. The Bend had seen death and they had seen deserters. But so many at one time? That sounded insane.