we keep living anyway

There was a certain relief at her retreat, and yet there was a guilt to it as well. This time, she was retreating from him, not some horrid memory or mental construction. Again, she repeated that she did not think herself sick as she slunk fully into the snow. He breathed, consciously, trying to siphon up some further reassurance from these words. He couldn't tell if she sounded unsure of herself because she really didn't know, or because she was unsure of this interaction, now. Then the truth of the matter: she hadn't said anything; the leaders were in the dark on all of this. The girl was a pitiful sight now as she cowered, and he supposed he could understand being afraid of their reactions had she spilled all of this at the border, but they really needed to know this kind of thing, didn't they? She could be a serious risk...  

He wasn't anticipating what came next. His ears actually cupped forward to hear her broken voice as it gave him permission to exile her, to murder her. A new astonishment took over the prince's face, and he became even more frozen to the cold ground than he'd been earlier. Did she really not care which option he picked? Not that he was in any position to choose, or any mind to. She just... gave up, puddling at his feet like the far off spring thaw. There was no hint of optimism, no bright side to anything on her tongue. It felt wrong against what little he'd come to know about the pale girl. Maybe now he knew too much. 

There was a silence in the air then, as he just stared over at her. She could have endangered them all, she still could be, and yet his mind began to struggle toward some reasonable doubt, some key element in her story that could quiet his fear, and perhaps that of the pack, if he chose to tell them. Cernan couldn't imagine keeping something so important from his parents; he rarely kept anything from them. He'd never been given a reason to. 

Finally, slowly, the Cove boy pulled himself loose. His head began to shake. "No I-" His tongue still wasn't quite there. "Would... you really let me kill you?" As soon as the dumbfounded question was out, his expression changed from confused to shocked. "I won't," he added hurriedly, just in case she'd taken it as some kind of display of intention to take up her offer, "but..." The youth's eyes pulled away, jumping about the landscape while thoughts skittered about in his mind. He was not well versed in disease by any means, but he kept trying to turn over the details anyway.

"I don't know if it could be on you or not," he explained, still keeping his distance but feeling at least a touch calmer. "You said it was a long time ago," and I can't smell it, "...and, you never felt sick?" There was some kind of hope hidden deep in his inquisitive low tones. He wanted to ask Ma, but that would mean explaining all of this to her, and while the Alphess was a kind soul, he didn't know how she would react. The whole scenario was very much unprecedented. 

(This post was last modified: Jan 11, 2017, 03:17 PM by Cernan.)

Her legs were shaking as she pressed against the snow, her eyes shut tight as she waited for his response, whether that be verbal to chase her off, or with fangs and claws in order to end her life. When nothing came for a few moments, the snowy wolf tentatively opened her eyes and stared at her paws. She had only ever cowered like this in front of alphas for permission to enter their pack territory. Now, it was less submission and more out of shame, apology, and fear. It was a completely myrmidon position, allowing him full control of the situation. Trembling slightly, she tensed up as the other yearling spoke.

He stuttered beforehand, predictably. She felt like the biggest jerk in the world for putting him in this situation. It was the question of if she would allow him to kill her that surprised her. Round orange eyes rose to meet his golden ones, and though the very insinuation that he might kill her was slightly scary, she wasn't much worse off than she was before. More confused, than anything. Her brows drew together when his expression went from confusion to surprise, and though she couldn't draw a smile - she felt far too disgusting about herself to do that - her eyes did soften. The smaller wolf really didn't mind the idea of death. From time to time, she wished that she had gotten sick alongside her family, just so that she wouldn't have been so alone and missing them after they were gone. "I would," she told him, her voice a bit choked up, but confident in her decision. "Does it look like I would fight you on it?" she asked, referring to her submissive posture, lowered head, tucked tail, and flattened ears. She did appreciate Cernan's assurance that he wouldn't do it, but it didn't make her feel any better about the situation.

The smaller female shook her head in response to his next question, her eyes still diverted to the ground. She could detect a bit of hope in his voice, but she wasn't sure why that would be. She was essentially a stranger; the young pack wolf shouldn't care at all whether she lived or died; had been sick or not. "No, I've never felt sick, or anything like that," she murmured, still keeping her entire body low, secretly hoping that the snow would just reach up and swallow her whole. "I wouldn't be here if I thought I was a danger to anyone else. I wouldn't want anyone else to experience something like that." Her voice broke a little at the end of her sentence, and she shut her eyes again. "I probably should have..." She didn't finish the thought aloud, but a few different things came to mind. I probably should have just died with them, and I probably should have just stayed on my own, and I probably should have not even spoken to you about anything.

(This post was last modified: Jan 11, 2017, 07:49 PM by Eidolon.)

If he had thought that her open invitation for death was strange, he was then confounded by the girl's resolution. Yes, she would let herself die here. The rhetorical question sailed through the air between them, and Cernan pinned his ears back against it; lifting his head further back. He could hear the emotion in her voice already. His assumption was confirmed then, that she'd never felt herself slipping toward any ill. The words that followed up this confirmation though, made the prince feel quite rotten. 

He wanted to believe her; wanted to believe that she hadn't a single bad intention for any of them, and from what he could gather that was true. However, if she'd been too scared to tell the pack, what was to say she wasn't also so scared of being alone that she wouldn't try to find herself a place to live, regardless of whether or not she knew she was contagious. Fear was powerful; and Cernan was more than convinced of that already. 

His ears drifted cautiously forward as her voice crumbled away; quivering with her fear and her grief. What she'd meant to say, he had no idea. Should have told someone, should have stayed away? Maybe it didn't matter. His posture began to slump from its guarded position several lengths away. The tawny yearling's mind fought a war between wanting to ask the Cove's Queen about this, yet fearing the implications, and wondering what he was supposed to do now with regards to Eido. Was he being overly cautious? If there was no sign anywhere of this horrid disease, could it possibly still linger on her? She'd said she was fine with him telling everyone, though that was in anticipation of them banding together to kill her or chase her away.

The boy's head slunk down to his paws and he watched her, again beginning to sniff at the air just above the snow, as if to reassure himself. His golden eyes were softer now, concerned even, as he observed her. The shock of it had passed, and with it some of his terror. Cernan wasn't usually a highly emotional creature, and so it felt more natural when his reasoning began to shake free. A single paw followed, shifting toward her over the powder and he hesitated. It was weird, and he didn't want her to be afraid. The other paws followed until he'd moved a single stride. The prince's yellowed gaze rested on the girl steadily, and all of a sudden he found the words. "I'm... sorry. Your family, and..." His jaw slid shut again and he swallowed, glancing back toward himself shamefully as if that would indicate the rest. Where ever did she get the idea that he was good at this?

I need to do a relationships page like you have for Cernan. To keep in mind what Eido thinks of all the wolves she's met.

She had been anticipating so much worse than what had actually happened. At first, the Vuesain boy had just been silent for a while, though she was used to him doing that by this point. This silence, however, was meant for serious thought and consideration; she knew that he would likely need to consider his options carefully before he actually acted on anything. She wouldn't blame him if he were to chase her off, or if he were to immediately go tell his pack about her keeping such a big secret. It hadn't actually occurred to her that she herself would be infected with the disease, only that she still smelled like it. But his suspicions weren't unwarranted. In fact, he was smart to have come up with that possibility.

After, the larger yearling had shifted; Eido hadn't seen it, she had heard it. Her eyes were shut in resignation, in acceptance of whatever he deemed a worthy response to the situation. Cernan had seemed like a nice wolf; in fact, Eido had taken to him quicker than she had to many wolves in her past. He was awkward and quiet, but that fit nicely with Eido's awkward and talkative. She had hoped they would be friends, but then she had gone ahead and ruined it. She had been so excited to be a part of the pack, as well, and she felt like she had screwed up irreparably.

Then she realized that the other young wolf had not just been shifting his weight, but moving toward her. For a moment, she trembled harder, frightened of what exactly he was going to do. But if he were going to do something harmful to her, he would probably be much quicker than he currently was. It wasn't until he spoke that it dawned on her that he was being cautious; approaching her in an attempt to make amends, in a way. "I'm... sorry. Your family, and..." Her orbs opened in surprise, and she made startled eye contact with the male. His golden gaze was concerned; her orange was wide and caught off-guard.

Slowly, she allowed her trembling, tense body to relax, untucking her tail and straightening up just a bit. She averted her gaze again, a lump forming in her throat as she tried to find her own words to help the situation. It took a moment, but she finally managed, "I'm the one who should be sorry. I-" There really weren't any words that she could come up with that she believed might help the situation. "Are you angry with me?" She didn't want him to be. She wanted to get along and make a good impression on her new packmate, and he'd been so nice. She was so ashamed of herself for ruining everything.

OOC: Cernan trying to be good boy.

There was the slightest shift in his stance when her eyes flashed open to seize upon his. He'd expected her to be a bit scared though, seeing how much she already was. Cernan remained silent, pulling his head up from its position near his paws as she slowly began to unfurl herself. The boy monitored her reaction with similarly flickering eyes; perfectly content to keep his mouth shut for a few moments more. His nose quivered as the smaller yearling rose. He wanted so badly to me more sure of his conclusion than he was, and perhaps a small part of him thought that some new detail would emerge from her scent at any moment. It didn't. 

All the boy discovered was what he already knew. She was a young, scared girl brushed with his father's stamp of approval. Her voice eventually crept back out toward him. The tips of the lake child's rounded ears rotated back from the apology. His face was somber, serious as the pale girl finished. Angry? It was the prince's turn to look at his feet. The usual few seconds passed in silence before he replied. "No not, angry," Cernan began, glancing back up. "I think you should've told my dad..." His tone wavered as if he was looking for confirmation that this was right; and sort of meaning to reference what she'd said herself earlier.

He let out a soft exasperated huff. "You're... probably fine... I think." The tawny yearling didn't really have much else to offer than that. He was no expert, and he was worried by the idea of bringing it up to one of the ones he knew. They might react with fear as he had; might not think it through. Sowing dissent, inciting panic or creating disturbances were the last things Cernan Vuesain enjoyed doing. He was training to be a guardian though, and it was going to be his job to protect the pack under any circumstances. 

Eido was part of the pack now, wasn't she? The colliding of these thoughts shown on his thoughtful and conflicted face. He hadn't realized just how long he'd gone quiet. Resolution dawned. "Eido," he started, his voice no longer shaky or unstable as he glanced around and finally looked her dead in the eyes, "you swear you've no doubt at all that this hasn't followed you?" His voice was low, and it ended the question even lower. If he couldn't get peace in his own mind, maybe he could get it from the girl instead. He hated to harp on it like this; he could see the stress it was causing her, but he had to be sure. Maybe she would understand. 

Her posture was still carefully kept submissive and meek; her tail was still tucked, but not to the point that it had been before, her head was low, and she kept glancing to the ground rather than meeting his gaze for a prolonged amount of time. She decided to let the other yearling have the right to direct the conversation, and she kept her mouth shut. Instead, she simply nodded in agreement when necessary, and simply stood still, not so much cowering as she had been, but still in a completely submissive state.

Her shoulders sagged just slightly with relief when he said that he wasn't angry with her, and she shifted her paws, shame burning the skin under her fur when he mentioned that she should've told his dad. She nodded slowly and looked away, still holding onto the hope that maybe the earth would just split open and swallow her whole. It would definitely be preferable to the conversation at hand, and she felt a lump form in her throat as she once again regretted opening her mouth in the first place.

The ghostlike wolf stiffened when the male let out an irritated noise, and she failed to bite back a soft whimper at the idea that she had been the cause of his annoyance. However, afterward the boy hesitantly seemed to be relaxing, if only just a bit. "You're... probably fine... I think." It nearly made Eido feel a little better. Unfortunately, immediately afterward, Cernan said her name, and the little wolf raised her eyes up to meet his eyes, as was appropriate when one was addressed. Her ears pressed back to her skull and she nodded to his inquiry - it was true, at least, in the physical way. She still felt haunted by it, but she was absolutely not a danger to anyone. Her mouth was still kept decidedly shut, her body still trembling softly as she stood before him.

OOC: You can fade this out in your next post if you like?

His golden eyes studied her face; watching for some hint of deception on her part that never appeared. He felt bad for having to ask again, but at least the inquiry didn't break her apart any further. The prince's expression softened as she nodded and he drew himself back. The tawny boy took a longer breath, exhaling more slowly to calm himself and his worries. His gaze dropped from her frightened orange eyes as he did so. The girl hadn't stopped trembling yet, and as much as he wanted to change that, he wasn't near comfortable enough to move in and reassure her in the way she probably needed. 

Instead he turned, bringing himself closer and turning perpendicular with the shivering newcomer as he faced the direction of the medical den. His yellow eyes found her once more as he looked back around, and this time all the hardness and fear had been purged from his face. Cernan's rounded brown ears pricked toward her. "Let's go," he said gently, keeping his tail limp at his hocks. "'Couple other places ya might wanna see," the boy added, now able to remember that the new yearling probably ought to know where the caches usually were made, and the where the hunting was more productive. Maybe she even needed a meal herself. Maybe after a little while they could pretend this hadn't happened. Maybe she would go back to being happy again.

He pushed the knowledge of her past to the back of his mind as much as possible. He'd not go telling everyone just yet, but he would keep an eye on things even more than he had recently started to. If this got out of control, it was now on the prince's head as much as hers. If his judgment was sound though, that probably wouldn't happen. Hopefully. 

These poor babies oh my gosh. T.T I feel so bad for them both. They will definitely need a happier thread sometime in the future.

The young wolf stood under the male's scrutiny for a while, allowing him to make his judgments about how to handle the situation. She was not feeling quite so scared anymore, thankfully, and she didn't think she would have been so scared in the first place if Cernan hadn't brought up possibilities that she hadn't considered since her family passed all those months ago. He hadn't been wrong to ask those questions at all, and Eido was less afraid of the possibilities that he had mentioned than his reaction to the possibilities themselves. She'd worked through all of the possible happenings that could branch off of the disease long before she'd arrived at the Lore. It was the idea that other wolves might think her a liar because she had failed to mention what had happened a half a year ago. Fortunately, the tawny agouti male seemed to have dropped the issue altogether, because he moved over to her and turned in the direction that they had been heading previously. The smaller wolf hesitated, her tail untucking as she forced her body to stop shaking. It was probably unsettling to him, and she certainly didn't enjoy feeling like such a coward. Hesitantly, she gave a small wag of her tail in return - if he was going to put in the effort, then dammit, so was she. "Let's go, then," she replied, not at all ready to return to her previous state of bouncing about and playing in the snow, but willing to make a conscious effort toward mending the situation a bit. Besides, the small yearling was hungry, so she was hoping that he would be taking her to a cache or something after they visited the infirmary. And then she planned on perhaps sleeping for a while - she felt like she needed a month's rest after today's ordeal. With a forcibly calm and interested demeanor, the little yearling followed her new packmate as he showed her around

End.