Whitestone Monadnock Lifeboat

Her mouth hung open. "Kinda shocked you?" she felt so much pressure around her that her question came out in a squeak of disbelief. This time she was not so afraid to look at him, her head whippped around and her golden eyes challenged his. It was one thing to smell like another wolf—one, maddening thing. Kissing was not something wolves did when they just met, and kissing was a little more than "touchy feely," so this was pretty much the definition of Actually Shocking. "And you went to see her again?" That was the real kicker here: that anyone else might have thought, "Wow, this stranger just tried to kiss me, that's insane. Get me out of here," but Alastor had surpassed that level of reason and went on to see this girl again. What, was it supposed to be a comfort that he was kissing some girl that was fun and reminded him of her?

Well, it wasn't.

Her head lashed back and she nearly banged her chin on the ground she moved with such force. She was really trying not to be mad but Alastor was not giving her any reason to stop herself anymore. This, at least, Sahalie felt a little more justified being mad about. Alastor was fine kissing random girls and then just sneaking back into their den and cuddling like this—ugh! Sahalie scooted away from Alastor even though it felt like her fur was attached to him, not wanting to touch a boy that gave his affection away to literal strangers. Who wanted to kiss strangers. "Am I the only one that thinks this is weird?"

Her reaction wasn't violent, but it was certainly familiar to him. Indignation, disbelief, and whether she had meant to show it or not, jealousy. He had that information now, but there were a million and one things that could have provoked that and only one that he would give his soul to be true for. But that couldn’t be possible, right? 


She sat up right and seemed to shrink back from him in disdain, the boy lifting himself into a sitting position but having to slouch over to avoid hitting his head on the ceiling. She was raging about how weird it was that he’d gone back to see Cas, about how she simply couldn’t believe that she was the only one thinking that it was utterly strange. But, she was wrong. The thing here that he saw as wrong was her hypocrisy. “I’m the weird one? You can’t be serious. How many times have you gone out and met other guys, huh? How many times have you come back home stinking of someone, some male that I don’t know? And you even went and about confessed your undying love to some guy! A guy that I know you’ve gone and met before then and probably even after. How is that not weird?” he replied, a little hurt but more annoyed. “Why do you care so much? Just tell me why!” he all but physically pleaded, his brows crinkling.

If Alastor had shocked her before he struck her with a whole lightning bolt, now. Drawing herself further away as if she had been hit, the girl glared back at him with naked outrage. Part of her wondered how he could get mad about that after all this time, like he had been stewing over all the wolves she had met that weren't him for the last year now. If it made him so angry that she was going anywhere and meeting anyone new he should have brought it up. Sahalie was not mad at Alastor because he met another wolf, and she had never come back to Oak Tree Bend smelling so strongly of another wolf because, hey, guess what: She had never kissed any of them.

And then there was Sven.

Her stare hardened but inside she felt her resolve quiver. That's what this was really about, she knew this now. "First off," she said through her teeth, "It wasn't undying love and you are fucking ridiculous if you believe that. I told you. I told you I'm not gunna love anyone. I can't—" her heart gave a painful throb as she remembered the feeling of her paw on his own, moments before, her body wrapped in his, all the promises they'd shared. She hesitated. "I was being stupid. It's kinda hard, you know, when someone whose supposed to be there for you leaves and you have all these feelings. And no one's there to help you. I'm not perfect."

But she had messed up, trying to come out to Sven. And Al had messed up, kissing this other girl. They both messed up. She crumpled. "I guess I'm just.... I'm just worried that... that you'll leave me if you find someone to love. You already kissed this girl..."

"I don't even like it here Al. I hate it. I hate it here. How am I supposed to lead up here? There's so many wolves and they don't even know me. You promised to help me. And... and we're gunna... " What were they going to do? She had no idea. But Alastor was supposed to be with her. "I don't want to lose you." Except Sahalie had no right to force Alastor into a vow of chastity or anything like that. She had decided not to fall in love, but no one else made that agreement.

"I feel like I'm already losing my dream and ... now I feel like I'll lose you too" Her face turned away. She sniffled.

Her fire melted and sat in a pool at her paws and he watched it happen, his own fire dying within him leaving something between hollow and sad. Why were they always like this? Always so volatile, always arguing? Every time they argued he regretted it, regretted how things went and how it created a rift. But, he needed to do something about it. He needed to change because this? This was getting them nowhere.

He took a deep breath, auds laying back. “I know you hate it. I hate seeing you hate this. I like you smiling, being happy. If I could take all of this back for you I would, I swear I would. But...you don't have to stay here Hal. We don't have to stay here. Have you ever thought, maybe...maybe you don't have to take over something to lead it? You are able to create so much, why not create a pack that is yours?” he suggested tentatively. Obviously it couldn't be soon, but...it was a possibility wasn't it? If anyone could do it, it would be her.

Kino moved forward hesitantly to where she sat, his heart racing in his chest. His pulse may have been silent on the outside but on the inside it was a roar. She wanted him, maybe not in the same way but she desired his presence. Was afraid of losing him and that's all he needed. His muzzle gently brushed against her cheek and then pressed into her scruff with a bent head. “I'm not going anywhere. Castel doesn't mean anything to me, not like you. I can live without her, but not without you. You are the one who has been my family for the longest, you are the one I care about. If you ask me to stop seeing her, I won't see her again. It's as simple as that. She may have kissed me, but I have no desire what so ever to return it.”I’d much rather it be you.

(This post was last modified: Jan 18, 2017, 08:41 PM by Kino.)

She was pouting but she was not looking up at him. Yeah, Alastor sure did like happy, smiling wolves since he preferred to kiss some fun version of her in the moonlight. More than anything Sahalie wanted to be a fun wolf, because at least when she was a fun wolf life wasn't hard, other wolves enjoyed her, and she did not get into so many fights with Alastor. Or was it the other way around—that she was only fun because those other things didn't happen. A shaky inhale rattled her whole body, and she reminded herself that strength was being fun and happy and smiling in spite of everything. This was all just a test for her and she couldn't lose herself to a situation that was only temporary. Oh, it was so hard though. Her small, dark body exhaled.

At the suggestion that they didn't have to stay here, the girl's auric stare jumped up to meet his. Sahalie was shocked. The statement was halfway to treason, she felt. Sahalie hadn't been the girl to wonder about leaving home—that was for Kyna—and had only left Oak Tree Bend because she felt duty bound to Spieden, a duty that didn't simply end. Even though she was not attached emotionally to Whitestone Monadnock, the simple idea of leaving simply had not occurred. And neither had making her own. That was something she had never known was real, something she could do. Packs just existed to Sahalie. They were a part of the land and that was how things were, they existed longer than she had been alive. Her eyelashes fluttered rapidly.

But did they?

Could she just create one?

Sahalie's heartbeat quickened all on its own before she was even aware that Alastor was moving towards her. His muzzle reached out for hers and she held deathly still. She shouldn't have felt grateful—after all, his muzzle had kissed strangers—but she was, because Alastor wasn't leaving her. Gent's insistence that of "once a deserter, always a deserter" be damned. Sahalie was a deserter now and their kind had to stick together. With a weak smile and downcast eyes she mumbled, "You can see her again..." Who was she to stop him? "I can't stop you from having friends... just.. " Perking up a little, her smile widened slightly, "Maybe I can meet her? Maybe that would make me feel better?"

"I'll have to think about the pack stuff though. This has just... well, it's been a long enough night I think. We can talk more about in the morning." Her paws were sliding forward on the ground, towards Alastor's, as she sank to the ground. A yawn bellowed from her small form. "I think you finally tired me out."

She seemed utterly startled by the thought that she could possibly create her own pack. With how intelligent he knew her to be, he was surprised that the thought hadn’t crossed her mind at all. Of course, Sahalie had grown up in one pack her entire life. She knew of the existence of other packs, but it had never been in her knowledge to know something other than that permanence. If anything showed just how fleeting a pack could be, she could always look at the nearly completely demolished borders of his birth pack.


His gaze lifted to peek out of the corners at her face, a small smile crawling onto his lips in return to her own. He nodded in response to her question about meeting Cas, seeing no harm in it. If that’s what Hal needed to put her mind at ease, then that’s what she would have no objections needed. Kino wanted to start something new right there, he wanted to be better for her. The Lagina boy didn’t want to make her cry anymore, he didn’t want to fight with her. Instead of fighting with her, he instead wanted to fight for her. He allowed himself to still feel hope that one day she might be able to release her fear of loving someone and give her heart to him. He decided to be open with her. 

“Good, but you better not keep me up with your snoring,” he teased, an amused glint in his topaz gaze. He moved behind her, flopping in his usual unceremonious way to the ground with a grunt, making a big show of a yawn and stretch with a big of a wriggle. His maw moved to nestle into the back of her scruff, breathing in her scent quietly and allowing it to sooth him. “We’ll meet her tomorrow, when you’re ready. Goodnight, Hal,” he murmured, allowing his gaze to shut. Tomorrow would likely be another eventful day, but for the moment he was content to lay with her, feeling like they had finally closed the gap to where it had been before this whole mess. He hoped it would only get smaller.