Poison Path Mad World

@Moonshadow

Morning, Partly cloudy
5 ° F, -15 ° C

The sun had only been out for an hour or so when Kajika found himself winding through the trees of the code. There wasn't really a rhyme or reason in the direction he was headed his paws having a mind of their own as they carried him across the snow fresh from the day before. A light crunch could be heard as each of his paws landed creating a new print in the almost pristine powder. This part of the forest didn't seem to have been trodden on the previous day but I'm the paw prints from not only the inhabitants of the cove but the prey they hunted to sustain themselves would litter the snow.

Once again as he had been more and more lately his thoughts had been consumed with the past just as much as why were they drifting to a time that was gone? Was there something he needed to figure out? Something he hadn't seen before? Kajika was no closer to figuring out the answers then he had been months ago when the memories had started to haunt him.

Shaking his head for some peace Kajika was finally able to look around him to find the familiar paths that ran between the patches where the nightshade grew. Here it always seemed he ended up and if not here the lake, a growl left him in frustration that he constantly felt he could not move forward. Sitting back on his haunches his tail wrapping around his paws he let his large, dark head drop to his chest as a long, deep breath left him.

(This post was last modified: Jan 21, 2017, 04:19 AM by Kajika.)

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OOC! This is set before is thread with Tagg right?

Yesterdays spar had been a utter failure. Not one attack was a success and that sent the dark woman back into a spiral of self hate. All she wanted to do was provide and protect her pack. How could she possibly if she can't even land a blow. Her teacher spoke of it being a good thing and how she could learn from it. In the moment his words only sat upon the surface. It wasn't until her frustration fizzled that they sunk in. Sure she could see how it was something to learn from. She had always been good at seeing both sides of things even if she didnt agree with one. That understanding did nothing to alleviate the disappointment she had in herself.

Moon was glad that no one had come to watch her fail - especially @Tagg. She couldn't bare having him see what a failure she was. After it had ended the dark female stayed in the snow until her teacher had left. Shame filled her so she ran. She ran and ran not having anywhere specific in mind. She ran from the cove leaving the borders. She would have liked to seek out her red hero but couldn't bare to see him disappointed in her. The dark woman spent the night outside the territory and made her way back this morning. She knew she couldn't run and hide for forever but a day away was enough for her.

Large paws walked slowly over the snow covered ground. Her nose leading her way back for this area was unfamiliar to the beta. She didnt pay much attention to her surroundings and she was unaware of the poisonous plants that lied dormit beneath the snow. She walked slowly taking her time with beating herself up until a familiar scent filled her nostrils. She stopped in her tracks instantly recognizing that of her teacher - the one she had disappointed. Her ears lowered and a whine escaped her maw. While she didnt necessarily want to seek him out she knew she had to. With a sigh she followed his scent until she found him sitting with his head hung low. The sight caused another whine to come from the female. While she knew she had messed up she didnt think it would make him this upset. Moving towards him she nosed his shoulder in greeting keeping her posture pretty much submissive. Despite them being equals in rank she knew she messed up and this was her way of partially saying she was sorry.

Here in this place he could be alone, he could get wrapped up in his thoughts and let his imagination run wild with all of the what if's. What if he had told her? What if he had gone with her? Questions that would never be answered since he had long ago given up on the hope she would return. Now he had to find away to move past it instead of pushing it aside like he'd done for so long. Ignoring what was bothering him was never going to help him to move forward with his life. The areas around the cove held so many memories that sometimes they suffocated him. He couldn't keep living his life in the past, he knew that and yet he made the choice everyday to stay stuck in it.

It had to change but Kajika had yet to come up with something that would help him to get past what haunted him everyday. The sound of a faint whine caused his ear to twitch but he disregarded it as his mind playing tricks on him. No one in the pack knew he was there so they would not be seeking him out so he let himself fall further into his thoughts. It was the place that he wanted to be, his paws had brought him here for that reason, he was sure of it.

It wasn't until heard the whine once more only closer this time and then the nose in his shoulder did he open his eyes. With her head low he found Moonshadow at his side looking rather unhappy. His heart hurt for her and the embarrassment that she had suffered the day before. He could imagine the things that were going through her mind after the spar was over and he hadn't seen her the previous night after leaving her. Something told him she needed to talk and he needed to talk with her, to let her know she shouldn't feel badly about what had happened. Lowering his head he brushed his muzzle against her cheek, “Where were you last night?” He asked her, “I've been worried about you.”

(This post was last modified: Jan 21, 2017, 09:27 PM by Kajika.)

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OOC! Out of character comments here

Whether she liked it or not Moonshadow knew she would have to eventually face her teacher once again. It was better to do it sooner than later. This is what caused her to approach him instead of slipping on by back to the cove. When she had ran and spent the night outside the borders she didnt think anyone would notice her gone. Clearly this wasn't the case for the dark man questioned where she had been and stated he had worried about her. This caused her ears to press further into her skull from guilt. She hadnt meant to worry him or anyone else for that matter. She just couldn't bare to face anyone. "I spent the night outside the borders" she admitted with a sigh, tears threatening to form in her eyes. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to worry you or anyone else...I - I just couldn't bare to face anyone after what happened..."

The ebony woman knew full and well that her teacher knew exactly what she was referring to. Her miserable excuse at a spar. How could she fail that bad? Not a single blow? It was pathetic and she was ashamed about it. She was overly hard on herself for it, and if she had still been holding Namids place she would have most likely tumbling downwards a lot faster than she already had. Silver eyes continued to study the ground for she couldn't get her self to look at him. She knew he was disappointed but she hoped it wouldnt affect their relationship. Yet again who would want to be friends with someone who can't protect themselves?

Moonshadows appearance was a surprise for the dark man and her interruption of his thoughts was not unwelcome. Though she had worried him the previous night and caused she of his fears to creep in as they did during her first disappearance. Seeing her there beside him was a relief that she had not left the cove without a word. He couldn't help the fear that she too would leave and not return but he tried to keep it from his tone. She didn't know what had happened before and he had to remind himself that she was not Des and she had returned. His questions were merely that, not accusing or said in anger, just curiosity of where she had been. “It's not safe out there,” he told her gently, “And you must stop beating yourself up for what happens yesterday. Everyone has a bad day and if it helps I don't feel I did my best either. You can't expect to be on the top of your game every single day.” He didn't know how to get it through to her that just because she had one bad day didn't mean she wasn't good. “I'm not angry with you for what happened,” he told her quietly.

He did worry about her and that her failure to land a single hit in their spar would take a toll on her. He was doing what he could to make her feel better about it because beating herself up wasn't going to make it any better. “Perhaps, when you're feeling better we can have another go. Then you can see that it was just a bad day.” He suggested hoping it might bring her spirits up if she had another chance to prove to herself that she was more than capable. He had seen it before in their first spar and he knew she could do it again. “Cheer up Moonshadow, I don't like seeing you this upset,” he told her giving her a nudge on her cheek.

(This post was last modified: Jan 23, 2017, 06:01 AM by Sahalie.)

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OOC! Out of character comments here

One of her downfalls was how hard she was on herself whenever she messed up. The orgin of this trait could be traced back to losing her family. She feels that if she hadnt wandered off she could have possibly saved them or would be with them. The dark woman still has that pup like belief that she could have prevent the wild fire and she blames herself for wandering off. This has progressed into getting on herself for any mishap. She gave her teacher a nod of her large skull at his first words. She knew it was dangerous but yet again she had been on her own for a good portion of her life she figured (with the twisted part of her mind) she'd be fine and it almost would be good for her to have something bad happen.

While she knew everyone has mishaps and bad days she couldn't help focusing on not being able to land a single blow. She sighed because she knew he was right but when he said he wasn't mad at her she lifted her head in surprise. "You're not?" Surely he had to be to some degree, his student failed. She nodded slowly at his proposition to have them try again once she felt better. She managed a small smile for him. While she didnt feel completely better and it would take some time for her self abuse to fade his reassurance that she just had a bad day felt nice. His physical reassurance also helped the midnight pelted woman as well. She returned his gesture with a nudge of her own. "Thank you Kajika. You're a good friend and teacher" she tried her best to swallow her guilt and feelings to show him she was okay. Then a thought dawned on her. She had been out a ways from the borders and hadn't come across them yet on her way back. So that would mean that her teacher was also away from the cove. "What are you doing all the way out here?" She asked hoping to turn the attention of the conversation from herself to him - or anything else really.

It saddened him that she beat herself up so much over things that couldn't be helped or mess ups because she was still learning. If he could he would change that part about her so that she wouldn't wouldn't have to be so upset. He didn't know if it would never change but maybe over time with plenty of reassurance it could get better. It didn't really surprise him that she was surprised he wasn't angry with her. “No, what good would good would being angry with you do? It's not what you need, understanding and support is so that I can help you learn and get better.” He realized after their spar that she needed him to be there for her and help her through whatever she was putting herself through. “You're welcome Moonshadow,” he said before looking at his paws at her compliment and nudge, “Thank you,” he said quietly. He was glad that she thought so since not too long ago he hadn't been a good friend or teacher to her.

Kajika hadn't thought that her finding him in poison path would bring any questions about his presence there. Clearly he was wrong because that was precisely what she had asked him, 'What was he doing there?’ That was a good question. His gaze drifted to the path once more as he tried to figure out the best way to explain it to her. He knew it was time to tell her and she deserved to know what he'd been keeping from her for so long. Why he'd been so worried that she wouldn't come back when she had left the first time. She needed to know that he trusted her and he hoped that by sharing with her she would see that. “Visiting the past I suppose would be the best way to answer that,” he said thoughtfully his gaze meeting hers. It was the best way to describe what he was doing there, he thought.

(This post was last modified: Jan 23, 2017, 11:52 AM by Kajika.)

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OOC! Sorry if this is choppy DX

His explanation of why he wasn't made made sense to her she supposed. No it wouldn't do any good but she still felt as if that's what she deserved. On the other paw she knew she had some learning to do. When she was younger and first came to the cove know she needed to learn things wasnt an issue. Now though after being apart of this pack for so long - even leading it - she felt as if she was supposed to know how to do things by now. Not knowing the basics by now was inexcusable in Moons eyes. He thanked her for her compliment so she gave him the warmest smile she could muster. She was trying to perk up so that he didnt have to see her be mopey. She didnt want to burden him with it. So her question of what he was doing out there allowed her to change the focus onto him. This allowed her to also set aside her self lothing for a bit.

Kajika took his time answering as if he was contemplating an answer. She looked at him with her silver eyes growing more curious. Visiting the past? She supposed she knew what that meant, but couldn't help but wonder why he was is sad. If the past made him sad why would he want to revisit it? It was then she also realized that she actually didnt know much about the dark mans past. She had told him hers but he's never shared his. Despite her being curious she didnt want to pry. It was rude to do such a thing when the subject matter was sensitive. "I'm here if you wanna talk about it at all" she offered. She was his friend she was supposed to be there for him just as he has been for her. So she sat an waited to see if her teacher wanted to visit his past out loud. 

There is a family of deer nearby. Hunt Opportunity

By explaining to her why he wasn't mad that it might help her to see that she hadn't really done anything to warrant him being mad at her. He also wanted her to understand that there was still things that she needed to learn and while she has mastered quite a few things while she had been in the cove it was important to keep learning. Even when he was her age he had still been learning and still learned now that he was working to become a teacher. It was a never ending process that he hoped she would one day see. However, before he could say anymore on the subject she changed it to focus on him and why he was in poison path I'm the first place.

He knew it had to be puzzling to her since she probably didn't know how regularly he came here. Kajika usually tried slipping off when everyone else was busy with their own things but she had caught him. He wouldn't lie to her and he couldn't keep it from her any longer, he made her a promise. They were supposed to talk to each other when something was bothering so when she told him she was there if he wanted to talk about it he nodded. His gaze fell on her once more, “I told you how I came to Fallen Tree Cove?” He asked as a reminder and to give her more of a clue to what he was talking about. “I'm going to skip over the details of my birth pack. I have accepted and moved on from that. If you have questions about that I will answer them,” he assured her, “But to understand why I'm here all that's important is I left them to live a different life. I had been on my own awhile, around a year when I found the Lore. When I arrived here I only had finding a pack that I felt shared my values and could be a family so I learned about the different packs but still hadn't made a decision. I'm not sure how long it was but while hunting one day she ran into me, Des or more formally Desideria. She changed everything.” A small smile crossed his maw as he remembered the first day he and Des had bumped into each other.

(This post was last modified: Jan 23, 2017, 08:45 PM by Kajika.)

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