Lost Lake Don't Want To Lose You Twice

OOC! Out of character comments here

She waited for what seemed to be forever but really was a mere few seconds. His muzzle touched her and pulled her into him in a hug like fashion. She did her best to not cry for tears weren't going to help any. Finally his words came, a wave of relief washed over the young woman as he explained he would always want her to be there for him. She started blankly at the ground as she spoke with one silver tipped ear turned back towards him. He spoke of how he'd always be there for her not matter what. It wasn't until he said he wished she could help him through this did she snap out of of. Pulling back away from him she looked at his features, searching for anything she could use. "Why don't you then? I'm here to help all you have to do is let me." She near pleaded to him. She couldn't understand why he was acting like this, the small voice in the back if her head saying he wasn't telling her everything chimmed in once again. She shook it off once more focusing more on her decreasing grip on keeping her emotions out of it. They were starting to take hold and Moon took a deep breath in hope to keep her head leveled.

With her ears flicked forwards she heard him take a deep breath as well. Mercury hued orbs became visible from under their black curtains as she opened her eyes to meet the amber counterparts of Kajikas. He went to speak with his voice now carrying a plea. He asked her to not let him be the one to get between her and her love. That he'd never could live with that or live with the resentment she'd hold for him if he did. Her large skull shook with confusion. Get between them? How could he do that? The ebony woman did not understand how he possibly could get between them. He finished it off with saying that he cared too much about her to push her away completely. "How would you be getting between us?" She questioned confusion clear in her tone. "And why would you push me away at all? Did I do something?" She now worried she may have done something to upset the dark man. While she didn't think she did she may have without even knowing it. She frantically started to go through all her actions over the last few days trying to figure out what she may have done. This encounter was no where near ataraxia

He hated every single moment of this. Telling her she couldn't be there for him and that it was best for her and Tagg if she left him be. No part of him truly wanted to keep her at a distance, keep knew he needed her that she could help him through what he was going through. It didn't matter though because he could not betray Tagg, they were friends and the moment the tawny man confessed his feelings anything the beta was feeling did not matter. It no longer mattered that she was his best friend and he was going through a rough time and needed her. It didn't matter that he had feelings for he had yet to sort out fully. As he held her against him he hated himself more and more for what he was doing to her. The sadness in her voice as she spoke broke his heart more and more but he couldn't let her know, it would just make it that much harder. His head dropped once more to let his gaze fall on his paws as she asked him why and tell him she was there. The light tone of pleading could barely be heard in her voice but he heard it. “I know you are always there and you always will be but not this time...You can't be this time,” he said meeting her gaze, “I can't bring you down with me,” he added shaking his head. She was young and needed to live her life with Tagg and be happy. She didn't need to be around the insanity that was going on inside his head, she didn't need to spend her says sad for him because he grew worse every day and she didn't need to feel helpless when she finally realized he couldn't be helped.

The hope he had gained in their last conversation when he had told her about Des was slowly leaving him. The events of the morning had proven more than he could handle but he did his best to keep it together for her. To make sure she understood why things had to be the way they were. His sigh was followed by him trying to explain to her that he felt he would come between her and Tagg eventually but she made it clear she didn't see how. “Because if you are too worried about me, helping me then you may not be there for Tagg. He needs you more than I do,” he said nodding as if to convince himself as well. “Your relationship with Tagg is new and it needs to be nurtured, you can't do that if you're trying to help me too.” He whined a little when she voiced she was worried she had done something wrong for him to act this way. “You did nothing wrong. All you have done is what we promised each other. I am not pushing you away because I can't ask you to do that, I'm only telling you to not worry about me. I just feel that it's best right now that you concentrate more on your relationship with Tagg, he's who is important in your life now.” More and more he felt he was making the wrong choice in sending her to Tagg but he didn't know what else to do, he couldn't ruin this for her.

(This post was last modified: Feb 02, 2017, 12:55 AM by Kajika.)

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OOC! Out of character comments here

She couldn't understand why he wouldn't let her help him. It drove her nuts. The dark man before her spoke of not bringing her down with him. She shook her head at him. "You wouldn't be dragging me down I'd be bringing you up. I'm here to help whether you like it or not" she explained stubbornly. He wasn't going to push her away, she simply wouldn't allow it. She looked at him begging clear in her metallic orbs. She needed to help him otherwise she'd blame herself for his suffering. Little did she know that she was indeed a cause of his pain.

She needed answers. She couldn't comprehend how Kajika would ever get in between her and Tagg. It just didnt make sense to her and even with her teachers explanation she still couldn't see. She shook her head at his words and shifted in her spot. "I can do both" she stated simply. She could worry about him and help him while still nurturing her relationship with the rusty veteran. "There's no reason for me to have to choose. I can do both and I will do both." She stated evenly, putting confidence in her voice in hope that it would keep Kajika from trying to convince her otherwise. This was who she was - one to help others and put others before herself. She wasn't about to not be herself. Silver tipped ears flicked back as the sound of his whine reached them. She hated seeing him in pain, absolutely hated it. Her question of if she had done something wrong was quickly answered after the whine. He assured her that she hasn't done anything but keep her promise to him. He went on to say that all he wanted was for her to not worry about him and that Tagg was who was important in her life now. She let out a small snort of disbelief. "He's not the only important one. You're important too Kajika you always will be simple as that. There can be more than one important wolf in someone's life you know..." She trailed off hoping that her words would sink in and he'd let her back in. She hated not being able to help the man whose helped her with so much.

The pleading look in her eye as she spoke about bringing him up instead of him bringing her down, he tried to avoid seeing it letting his gaze drop to his paws. Then there was that look of hurt she had that made it that much harder to continue this act. He wasn't stupid and he knew he needed her now more than ever. He didn't want to push her away anymore than she wanted to be pushed. His gaze did not meet hers as she spoke about being there to help him whether he liked it or not. “You don't know what's going on in my head Moonshadow, you don't know how bad it's really become.” He knew, it had become increasingly clear to himself that he wasn't who he once was. Now he was a pathetic excuse for them he once was barely able to get up to work for his pack. Constantly lost in thoughts about a woman he should have moved on from a long time ago and now… a man who was too much of a coward to tell his best friend how he truly felt. “I don't know what you can do to help me,” he stated evenly despite how addled he felt on the inside.

It was always important to him that she be happy, it didn't matter what his mental state was and to him her happy meant Tagg. He had seen them together at the den, how easily they got along, the smiles across their mass at just being together. He knew what that meant, had he not worn the same kind of smile when Des had been with him? Kajika knew where she belonged even if she didn't and her stating she could be there for him and nurture her relationship with Tagg…

He accepted she was young and this possibly her first real relationship, she did not understand how consumed she would most undoubtedly become. He sighed, it was clear he wasn't going to win this battle, he was much too tired to keep this up. Everytime he pushed she pushed back, he knew her, knew she wouldn't give up. Finally he sighed his breath catching on his throat he let his gaze meet hers. “I understand you think you can do both take care of me and help me through this. Help your relationship to grow and become something worth holding on to but do you really understand what all of that entails?” His brow then rose as if to say think about it. That was his one last ditch effort to help her see sense but if that didn't work. Well, he took a steadying breath almost certain he would regret what he was about to say. “If you do and you feel certain you can do both I won't stop you but Moonshadow I will not be the reason things go badly between you and Tagg. I cannot carry that guilt, I already have too much.” He became more stern at the end because she needed to know he was serious, he could not bear the thought of her hating him because she let him keep her from Tagg. He could not bear to lose his friends because they were too stubborn to listen to him when he told them it wouldn't work.

(This post was last modified: Feb 08, 2017, 07:29 PM by Kajika.)

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OOC! Out of character comments here

She watched his gaze fall from her to his feet but she would not give in. He needed to see that this wasn't the way to go about things. She had to get him to see that it wasn't good for him to shut her out, he needed help. He told her that she didnt know what was going on in his head and didnt know how bad it was. "Bullshit!" She replied with a stamp of her paw. She knew how bad it was and thought she knew what was going on. "Excuse my language. I know its bout Des and I know that its extremely bad. Otherwise you wouldn't be acting like this. You can't shut me out you need me and you know it." She knew that he knew he needed her. It was clear in his voice and in his eyes. He claimed that he didnt know what she could do to help. "I can be there for you to let you vent, hold you if you need or want to cry, make you smile and forget about her even for just a moment. It'll all help, but only if you let me." She explained her voice a bit gentler now than it had been moments before. She wasn't trying to be mean more like stern. Clearly pleading wasn't working so maybe taking a more stern tone would. He told her that if she thought she could help him and be there for Tagg then he wouldn't stop her. The small victory gave her confidence that he was beginning to see the truth. The dark teacher in training continued on to say that he couldn't live with the guilt if he got between her and the russet vet. She shook her head again at his words. Still not understanding how he could possibly think that. "That isn't going to happen Kajika" she spoke reaching over to nudge his chin just as he had to her. Her voice had a reassuring tone. She wouldn't let him carry that guilt and she honestly didnt see anything happening between her and Tagg. "Everything is going to be fine, nothing is going to happen" she gave him a small smile in hopes that he'd believe her.

Her sudden outburst surprised him, he'd never heard her speak as she had then, it snapped his gaze from his paws back to her. It was clear that she felt she did know what was going on inside his head. What she spoke about was exactly what he'd led her to believe, she wasn't completely wrong, she just didn't know all of it, she couldn't know. “I don't want to shut you out because you are right, I do need you and I always will,” he told her because it was the truth and maybe if things were different he would be trying so hard to push her to go and live her life but they weren't. “You shouldn't be a part of this, what's going on with me. I don't think it's fair to burden you with this when you have so much living to do,” he said this as a statement and not some argument as to why she should leave him to himself. He didn't know how she could help him get through this, he didn't know of anyone could help him because he felt he had fallen too far but she thought she could help. “I know you can, you’ve always been but things are different now. I know how much you want to help, how much I want you to help so I won't fight you on it anymore. I’ll let you do what you can but I'm the end you may not be able to help me.” He thought it only fair to give her that warning because she could not help with what she didn't know, what he refused to tell her for now.

As she promised him that she could help him get through this funk and still nurture the relationship she was developing with Tagg. The beta wasn't convinced and he wasn't stupid, the dark man knew what it was like to have what she had. He wished he could have more faith that she could do both but it was something only time would tell. He would let her help him as she had asked, he'd given up on trying to make her see sense. She also believe that he wouldn't come between them and, if he had to do it himself he would make sure of it. “I hope you’re right,” he stated solemnly, Tagg was his friend but that didn't mean the tawny male couldn't become jealous of the time she spent trying to help him. His gaze went to her as she tried reassuring him that nothing was going to happen and that it would all be okay. “You can't know that for sure,” he stated before he shook his head and laughed a little which didn't sound like himself, “I used to think it was going to all be okay too and then this. I’ve fallen so far I don't even know who I am any more.”

(This post was last modified: Feb 09, 2017, 04:17 PM by Kajika.)

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OOC! Wanna start fading out since he's told Namid he hasn't told her or Tagg yet? :)

Her uncharacteristic cursing caused the dark man to snap his gaze back at her. Only a small part of her felt bad for using such language but she felt like it helped get her point across. He claimed he didnt want to shut her out and that he did need her and that he always would. She wanted to believe him but she couldnt help feel like he was just telling her what what he thought she wanted to hear. That wasn't okay with the ebony she wolf. She wasn't going to let him suffer not while she could help it. Her teacher continued on to say that she shouldn't be apart of what he was going through and that she had more living to do...whatever that meant. "More living to do? It not like helping you is going to kill me Kajika. What kills me is you not wanting me to help..." She trailed off allowing her gaze to drop. It was true she hated that her teacher, her best friend didnt want her help. Her silver tipped ears pressed forward as her head hung so that she could still catch his next words. She shook her head at first but as he continued and said he would stand in her way she sighed. Well at least he agreed to do that. "That's not gonna happen I know I very may now be able to heal you completely but it still will help...even if its just a little. I have enough hope that it will for the both of us." She stated looking back at him. She would try her best and she knew she couldn't heal him completely. He had to do that himself but she could help even if it was just bringing a smile to his face. He spoke of him hoping she was right and that she could be wrong and everything wouldn't be okay. She shook her head as she moved closer to him nudging his cheek. "It will all be okay. I can't say when but I do know it will happen. You have me, and Tagg, and the whole pack. We all love you very much and don't want anything bad happening to you. You will get through this and we'll help. I know you may not have faith now but you may feel better if you try to." She smile at him desperately hoping that it would help just a smidgen.

Yeah, Fade with your next post if you want.

He knew she couldn't see it, how her helping him could bring her down, or maybe she didn't want to. It could also be that he was wrong and having her there to help him through this rough time wouldn't bring her down at all. It was just that he couldn't see how being around him in his current state was good for her at all. When her head dropped Kajika had the sense she felt defeated, reaching out he lifted her chin with his muzzle. “It's not that I don't want you to help me Moonshadow it's that I worry that you will be so focused on helping me you will forget to enjoy what makes you happy.” He cared so much for her that all he wanted to do was see her happy even if he wasn't. He did not want to be the one that made her unhappy or hurt her because he was in a place that couldn't help her like she wanted to do for him. “I know this is my struggle and that I have to figure it out so that I can get better. Even though I don't know if helping me is the best thing for you maybe your hope and just being there will help just enough to get me through.” He wasn't sure if he was doing the right thing by accepting whatever help she could offer but he couldn't fight her on it anymore. The truth was he didn't want to fight her on it, he wanted her help and the support he knew she could offer as she always had. He had to shove whatever worries he had down because he could see how much he was hurting her by trying to keep her at a distance. Maybe wanting her help was selfish but she also wanted to give it to him and he couldn't as her friend sent her that opportunity. She was still certain that it would all be okay and that he would get better. She even went on to tell him how the whole pack stood behind him and would be there to help him get better. He nodded at her words to show he did understand, “I know I have the support of you, Tagg and the pack and I love all of you too. I'm just not sure I'm in the place to have faith just yet, there's just so much I have to figure out still.”

(This post was last modified: Feb 13, 2017, 07:59 PM by Kajika.)

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OOC! Finally up and archived! Hope it qas okay to say he joined her for a border patrol of not then I can fix it :)

His worry that she couldn't do both seemed silly to the woman. She knew she could and would prove it to him. She wouldn't argue any longer to get his to agree with her. She would simply show him and prove him wrong. Silver eyes gleamed as he admitted to her being there for him could possibly help. Her tail wagged behind her for the first time during this conversation. She was making head way "I guess we shall see but I do believe it will" she commented with a small smile. She would be there for the man who had essentially saved her life and help him crawl out of this dark place. She couldn't bare to see him hurt so she would do everything in her power to help, even if it meant doing some things out of character, like give him space. Her smile widened as he acknowledged the support he had behind him. Her, Tagg, and the whole pack were all there for him and it pleased her that he knew this. Her smile falter ever so slightly as he explained that he still had a lot of figuring out to do and that he wasn't confident enough yet to fold faith. Fair enough the midnight woman thought. She couldn't blame him and wasn't upset with him. She knew what the dark can do to ones faith - she had been through it a few times in her life. He would get past it, she knew that in her heart. "It'll take time but you will get through it" her compassionate smile returned. "Everything will work out for the best I promise. Now would you like to join me for a pass at the borders?" She offered hoping that even having company would keep his demons at bay. She stood up giving her fur a good shake before heading out to the borders. She turned to look over her shoulder pleased to see that he had agreed to join her. They didnt need to talk if he didnt want to.