Lost Lake The Sound and the Fury

@Desideria

It was crazy how things worked out sometimes, just the day before he didn't think he would ever see her again. Then she was at their borders seeking permission to come back and be part of the pack again. Kajika was still in disbelief about the whole situation so much so he set out early from his makeshift den to find her and make sure she was still there. He expected she might want a few days to become accustomed again to living in the cove. After her return there had been food and rest for her and Kajika was content to just stay nearby afraid that if he left she would be gone. That it all was just another one of his mind's tricks and even now he worried that he wouldn't find her or her scent anywhere.

Without knowing where they stood he hadn't wanted to crowd her too much so had let her have some time to herself. Now that morning was upon the cove he didn't want to wait any longer he wanted to speak with her and find out what she was feeling. It couldn't be easy for her being back in a place that had changed but hadn't all at the same time.

Kajika caught her scent and followed it to where she'd stayed the previous night, which he should have expected she wouldn't stay with the others. “Des,” he said quietly, “Hoping he wouldn't startle her, “I was hoping we could talk?” He could feel the butterflies fluttering on his stomach as he waited for her response. His worries that things between them were different after so long.

(This post was last modified: Feb 22, 2017, 12:39 AM by Kajika.)

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Things were…weird. Different? Definitely not the same – not Fallen Tree Cove as she once remembered it, and not as her unfortunate stay with Crow’s Crossing had been, either. A change from that pack certainly wasn’t a bad thing, but the woman just couldn’t seem to get her bearings now that she’d finally arrived. It was through no fault of anyone else’s – no one had been unkind or cruel since Namid had accepted her back into the fold upon the pack’s borders – but the woman simply didn’t feel like she really…fit. Things were different. Namid’s first litter was fully grown. She’d had a second. Some of the children had dispersed. Wolves came and went, and the dusty desert brunette felt like little more than a ghost passing through.

She slept, and she ate, and for a day or two, that was all she could manage. On the third day, she went hunting by herself, testing out her skills on the lake’s shores, to restock the cache from what she’d taken earlier. She had curled up to take a nap, afterwards, ears flicking at the sound of feet nearby. She’d been awake only for moments when someone said her name, and her head flew upwards. A moment later, she was on her feet, inhaling sharply, before she realized it was Kajika who’d come to seek her out – not Orin, not anyone else. Kajika. This was Fallen Tree Cove. This was safe.

“Sure,” she rasped, voice thick from sleep. “What’s up?”

There is a family of deer nearby. Hunt Opportunity

Even though Des was back Kajika didn't want to make any assumptions about how she might be feeling toward him. So much had changed for him and it would have been foolish to assume they hadn't for her as well. He sought her out so that they could talk and then he would hopefully know just how much had changed for her. Then he would know if she still felt the same about him or if he really did need to move in with his life.

He found her at the lake asleep, he tried to wake her gently, not startle her but he had failed because she was startled anyway but she was open to talking with him. “I'm sorry I scared you,” he started, “It wasn't my intention.” That was as far as he got as his nerves started to kick in leaving him not knowing where to start. So for a moment he remained silent as he sat back on his haunches and with a deep breath he pushed on. “I missed you more than you could know and I am truly sorry that I didn't come to find you when you disappeared. I failed you and I'm sorry for that I hope you can forgive me,” he said as he looked into her peach gaze. Only days ago he was trying so hard to cope with the fact that he wouldn't see her again and now he was sitting before her asking for her forgiveness.

(This post was last modified: Feb 27, 2017, 11:17 PM by Kajika.)

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It was not Kajika’s fault that Des had all but flown from her rest, not really. He could have been the most quiet, the most gentle in all the world, and probably would have garnered the same reaction. There was no malfeasance on his behalf, but the beta was not wrong. Time changed all things, and as Kajika had changed, so had the woman before him, and perhaps not for the better. Reduced to omega, reduced to pack plaything, had not been very good for a wolf who worried about others already.

“It’s okay,” she replied, voice still a bit gravelly. But she meant it.

The woman slowly sat down, trying to display, at least, there was still some faith left in a friend once held so close. The downpour of words that followed his apology, however, was not expected in the least, and it was all the tawny woman could do to keep from openly gawking. For a moment, she simply blinked. Was she…? Was she imagining this? Was it a dream? It seemed to good to be true!

“I—“ What did she even say to that? “It’s okay,” Desideria finally said, feeling a bit dumb for it. It wasn’t okay, not really, but what was she going to do, drive him away again? “I got…taken, I guess.” There was no other word for it. “The wolves I left behind the first time, they found me. They weren’t happy.” She rolled her shoulders in a tired shrug. “It happened so fast. I don’t think there was any way for anyone to even know…”

Ever since she'd shown up at the border he had been so worried about having this talk with her but he needed to know where she stood. As much as he might hope that they could have a second chance that might not be the case, she may have changed so much that she no longer felt the same as she once had. So he waited for her to compose herself after he'd woken her, this being one of those changes. He did not recall her ever jumping as she did when he woke her.

A small smile crossed his maw as she said it was okay and released him of that guilt. “Thank you.” He had already done enough wrongs were she was concerned he didn't want to add another small as it might be.

Kajika didn't want to waste any time so went right into his apology to her explaining the things he'd figured out in the past months.  He wanted her to know that he recognized his mistake and felt badly for it. She said that it was okay but deep down he didn't think it was at least not for him. She went in to tell him what happened to her and why she'd disappeared from Fallen Tree Cove. "I'm so sorry Des, I should have been there and then maybe it wouldn't have happened,” he said with a nod, “Did they hurt you?” He didn't want to know but he had to know, “If you don't want to answer that you don't have to,” he said quickly because he didn't want her to have to relive any bad experiences.

"I have thought of you often, the things I should have done differently for you,” went on to tell her but he did not tell her about what he'd been going through the past months.

(This post was last modified: Mar 01, 2017, 05:50 PM by Kajika.)

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Would Kajika have been able to stop them? Or would he have been just another victim of Desideria’s horrible life choices, sucked into the pit of Crow’s Crossing. If that had happened—

For a moment, the timber wolf shut her eyes and took a deep breath. No. Nope. She was not going to play the game of ‘what ifs’ and ‘could have beens’. It could have been better, or worse, and if she just kept thinking about it, she’d stop existing in the now. And the now was better, wasn’t it? It had to be. It had to be better than what was, or what was the point, at all?

It was a stupid question, she thought, but probably one that had to be asked. At least Kajika didn’t demand an answer of her, but-- Well, it wasn’t going to go away, was it? She’d have to answer to it sooner or later. “The ankle, I did myself. Sort of. I fell. But they did a shitty job healing it, on purpose.” The woman gave a derisive snort, lifting and rolling the offending limb idly. But that wasn’t all. The new scars hadn’t appeared themselves, and… “Yeah. They did. He did. Being lowest… Being lowest… It wasn’t good. As soon as I was strong enough…”

Hearing that she had been taken from them didn't make everything better but at least she hadn't left because she wanted to.

Still he knew it was a ridiculous thought to think he could have been there when she'd been taken to stop it.  To have been able to do that he would have had to be with her all if the time and that hadn't been an option. He had his own duties to take care of and had been off doing them because it wasn't expected that something like what happened to Des would happen. Still it didn't stop him from wishing there was more that he could have done though Lunette was right, he shouldn't blame himself.

He didn't want to know really but at the same time he felt he had to ask so he did and while he'd given her an out she didn't take it.  Instead she told him about her injuries, “Then that is what made it so they could take you?” He asked gesturing to her ankle with his nose.  She spoke what had happened to her after she'd been taken, that they had hurt her.  Kajika rose from his sitting position and went to her brushing his muzzle against hers, “You don't have to tell me any more, you shouldn't have to relive it.  Your home now where you belong and that's what matters,” he told her, “You'll be safe here and you have your friends back who care about you.”

(This post was last modified: Mar 02, 2017, 02:09 AM by Kajika.)

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Was it the only reason she’d been an easy target for Orin? No, probably not. The timber wolf wasn’t particularly large, and what she had in speed, she lacked in endurance or brute strength. With the injury (which really only should have been mild, a minor set back), she couldn’t put her individual asset to use – so perhaps it did play a large roll. But so did Orin’s determination, and Desideria’s fear. It was not one thing or another, but a medley of unfortunate events all rolled into one shitty, horrible, terrible, very bad day.

Eventually, she looked up from the paw in question, studying Kajika’s face. That was easy for him to say – but she’d only just stopped having to live it in real time. Sometimes, when she closed her eyes, it was difficult to remember she still wasn’t there, the lowest of the low, the dirt of the paws of the Crow’s Crossing wolves. She tipped her ear to one side and sighed softly, dropping her head to brush a paw across her muzzle. “Maybe. Maybe not. You and Namid are my friends. The others? I don’t-- I don’t even know all of them anymore.” She shrugged. It was a long time and things changed.

Part of Kajika wanted to know everything that had happened to Des while she was away but the other part wanted to just leave it at what she'd told him.  He knew that the only thing knowing would do is make him feel worse because he hadn't been able to help her.  Kajika didn't feel that was what she needed now that she had returned to them. He couldn't imagine what it must be like for her to come back after all this time and things to have changed so much.

It saddened him that she seemed so sad since coming back, he hoped that she would be able to  adjust to life in the cove once more. She spoke about him and Namid being her friends and not knowing anyone else he stepped forward and brushed her cheek with his muzzle. “I know there are new wolves here that you don't know but you just need a little time.  As before I will always be here for you as I'm sure Namid will be too.”  Kajika felt that once Des got to know Moonshadow they would get along and Tagg would certainly want to be her friend.  There were also the children and Vespertio.

It would just take a little time, the wolves in the cove may have changed but their friendliness hadn't. “Des, nothing's changed for me where you're concerned.  I still care about you just as much as I did before, more even,” he admitted, “I'm sorry I never told you.” It may have helped her get through those months she was away had she known.

(This post was last modified: Mar 12, 2017, 01:36 AM by Kajika.)

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