Fallen Tree Cove Broken Bird

@Lunette This tread takes place after Kajika has asked permission to leave.  I'm putting it up because he couldn't leave without saying bye to Lunette.

Leaving the cove even for just a short time was bittersweet for the beta but he felt it was the best thing for him. On the other paw he was in a way looking forward to it, to go out and see the rest of the lore again. It had been so long since he'd traveled through the land and he was curious about the things that might have changed. As he made the preparations for his trip he wondered about the wolves he'd met as a loner and where they might be now. Maybe he would get to find out and maybe he wouldn't but he did have the hope he could see Turtleback Lake once more.

There was one last thing he wanted to do before he left, it was important that he make sure he tell Lunette. He'd already told Moonshadow goodbye and couldn't leave the cove without saying bye to the youngest Vuesain. He'd already not been there when her sister had left her and she'd forgiven him. He didn't know if she would ever forgive him if he didn't tell her he was leaving and reassure her that he was coming back.

With it being early he hoped that he would find her at the communal den so that was where he started his search for her. “Lunette, are you in there?” He called in keeping his voice low so as not to disturb the others if they had not yet awoken for the day. He then sat back on his haunches to wait for a response from the girl. He didn't know how she would react to the news so was a little nervous to tell her.

(This post was last modified: Feb 24, 2017, 09:33 AM by Kajika.)

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Lunette Vuesain

I’ve got my love stuck in my head

Since the day the lynx came into their territory, nothing had ever been the same. It was stuck, like a splinter in her paw, a constant reminder that the world wasn't what she thought it was—that it was.. well, it didn't follow the rules and logic she had assumed it would. It was wild and errant, a dangerous, dangerous place, in a way that had nothing to do with a stranger ripping her ear. It was full of other projectiles, once that hit straight in the heart and soul, and refused to heal.

The sense of betrayal had lingered, but the monster had kept chewing relentlessly on her—don't let them see, don't let them know, you ungrateful little shit. So she had smiled, politely, had been polite, had acted as if all was roses and sunshine and fan-fucking-tastic, while in her heart the confusion and bitterness had only grown. Life was a stage and she acted, and it was easy, too, because only Kajika got through to her, and, well, for reasons he kept to himself, so she didn't see him as often as she otherwise would've. She knew, and she didn't mind, and in a sense it was a relief, because it meant she never had to take off the mask. Putting it back on again was the hard part.

The seasons had oh so slowly begun to shift, and it had only fueled her impatience. The days were longer. The nights slightly warmer. Frustrated and angry, she had left the den before dawn had broken, and prowled the territory looking for salvation.

She hadn't found it, and she never would. The trees, the snow, the love—it all smothered her, and her gaze fell to her silver paws. Sometimes, she wondered if they truly did care, or if she'd lost it all when she'd snarled at Moonshadow, and now they just pretended to spare her feelings. And at other times, she hated herself for how ungrateful it was to think such a thing. They hunted for her, they took care of her; who was she to question their sincerity?

“Lunette, are you in there?” Without meaning to, she had wandered back to the communal den, and a familiar voice made her ears perk up. He spoke quietly, as if afraid to wake anyone, and for that reason, she did not call back. Instead, she smoothed out the worn band-aid on her heart and jogged the few yards separating them, coming up next to the dark, sitting male. Her nose touched the side of his ribs, and slid up to the back of his ear, before she took a step back to sit down herself. She didn't know what they were doing, what they were looking at, or what to expect, but it didn't really matter. So, she remained silent, staring at the dark opening of the communal den, and all the anguish that lay there—waiting for him to speak, to show her why he'd come for her this time.

It had not escaped the dark man that he had not seen Lunette as often since the day they had killed the lynx. After Namid had talked to her and they had taken care of the felines body he'd hoped that she would have come to find him so they could talk. She didn't come and and he had barely seen her since, when he did see her he hadn't brought it up feeling that if she did want to talk about it she would have. Like everything else he was much too late and even worse he was coming to find her to say goodbye before he left on his trip. He was beginning to feel that he was failing everyone that he cared for and the thought that perhaps they would be better off without him had occurred to him. What if he didn't come back from his trip? He'd been in such a poor mood as of late would they even wonder why he hadn't returned?

Kajika had to shake those thoughts from his head before they threatened to take over and make this event harder than it was already going to be. He worried how she would take the news and hoped it wouldn't upset her but mostly he hoped she would understand why he needed to do this. He had so many reasons that he needed this trip but mostly he hoped that when he came back he would be better. That Moonshadow would once again be just a friend and student and he and Des could maybe pick up where they left off. A lot had happened in the past weeks and he was still trying to process it all. Despite all of that he was feeling a little better, his coat was no longer in shambles needing cleaned whenever Moonshadow would come.

He had come for her now and he wanted to talk to her and find out if she was okay before he had to tell her that he was leaving. It would be hard on his trip and he would miss her quite a lot but if I made him better able to help her then he had to go.

He couldn't stay in his den for the rest of his life like he often wished and he didn't feel comfortable moving around the territory during the day. The chances of running into Moonshadow and Tagg were too great so this way he wouldn't have to watch them fawn a over each other. It made it difficult to sort anything out so he hoped that he would be able to sort things out and help the pack.

When he'd reached the communal den and whispered for her he fully expected her to come from within to greet him. Again she surprised him by not being inside but instead coming up behind him. He heard her footfalls before she reached him and then he felt her nose in his ribs before she ran it up his back. He turned his head to look at her placing a kiss on her crown, “I’ve missed you,” he told quietly as he rose to his feet, “Walk with me,? I have something to tell to and I would rather not do it here,” he explained keeping his voice to a whisper. Once he felt she was following him he headed away from the den, they wouldn't be going far just enough they could talk normally.

(This post was last modified: Feb 27, 2017, 03:32 PM by Kajika.)

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Lunette Vuesain

I’ve got my love stuck in my head

In the presence of him, everything and nothing was possible. The mask she wore, obedience and regret, melted away. There was just no way she could keep it on, no way she could be less than herself—still a wreck and a secret-keeper, but as honest as she could be—around him. She didn't remember what had happened after Neha had started yelling at her, only that she'd followed Namid away, and for that reason, she was sure that Kajika hadn't reprimanded her for it. If he had, she definitely would've remembered it, and the reason she had been so stunned in the first place was Neha.

Neha—princess of the lake. Lunette's heart rebelled in her chest, but it was an aimless feeling, with no real thought accompanied. What could she do about it, anyway? Apparently she was wrong about everything! And if it bothered her parents, well, they didn't really get through to her either, so Fallen Tree Cove was stuck with the meek, shy version of Lunette. It was easier that way. She could meet expectations on how a forgotten sister was supposed to act. Sit on her pretty little ass and have no aspirations and no opinions. And definitely no survival skills.

Anger, especially directed at family, was new to her. It was uncomfortable and out of character and made her rise early, stay out late, and on warm nights, sleep outside. It drove a wedge between her and those she loved, because she could not let go of that betrayal she had suffered. It was killing her, slowly, and when Kajika's nose touched her head she whined softly and pressed her head into his dark scruff. She wanted, desperately, to be safe there—not just today, but tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, year after year. She wanted to stay in his shadow, where she felt free and understood, but something told her that things would come in between. Things like Des, who was back in the Cove. Things like Lunette eventually growing up.

She pulled back a little, though all she wanted to do was cling to him and hold on for dear life. "I've missed you too," she mumbled and rose when he did, without even noticing it. Their distance might be self-imposed but she missed him anyway, she missed..being able to breathe. And if she did that too often, she'd have drawn in enough air and start screaming, instead of just bowing her head and pretending she didn't exist.

“Walk with me,? I have something to tell to and I would rather not do it here.” Again, he spoke the words which sent her heart trembling in sheer terror, afraid that she had done something wrong after all. She nodded, mutely, a small silver creature padding after him as they left the communal den behind. She glanced over her shoulder, once. No one had stirred. When she wondered if she could leave, and if they'd miss her, it was with both bitterness and fear, and short on the heels of that, anger. She reprimanded herself sharply. You ungrateful idiot. It's your fault anyway, because you don't understand. Not theirs.

The silence of an early morning hung thick between the trees, and once they were far enough away Lunette raised her head a little, and peered at the movement on his shoulderblades as he walked. "What is it?" she finally asked, lackluster. The joy at seeing him had quickly been drowned out, and she felt no less dead inside than she had previous days.

A lynx has left behind the remains of a deer. +5 Health

What he had to do now was going to be difficult for him but he couldn't leave the cove without saying goodbye to her.  If hurt his heart to have to leave her behind, the thought of not being able to see her for the next couple of weeks was more than he wanted to think about.  He worried she would be angry at him for leaving her or that she would forget all about him while he was gone. He worried about that with everyone a couple of weeks was a long time and a lot could change. He hoped that talking to her about it before he left would help him to feel a little better about it. As he sat waiting for her to appear his worried had started to overtake him making him want to call the whole thing off and stay in the cove.

He has a reason for leaving though and he knew he had to stick to it, he needed to get over Moonshadow.  Sadly the only way to do that was to get away from her where she couldn't follow. Her visits just brought his feelings for her to the surface.  Now that Des was back he could work things through with her instead of trying to figure it out all on his own.  He'd felt a lot better since she'd returned and though he wanted things to work out between them it was still too soon.  Whether they worked out with Des or someone else he had to figure out his feelings for Moonshadow and try to get them to go away.

If he could make them go away then it wouldn't matter that he lied to Moonshadow or that he has been keeping this from her all this time.  If the feelings went away then there would be boring to question him about and he wouldn't care to see them together. He would be free to move on with his life and get back to his duties, figure things with Des out and spend more time with Lunette.  He was doing if not only for himself but them as well, for the pack because he felt useless to them as well. A whine from her reached his ears when he placed the kiss in her head and then he felt her press her head into his scruff.  A smile crossed his maw at her words telling him she missed him too.  He didn't understand why they hadn't seen so much but he hoped that would all change once he returned.

He led her away from the communal den walking through the trees for a few moments.  He didn't want to wake their packmates but most of all he didn't want anyone hearing what he had to tell her or her reaction to it whatever it was. It wasn't their business and if she was very upset by the news he didn't think that she would want the rest of the pack to see her so upset. So he wanted to make sure they were a good distance away but as they walked he became more nervous to tell her he was leaving. All the thoughts that were swarming through his head he lost track of where he was.

It was Lunette asking what he’d brought her out here for that brought him back to the present.  He looked around and decided they had come far enough before he sat back on his haunches and sighed. He had to tell her he knew but he didn't want to do it so that she might be hurt. “I've been doing a lot of thinking and I think that I need to leave the cove for a couple of weeks,” he started, “I don't want to leave you but I think it's best for me and for you so that I can be there for you in the way you need me to be.” He felt that was the best way to explain it and then he was left to wait for her reaction.

(This post was last modified: Mar 01, 2017, 05:09 PM by Kajika.)

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Lunette Vuesain

I’ve got my love stuck in my head

She couldn't go on like this.

She saw no way out of it either, though.

Each breath a smoky lie, poison spreading through her veins—she bowed her head, she was meek, she was obedient, she questioned nothing, and took no initiative. Ismena had been grown enough to challenge the whole wide world a few months ago, but Lunette, she still couldn't hunt well enough to ensure her own survival. Each time she tried, she just gave up when the adrenaline hit, or when her stamina was spent. Her heart wasn't in it, and she couldn't figure out how to push herself either. Why bother? she thought each time, they'll keep me sheltered and fed for the rest of my life. Miserable, bitter, and depressed, she'd simply given up on it.

But that was no way to live. The more she thought about the lynx incident, the more she realized that Moonshadow had just.. been misguided. She hadn't understood the implications of what she did, and how it would affect Lunette, and, well, Neha hadn't either. Your parents raised you better than this! Bah, no—they hadn't. They had done their best but ultimately, how Lunette acted and thought was up to her and no one else. She would neither blame her parents, nor be cowed by blackmail. She was Lunette and she was an absolute disgrace of a wolf, but.. she'd stand up for herself. Maybe. Sometimes. In her dreams.

No more she thought, but she had no way to get out of the rut she was stuck in.

So, part of her was convinced it could get no worse. Not even the fact that Kajika seemed more distressed and anxious than usual managed to warn her that worse was about to come—because honestly, the worst thing she could think of coming out of his mouth right now was 'Des doesn't want me around you' or something, in which case Lunette would probably engage in a bureaucratic campaign to get her ousted. Either it'd mean she was a complete douche, or she had no trust in Kajika, in which case Lunette would write her off as 'the dumbest wolf to walk this earth, after Lunette of course'.

But it wasn't that. It wasn't even about Des, at least, he didn't say her name. He just saw down on his butt and said, I'm leaving.

Sort of.

All her senses disconnected. The world became a white, drawn out blur. A low, whining noise gathered intensity in her ears. She felt disembodied. She smelled nothing. She was adrift, in her own body, unanchored, untethered—

This wasn't how she wanted to be. Sounds, like somebody panting, over and over repeatedly, and much too fast, came to her attention, but she couldn't place them. She frowned, but nothing happened. Nothing changed.

This wasn't what Kajika deserved. This wasn't what she wanted to give him. She wanted—she wanted to be more for him. She wanted to want what was best for him, not—

She realized the sound was her own hyperventilating. Her mind was screaming, the trees were all wrong, and her eyes were dry. She started blinking, rapidly, and forced her sides to stop heaving so fast. It took a couple of seconds, and then it was more like little gasps.

Is there any way you can erase what just happened from history?

She rose up, and turned away from him. Down through the trees, she could see the lake's shore. This was all the world she knew. She had never seen the majestic forests of the lowlands, only this shaggy thing stuck at high altitude on a mountain. Lunette drew a deep breath, held it for a couple of seconds, and then let it out. "Sorry 'bout that," she said quietly, hoping her voice would carry over her shoulder, and to him. The less questions asked about her little episode, the better.

"I wasn't.. prepared," she went on. She had thought something bad was coming, but.. but not being left, again. The connecting line between the two events hit her hard, and it took all she had to not start sobbing. "I.. I mean.. Des's back.. what's wrong..?"

As much as he didn't want to tell her he was leaving because he knew how it might affect her he had to tell her.  She deserved that and he isn't want her to think that he had abandoned her in the cove. That he had left her like her sister but there was still the chance that she would think that. Yet again she was being left by someone that was close to her.  He hated the thought of it, it made him feel like he was failing her yet again. Doing something horrible that would set her back and hurt her.  Kajika never wanted to hurt Lunette but he also felt this would be good for her too.

If he was in a better state he could do more to help her because he wouldn't have his own mess to work through. He could give her the attention that she needed and deserved, he could help her more. He could be there for her if she needed to talk or wanted to learn something, guide her on a path that would be good for her. Now, he hadn't been any of those things for her and he was angry with himself for letting things with himself get so bad that he couldn't be what she needed.

It was with a sigh that he finally broke the news to her before waiting to see how she would react to it. So much of him just wanted to take her with him but he didn't think Namid or Vespertio would appreciate him taking their daughter away into the wilds of the lore on the adventure he was preparing to take. He certainly doubted they would if he had not asked first so he would have to leave her there in the cove without him.

She had to know something was wrong with him, he knew he wasn't doing a very good job hiding the anxiety he felt at having to tell her he was leaving. His breath catching in his throat when he thought about it so he had avoided thinking about it but now they were there and the time had come so he had not wasted time.  Then he'd told her quickly but clearly so he could get it out and then it could hang between them like the fig over the lake. They could talk about it and he could help her understand but that is not what happened.

To say that Lunette hadn't taken the news well was an understatement, she started hyperventilating.  Kajika had expected yelling or crying, pleading with him not to go but not hyperventilating.  He whined dropping down until he was laying In front of her worry clear on his face as he tried too make sure she was okay.  When she was done she turned away from himso he crept forward on his stomach nudging her side with his nose. <b,>“It's okay, I didn't expect it to go over well.” It had gone badly leaving him wanting to stay even more, tell her he was sorry he said it and that he didn't really mean it but he couldn't.  “I'm sorry to spring it on you like this.  I spoke to your mother and father and officially it's a scouting trip.” He had been certain to speak with her parents about the trip because he didn't want to be counted a deserter before he could return if something went badly.

“Des is back but it's not that simple I'm afraid,” he told her when she's asked, “The problem isn't Des directly.  In Des’s absence I came to have feelings for someone else and I can't continue to have them and work on things with Des and be there for you. So I think some time to do some traveling and visiting other packs might be good.  It's been a long time since I've left the cove.” That still didn't make it any easier, leaving her behind his chest tightened at the thought.

“I'm so sorry Lunette I wish things could be different.  I wish I could take you with me or stay here with you. It pains me to do this, to leave you.  I'm not going forever, I would never just leave you here not if I knew you would come with me.” He crept further forward before nudging her again to get her to turn around, ”Please forgive me for leaving you?” He whispered to her as he waited for her to turn around.

(This post was last modified: Mar 02, 2017, 03:03 PM by Kajika.)

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Lunette Vuesain

I’ve got my love stuck in my head

What do you say to people you don't want to hurt, when they've hurt you? And when they've witnessed something you wish they hadn't? She wanted time to think, time to breathe, but she didn't want him to go—she wanted to bully him into forgetting what he had seen, yet she also wanted to fall by his feet, vulnerable, bared. Every flaw and every fear for him to see. How getting through a day was a struggle. How—how the thought of trying to get by without him was unbearable.

One wolf knowing her secrets and her weaknesses was enough. If he left.. either she'd have to manage on her own, or confide in someone else, and neither of them was an appealing prospect. The first, she wasn't sure she even could do, and if she tried, she'd run the risk of being a complete mess by the time he came back. The latter, well.. she didn't want to be a burden on her parents, Neha was out of the question, she was still sour about Moonshadow and thus, by extension, Tagg. Draven, Eidolon, and Cernan she'd not spent enough time around to know if she wanted to trust. Des.. well, Des was tricky business because Des was Kajika's and Kajika Des's, and Lunette wasn't sure how she felt about that.

So time spent without him seemed infinitely long, lonely, and dark.

His nose nudged her side, but she wasn't ready to face him yet. It was one thing to have him witness her despair, quite another to.. have to acknowledge it. “I'm sorry to spring it on you like this. I spoke to your mother and father and officially it's a scouting trip.” "Mh," she managed to get out, not yet trusting her voice. If it had been up to her, what would she have done? Told him he couldn't go? But to what end? She didn't think Kajika would leave without good reason.. so to keep him here, would only hurt him more. She swallowed, then drew a deep breath. What if she was selfish? What if she always put herself first? What would the world be like then?

She was too aware to do that, though. She—she cared too much to do anything else but what she thought was best for others, no matter how much it hurt. And in her short life, she had become good at handling pain. You just hit the weak spot enough and it went numb.

"In Des’s absence I came to have feelings for someone else and I can't continue to have them and work on things with Des and be there for you." Sometimes, it was so painfully clear that she was set apart from the others, and in a way she didn't want to. Des and someone else, they were one category, she was another, and she doubted she could cross into the other even if she tried really hard to. She was too young, too.. dumb, she guessed. Hot on the heels of that was the other thing—who was this other one? She ran through the female members in the pack—Mama, Neha, Moonshadow, Eidolon. Then the dudes, Papa, Tagg, Draven, Cernan. Who was it?

Did it matter?

No, not really. She was just nosy because it was Kajika.

Then he said something magical. "I wish I could take you with me or stay here with you." The sound of him crawling in the snow was uncomfortable, but at his nudge she turned around to face him again. Her eyes were filled with.. something akin to hope, too bright, too sudden, too large to contain and keep down, to smother so expectations unfulfilled would not come to hurt her. She tried to, told herself there was no chance, he just said it to made her feel better, he didn't want her around, but it couldn't quite kill the light in her eyes. "Why can't you?" she said, her voice distant, ignoring his plight by accident, lost on the mountain of Possibility. "—take me with you, I mean."

Leaving her like he was going to, he was starting to feel as though he hadn't thought it all the way through. Maybe he should have asked Namid and Vespertio if she could go along with him on his journey. He didn't see any reason for them to say no if he asked and in fact they might think it was good for her.  To get out see other packs, explore the land and see what was out there, Kajika felt it would be good for Lunette to get away from the cove for a bit.  It might even help to boost her confidence.  Then he wouldn't have to leave her behind, he wouldn't have to worry about her because she'd be with him.

The dark man wondered what she would do while he was gone, he wasn't planning on being gone that long. Still it was longer than they had ever gone without talking.  Kajika worried what it would do to her to not have him to talk to, he didn't think there were many others in the cove that she talked to like she did him.  Though he'd been kind of absent the last few months so she may have made another friend.  He wasn't sure but it could also be this time he was away could be good for her, help her in some way.  He didn't really want to think about it, that she may not need him. He knew he would have to accept it because one day she wouldn't need him anymore, just like Moonshadow.

He considered asking Des to look after her while he was away but with her returning so recently he wasn't sure it would be fair.  He had also considered Moonshadow or Tagg but chose against that quickly based on the events with the lynx and the fact they were probably going to be caught up in each other. He didn't really want Lunette around  that, she didn't need to see it.  So he had to hope that she might go to Namid I'd she really needed to talk.  He would be sure to get back to her as soon as he could.

He hoped that she could understand why he was leaving, why he needed to do this and that she could see it was best for them both.  The reaction she had when he'd told her though did not make him feel hopeful that she did. It had upset her and he felt very badly but he'd already said he was going and he couldn't not go. So they both would have to accept he was leaving and that he would be back as soon as he could. The small sound that had come from her after explaining caused his chest to tighten and for the hundredth time in the last moments he questioned his decision.

He hadn't expected to go into too much detail but she'd asked a question and he couldn't sent her an answer. Explaining that he had fallen for someone else while Des was gone and now he had to deal with those feelings and get over them.  It was so important especially since he'd lied to Moonshadow and didn't want her to ever find out.  If he didn't get over her then he was convinced she would eventually find out no matter how determined he was to keep it to himself. She would be angry with him and he didn't want that, it was best to avoid it all. He already felt he lost her and didn't want to really lose her, he didn't know if he could bare that.

He suddenly felt he had said the wrong words because she was asking him why he couldn't take her with him.  “We would have to get permission for you to go and I haven't asked.  Do you think your parents would let you go?” He thought he would ask her opinion on it since he already knew his.  Kajika wondered if it might be too late to ask if he could take Lunette with him. “Do you really want to go out into unfamiliar territory?” He asked, “I am worried you wouldn't like it.” That was also part of why he hadn't really considered bringing her, he would want her to have fun but he was afraid it might be too much for her.

(This post was last modified: Mar 05, 2017, 02:05 AM by Kajika.)

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