Fallen Tree Cove Through A Glass Darkly

OOC! Again so sorry bout this wait Dx

Once more her praise was shot down as he replied with how the pack had worked together and he was simply following orders. While the dark woman knew he was right she also knew that he was meritorious and just wanted him to see it. "You're right but you're also wrong. The pack did work together but the order was for you or Neha. You were brave to take the opening that you saw instead of letting it pass." Her silver tipped tail swayed behind her as she smiled up at him. She might have given in easier if her beloved teacher wasn't in such a dark place. If there was any light to be shed on him she would do it.

Her excitement was clear in every fiber of her being. She had fallen in love and had been luck enough to have it reciprocated. The quizzical raise of Kajikas brow didnt go unnoticed for she blurted out the news mere moments after he raised it. At first her excitement didnt allow her to register his smile and cheerful tone but after a few moments it hit her. Did he sound cheerful? His smile was wide and while under normal circumstances she could convince herself that he was truly happy for the pair. There was something off though, and she couldn't put a paw on it. Her excitement settled down as a mixture of confusion and concern crossed her features. Her large ebony skull tilted slightly to the right as she eyed him. She was expecting the words but not the tone and smile that followed. He was in a dark place, too dark to be that cheery about something that reminded him of what had started the darkness. "Are -" she started but quickly stopped for she was unsure on how to ask. "Do you really mean that?" Is what Moon decided to go with figuring it was safe. Expecting him to quickly say yes she added "Its okay if you don't". She understood where he was coming from. He was her teacher, her friend, of course he'd feel like he had to be happy. Him being that happy though is what look fishy to the midnight woman.

It was clear her news  affected him for Kajika now didnt seem to see any hope for good days. She scolded herself for ruining his out look. She was supposed to be helping him not hindering him. Silver eyes looked upon his amber ones as he told her it was best to not hope for anymore good days. A flash of sadness crossed her face, he was doing so well. She couldn't help think that her news caused him to slip back down. Her gaze fell to her paws as she spoke "well I'm going to anyways...one of us has to". Her voice was low, just above a whisper. She had to hope because he didnt. She had to believe there would be could days and that it will all get better eventually. If she didnt then who would? She didnt want to find out so she would continue on hoping, even if he thought she shouldn't.

If there was one thing he could say about Moonshadow it was that she was persistent when she wanted something. This time it was him seeing that he had been brave taking the Lynx down like he had. Kajika knew what she was trying to do and he appreciated it but to him it was part of his job. “Thank you Moonshadow for seeing something in me that I don't. I think that if I was really brave I wouldn't be where I am right now.” If he was brave then he would be able to face this thing that was keeping him down. It was some comfort that she saw him as more than he felt he was these days.

He should have known it was coming that only a matter of time would pass before Moonshadow and Tagg became mates. The pain he felt in his chest at the news was almost too much for the dark man but he hid it the best he could by plastering on the widest smile he could and adding a cheerful note to his tone. In his mind Kajika vowed to himself that as long as she was with Tagg he would never tell her how he felt about her. Even more now that she was trying to make a life for herself and be happy he couldn't be the one to cause her any turmoil. He knew she wouldn't agree but it was what was best for her. So as she asked him if he really meant it when he said he was happy for her and Tagg. “Why wouldn't I mean it?” He returned keeping the cheerful note to his voice. He was happy for her, for the fact she could have what he hadn't been able to have and happy that she was happy. Her happiness was all that matter so how he felt was something he would have to deal with on his own.

Maybe he has been getting a little better but with her news and the realizations that brought him right back down to where he had been. He felt like he was starting over trying to get out of the funk he had been in for months. She was sad, he knew his words had made her that way and he felt had for it. “I'm sorry Moonshadow, it's just hard for me to have hope when I can't see an end to this. Even on my good days I feel like it's some kind of mistake so thank you for wanting to keep hoping for me it means a lot. I don't want you to be sad when you have such happy things happening for you.” Which was why he had tried to keep her away from him in the first place, he knew he would only bring her down. Now he had and he didn't know how to make it better, how could he expect to make her feel better if he couldn't even help himself.

(This post was last modified: Feb 27, 2017, 12:54 PM by Kajika.)

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OOC! Out of character comments here

He thanked her for her trying to get him to see that what he had done was exceptional. Her tail picked up its pace at his words happy that she had made some leeway. That leeway was temporarily shattered as her teacher continued to say that he didn't see himself as brave since he was where he was now. "The darkness can pull even the bravest of wolves. I mean look at Namid. She had a darkness all of her own but was able to free herself. All it takes is time" she reasoned with him hoping using their beloved queen as an example would help. She'd use herself but she didnt view herself as brave.

Silver eyes narrowed in suspicion as she questioned if he really meant that he was happy for her and Tagg. His uncharacteristic cheeriness is what threw her off. His wide smile and light happy tone were something she hadn't seen in a very long while from him. Anyways she deep down still felt like something else was bothering him but wouldn't press it for she also believed she was over thinking. So when he replied with why wouldn't he be happy she felt a small pang of guilt. He wouldn't ever lie to her. Right? "I - I dunno. I guess your cheeriness caught me off guard since its been so long since I've seen it..." She trailed off giving her shoulders a shrug.

Her eyes remained on the snowy ground as she told him she would always have hope. Of course she would, it was in her nature to, even when everything seemed hopeless she held on. His voice filled the air between them speaking an apology. Looking up at him she met his amber gaze with a shake of her head. "There's no need to apologize Kajika. I've been where you are, I know what its like. Its okay to feel that way, that's why I'm here to tell you it'll end. Itll be okay, and I'll always be there for you" her tone was genuine and her gaze was sincere. She would truly always be there for him no matter her own feelings.

Kajika didn't view what he”d done as bravery, it was his job as beta of the pack to protect the land, the members, and the children.  It was either make the kill or let something terrible happen. She however though he was brave and the only reason he couldn't see it was because the darkness threatening to swallow him kept him from seeing it.  She even went as far as to bring up Namid and what she'd gone through, “She’s a strong woman, her strength helped her to overcome her darkness. I'm not sure I have that kind of strength any more and if I do it has not come to help me.” He spoken with Namid and she had offered her words of wisdom, they had helped but there were days when he still felt like he was drowning.

The way he felt about her kept him from being happy for her and Tagg but it was something that he would never let her see.  He had some guilt that he couldn't feel happy for her but not only was it a reminder of what he'd lost but also the fact that he hadn't spoken up when he should of. His gaze hadn't left her as he asked why he wouldn't feel happy for her and Tagg. His brow did raise when she explained her reasoning for thinking he wasn't happy, “You've found someone Moonshadow and he clearly makes you happy I think I can muster some cheerfulness to show that I'm happy that you're happy.  I’ve told you before I only want you to be happy.” That was true which was why he had made the decision he had and swallowed his feelings for her every single day.

There she was promising to always be there for him because she was the one that was going to hold out hope for him. There was still that voice in the back of his mind that whispered she wouldn't always be there, that she would break her promise.  Every time she made that promise the whispers started and all the dark man could do was push it aside until later when the whispering would stop and the shouting to begin. “Thank you Moonshadow I really am happy to have a friend like you.  I know you won't let me become swallowed by my darkness and as long as you have hope maybe I can get better someday.” He wasn't lying to her when he told her he was happy to have her as a friend.  Regardless of Tagg he still valued her friendship and the company she provided him when she could.

(This post was last modified: Mar 02, 2017, 08:49 AM by Kajika.)

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OOC! Out of character comments here

The swarthy man agreed that their alphess was indeed a strong woman. But he continued on to say that he didn't know of he had that kind of strength and if he did it hadn't helped him yet. At least he left the possibility of having it. She thought to herself, that was a plus. That meant he had at least a shred of hope even if he didnt know it. "You do, trust me. It'll take time that's all" she assured him even though a part of her knew he wouldn't take it.

Its was clear in her voice that any suspicion that she may have held was gone. She wouldn't believe that her trusted friend and teacher would ever lie to her. So she took his cheeriness at face value not suspecting a flaw anymore. Her silver gaze lifted from the snow cover ground to take in his rare smile. "Thank you Kajika. You have no idea how much that means to me" she said giving him a smile of her own and a wave of her tail. She decided against telling him that they were given permission to bare offspring this year for fear it would cause him even more hurt. Maybe she would tell him when he was doing better.

Now it was his turn to thank her. To thank her for having hope and for being there for him. Her already waving tail pick up the pace at his second admittance of him having hope. "Of course, I will always be there no matter what. I care for you too much to allow you to suffer." She added with a nudge to his muzzle. The man before had saved her she pretty much owed everything to him. For that reason alone she would always be loyal.

Strength was something that Kajika wasn't sure he had anymore, if he had it he felt he should have been able to get out of the funk he was currently in.  Moonshadow however, believed that he did have it and maybe he did but he hadn't been able to find it inside himself.  “I will have to trust you on this Moonshadow and wait it out I suppose.” Time would tell if he really still had the strength to do what Namid had done and come back from the dark place. For the sake of his own sanity he hoped that he did.

He wanted to be happy for her but there were so many things that were left to question in regards to her relationship with Tagg.  While the way he felt about her did play a factor he also felt it was too soon.  Tagg had only just returned to Fallen Tree Cove so they had only just met, how could they know they loved each other.  It had taken him months to figure out how he really felt about Des. Now they were mates after what seemed a short time after confessing their feelings for each other.  It didn't sit right with the dark man at all but he had made up his mind.  If Moonshadow ended up hurt because of something Tagg had done Kajika might just have to forget that he didn't want to be like his parents. “Your welcome, I only want the best for you even if sometimes I don't.” He was sure at some point or another he had seemed as though he didn't care but where she was concerned he always would. He did hope that one day he could be happy for her without the worries he had but he was suspicious of how things had happened.

There were times when her words and actions didn't seem like they mattered to him he was sure. So it became important for him to let her know that he did appreciate what she did do for him. That he was glad she hadn't given up on him when she so easily could have. “I know I've been difficult to deal with lately but I do appreciate your visits and look forward to them,” he told her a small but genuine smile crossing his features widening some at her nudge.  She really was good for him and in find her support might help get him through.

(This post was last modified: Mar 08, 2017, 03:48 PM by Kajika.)

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OOC! I am so sorry this took so long. I've seriously written it 3 times and lost it right before I posted it each time DX would you like to fade with your next post?

Her smile grew wider as her beloved friend said he would just have to trust her and wait it out. "All it takes is time." She said as she moved over to nudge right below his ear in encouragement. It was true, time would either heal him or at the very least make it easier for him to deal with it. Time alone would take a while but the dark woman felt that he had hope deep down and that he would get better.

Moving back from him Moon kept an encouraging smile on her face. Little did she know that her constant presence was only making it worse because she was part of the problem. He told her that he would always want the best for even if sometimes it didnt seem as if he did. "I know you always will. As I will always want you to be happy as well. That's why I keep pesterin' ya" she laughed lightly. Moonshadow truly did want Kajika happy. She owed him everything the least she could do is try to make sure he was always happy. She watched as his smile widened at her nudge hers following suit. He told her he appreciated her visits and actually looked forward to them. "I look forward to them as well" she told him just before a yawn came on. Moons silvery gaze made its way to the dark sky realizing how late it was getting. Looking back to her teacher she stood and gave her pelt a good shake. "Well I don't wanna keep ya from doin' whatcha wanna do" another yawn escaped her maw as the man spoke. Giving him another smile Moonshadow dipped her head "Goodnight Kajika, don't stay up too late". She gave one more bump to his muzzle and turned towards the communal den. This visit she would place in the good jar since she felt his admittance to hope was a good thing.

-Exit-

No worries.  Went ahead and put a fade on this then archived.

Time was what it all came down to, how much time would it take for him to finally be over this funk of his.  Would his duties and relationships in the pack continue to suffer while he took the time to get better? Kajika didn't feel he had the time to continue wasting when there was a pack to take care of and with spring coming surely there would be puppies to look after.  He had Lunette he was worried about, he didn't have the time to continue in his current state. Still with all of that to look towards he couldn't seem to get himself out of his current state. He gave Moonshadow a nod and a small smile hoping it would reassure her somehow.

As he looked to his ebony friend as she expressed that she always wanted him to be happy, that it was why she was always there he had to wonder how he'd been lucky enough to find her. Since he’d brought her back to the cove she had been an important part of the pack especially stepping up when it needed her most. She had also become an important part of his life and he cared deeply for her so as much as it pained him to see her with the tawny male he made her happy.  That was really all that mattered, wasn't it? “You deserve the best Moonshadow, don't settle for anything less,” he said quietly. Kajika hoped that by letting Tagg know what would happen if he hurt Moonshadow he had endured she would get the best.  A smile did cross his face as she admitted to looking forward to their visits.  He was glad to know that she hadn't given up on him and that she still saw hope for him.  He couldn't imagine he was the greatest of friends right now and he would understand if she did stop coming to see him.  No matter what she always came to check up on him and try to make him feel better and that did give him a little hope.  If she hadn't given up on him then he shouldn't give up just yet either so he continued to fight the darkness that threatened to engulf him.  It was getting late and she decided to take her leave to which he nodded, “Sleep well Moonshadow, I'll see you tomorrow.” He told her before she bumped his muzzle and turned toward the communal den.  Once she was out of sight he turned to go and finish the hunting he'd started.

Fade

(This post was last modified: Mar 23, 2017, 07:16 PM by Kajika.)

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