Dragonfly Fen The Days Are Catching Up

After a small pep talk to himself, Larkspur had not strayed from their small little group again. He was supposed to be a part of this, after all. This was the beginning of something new for him; a new life, a new start. He could leave who he was behind, he could forget about the things he had done in the past and look forward. With the new year was new life, the old dead and gone. He had always particularly liked the spring, if only because it was the epitome of renewal. Particularly so this year for Larkspur. The past year had been rough, and being forced to leave behind a life of comfort and into... this would not have normally settled well with him. He could do good here, and maybe not by himself, but he could always live vicariously through @Sahalie . He had only so many years left, and even less good years. Would it be so wrong of him to try and relax and be happy?

After a brief consideration of this, Larkspur had decided yes. It would be very wrong for him to be happy.

It always seemed that his own happiness was just an arm's (leg's?) length away, and Larkspur himself was in the way of it. He pushed it away and showed all of his ugly, yellow teeth at it. So while the others were finding themselves much happier as they neared their destination -- wherever that was -- Lark started to become irritable and worried. Sooner or later, and probably sooner rather than later, he knew he would mess this up. He would mess something up. It was his fate, Lark knew he was doomed to fall into the vicious cycle and doomed to pull those around down with him. Was any of this worth his effort at that point? Could he really find his sliver of happiness here? Lark didn't know. He had never known. But he had to try, if only because there were little other options left.

Picking up his pace, he soon saw Sahalie ahead. Lark bumped into her side in greeting. "When're you giving me grandchildren?" instantly he bit down on his tongue. Definitely not how he was intending that to come out. To play it cool, he quickly continued: "Season only lasts so long, and I'm sure you're driving Alastor crazy."

Sahalie nearly choked when she heard Larkspur's "greating," but managed to turn the brief horking sound into some nervous laughter. "Uhm never, 'cause you ain't my dad," she retorted, throwing her sassiest look over her shoulder—which wasn't saying much, considering that it was Sahalie. That this was on Larkspur's mind shocked the girl, and honestly she wasn't sure where it was coming from or what would have motivated him to ask such a question. Perhaps it was just Larkspur being the cranky, sometimes nasty old man he was: trying to get a rise out of her in the middle of her hormone fueled crisis. Her eyes narrowed a little. She wasn't buying it.

"Driving him crazy?" When wasn't she driving him crazy. They regularly got into fights even when Spring wasn't on its way. She was definitely sure now that Larkspur wasn't serious. Expecting two wolves on the cusp of adulthood—she was a child she wanted to scream, after so many months of demanding to be treated like an adult—to do.... that thing that eagles did. She pursed her lips. "I don't know if you've noticed, Lark," he didn't like this nickname, she figured two could play at this game of Rude. One corner of her mouth lifted in a lopsided grin. "But we're a little young."

"I'm trying to found a pack. When I said start a family I didn't mean that kind of family." She hadn't really explained to Larkspur her whole philosophy on love, but as far as she knew that wasn't a requirement for having cubs. Spieden hadn't been in love, Aponi definitely hadn't been in love, Triell was—she kept hoping—not in love. Spieden had explained the whole concept of being with someone, that leaders were usually together, but Sahalie hadn't seen a real example of that either. It was all too complicated.

He gave her a look over, then shrugged. "I had kids when I was your age," not that he needed to be a good example for anything. "My brother did, too. We raised them together, one big, happy family," his stomach twisted in that awful way that it did when he thought of his brother, and then again as he felt a familiar homesickness sinking in. In the beginning they had been happy. A lot like their little group was, but maybe a little bit closer than Sahalie and her group of runaways. He cleared his throat in an attempt to get rid of the lump.

"It's all the same, isn't it? Start a pack, start your family," at least that's how he'd always seen it, which of course automatically made it the right way to do things. But Sahalie did things her way, and her pack was going to be so much more different than he was used to. "And if no puppies, how are you anticipating we'll get more wolves? You can't just bat your pretty eyes at anyone who looks lost, give 'em a meal and a home and call it a done deal," he had a feeling that's how Oak Tree Bend had been, and was also probably how they'd managed to get the small group that had joined them. This didn't exclude himself, either.


@Sahalie

There is a rabbit's nest nearby. +1 Health

So rarely did Larkspur share personal details that Sahalie nearly choked on her own surprise when he admitted to having children at her age. Of course she knew he had fathered cubs on some woman at some point, because Parsnip had not popped out of the ground like her tuberous namesake. While she managed to swallow properly without making any noise, she couldn't hide the curiosity or flamboozlement from her expression. Did she dare to ask any personal questions, even if he had brought the topic up of his own volition? The last time she'd inquired into his past had not gone well. She didn't want to push it. If he wanted to talk, he would talk to her. She reminded herself that her pack's mission would not be to save anyone, but to offer them what they needed. More than anything, she felt, Larkspur just needed the security to come to terms with himself.

"Yeah but. Me? A mother? I've been progressing so far on sheer dumb luck and one big dream." She wasn't entirely dumb, she knew that, but there was a lot about the road ahead of them that she didn't know. Sahalie wasn't afraid of that. "I hardly think I need to pile more stuff on top of that. Or...on top of Alastor." Even if sometimes lately he had gotten touchy feely with her in a way that suggested, maybe, maybe he wouldn't mind doing something like.... eagle stuff. "There's more than one kind of family anyway." Kyna used to say as much.

"I just." She lowered her eyes, feeling her cheeks grow hot at having to admit this, "I don't want to be in love. I don't want to... I don't wanna have that kind of perfect blood-family just to mess it all up. There are other ways of being happy and being family... Sometimes I think... I think that's what Alastor wants but I couldn't do that to him. I couldn't... just give my whole heart away. He's my best friend but. Could I do that with him?" It sure felt like a big fat no.

"If I need to bat my pretty eyes then that's what I'm gunna do."

"I don't think I know anyone who progresses any differently," he pointed out, but also stopped to actually think if he had known someone that progressed more steadily. He knew he hadn't, but he and his brother had simply taken opportunities that were placed before them and did what they'd thought was best. Maybe it hadn't all been for the best, but they were just two dumb boys trying to figure out the world together. Sahalie wasn't so different, except with maybe a different, lighter view on things. It probably made for the better, too.

Regardless of how @Sahalie felt on puppies, he was completely shocked when she'd admitted to not wanting to even being in love. Didn't everyone want to fall in love, eventually? He'd even been lead to believe that she and Alastor had something resembling some sort of love. Was she lying to him? Larkspur squinted at the girl, and couldn't paint her as a liar.

He sort of wanted to tell her that things worked out, eventually, but felt like it was pretty far from the truth. Wolves, family or not, always had a hard time getting along. Some families could stick together for years, and sometimes generations, but a lot of them were broken. He couldn't offer her any advice and felt a little guilty for not having anything to tell her.

"Alright," was all he could think to say. Larkspur looked at her and batted his eyes at her a few times. "Is that how you do it?"

"Idunno, there are certainly wolves that work harder than me." Serach nearly drove himself into the ground providing for three different litters. Spieden had rasied cubs that weren't even hers. Craw and Morganna kept their tight ship ever striving for greatness on their rock. Maybe they didn't have goals in mind in the same way that Sahalie did, but to the girl it looked like they were getting somewhere, that gradually they were being rewarded. Serach had Oak Tree Bend now, Spieden had her own children and was finding her roots, and Whitestone Monadnock was what it was. Sahalie just had a lot of supportive friends who wanted to see her through this childhood dream of hers, and they had done just as much work as she had, walking up and down the mountain range and down into this southern valley. When had she ever done more than any of them? "But I'm getting somewhere." Home was close: she could feel it. And what she didn't know how to do—like, you know, actually leading a pack—she would learn.

God bless the wolves that had signed on for this crazy journey with her.

Like the sun peeking out from behind the clouds, Larkspur had his occasional moments of comedy. Her smile was deep and her giggle was rich. "Oh wow. I think you might be even better at it than I am!" It occurred to her that perhaps the man was trying to cheer her up. Spring, heat, all this puppy talk had really been wearing on her and perhaps like everyone else the whole No Love policy spooked him. At least he wasn't trying to talk her out of it. "You'll be sure to bring in a bunch yourself." Though Larkspur didn't normally make a good welcome wagon, when he was like this it would have been fine.

"It is a little disappointing, though" she admitted, "To think of a summer without cubs." There had been so many in Oak Tree Bend and in her new home there would be zero. "Gives us all something to work for, I guess. It made life feel new and interesting because everything for Mako, Marina, Lila, Reiko, and Treyah was new and interesting." Perhaps this had been the point he was trying to make earlier, maybe now. "But who knows, maybe Niles will knock Castel up or something. And I'll be damned if Al doesn't find some other girl to flirt with." There could be puppies yet. Just not hers.

"You're not giving yourself enough credit." She'd left her home for someone she cared about and stayed in a place that none of their little group had really liked. Then she convinced them -- and an additional few -- to follow her back south. They hadn't ripped each others heads off, and although she might not have known it, she was also the reason he and Alastor had decided on their little truce. It was a lot, and maybe she wasn't working hard now, but all of this was the easy stuff. He'd tried to tell her, but Lark knew that some things she'd have to learn the hard way. He could steer her the right way, but some mistakes Sahalie needed to make. His job would be to be there for her when she made them.

"Yeah, I'd sure love to bring them in," he could leave the recruiting to her. It'd be more like him to scare someone off than be a very welcoming, warming face for her little sanctuary. He wondered what Sahalie expected of him when they were officially official. He could try to behave, and he could definitely try to be nice, but she had to know it was very unlikely that he'd get along with just anyone that Sahalie or Alastor let into their pack. Hell, he only considered the girl his friend because she just wouldn't stop pestering him.

He wouldn't tell her, but he hoped she knew how thankful he was for it.

Lark hadn't taken the time to know the pups of Oak Tree Bend, but at the very least Sahalie seemed to understand a purpose for them. "Their wonder is unlike anything," he had loved raising his family, and when he'd struggled in his brother's shadow, he had his mate and children to turn to. If only he could have been happy with the whole situation. Instead, Larkspur deemed anything he was unhappy with fixable. He wondered if Sahalie even considered that he could have children -- which only reminded him that yes, he most definitely could. Lark pushed the thought away.

"You don't care if Alastor goes sniffing around, then?" hadn't she been the one that missed her little boyfriend when he'd run off, and seemed... jealous, he had guessed, when he decided to turn his attention (albeit briefly) to Castel? Could her tune have changed that quickly? He could guess so, the girl was more often a surprise to him than not.

(This post was last modified: Apr 19, 2017, 12:46 AM by Larkspur.)

He sounded almost wistful, talking about cubs and she had to wonder if, in spite of the distance he put between himself and the Bend kids he really did feel like he was missing out on being around puppies this year. Maybe he had actually been serious when he had asked if she would be giving him "grandkids." Sahalie didn't often consider herself as an exception or anything special, but perhaps Larkspur—who had been compliant in being dragged around on this whimsical trip and withstood all her badgering—wanted her to have the pups. Not just the formless concept of "pups" in general. A bit flabbergasted, she blinked. The sentiment was definitely odd, but it was touching in the only way Larkspur could be: subtle—sneaky, even—and a bit crude. For the briefest moment, in spite of everything she had explained about being ready or being overwhelmed by everything else there was still do to, she found herself feeling bad that she would not be "giving him grandchildren." In some sort of weird way it could may have been a nice "thank you" for putting up with her, by saying "here, now, put up with this new thing, too."

Maybe that's what he wanted.

Her eyes narrowed, aimed at her toes. "I didn't say that," her voice was hard. "I do care—but I understand." And even if these concepts were at odds with one another she would give each equal footholds in her heart. "He didn't sign up for a "loveless" life like I did. If he wants that sort of thing then like...who am I to stop him? It might even be good for him." Good for them too, because then maybe he wouldn't have to hang so much on her every word and it wouldn't hurt him so much when they disagreed or she pulled away. He could have someone else to run to. The thought of this hurt her all the same, though. Sahalie wanted to be all those things for him. She just couldn't.

"I guess I just worry that if he finds someone he'll run off with them or something. He didn't sign up for celibacy or loneliness but... he did sign up for this." Like Alastor always said, you couldn't make others do what you wanted. Sometimes their happiness was somewhere else. "So I don't want to make a space for him that would make him want leave if things ever came to that."

(This post was last modified: Apr 19, 2017, 12:51 AM by Sahalie.)

"I don't understand you, Sahalie," he didn't mean it in the please explain a little bit better sort of the way, but instead in the in general, I don't understand you, Sahalie. She wanted friendship, but to not be committed. How? Why? He had never been entirely certain of the depths of her and Alastor's relationship, but it had seemed good enough, and the two were devoted enough. But Sahalie had her own goals in mind, and if nothing, he at least respected the dark girl.

"I don't think you can expect him to stay, regardless of what he signed up for," not that he knew what Alastor wanted... or that the two had had many normal conversations. Now a days the two opted for silence than conversation. "And not just him," he hadn't thought of himself, as he had pretty much consigned himself to living in Quaking Vale for the rest of his life. But other wolves would join and Sahalie would open her heart to them, and they would leave. Even her children -- should she ever decide to have them -- may leave her. "You left too, you know" he reminded her. "You can't expect anyone else to be different, especially if you're not willing to give them what they want."