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@Veho

Veho was back. She'd seen it with her own two eyes, but it was Nineva who'd done him the official honors of welcoming him into the territory. It annoyed her, though there was little that Nineva did that didn't tick her off. Just the younger female's presence alone was enough to set Oula's teeth on edge, and so she hadn't bothered to show herself at the time. Veho didn't need his return to consist of the two women squabbling. And Oula didn't want to compete for Veho's attention like a sad little puppy, but couldn't help but feel annoyed that Nineva was the first wolf he'd seen upon his return. She withdrew from the reunion, quickly and quietly as if she had never been there. 

She felt sick and tired now, her knees ached and she felt more or less like a bloated cow. Any day now she'd give birth, and that day could not come soon enough. It would all be worth it though, she told herself. Not just the physical discomfort, but the discord she'd brought to her pack with her actions. 

Oula retreated to her sanctuary, a small outcropping of moss covered limestone that she'd excavated her den out beneath. She clambered to the top of it and seated herself at its precipice. Little songbirds flitted through the canopy, some newly returned to the cedarwood from their southern wintering grounds. Oula quietly watched them for a bit, before lifting her head back and adding her own song to the chorus.

Oula had not gone completely unnoticed.
 
Once Veho and Nineva had parted ways – for he was a quiet man, and did not thrive on constant contact – he had realized the fresh scent of his once co-leader distinctly present in the nearby brush.  Either he had just missed the woman with his arrival, or the gamma had seen him and turned away regardless.  But why? 
 
The alpha’s brows furrowed as he tracked the woman’s scent across the forest, his task made easier by the warmth and the wet soil.  His tail lashed behind him wildly, mind and gut churning until he came to the limestone outcropping.  Atop the rocks sat their queen, and Veho drew to a halt, his neck craning upwards as he studied the monochrome wolf before offering a small bark.  He did not move any further, did not attempt to encroach upon her own little kingdom.  “Oula.  I must have missed you,” he remarked, his tail still twitching behind him. 
 
There were too many secrets in Grizzly Hollow for the man to continue that ugly trained.  His pale eyes searched her swollen form.  Who’s children?  He cleared his throat – a question for later.  “Are you doing well?” 

As Oula lowered her head her voice drifted off into the evergreen forest, listening to the fading echos and the chirping of the birds. Oula's small ears pricked forwards at the sound of someone approaching, her grey tipped hackles temporarily bristling in case it was Nineva or the lily-livered Rook intruding on her domain. But she watched and listened, her fur flattening as Veho's pale form appeared between the trees. She watched him coolly, wondering why he'd sought her out if she was such a thorn in his side. But she couldn't help the little bit of movement that worked its way into her tail, brushing against the mossy damp surface of her throne.

"Mmh," The Whitebark woman grunted in response. "It's best if Nineva and I do not cross paths." She explained succinctly, though the distaste for the younger female was clear in her intonation. Not wanting to literally talk down to Veho, Oula stood and clambered down the sloping side of the slab. She stopped before the leader of the Hollow, her whiskers twitching as she wished to reach out to him but not sure if she could. 

"As well as can be expected." She answered in response to his question with a somewhat pained expression, unsure if he was merely asking as a pleasantry or if he really cared to hear about the half digested squirrel she'd thrown up that morning or the cub who was currently trying to jostle her spleen free. "How were your travels?" She asked.

“Ah.”
 
He supposed that could be expected.  Oula had always been a proud woman, and frankly, if he himself had been unseated by a yearling, he could not say he would be particularly interested in making friends with them, either.  Thankfully, she had little else to say on the matter, and he was happy to leave it to rest in wake of her pregnancy and current health.  As a friend, and as a healer, he found it was something that interested him far greater.
 
Once the gamma was within reach, he closed the gap between them, brushing whiskers to whiskers – and perhaps against his better judgement, his tongue flashed out in a few friendly kisses.  She had been his friend before anything else, and Veho did miss the woman’s company now as he had when she’d taken her leave.  “Let me know if that changes – I know our litter was not kind to you and…”  He huffed, brows furrowing.  “And I would not like to repeat such a harrowing experience, if it is at all within my power to do so.”
 
The storms, he probably could not stop – but Ophelia had not made her birth particularly easy (little did her parents know that was only a symptom of what was to come).  If it was preventable, Veho would do his best.  Medicine was his talent.  Perhaps his only one.
 
“Uneventful, at best.  But I hope Ophelia at least learned something about diplomacy, and I was able to bring back a former pack member with me, as well.”  His expression turned wry.  “I found I was still worried about everyone at home, no matter how I wished otherwise.”  

Veho reached out for her, and Oula did not pull away. Instead she pressed back into his touch, an unbidden stinging sensation in her eyes that was quickly blinked away. She nodded her head slightly. The ordeal had been terrifying, but she was convinced it had just been a fluke, an unusual rash of bad luck. It wasn't something that would be repeated she was sure, but would not hesitate to seek his help if her children's lives were at stake.

Oula listened as he briefly described his trip, uneventful was not necessarily a bad thing she supposed. She would not want Ophelia exposed to too much excitement necessarily, and another wolf to add to the ranks was always a boon. 

Oula nodded. She understood. "I still think- thought, about my family." She said, a painful switch to past tense. "Back there." She clarified, seeing as in reality she had two distinct families, two distinct homes. "When I left, you all were in my thoughts. But my motherland as well. I couldn't help myself, I returned to the place I was born, the place I grew up in and left behind. But it was empty." She said flatly, dipping her head down and averting her gaze in shame. "I looked but found not a single living soul." She might have pretended they'd all simply packed up and left for greener pastures, but the evidence she found spoke strongly to the contrary, something terrible had happened. She regretted even going back, the sight she'd found in the nursery still haunted her at times.

"I came back here immediately. The thought of the same happening to our children when I was away, it was too much." She glanced back towards him. She couldn't abandon this family like she had her own, but it seemed her children had other plans. It left her feeling useless, how could she protect them when they were gone?

“Oula.  I am so sorry.”
 
Without a second thought, he pressed further forward.  His tongue swept across her crown twice.  What would he do, if he found the same?  He still had no idea where his brother was, or his parents – if they’d had other children.  If they were alive, or if they’d perished after the entire group dispersed alongside the humans.  Where was his advice and his logic when he needed it now?
 
Where were the ancestors when he needed a wise word?
 
“When that man came – said he had you, I was so worried he had taken Joan, too.”  A heavy sigh escaped the alpha as he glanced down; perhaps their shame was not of the same ilk, but it weighed on his shoulders more than even a stone might.  He failed his eldest daughter, unable to keep her safe.  He failed his son, unable to make a home he felt comfortable in.  He’d failed his youngest daughter too – she might be happy, but she was also a menace, and that only came from bad parenting.
 
But what to say?  His ears fell flat as he shook his head.  “I wish they stayed.  All of them.”  Tomen, whom he’d had more of a paw in raising than the boy’s own parents.  “But I did not balance parenthood and the pack as well as I should have.”  He shook his head.  “Though I am curious to see if the first time parents remain this time.”



Pip, he was truly worried for – she hadn’t know the consequences of what might happen.  Rook and Amaryllis?  They knowingly made poor choices…and Rook had not seen a litter to yearlinghood yet.  He paused then, at the thought of first time parents, and glanced back over at Oula.

"Why did you chose a stranger?"

(This post was last modified: Apr 27, 2017, 08:32 PM by Veho.)

Oula softened under Veho's gentle brush across her temple, seeping up the affection she had long been starved for. But her mouth flattened into a hard line at the mention of Azar. That foul rat had claimed he'd had Joan? The same daughter he'd aimlessly lead her on a wild goose chase for? Oula didn't understand how a wolf could be so vile, so deranged to threaten her and her family like that, when she had done nothing to him. 

Oula's heart felt like it froze in place as he asked his next question. It shouldn't have been unexpected hat at some point, sooner or later, he would ask about it. Curiously, he did not ask who, but why, and implicitly, why not him. Oula couldn't look at him, and her cheeks warmed uncomfortably beneath her fur at having to own up to her own selfishness. If he had shown this care, this concern to her before, perhaps there wouldn't have been a cause for him to ask why. Perhaps things would not have happened the way they did. She knew she didn't have to answer him, but still, she felt like she should. She could have sugar coated it, lied and said she was caught up in the moment, that it was an ill-thought whim. But she couldn't lie to him.

Oula did not look at Veho as she answered, her sage green gaze lingering off into the surrounding forest. "I gave you my children," She said quietly, starting slowly as if testing the waters. "But that changed nothing. I felt like I was nothing more than their mother to you." Once she had asked Veho what he was to her, and still that question remained unanswered. While Rook was his mate, the man who gleaned the brunt of the affection after failing again and again, while Oula was left as a utilitarian entity. She left unspoken that she truly did not want Rook in any way stated as her brood's parents, not wanting to add further insult to injury. "I knew I could expect nothing from this stranger, and that these children would be my own, only my responsibility. That is why."

Veho, ever the master of his emotions, was finally thrown off of his rocker.  At Oula’s admission, his mouth formed a small little ‘o’ – for all this time, he had made the assumption that the woman did not want anything more.  After all, she had left her leadership position, and she had left the pack and their children.  It became too much, he had thought it was all too much for the woman.  That perhaps she had decided motherhood wasn’t for her.  Shit, when she’d come back—
 
Ah, but that was all his fault, wasn’t it?  All the assumptions, all his desire to simply not ‘stir the pot’, and perhaps at least one of these litters might have been different.
 
His chest constricted.  As much as he wanted to look away, the alpha forced himself to lift his chin, and watch the woman head on.  “I should have asked.  I have--  I have gotten accustomed to the fact that many come to me with everything, and I simply assumed.”  Veho exhaled.  It felt so odd, to be at a complete loss.  So unlike him.  The sabbatical had done nothing for him at all.  Perhaps he was not fit to be a leader in the way he once thought.  “I thought I was asking for more than you wanted to give.  Ah, I do not know how it all turned out like this.”
 
That much was true, at least.  “Oula – I will tell you, from experience, that it is very difficult to raise a brood alone.  After you left…”  Rook was not considered, for he’d barely been around long enough for the children to start toddling out of the natal den on their own.  “…well, clearly, you can see the results of my efforts.  As you said, these are your children.  Your responsibility.  But this is also your pack, and we are here if you need help.  Perhaps, if I had done something differently, all three would still be here, instead of but one.” 

Oula waited quietly for Veho's response to her admission, each second passing in painful suspense at what he would have to say. She wondered if he might simply turn and leave without a word. After all it would be far easier than deal with the mess she had made of everything. As he finally began to speak, she shifted her gaze towards him from the ground, watching him from the corner of her eye. Whatever answer he had expected from her, it seemed this was not one he had anticipated. 

It surprised her that this was news to him. She did not expect that he cared for her any more than a packmate and surrogate, she did not know that he had thought she wanted to be left alone. If only he had known. She turned her face fully towards him, pale green eyes somber. He couldn't take their children's leave all on himself. "But at least you were here. It's my fault. I shouldn't have left. I can't get that time with them back now. But- I want to- I will do better this time." She said softly, but with conviction.

"When Rook left, I felt like I could not replace him. I should have... I should have just spoken up." She blinked, ears sheepishly folding against the side of her head. To speak up would have been to risk rejection, and so she thought she was avoiding pain by avoiding the situation entirely. And now she'd only caused more suffering. "I should have just asked for what I wanted." Her small voice cracked as she lowered her head shamefully, unable to look at him.

(This post was last modified: Apr 29, 2017, 03:10 PM by Oula.)

“It was not your fault,” Veho insisted.  The woman had taken leave with a purpose – because Rook had gone missing, and because something had gone wrong in her home land.  Clearly, the Ancestors had set her feet to moving, and set her on the trail that took her home.  No one could be blamed for the will of those gone when they wanted something.  But he did not want to argue about their children.  Felix and Joan were gone, for Ancestors knew how long, and Ophelia was spiraling out of control.  All of that could be dealt with later.  If they were a united front—
 
If the wolf had hands, he would have been rubbing his face vigorously.  As it were, he could only sigh, ears falling flatter and flatter as he tried to comprehend what she was saying.  What he could have possibly done to encourage that line of thought.  “Oula.  Oula – there is nothing to replace.  Rook is only Rook.  You have your own place in my heart.  Regardless of what he does, or doesn’t do, you were my co-leader.  My friend when my--  When Rook was not.  And you are the mother of my children.  Nothing can change that.”  He paused, smiling tiredly.  “Besides.  Rook’s place is not one you want.  It is worn, broken, with sharp edges.  Your place is softer.  Warmer.  One I do not regard with such caution.”