Grizzly Hollow holding the severed self {m}

Content Warning: Birth, miscarriage

Oula knew that any day now her pups would finally decide it was time to make their way into the world. Thankfully the frigid weather had let up and the snow was steadily vanishing, bringing an end to what had seemed like an endless winter just in time for the arrival of new lives. She did not stray from the territory now, staying well within the borders as she did not want to risk being caught in another unfortunate accident like last year, buffeted about in a tempest.

Oula had felt rather restless that day and was nearby her den when things finally set into motion, a deep ache twinging in her gut. Pain coursed down her flanks, causing the woman to double over and wince. She knew what was coming, and this time hopefully there would be no raging storm to catch her off guard, nor would she have to give birth beneath the shelter of a tree's roots. She pulled herself up, pushing onward through her little patch of forest as she occasionally stopped to catch her breath, tongue hanging out in a heavy pant. She made her way to her den, crouching down into her burrow tucked beneath the slab of limestone.

Oula crawled into the back of her den, feeling the contractions wash over her and left with nothing else to do but wait. She made herself as comfortable as she could, laying on her side and panting heavily. It was difficult to tell how much time had passed, but the small view her den gave into the outer world had darkened as night fell over the cedarwood.

Oula pushed, eventually feeling something give way and a wet feeling seep over her thighs. She reached down, tearing the sac from the cub, cleaning the fluid from the tiny eyes and muzzle, the dark little face of her daughter. She was a slight little thing, smaller than even Ophelia had been. The pup did not squirm or squeal, and Oula's lapping increased in fervor and her heart dropped into her stomach. Something wasn't right. She pulled the tiny girl close to her body, noticing now in the scant light the shrunken, twisted limbs curled against a nearly hairless body. Oula shuddered, whining, nudging and licking the cub, doing anything she could to wake her. 

Her head spun and the world took on a sudden, sickening tilt. There was a strange keening sound, a noise she did not realize was her own voice rasping from her quivering chest. She grasped the small, shriveled body gently in her mouth, pushing her legs beneath her and struggling to stand before they buckled. Someone had to fix this. Veho could fix it, couldn't he? There was some plant for this, there was something the healer could do. But before she could take a single step, pain rippled through her body again, her gut twisting and muscles clenching as her labor continued. She was trapped here. She was trapped here and she could do nothing. She was shaking now, feeling caught in some sort of nightmare that she could not wake up from. Her broken daughter still did not move, not a single breath rose in that crumpled chest. 

At last the second cub slid into the world with a final excruciating push, her heart thundering in her chest as she reached down to clean this one off the same as the first, worried at what she would find. Her ears were met with his tiny squeals, perfect chubby little limbs stretching and reaching out for her. Oula pulled him to her breast, the massive pale coated boy a stark contrast beside his dark, withered sister. In his innocence, he knew nothing of the tragedy laying beside him.  He suckled hungrily and grunted enthusiastically, the paragon of a healthy and happy infant. But Oula did not feel the joy she thought she would have. She set her head down and sobbed.

Knowing that both Oula's and Pip's due dates were drawing ever closer (Amaryllis honestly wouldn't have been surprised if they dropped on the same day.), the female leader did her best to keep tabs on both of them. But she couldn't keep her eyes or nose on them at all times so it was only when she heard Oula's keening sobs as she unknowingly patrolled above her den that sent her heart cold and diving into her stomach as if she had swallowed a chunk of ice.

Treading careful down the side of the limestone where Oula had decided to make her birthing den, Amaryllis let out a small bark, a worrying greeting to allow the mother to know she was there.

"Oula?" Stepping towards the entrance, though only allowing her muzzle to properly peek in, Amaryllis heard the sounds of a pup happily grunting and for a moment, pure relief rushed over the still expected mother. A healthy pup, even if she could only hear one. But worry came creeping back as she tried to think of why Oula's sobs were still tearing at her heart and just why she could only hear one little set of lungs.

Something that wasn't her own pups or her already sunken heart dropped icily against her chest and stomach as she peered further into the den and saw another little figure laying next to Oula and her squirming pup, one that wasn't moving or squealing like all healthy pups should.

"Oh Oula." breathed Amaryllis once the shock of what happened to Oula and to that of the other's pups washed over her,  her legs becoming even weaker then when she helped Pip with her den and nearly collapsing beneath her. Only upon gathering enough strength and taking a few steps back did Amaryllis lower herself to the ground.

Oh poor Oula, chanted over and over in her head. How wrong it was for something like that to befall her. Never in her dreams would she even cast such a terrible wish on her enemy, let alone her own packmate. The smalll glimpse she could see of the small figure by Oula and it's sibling continued to storm about in her head and she tried to squeeze her eyes closed in order to try wipe it from her memory. Oula needed her, needed to know she wasn't alone if she wished to reach out and take support from her. But first...

Pushing back onto her paws, Amaryllis let out a small call to let Oula know she would be right back and disappeared right into the surrounding trees. Half an hour later and Amaryllis had come back twice, first with a meager meal of a hare in between its fur coat change - looks like even the other animals had been confused by the on going snow - that she laid by the entrance and then with an even more meager pile of herbs that she thought might help Oula if she was still in any physical pain and other things.  There were sobs still coming from the den each time she returned.

Thankfully Amaryllis had not noticed any excessive bleeding which soothed her heart somewhat. Once she placed the herbs down, just inside the den beside the hare so she didn't intrude on Oula's space but close enough that Oula could reach them if she wanted to, Amaryllis backed off from the den and settled just outside it once again.

Oula needed time and space to mourn yet Amaryllis felt as if she need not do it completely alone. If Oula needed her, all she had to do was whisper her name and she'd be ready to help in whatever way was required of her.

(This post was last modified: May 14, 2017, 10:43 AM by Amaryllis.)

Warming weather did not ease Veho, not in the least.  It allowed the snow to melt, yes.  It allowed the fish to return, and the trees and brush to try and spread their leaves.  It allowed him to track further, just a little further, as he tried to collect more variety for his medical den.  The pups would be arriving soon, and goodness knew what they would need.  Or what their mothers would need.  Three litters.  Dear sweet Ancestors, what had he done to deserve such a fate?
 
It was such duty that carried him so far away from Grizzly Hollow that day, away from where both Pip and Oula settled and shuddered out to become the spring’s first mothers.  It was duty that led him back to his medical cache, frowning as he realized it had been recently disturbed.  Not many members of the pack understood any healing practices, and it set his mind whirling as he paced out, moving through the territory until he caught the soft sound of sobs.
 
His heart leapt into his chest, and the alpha bounded across the forest floor, coming to a halt only when he realized Amaryllis was already outside of a birthing den.  Oula’s, he recognized, the scent all too familiar.  These were not his pups, not this time, and he did not stick his head into the den, approaching the other alpha instead.
 
“What’s wrong?  What does she need?”
 
( Never did he imagine that somewhere across his forest, Pip suffered the same fate. )

Long, winded cries wracked her body. She shuddered and shook, retching thin bile from her empty stomach onto the already soiled earth beneath her. At any moment she expected her little girl to stir, but with each minute that passed she only became cold and stiff, while her brother wriggled warm and happy beside her. She found it hard to breathe, sucking in only thin gasps that failed to satisfy. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. She should have known after last year. She shouldn't have tried. So stupid, so selfish. And now her innocent daughter paid the price.

A small bark reached her ears and caused her to jolt, but somewhere in the back of her mind she realized it was just Amaryllis. She instinctively curled around her children to protect them with her own body. She did not want anyone to see her failure, but it was too late. Oula silently bared her teeth with watery eyes wide in a wordless warning for the woman to leave her. She didn't want pity, she didn't want anyone to know. 

Just as quickly, Amaryllis was gone. Oula had not noticed her return, only instead finding the scent of meat and herbs wafting down towards her. Her stomach ached for sustenance but she did not dare leave her children. She lay there, trembling as she cleaned both until they were spotless. She could pretend. Nothing was wrong. She had two, healthy, hungry, lively cubs. 

Again Oula flinched as she heard Veho's voice outside the den. She longed for his touch and wished for his comfort, but it was too much to ask for now. She had betrayed him for her own selfish wants, and this was her own burden to bear. Oula shivered, curling even tighter around the siblings. 

At first, Amaryllis stiffened at the sight of Veho, having not seen or spoken to the man since the pack meeting over a month ago. What did she say to him? Sorry for laying with his mate and getting pregnant by him? For not speaking with him before hand? For not being the first to tell him she may have been pregnant even when she wasn't sure herself?

But that was the least of their worries right now, as her tounge felt like a dead weight in her mouth and she could barely crack her mouth open enough to speak when Veho arrived with questions falling out of his mouth, half raising to meet the other with stiff legs.

For a few moments, she opened and closed her mouth several times, trying to formulate an answer for Veho. It was something she felt Oula should tell, that it wasn't her place to say what had happened. But at the same time, she could see the concern in his eyes and hear the worry clearly in his tone.

"Oula needs-" What did Oula need, really, other then a way to bring her dead child back? And like Veho, she had no idea that Pip was going through a similar fate. The entire time, sadness was apparent in her eyes and she felt as if she might be sick.

And be sick she did, as she tried to tumble further away from Oula's den as so not to stink up the den. Her stomach heaved up her last meal from a few hours ago.

It was said that whenever someone of blood was suffering, relatives could sometimes feel it if they paid enough attention. Mostly, Ophelia thought whatever idiot came up with that was water logged in their brain, but maybe they were on to something. If asked, the budding yearling could not say what it was that day that had her turning on her heels and racing back for pack territory, her hunting trip abandoned. An anxiety settled in her heart and only a need to find her mother drove her. To comfort herself or her mother, she did not know, but comfort was required either way.

The idea couldn't be all quack. What else would explain the gathering of wolves outside of the den and the sound of her mother's sobs from within. Ophelia scowled at both Lily and Daddy. What were they doing out here standing around with their paws shoved up their butts while her Mama was hurting? Daddy's lack of action surprised and angered her most of all. He was not just the Alpha, but a Healer as well!

The pale princess swept passed them and offered a snide reply to her father's question and a curl of her lip to Lily. Leaders or not, that was her Mama! "You could have gone inside and asked her yourself instead of treating her like she's got some plague." She didn't wait for a response and instead stepped right inside. It was an unspoken rule that entering a birthing den uninvited was grounds for a brutal attack, but no one had ever told Ophie that, so she moved without fear. The last birth she'd experienced had been her own, so she saw no reason at all why she wouldn't be welcome. These were her siblings, after all.

As her eyes adjusted to the darkness, the pale girl dipped her muzzle down to brush against her mother's bowed head and lick gently as had been done for her before in times of need. "It's okay, Mama," the girl told her, still uncertain for the cause of her mother's grief. "How can I help?" she asked, trying to capture her mother's gaze in the dark. It was then that she noticed the stillness of one of the pups. It - she, Ophelia realized after a sniff - looked wrong. Well, they both did. Their heads were too big and their bodies so tiny. But maybe that was normal? Certainly the way the still pup's legs were curled was not.

"Oh..." Ophelia murmured as she lay in front of her mother, her belly pressed against the back legs of her suckling baby brother. "I'm sorry, Mama," she whispered gently, placing a kind paw over Oula's. "What can I do?"

Something was wrong.  Something was very wrong.  Amaryllis would not be heaving if the woman had safely delivered her litter, and she simply needed a few herbs for pain or bleeding.  And now there were two wolves in need, and Veho was not certain where to direct his attention.  His tail twitched violently, and before he could utter another word, his daughter darted forward and into her mother’s den with a careless remark.  The alpha’s ears rolled backwards as he flashed his teeth – though no one could see it – that girl needed to watch her mouth.
 
One simply did not dive into a mother’s den uninvited if he was not the father of her litter.  Clearly.
 
Shifting his weight back and for, Veho whined, the sound reedy and uneasy.  He could hear Ophelia apologizing to Oula, though for what, he wasn’t sure.  Clearly, it was not right.  He ground his teeth and lowered his body, hovering just outside the den.  Amaryllis, even if she was sick, would have to wait until he knew that Oula and her litter were out of immediate danger.  “Ophelia.  Tell me what is wrong.  I need to know.”  He could not get the woman anything, could not do anything as a healer as long as he was kept in the dark.

I am sorry for the hold up.  Feel free to poke me sooner next time!

(This post was last modified: May 16, 2017, 04:29 PM by Veho.)

@Amaryllis

Oula's ears flattened as she heard some sort of commotion taking place outside, sage eyes blinking up into the star-studded night outside her den as she tried to figure out just what was going on. She was not left to wonder long, and she flinched as a small shape suddenly thrust itself into her burrow. Her fur bristled defensively along her spine before she realized just who had barged in so suddenly. Her fur smoothed down once she saw it was only Ophelia. Ophelia was her daughter, her flesh and blood, a welcome presence when nothing seemed right with the world. Her ears remained flattened as she reached out for the girl, eyes shutting tightly as the Ophelia's tongue brushed delicately over her crown.

Though Ophelia was known for her wild side, she seemed aware of the dire gravity of the situation. Oula's throat tightened at her question, she didn't have an answer. She stiffened as she saw Ophelia's gaze drift towards her half-siblings, and her heart ached at Ophelia's whispered apology and the soft weight of her paw on her own. Oula didn't deserve the sympathy, but still yearned for the comfort her daughter offered her.

 "Just... Just stay with me, please." She finally managed to murmur. Still curled around her cubs, Oula tucked her nose into Ophelia's grey-tipped scruff, closing her eyes against the prickling sensation behind her lids.

Oula shifted slightly as she heard Veho's voice again, just outside the mouth of the den as if he did not dare come a step closer. She didn't know why he stayed so far away. He had seen her post-birth before, there was no shame in it, and she trusted him more than any other. Did he think she would hurt him? She lifted her head from Ophelia's warmth, looking upwards. "Veho," She said softly, "You can come in." It was an offer, not a command. Would he even want to? Was it cruel of her to let him see the disaster she had birthed?

Before Amaryllis could recover from her little...spill and tell Veho what was happening, Ophelia emerged from the red woods and was scowling at them. And before she knew what was happening or could react Ophelia snapped at them before she disappeared into the den. Part of her raged at Ophelia for her behaviour but at the same time, knew the girl had to be worried for her mother. This was the girl's mother and the first time she'd experience something like this. Deciding that there was nothing to do or nothing would really come of it, since Oula wanted her there, she turned to Veho.

"It's one of her pups Veho," Amaryllis finally managed to murmur to him, steeling herself as her eyes glanced over to the den. "It's...well, I think you should look for yourself." Truthfully, she had no idea what to do in a situation like this and her mind and stomach was still roiling from what she had seen. "I already grabbed a few things, like sweet grass and few other things like it but if you think she needs anything else, I'll be happy to go get it." And it would give her time to properly gather herself as well.

Stay? She could do that. It was a simple request and one Ophelia would not fail on. Not even Daddy could drag her out by her tail! The pale princess let out a shuttering sigh as her mother rested her chin upon her back and buried her nose in the thick fur of her ruff. Only at the sound of @Veho's voice did the pair of them lift their heads. The yearling remained tight-lipped as her mother answered instead. It wasn't that she meant to be purposefully disobedient. At least, not in this moment. She simply couldn't find her voice, choked up as she was. How Mama managed those few words was beyond her and served to further prove how amazing @Oula truly was.

Laying her head back down over Oula's paws, Ophie curled tightly against her mother's back to provide room should her father venture in as requested. He had better or she had half a mind to drag him in by an ear! Whatever was going on between them, she had been his partner and she was hurting and deserved his full attention. But she held her tongue on the matter rather than opening her mouth and upsetting Mama further. It was not needed in such a delicate situation.

She wanted to ask what her sister's name was. Even if she was gone, she deserved a name, right? And of her baby brother? What was his? Had Mama already picked it out? Ophie remained quiet and pondered these things to herself. It seemed only fitting as they mourned.