Wild Rye Fields Apocalypse Please

for @Reyes set on the 16/17th

He was doing better- physically at least- so he had no real reason to hide away in the den, and yet that was all he wanted to do. The big wide world that had once seemed so grand was now an ugly thing, sick and twisted, and he wanted nothing to do with it. Not anymore. It was all too much, too scary and far too painful. Just glancing out of the den's entryway was more than enough to burst his little protective bubble, to remind him that the world was an fucking awful place and they-or rather people like him- just made it all the more worse.

What gave the sky the right to be so bright? Why did the sun shine when he felt so...devastated and lost? It was all gone, everything and everyone, and if he'd been a stronger man he would have run home and sifted through the ashes and searched for survivors. But he was not strong, not anymore, perhaps he'd never been in the first place. That sounded about right.

Askan sniffed and placed his chin on his paws. Ever since he'd been visited by Hearthwood's healer his throat didn't hurt as much, but that wasn't to say he was miraculously healed. Swallowing hurt, talking hurt even more and eating? It wasn't even worth the effort, he'd decided to go without than have to deal with that hassle. So now he had a new pain to deal with, the clawing sensation seated deep in his stomach, as though Savion had found away inside of him and was tearing at his insides. Pulling them to shreds.

As dramatic as it sounded, such a fate was preferable to this. Day in and day out of such relentless misery. When was it going to get easier? When was it ever going to hurt less? He just wanted to die. Why did Reyes just let him die?

A mournful whine passed from his lips and Askan curled up in a tight ball, as though that would help. It didn't. He couldn't hide from it or even smother his problems, they were just always there. A punishment for being the last survivor. The last Selwyn.

Healing and plants and every other sort of medicine, it seemed, could only heal a wolf so much. No, Askan wasn’t magically made whole again, not physically, but he was largely out of the woods and out of danger. Or so it had initially looked. But all was not well with the Selwyn – Reyes was aware he’d only caught the tail end of whatever went on between his mate and the man’s uncle. He didn’t even know the half of it.

But the silence, something he usually enjoyed, had become something heavy and toxic. Unable to broach the subject, the wolf often slipped out, hoping that by giving the beta some space, he would come to terms with whatever it was eating him from the inside out. But it didn’t. Nothing did. And he hadn’t eaten.

So on this morning, seemingly cheerful and sunny, the swarthy male stepped out, not to mark borders as he usually did, but full of intent. When he returned several hours later, he dropped a large snowshoe hare, freshly shedded of its winter coat, at the entrance to their den and chuffed softly. “Kana,” he rumbled, “come eat. It’s fresh. You’ll feel better after if you do, mi luna.”

A man could only wallow in misery for so long.

REYES | Dead man walking.

As much as he wanted to be, Askan wasn't asleep by the time Reyes returned.

It wasn't as though he'd suddenly started to loath his presence, or that his affection for him had waned, it was simply that his mate cared too much. He was too kind, too good to him and Askan- being the repulsive, pathetic fool he was-was undeserving of such tenderness. Or so he adamantly would claim. As he was such a weak man , the Selwyn wouldn't ask him to leave, he selfishly wanted him here by his side, forever and always. But that didn't mean that he would heed his request and do as he was told. As appetising as the rabbit smelled and as much as his stomach rumbled at the thought, he would not touch it, let alone eat it.

Dragging himself closer to the entrance, Askan sniffed at the carcass before pulling away and setting his chin on his paws again. He whined,a low sombre sound only for it to be cut off by a hacking cough that made his eyes water. He wasn't giving his mate the silent treatment out of stubbornness, he was supposed to be resting his throat to let it heal. But Reyes was right, how was it going to heal if he was starving himself?

Maybe that was part of the reason as to why he was on a hunger strike. Maybe he didn't want to get better.It's not like he deserved it, after all. The pain seemed a fair price to pay.

Askan shook his head and then turned to pull himself further into their den, where he settled upon the carpet of furs they'd gathered. He whined again, but this time quieter so as not to bother his throat. As to what he was trying to say, well honestly he wasn't sure. 'I don't want it', seemed apt enough. But then again so did 'You eat it.' For as shitty and as retched as he felt, he didn't want his mate to go without, to have to suffer just because that was what Askan was doing.

Reyes truly deserved better.

Dios mio, it was so difficult to understand a wolf who was never afraid to speak his mind when his voice was ripped away. Reyes’ ears fell backwards as he looked from the fresh kill to his mate and back again, briefly wondering if there was something wrong with his choice in prey item. The cough certainly wasn’t good. Shit, they really needed a healer around here, didn’t they? He couldn’t go jogging off to Hearthwood River whenever something seemed a little off, and Lachesis certainly couldn’t come and take up residence in the rye fields until Askan recovered. The ghost had a pack to run.

The swarthy male sighed softly, laying upon his belly to peer back inside the mouth of their den. When his mate whined, Reyes returned it, nosing the meal gently. “Does your throat still hurt?” he asked, mouth twisted up in knots. What if Askan said yes? He had no idea how to fix that kind of thing. But what if he said no? What if something else was wrong and he had no idea, or no way to fix that, either. “C’mon, Kana. Y’can’t…y’can’t just waste away.” His brows pinched together. “Don’t leave me, cabrón. Together, or not at all. That’s how we go.”

His throat did hurt, but that wasn't the point. He could have eaten it if he really wanted to, or at the very least he could have tried, maybe taken a bite or two. In fact, in comparison to how it felt before his treatment, the pain wasn't all that bad. He'd certainly had worse. On a scale of one to ten the pain he was feeling now would be around six, or so. But the pain he'd felt then then had most definitely been a nine, bordering on a ten at it's worst.

But of course, Reyes had to make that awful, remorseful sound in response. His stomach twisted at the noise and Askan couldn't help but close his eyes and press his ears to his head. Don't. Just don't. It's not your fault, is what he wanted to say, but he resisted, said nothing and just shook his head. There was no use in making him worry, or at least worry anymore than he already was.

He couldn't see Reyes but he heard his mate lay down outside of the den. On one hand it was for the best, that he would be able to resist his reason if he stayed away. But on the other, he wanted nothing more than his touch, to have his mate close where he should be, to keep him safe and sound.

Reyes had such a way with words. He knew all the right things to say, he knew how to make Askan smile or his chest feel all warm and tingly like no one else did. But at the same time the Southerner, no doubt,  knew the very words that cut the deepest. He could easily tear out the Selwyns heart if he wanted to and yet he didn't, nor would he ever. And yet... why did he have to say that?

It was what he wanted, for them to be together always, but his uncle had reminded him of the harsh truth. Nothing was forever and the thought of one day loosing Reyes was more than enough for him to get a little teary eyed. Much to his shame.

"Don't....go." He rasped, crawling to the front entrance like a sinner begging for mercy, for forgiveness.

“Not without you,” Reyes rasped. If it was emotion making his voice thick, he wasn’t about to admit to as much. So he said nothing else, and simply wiggled forward on his belly as Askan finally appeared. He pressed his cold nose into the man’s muzzle, sighing softly at the familiar scent. It was good to see his mate in the light of day, even if it hardly looked like the wolf he knew and loved. The injury was one thing, but dios mio, the man would wither away to nothing if he kept refusing to eat.

His pink tongue flashed out, laving a few gentle kisses against Askan’s cheek before he sighed, nosing the wolf’s face a second time. “And that’s why you gotta eat,” he insisted, much more soft than was usual for the burly southerner. “I didn’t drag you back here just so you could die will I watch, huh? I know your throat still hurts but it ain’t gonna get better unless you start eating. Please.”

And he might have hated how pathetic that sounded, but he hated the idea of the Selwyn starving to death while he stood around worse. He sighed, looking from Askan to the meal and back again. “For me, luna. Please.”

Askan whined at his touch.

As pained as the noise he'd made probably seemed, it was anything but. Nothing in this world brought him solace or satisfaction like having his mate close, of knowing that he was there to stay, despite how awful Askan no doubt was. He didn't deserve such loyalty, such dedication and yet there Reyes was, giving his all and expecting nothing in return. Well not quite. He made it clear what he wanted, and as much as Askan wanted to remain steadfast and stubborn it was hard to say no to such an earnest plea.

The kisses made it all the more difficult, so much so that Askan couldn't help but lean forward to meet them. Even his tail began to twitch on the floor, like it was threatening to start wagging at any moment. But the final nail in the proverbial coffin was actually painful for Askan to hear.Like a blade being pushed in between his ribs.

For him. Askan would have done anything and everything for Reyes. Not because he wanted to buy his affection or to to get something in return, in fact, the only reward he wanted was a smile. And maybe a quick kiss, if he felt up to it. But this? It hurt to deny him, made him feel as though he was a bad person, which he was but even more so. Doubled, tripled, multiplied over and over again till there was nothing left.

He couldn't fight it, this was a loosing battle in which Reyes would always have the upper paw. He'd never done this before, but Askan cursed how damn smitten he was with the Southerner. It was true he wouldn't get better, that he'd just waste away if he didn't eat and whilst that wasn't a fate he wanted it was one he thought he deserved. A slow form of repentance, like a long, gruelling journey one would take to go home. To just see his family again.

Another whine passed from his lips as he hid his face under his mate's chin. Fine. He'd eat just a little, to test the waters and to appease him. Pulling back, Askan dragged the rabbit closer with a paw and sniffed. It smelled good and made his stomach rumble like a herd of stampeding bison. He huffed at the noise, feeling a little sheepish before taking a tentative bite. Was that enough to make him happy? That's all he wanted, was that so bad?

A lynx has left behind the remains of a deer. +5 Health

Askan might have thought it was playing dirty – Reyes actually meant it with every fiber of his being. It wasn’t usually in his repertoire, no, but if his mate was going to do it for himself, he would have done it by now. And while that was what he needed to do eventually, for the gamma had no desire to actually be the reason for anyone’s existence, he didn’t mind shouldering that burden for a little longer if it helped his lover get back on track and start to get well.

The gamma allowed the whine and the press of his face – more than allowed, if he was being quite honest with himself. He enjoyed Askan’s touch far more than anything else. Even if it was a delay tactic, he would tolerate it, because after everything that happened… He wouldn’t finish it. And apparently, the beta was actually planning on eating the rabbit; or maybe not. Reyes lifted his head with a tiny squint as his partner bit off a tiny bite, as if he were a petulant child who didn’t care for what his mother had brought home.

“Kana – you know that ain’t enough. Even a pup needs more than that. You gotta finish the rabbit. It’s important.”

He should have known really. What were the chances that Reyes would have been appeased by a single bite? Minimal. Hell Askan would probably have an easier time convincing the Southerner to climb a tree, or something equally as stupid. What was he to do? He would have called it a battle of wills, but it wasn't a battle at all, they weren't fighting each other nor was there any sense of antagonism. It was just...Reyes was trying to get him to see reason and all Askan wanted to do was bury his head in the sand.

The Selwyn huffed, feeling more than a little frustrated. There he was, half wanting to starve to death, and there Reyes was determined to not let that to happen.

He didn't need to question why, just like Reyes said it was important. And yet it didn't seem that way to him, it all seemed so small and inconsequential. He just wished things could go back to the way they were before, he wished that he'd never even agreed to meet 'Deron.' Sure, his family would still be dead, but ignorance was bliss, right?

Askan looked down at the rabbit and frowned at what he saw. It's eyes were so glassy and lifeless, and yet it was as though the little beast was staring at him. Judging him for who he was and what he'd done. Was that what his parent's eyes looked like? The bright yellow faded in exchange for deathly grey?

He was going to be sick.

Askan clambered to his feet and hurried outside, his tail tucked between his legs. He coughed and gagged, but nothing came out but tears and a pathetic, sniffling sound.

Had he truly sunk so low? That the prospect of eating something dead was enough to ruin him? What was he supposed to do? Eat grass? Continue to not eat anything at all? His stomach rumbled loudly in protest and he sighed, seemed as though his stomach wouldn't remain empty without putting up a fight.

"Could..." Askan whispered, his voice just as weak and as feeble as he felt."Rip it?"