Charred Ash Draw Is it wrong to do right to do wrong?

OOC: Primarily for @Treyah but other members also welcome
Backdated to: 8th of Jan (?)
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The earthen male had returned just as he had left unannounced, but he did not show himself to the pack, both ashamed and afraid of what might happen should the others find out what he had done. Fresh signs of battle were visible on his body, his face and chest showing few marks that were only days old. He had made it out of the death match surprisingly unharmed but that could hardly be contributed  to his skill, no. @Fiagira had been holding back. He knew she could have killed him in his weakened state had she wanted to.

Now Garmir had troubled thoughts. He had tried to murder his best friend in order to do the right thing, but he did not feel right. He had had few times to think over what had happen and he found himself - frighteningly, questioning his cause again. She had managed to taint his fire again and there was no greater pack to set him on right path once more. He had to fight this mental battle alone, to choose between his duty and his love - oh and not to mention.. he was still member of this small pack too. He felt internally divided, like there were two versions of himself, one of them Garmir - loyal soldier of the greater pack, and Garör, wolf that should have been dead by now, but still stubbornly came to haunt him.

He needed advice, someone to talk to, someone to.. he needed Treyah and her infinite capacity for good. She deserved to know, Kerberos deserved to know and Garmir himself had to decide what he would do with all these thoughts battling inside him, where did his loyalties lie, who really was he.

And so, when he returned - Garmir sought for the leading female, knowing that she had more patience and kindness to listen his story through before making a judgement. If he came to Kerberos, telling he had just tried to kill someone not far from pack borders, he'd doupt he would have many seconds to try to explain before being kicked flying out of pack territory.

As soon as Garmir saw her, he halted, unable to call her or begin conversation. He hoped she might see him and spare a moment, the earthen male too... ashamed to ask her himself.

(This post was last modified: Jan 11, 2018, 12:49 AM by Garmir.)

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lord i pray, i have a life that's good

Treyah Tainn

Treyah had been wrapped up in her own thoughts for days since she had run into Suka. She still kept the borders, checked the caches, made sure that @Lana and @Cannon were keeping out of trouble. But she had started taking time for herself where she might have sought out Kerberos or her father before. She was sprawled across the snow, her chin resting across her paws as she stared blankly into the trees when Garmir made his presence known.

She lifted her head and allowed her tail to thump in the snow in greeting. "You're back." It was a quiet observation as she tried to force a smile on to her face, but it just ended up looking more concerned. He looked about as sunny as she felt. "Wanna talk about something?" she motioned to a spot beside her where he could sit or sprawl as he pleased. She wasn't in a rush to get to her own feet unless she absolutely had to.

Garmir half expected there to be some sort of punishment for his sudden unannounced disappearance, but she did not seem to be angry at him at least. He noticed  that smile came uneasy on her and he propably owned her apology and explanation. Yes, he seemed worse again, but he was least standing on his own feet still, even if he appeared.. little torn. "I apologize." -He murmured to her, his voice and way he worded it sincere, ashamed.

Yes, he wanted to pour at her everything, just unload the ugly mess he was now in before her and just hope she could.. help him fix it somehow, tell him what was right and wrong. She always seemed like a wolf whom had her heart in right place and right now he needed her guidance. Garmir shifted on his place for a while, ears folded down and tail tugged, seeming like he was about to burst. He bit back his words and instead carefully, almost sheepishly made his way beside her, sitting down upright as he tried to find a way to tell her.

He opened his maw slightly, froze and then closed it again. He looked down at her paws and then with a voice so low it was borderline whisper, told her. "I would never harm you or your pack.." -Unsettling thing to say, even if his words might be true. He thought he needed to say that before he would.. tell her of a monster he was.

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There is a family of deer nearby. Hunt Opportunity

i carried compassion to the point of self destruction
and learned that too, could be a sin

Treyah Tainn

Her lips quirked at his apology, relaxing as he came to sit by her. Really it wasn't needed, everyone needed to take some time for themselves on occasion. His next words were a little more concerning however and her brows pulled down in concern wondering what on earth would make him declare such. "If I thought you would I wouldn't have intervened with Kerberos." She stated matter of factly, so just what was going on then? Her amber eyes bored into Garmir with a look more reminiscent of one her mother might offer than her usual sunny one. "So what's bought this on then?" Her shoulders were tense incase she needed to rise as she waited for the subordinate to elaborate.

Before Garmir said another word, he looked around just to be sure there were nobody else at the ear's lenght from them. Even then, he leaned closer and kept his voice low, following words meant only for Treyah to hear any no-one else. "You know of my search for Anaeia but I never told you context of it." -He begin, his ears folding even further down if that was even possible now. His eyes remained at her paws, the earthen male afraid to lift his gaze and meet her's.

"She betrayed our pack.. and I was sent after her to kill her. Few days ago I found her.. or she rather found me, here. I tried to end her.. she fought back and.. " - Obviously Garmir was still alive and surprisingly unharmed despite the duel he had been in, some of the markings in his body evidently from fight, but none serious. "...she lives.. and I'm both glad and terrified that she does..."

He looked higher at her - not into her eyes but at her face, trying to read her reaction to this revelation. He had much more to say, this whole thing being a complex mess he saw no way getting out of.. and he needed her help.

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i carried compassion to the point of self destruction
and learned that too, could be a sin

Treyah Tainn

Treyah's face pulled into a frown. He had said he was looking for a friend but friends didn't kill friends that she was aware of. She wasn't sure if she was upset that he lied, or upset at herself for taking his words at face value. "Well we don't do that sort of thing here." She couldn't imagine what sort of betrayal might warrant death. They were a welcoming bunch, probably too kind for their own good. She was slowly coming to grips with the fact that wolves came and went, it was just part of the natural order of things.

She released a breath she hadn't realised she was holding when he said the girl yet lived. "What does that mean for us?" If this stranger was more like her mother she might try to bring ruin down on the pack that was sheltering him, but maybe, just maybe, she just wanted to get on with her own life, peacefully. "Should I be expecting retaliation? Will you keep trying to kill her? Will you be going back to your pack to tell them where she is?" It was a long string of questions, but she was young yet, and hoped the answers to her questions might leave her better prepared for whatever may eventuate next.

Yes, they did not do that sort of things here. Everything about Charred Ash Draw was different than what Garmir had got used to. Garmir could sense she wasn't exactly pleased with what he had just told her - who would be? - but one thing remained and it was that he had never lied to Treyah about his relationship with Anaeia. They were - and still are closest of friends. "I know... I'm glad you don't" -he whispered to her, grateful that she was... like she was.

"No.." -he replied to her question over would Anaeia in turn retaliate against the pack that was hosting Garmir. The earthen male did not see her able to do such - not anymore. Old Anaeia could have killed at command but this new one.. she was something different. Garmir feared he himself was now something different too.

"I can't go back and tell them. Even if I did she would just.. disappear again. And.. I don't want to kill her because she is my friend! I want to be like her but I don't know how... "   -He struggled to explain, his words coming out forced from his maw as he stared at the ground below. Garmir's paws dug into the snow as he finished his last sentence, as if what he had just said was something forbidden, dangerous even. ".. I fear she has tainted my fire too.."

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i wear my heart for all to see

Treyah Tainn

It did make Treyah wonder what sort of pack Garmir had come from if he was glad that they did things differently here. She had only ever had the Bend to compare to and things had been so laid back there that she found herself growing up among three different litters. After the last 12 months, she could understand why her sister had challenged. It wasn't fun at all.

She visibly sagged with relief when he said there would be no retribution, her mother was the sort to go after revenge but Treyah preferred to keep things simple. When he said that he couldn't go back to his previous pack, she relaxed further, although, she would hope that if he ever chose to leave, he would at least let her know first. "What's she like then? Do you think she'd fit in here?" If there was no threat of retribution and they could get over their disagreement, then maybe they could be happy together here? But his next statement made her head tip in question, "Tainted? How?"

He already knew Treyah had a good heart, but the capacity she had to listen and understand was so much it even moved Garmir's broken heart. He almost burst into relieved laughter as the thought of such future surfaced deep emotions within him. Garmir wanted it, hoped for it, but he could not see it ever becoming true - not as long as he was still duty bound to the Greater pack. How could he even begin to explain the conflict between his oath and friendship to someone whom had never experience something he and Anaeia had - to someone whom did not have the flame in their heart and mind? The omega had strange, painful smile on his face as he seemed to be both crying and laughing at the same time. "Would she know what kind of place this is... yes.. I think she would fit in here."

Explaining the concept of fire to someone whom had never been part of Greater pack was something Garmir did not know how to properly word into accurate description. He remained silent for long time even after she asked about how she could have tainted him, Garmir's maw opening few times as if beginning to speak, but then shutting again. After he seemingly settled into something in his head, he then lifted his head and said; "There was a story told to us when we were young. I will try to repeat it to you to serve as a.... door into my head."

Once there was a fire. A fire which lived inside us - in hearts and minds of every wolf before us. Name of this fire was hatred, envy, mistrust and misery. It made us do things, things we would not normally do, and it fed on the very pain it caused. It grew each passing moment, pain feeding the flames until it could no longer be contained.

Once there was a fire. One which was set loose by the first and it spread quickly to consume everyone's lives in this land. Name of this fire was war. For a generation it burnt bright and hot, pitting wolf against wolf, pack against pack, brother against brother.. and there was no putting out these flames. It seemed like peace would never be found again.

Then came the fire. Fire which burnt with righteous flame, clencing over the charred lands that the two fires before it burned. It swept the ground clean until no fire could take hold of it again and once more the fire settled in here, withing our hearts and minds. The name of this fire was the Greater pack. Fire that would burn those with tainted minds to a grisp while offering warmth to those whith righteous heart.

You my children, are the fire, each of you embers that keep this land pure. Never loose your flame.

-Garmir finised and waited for a while for his words to settle into her. Of course, this story did not tell much, but it was a start and in a way beginning of the incredibly complex situation Garmir was in - one which he now regretted ever bringing Treyah or her pack into. "We made an oath - one that she broke and.. I'm the one who caused it because she fell in love with me. I tainted her fire and now im afraid she may have done it to me as well. I was specifically ordered to kill her, because she is danger to... everything. She knows all the secrets, she knows... our methods.. I know what I must do but... Is it wrong to do right to do wrong?" Truth be told, Garmir wasn't anymore sure what was wrong and what was right and right now he was desperately seeking direction from one wolf that always seemed to have to know what was right. His keen eyes burrowed into Treyah as he waited for... anything.

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