Princess' Place I'll Love the World Like I Should

@Daesamar

She was in a mood today.

For several nights in a row she hadn't slept well, drifting off easily enough but never seeming to fall into the restful, deep sleep everyone needed. A night or two of this would have been fine, but by the third night she was so worn down that she couldn't sleep at all. In the darkness she was wide-eyed, curled with the tip on her nose buried beneath the fluff of her tail. Inhaling deep and slow, the breath escaped her lungs in a long sigh. Her eyes were dry as she watched the moonlight-crested leaves sway in the wind. Her shoulders were tight as she shifted her weight when the hardness of the tree roots on her back - meant to be a pathetic replacement for a warm body - became uncomfortable. Her head ached. Her paws throbbed. And...she felt like her soul was aching, too.

Waves of loneliness washed over her like the waves of the ocean washed over the sand of a beach; taking a few grains back into the water with each recession. Like the tide reshaped the shore, it felt like this stretch of time she'd spent on her own - even in Shallow's Edge - was reshaping her, too.

The constant, dull ache in her chest that came with the moon and went with the sun put her on edge. Coupled with sleeplessness, it was too much. So, she rose to her feet, gave her coat a good shake and decided to leave the forest to find some fresh air. Having travelled through the night, she'd found what she was looking for by early afternoon.

And it was beautiful.

The small meadow between the mountains and the forest was painted in every color she'd ever seen. Even with the forest being so dry, the cornucopia of flowers that blossomed there were as perfect as they could be. The summer wind made them dance as it rushed through her fur, and she stood in awe for a time she didn't keep track of before wading out through them to rest somewhere in the middle. The grandeur of the Mountain of Dire reminded her of how small she truly was in a world so big, and in a way it made her suffering feel smaller, too. Breathing in the air she'd craved, Lyanna simply closed her eyes and soaked up the sunshine.

He had been traveling for a day or so to the west, down the mountain trail. The large wolf sniffed the air, taking in the warm scents that surrendered him, drifting up from the vibrant wildflowers clustered randomly around the trail. He had come out this way under the guise of hunting for plants that he thought could be useful, while true, it was only apart of why Daesamar had come through. Thoughts of his mother returned, the Tarn looked disturbingly like his old home and the sickness grew in the pit of his stomach. The guilt and shame had festered and he did his best to keep it bottled down. He had learned that from @Lenae ‘s reaction when he had broken down. The bitterness grew as well, it had been the only time he had broken down and cried around the others.

The further he traveled the more abundant the flowers, unfortunately though, their beauty was lost on him for the moment. Trying to keep it all under control, he had to escape the mountain for a bit. He failed though, a single tear started to trickle down his cheek as he thought about it all once more. The same scene replaying inside of his head. Someone shouting to run, the snarls and growls, his tail tucked between his legs and flinching even now, months later when he heard that cry of pain.

Grimacing, he gave his head a good shake, trying to clear it up as he nearly stumbled into a clearing. It was the other wolf’s scent that caught his attention. A scent he hadn’t expected either. Lyanna! He thought with a small smile, recalling their previous encounter. Maybe she was returning to the mountain now, she might have been done with her journey after all. Raising his broad forepaw, he tried to wipe away the evidence of his crying just before catching sight of her tawny pelt. He watched her trek out into the field of flowers before he yipped a greeting and took a step out himself.

It felt so good.

The warmth of the sunlight cascaded down upon her, warming her up in just the right way from the outside in. The rustle of the breeze across her face was fresh, clean even, so she breathed it in long and slow, exhaling away some of her angst as if she could see it blow away. The perfume from the flowers was feminine and delightful. She felt more like a lady here and now than she had since she'd departed from Sequoia Vale. It was like this little gem between the shadowed woods and the harsh mountain was where she belonged...

For today, anyway.

Soon enough she would trek back the way she came, trading the open sky and beautiful afternoon for the seclusion and protection of the forest that would lead her to her new home. And back to @Askan. Opening her eyes, squinting in the light that was brighter than she was now used to, she somehow found herself thinking of him. The fondness she was beginning to feel for him was...confusing. He must be her opposite in this life - dark, hardened, dominating. Perhaps that was why she was drawn to him. Drawn to the cynical and dry, and sometimes disinterested tone of his voice. Drawn to the way he acted like he couldn't care any less. Drawn to his scent. Maybe it was actually because he'd ended up being her soft spot, her safety, having given her the home she'd been seeking and some of the only interaction she'd had on a regular basis in months. And maybe she was a fool for thinking that way; maybe she was a fool for letting herself believe that another person brought her the happiness that should come from within herself. Hmm. She'd always been bigger than that. But...everything evolved eventually. It was only natural. Maybe this path she was going down would make her better than bigger.

But a break from the Edge was why she'd come here in the first place, so she let her thoughts of it and of him dissipate.

And then a sound broke across the air - a yip? Was she not alone here? With her forelegs she pushed herself up to sit, her amber eyes searching for whatever, or whoever, was responsible for interrupting her peace. Low and behold, it was a wolf. It was...she squinted...Daesamar?

It was Daesamar! Her heart began to beat the way the engine of an accelerating train did. Her friend! Oh, she couldn't have been more happy to see him! She hadn't even realized it until this moment, but he was the only friend she'd really even made here. So far, anyway. In the blink of an eye she was on all fours, her tail wagging readily behind her, her ears pressed forward eagerly. A happy rumble reverberated in her chest and she let it out in the form of a growling yelp.

"Hey, you!"

(This post was last modified: Aug 01, 2018, 01:52 AM by Lyanna.)

A young fawn has gotten separated from its herd. Hunt Opportunity, +8 Health

It was her! Daesamar watched as she jumps up and quickly closed the distance between the two of them. He rushed forward to meet her halfway, his silver gaze glowing with excitement as he took in her scent. He closed his eyes, usually a politer wolf, he said nothing but instead he pressed his side against hers. His nose twitched, she had joined a pack he realized. A bit disappointed, He had planned to try and invite her to his mountain home the next time they crossed paths.

Oh well, he thought to himself, simply enjoying the close contact. He tried to keep is own rapidly beating heart under control, positive that Lyanna could hear it. He whimpered softly in greeting, his sadness already gone. Daesamar was happy, no one else had reacted the way Lyanna had when she saw him. It left him feeling wanted and...he wasn’t sure how to describe the other feeling. “How have you been? Want to sit?” he asked quietly, reluctant to take a step back and break the silence.

Daesamar bounded toward her, the look on his face a mirror-like reflection of the expression of elation on hers. They could have collided, they were making for one another so quickly. He wasted no time in greeting her and to her surprise he pressed right in to her side. On any other day perhaps this would have caught her off guard, and coming from anyone else may have made her uncomfortable; but the warmth of his body quenched her thirst for touch as if she'd been walking across the desert and found a waterfall.

Lyanna buried her face in his dark fur, roving her nose over the contour of his ribs, breathing in the smell of familiar, long-lost comfort as her tail wagged away.

"Daesamar, it's so good to see you!" she nearly roared. Taking a step back to get a good look at him before nosing his shoulder, she smiled most sincerely. Her eyes were alive. "I've been good!" But that wasn't the whole truth, was it? "-Busy. What about you - how have you been?"

At his suggestion she reclined to plop her butt right down. "Tell me everything," she indulged.

The large wolf closed his eyes, sucking in a breath when he felt Lyanna nudge along his ribs, the close contact alone was sheer pleasure for the yearling. Even though his packmates were like family to him, he was still hesitant to sit this close to them. It felt like he’d be judged for it, but Lyanna was different. Around her, he could just relax and be himself. He settled down onto his stomach, neatly tucking his paws under his chest as he listened quietly.

Where could he begin? He didn’t want to spoil the moment with how he was feeling about the tarn, but at the same time, he found someone he could be honest with about it. “It’s been alright..” he started off “Been learning about plants, wanting to become a healer, other than that…” he was bad at covering things up, what if she did like Lenae? And just brush it all off to the side? He wasn’t sure if he could handle it a second time, but he wanted to. He was sick of keeping it all bottled away, thinking that he had to. “I had to get away from the mountain..it reminded me too much of my old home.” he said, a hint of sadness edged his tone.

(This post was last modified: Aug 01, 2018, 02:50 AM by Daesamar.)

Lyanna listened intently to all he had to say. It tickled her some that he was honing his skills to be a healer, as the thought of being responsible for keeping up with an herbal den and infirmary - a position more stationary than she'd care for personally - wasn't for her and was certainly an arduous task. The ones who were drawn to that sort of thing did so with a lot of love, she thought. It took a special person to care for the sick and the wounded. To her, his interest in it probably meant that his heart was bigger than one might expect - and that was a good thing.

Daesamar followed the low down on his activities with something that, at face value, sounded a little heavier. He didn't go on to elaborate, but it was easy for her to see that there was something he wanted to get off of his chest. Being the empath she was and on a day like today, she was happy to hear him out. In her own pain, it came naturally to feel his.

The thought of her friend being sad caused her brows to furrow, then.

"A healer, huh? That's really special. I'm impressed that you've taken an interest in that. I believe it takes a special sort of person to mend the sick, and I think you will be great at it," she commented softly, and she meant every word. She eyed him thoughtfully before proceeding.

"...It sounds like you might be having a hard time with the latter, though. Do you want to talk about it?"

The young wolf didn't even know where to begin now, he listened quietly as Lyanna spoke. The emphases she put on him making a good healer left him swelling with pride. There was something else though. A growing heat rose in Daesamar’s cheeks, burning hotter and hotter with every word she spoke. She may be able to pick up on his feelings, but he wondered if she could hear his heart hammering inside of his chest. It wasn’t beating frantically with each passing second, oh no, the yearling was positive that it was about to bounce right out of his chest.

It was a good feeling though.

She even cared enough to hear about his problems. He licked his lips, debating and weighing the options before giving a small nod. He’d need to get it off his chest at some point anyway. “I..” he started, but it ended in a squeak. He looked away for a moment trying to collect himself. “I…” She thought he had a good heart, how would she feel when she found out he was just a coward? The thought left him speechless. Irrational thoughts flooded his head. He didn’t want to be alone, he wanted to savor this moment, not ruin it with the truth.

“I...I’m not who you think I am…” it seemed as good of a start as any. Licking his lips once more, Daesamar turned his eyes toward the nearby flowers “When I was younger...i was out hunting, my pack lived on a mountain out to the east of here. It was a big mountain but some didn’t like that.” He shook slightly, trembling softly as he thought back to that day when he was merely eight months old. “We were attacked, outnumbered, I was near the borders, mom...she shouted at us all to run. I did, like a coward.” tears started to flow freely down the large wolf’s cheeks now as he choked up, swallowing back a sob “I still hear her getting cut off, her pain filled howl...I..I shoulda stayed. I coulda done something, anything!.”

(This post was last modified: Aug 01, 2018, 08:41 AM by Daesamar.)

It was clear that whatever it was that Daesamar was trying to say was hard for him to get out, though she couldn't help but to think that the words were ones that he'd had in his head for some time. He struggled for a moment, glancing away from her to compose himself. Her heart was sinking by the second and her ears fell a bit as her concern grew. When he was able to get it out, the story he'd begun to tell was a somber one.

What a horrible thing. She had been lucky to have never lost someone she loved suddenly, and she didn't know what it was like to lose her mother, of all people. And he was so young. Where she sat, her tail came to curl around her legs, as if its softness could comfort her as she felt the pain that radiated from him.

"Oh, Daes-...I am so sorry..." she began, searching his face and finally noticing the tracks running along either side of his muzzle that had been forged no doubt from the wet of his tears. A soft whine caught in her throat as she leaned in to touch her nose to his chin.

Lyanna wasn't sure if she had the words to convey how she felt, to convey her support, but she swallowed and gave it her best shot.

"Your mother must have loved you very much to have given her life to protect you...I-...I can only imagine the pain you must feel. I can see it in your eyes." In her mind, she envisioned the attack, envisioned him fleeing and the look on his face as he listened to the sound of her demise. It muffled the beating of her heart, now thumping slow and hard as her chest tightened like the air was being sucked right out of it.

"...I can't pretend to know what that's been like for you. But...I do know that you must have been so brave then, and that she must have been incredibly brave, too. If I do know anything, it's that what happened to her was not your fault." The look in her golden eyes was so soft. "I believe that you are exactly who I think you are - a good person, who was fortunate to have survived something so life-changing. You are smart, and kind, and you have so much life left ahead of you. Even if you can't see it now - even if your pain makes you question everything you've ever known - you are strong. I think that if your mother could see you now, could see you make a life for yourself despite all that you've gone through...if she could watch as you studied your herbs and did your best to be all you can be one day at a time...that she would be so proud of you."

Her expression was compassionate, the conviction of the words she shared with him smoldering in her eyes.

"I believe that - even if you may not be able to see her anymore or hear her voice - she's with you always, living in your heart and guiding you as you make your way in the world."