10pm
Overcast Clouds
35.6 ° F, 2 ° C
Ahhhh. Cold. Very cold. A lot colder than the small boy would’ve liked, but it didn’t matter. He didn’t get to control the weather, no matter how hard he had tried. He prayed for a longer fall, for some time to figure things out, but no luck. Frost was beginning to form on the plant-life. Occasionally it would snow, very lightly, but snow nevertheless. It made the wolf scared. He hadn’t joined a pack yet, and had little desire to- but with winter swiftly approaching he wasn’t so confident in his surviving abilities. He had just started to gain weight back after the coyotes. It wasn’t enough to rely on, no extra chub for warmth or energy. He chewed nervously on his bottom lip and looked around the forest. Now what?
There was only so much he could do. He could ask Garmir for help, join the draw and pledge his loyalty, but the idea made him feel sick. He wasn’t ready to make that commitment. He barely could digest his loyalty to Garmir. Joining a pack, dealing with the responsibility of subordination felt like defeat. What was there left to do? He could return back to his aunt, stay with her for the winter. That made him feel sick and sad. He tore his gaze away from the skyline, his eyes glossy with tears. Why couldn’t things be easy? What was wrong with him? It shouldn’t have been this hard, joining a pack. It was natural. It was in a wolf’s DNA to want to be around others, but something about it felt off to the boy. It felt like betrayal and failure. He didn’t want to make that step.
That left two other options: recruit a pack or struggle alone. Both left a very sore, unsatisfying taste in his mouth. He wasn’t ready to lead. He could barely keep himself alive, let alone others. He wasn’t his brother. He wasn’t strong and domineering, he never knew what to say or do for the wellbeing of others. He knew how to keep himself alive, but every day that became harder. Angrily, he threw his muzzle up into the air and howled. It wasn’t a call or signal, it was just a solid emotion-filled cry. He didn’t expect it to be answered, but it felt refreshing to hear his voice ring out in the night sky.