Turtleback Lake winter's meditation

@Risaela

It was quiet here, the intermittent creaking of the ice over-top the pond the only sound to disrupt the soft hush of snowfall. In shades of white and grey, Mako blended into the terrain as little more than scenery himself. His breaths were slow and measured, a quiet mantra running through his head. Each turbulent through that bubbled up -- he sighed deeply, trying to ignore the destruction of the bend that haunted him -- was pushed back with a deep breath. A great aunt had taught him this... sometimes it worked, and sometimes it didn't. But it was worth a try, wasn't it?

His amber gaze faltered from the surface of the pond, brows furrowed. Was his great aunt doing okay? His mother? His sister? He took another deep breath, pushing the worry downwards. It was fine. They were fine. Snow, ice, himself sitting here were the only things that existed in this moment. 

As finely tuned as his senses were, a snap of a twig caught his immediate attention. The large wolf jolted, neck cricking a near one-eighty to stare with wide eyes over his shoulder.

Can had been gone for a while now, and Ris was worried. Where could he have gone that he wouldn’t bring her with him? Why would he leave the Fields in the first place? Did he just not like it there anymore? Not like her anymore? It honestly hurt to think about - terrified her that he might not come back.

So she looked. Had been looking for several days now. Her chest was heavy with worry and her paws were sore - she was unused to traveling so much anymore. But she was determined to find him, whatever it took.

She was so engrossed in her thoughts and worries that she hardly realized she was walking toward the lake. It was good for worrying, she thought. Good for reflecting. Maybe this was where Can had gone off to.

Disrupting a fallen twig in the snow, she hadn’t expected to startle the other wolf at the lake’s bank. It seemed that she wasn’t the only one drawn to the water.

But did it have to be him?

Mako came with many good memories, but her last encounter with him had hurt deeply, and she didn’t know if she could handle that right then. Dull silver eyes flickered up to his amber and she swallowed hard, caught.

”Hello,” she greeted on instinct, her SERVILE need to please stronger than her sense of self preservation.

Mako was so focused on the present moment, he hadn't imagined that the past would come walking up behind him. The moment his amber eyes met her silver orbs he faltered, any sense of balance and peace he had found instantly lost as he leapt to his paws. His heart instantly hammered itself up into his throat, and a sickening sense of- ... guilt? - roiled away in his gut. 

Mako didn't know when she left if he would ever see Risaela again. She hadn't died, gods no, but it had felt like it. And really, he had missed her in the months between. It was akin to seeing a ghost standing right in front of him. His voice caught in his throat, perhaps for the best-- he had no idea what words would have spilled from his mouth otherwise. 

Her voice was soft, quiet, a perfunctory greeting that did not say she was exactly pleased to see him in that moment. He winced, fighting to keep his ears from folding against his own skull in embarrassment. Why, exactly, he was embarrassed, he wasn't sure.

"Riss." Mako finally managed to choke out. "What... How... How are you?" He asked dumbly. 

She certainly wasn’t displeased to see him, no, but she was... disappointed, in a way. He wasn’t who she was looking for, and that hurt. Did she still care for Mako? Of course. The two of them had bonded strongly in the months that they had spent together, and she had missed him terribly as well. But his eyes were not blue and his coat was not black, and she was not looking for a replacement.

But he didn’t seem upset with her as he had been all those months previous, and she relaxed slightly at that.

It was too bad her mouth worked quicker than her brain could function. Especially on no sleep, and when she was already on an emotional rollercoaster. Completely bypassing his question, she decided to apologize.

She’d kick herself for it later.

”I’m sorry,” she blurted out, her ears pressing to her skull. The guilt she’d felt for so long rose to the surface all of sudden and consumed her, being the only thing she could think to say. ”When... when I left, I was going to ask y-you to come with me.” But he had turned away, rejected her before she had a chance to speak. ”I’m so-sorry, Mako... I didn’t want to hurt y-you.”

Mako had expected awkward pleasantries, dancing around the problem, beating around the bush or whatever other analogy he could think of that would allow them to ignore the rift that had torn between their close friendship. He hadn't seen her in months, and did want to know how she was faring. But as always, Risaela surprised him. Quickly she launched into apologies, explanations, placing Mako right back to that fateful winters day.

"Hey hey hey, no, hey Ris..." Mako blabbered, his paws quickly closing the distance between them before he could think better of it. 

"No... No, it's... I'm the one that should be sorry." He managed to say, shaking his head as he came closer towards her, carefully as if nearing a spooked fawn. 

"I didn't even say goodbye." He said. He hadn't even seen her off, and the regret had lingered in the months between then and now.

Risaela was never one to beat around the bush. She was more the type to go through the bush. Become the bush, if you will. It was the only thing that really made sense to her. Because why on earth would anyone just let things sit there? It didn’t help anything ever.

”It... wasn’t your fault. I’ve always... always been real bad w-with words,” she murmured, ears pressed back as he approached. She wasn’t afraid of him by any means, but she still felt such a strong sense of guilt that had stuck with her all this time.

It seemed they were alike in that way.

But if that were the case, then there was no use apologizing further - was there?

”It’s... it’s okay. ‘M not mad,” she assured, offering him a hesitant smile. ”I don’t th-think either of us wanted to hurt each other.”

And now seemed as good a time as any to move on.

Silver eyes scanned him over and she wagged her tail once. ”You look good. You still sm-smell like the Surge.”