Lost Lake Your Memories Keep Calling

Nash couldn’t believe his luck. That he would arrive just in time to meet up with not only one but but three former members of his pack. And, even better, his eldest sibling had returned! Nash was still young when @Chan left to find his way in the world and while he’d never faulted his brother for striking out, he was certainly glad to be with him again. At least he knew he wasn’t the only one.

”I did it dad,” Nash said softly, sitting down beside the snow-covered rocks that marked the final resting place of his father. ”I didn’t give up, and I found them. Well, some of them. I still don’t know where mom is, but Chan came home. He looks like you, except his eyes.”

Nash was quiet for a minute, enjoying the quiet of home. Soon it would be spring; the perfect time to be in the mountains. Since there hadn’t been wolves here in a while, the territory would be fresh with food. It might be enough to draw the others back, if…

But that line of thought was hardly even worth it. Nash was sure they were fine.

Besides, he had Chan back at the very least. He could be happy with that.

Chan had done one last patrol around the lake, a final check for clues and threats alike. It seemed they would be safe to shelter here, at least for the time being. He wasn't yet sure how long he wanted to be here, however. For now, it was Nash alone that was his priority. His younger brother was grown now, but in many ways he was still just a kid. There was no way the older Eastfall would allow him to fend for himself any longer.

Satisfied, he returned to the den site to see Nash addressing the pile of stone that had possessed his attention when they first were reunited. It hadn't been there before, but the earth always changed. Chan didn't think much of it.

"Hey bud, watcha up to?"

Nash hadn’t heard his brother approach, but when Chan spoke he managed to refrain from jumping. He looked up at him and was once again struck by the similarity between him and their father.

”Oh, hey. I’m just talking to Dad.” he glanced back towards the pile. The first time Nash stopped by, he’d sat mostly silent and then, because he didn’t know what else to do, he simply howled and moved on. The pain was too near, then. The next time, he’d said a few words. It helped him feel better, like Tagg was still there somehow. After that it became easier to talk, give his dad updates on his travels.

”I always stop by and visit when I’m here. I know it might be silly, but… it helps, y’know?”

Chan blinked. Talking to who? His eyes went back to the stones, barely visible from the snow and ice that Winter had laid down. His mind whirred with activity, trying to answer his own questions in a way that did not confirm his worst fear upon hearing Nash speak as he was. Realizing he didn't know how long the younger Eastfall child had been on his own, Chan couldn't help but wonder if he'd built a small shrine in the pack's memory as a way to cope.

"I don't think it's silly," he said, confusing yes but not silly. The man was stalling for a moment before finally asking probably the scariest question of his life thus far.

"What um, what do you mean you're talking to Dad?" Brows knit together, it was clear that Chan was very much lost.

(This post was last modified: Jan 11, 2021, 10:54 PM by Chan.)

Nash grew a little nervous when his brother was quiet for a minute; did Chan think he was crazy? Was he going to leave him? He’d been alone for so long. Sometimes it was hard for Nash to remember pack life at all. But then Chan alleviated his worries by assuring the younger Eastfall it wasn’t silly. There was a pause, and then:

”What do you mean you’re talking to Dad?”

Nash’s stomach dropped and his ears drooped. Chan didn’t know?

But how could he have? He was gone, and unless he’d run into mom… Nash wasn’t even sure Staryn knew.

”He’s buried here,” Nash said. ”There was a rockfall, and he got caught in it, and it was easier to just… pile on more rocks than dig him out and move him.” His tail swiped across the ground, creating a small pile of snow where it stopped. ”That was before everyone left. I got to say goodbye before he died at least. He… he said to tell you he’s proud of you, and he loves you.”

Nash's visible reaction did not inspire hope. When the words came, Chan felt the world drop out from underneath his paws. Stunned eyes locked onto the frozen mound, trying to grasp the concept that his father lay within it, dead and rotted. It sounded like the wind picked up, building up in his ears until he could barely hear the rest of what his brother was saying.

Rockfall, easier, proud of you.

He wished for the first time ever that it was Roland he was talking to, so that he would know it was just a cruel joke, a lie. But it was his baby brother, who wasn't known to have a mean bone in his body. This was real. Chan swallowed, throat thick and tongue heavy. He wanted to cry, but the tears refused to fall, apparently content with stinging and blinding his eyes.

"... I had no idea."

How could he? But he didn't recall a sleepless night, a sudden chill, a moment of inexplicable sadness that would have hinted that something happened to someone he loved, like so many wolves had told him happens when a soul departs. This was like getting hit by a train while swimming in the ocean.

"I... what about mom?"

Chan's response was immediate and heartbreaking. Nash could only imagine how he's feel if he was in his brother's position; father dead and none the wiser for almost two years.

Two years. How had the time gone so fast? Nash had barely been a year old when Tagg died, and everyone vanished not long after.

Tears welled in Chan's eyes and Nash couldn't bear to see his brother hurt, even if it was inevitable. He stood and nuzzled his older brother, head pushing into his shoulder to comfort him.

"I... I don't know where mom is. With dad gone, I was trying to help, to protect us. I went out scouting... I was only gone for a few days. Maybe a week. When I came back everyone was gone." he swallowed and leaned harder into his brother. "I've been looking ever since, but I come back here every month or two, just in case they come home."

He looked up and smiled at Chan. "And you did."

Chan welcomed his brother's comfort, leaning into the full grown man that was just yesterday, it felt, a child. He had missed so much, just as he knew he would, but the wandering Eastfall always thought t here'd be a chance to make it up. Now he was realizing the full extent of the sacrifice made to soothe his itching paws. Chan reclined, still staring at the impromptu grave. The shock was slowly ebbing, a cold acceptance taking over his mismatched eyes.

Nash had gone through so much, more than Chan would've ever imagined. It wasn't fair and every bit of information only brought on more questions. His poor mother must have been so overpowered by grief, losing her spouse so violently and suddenly, but that didn't explain her abandoning her own child. That wasn't the mom Chan knew, not even close. What about Staryn, what of Kajika's litter? Their godfather had been equally determined to stand with the youth of Fallen Tree Cove and protect them. The tears finally started to flow, and Chan sniffed.

It was sounding less and less like his family had simply moved somewhere else, and he found himself grieving not just for Tagg.

"I'm so sorry Nash. I'm sorry I wasn't back sooner, I'm so sorry you've been alone."

He met his siblings gaze and assured him, "I'm not gonna leave you again, okay?"

Nash could feel the sorrow radiating from his brother, but was gratified when Chan leaned against him, accepting his support, his comfort. He could see Chan connecting the dots, aligning the odds and coming to the same unpleasant conclusions Nash himself had come to months ago.

But Nash had chosen to hope and return home month after month for a year, choosing his birthplace to rest after traveling in search of his mother and the rest of their family. He probably could have looked further and wider for them if he didn’t stay within a couple weeks’ travel of the Cove, but he couldn’t bring himself to abandon it.

It was a good thing he hadn’t.

Chan’s response was a surprise; it was an apology. Nash opened his mouth to insist he had nothing to apologize for, but Chan continued.

Alone.

Nash had been alone. He’d had very few interactions with others and little interest in seeking out new packs. He’d been lonely, of course. He missed his mother and father and brother and especially his sister. He wondered if Staryn was still alive.

Chan captured his gaze, and Nash found himself staring into the eyes of both his parents. ”I’m not gonna leave you again, okay?”

Nash’s ears pricked and his tail thumped a couple times on the ground. I’m not going to be alone anymore!

He began to reply but found his words strangled and instead buried his face in Chan’s shoulder with a soft whine.

The tears continued to flow, and would for some time. There would be a lot of grief to work through, but at least he wouldn't be going through it alone. Chan leaned his cheek against his brother's skull, and settled in.

Around them, snow began to fall, lazy and gray. He gave his memories free reign over his mind, conjuring a myriad of scenes; from his first-ever steps outside of his natal den to Staryn chasing after him along the lake shore on stubby legs, of his father's stories and his mother's lessons, all of his favorite moments and each of his worst. One song in particular, from the many that Moonshadow would lovingly sing to her children, bled through and Chan began to hum it's melody.

They would be alright, because they had each other, and they had time. To process, to grieve, and to rebuild; his brother would have a home again, he swore it.