Heartleaf Creek you're not my children

For @Sharlee only, March 25th, later morning, prior to the pack meeting. Light snow, 17F/-8C

He was going to address everyone else later today, but there was someone he had to speak with first. He had already talked to Vayko and the women themselves, and later would address all the members, but he had to speak with Sharlee first. There were a lot of reasons that this had taken him so long, first because he was not sure that both women’s litters would ‘take’ so to speak. Second had been out of respect for the women themselves and Vayko who was going to be his partner. And third, and perhaps the most prevalent reason, was embarrassment. After all, he had told Sharlee he had been afraid to be a dad and now he was going to be a dad to two litters? Seemed a little hypocritical no?

Waking up that morning Viorel had headed straight out of the territory to pace along the creek. It was not like him to brood, that was much more his brother’s style, but this current situation was also not like him. Well, maybe it was. He had always been confident in his decisions, and never lingered long on them to think beforehand, but now he was paying the price. After an hour or so of turbulence in his own thoughts he knew he just had to bite down his pride.

He didn’t want to do this within the borders where they might be overheard, so he lifted his head and for the first time that day he howled for a summoning. But this was for Sharlee alone, and later he would call for everyone.

Sharlee was up early that morning starting a border patrol. It was the best way she could keep from thinking too hard on how upset she was with Viorel. Sure she could have went to him called him out on what he'd done but that wasn't really her job. Besides it was him that should be coming to talk to her after what he'd done and said. She didn't give a damn who he had pups with it was just the fact that he had said one thing and turned around and done something else. At the same time she also felt that she should have at least known. Shouldn't leaders and advisors have close relationships so that he could come to her and she could advise. Didn't he trust her? And Clover, poor Clover.

Tan paws carried her through the territory as she check the markings and signs of any breeches. They had to keep their home safe especially now that there would be two litters. They couldn't let any harm come to the pups. They were the future of the pack at least she hoped. Sharlee wondered if they would carry the same pride at being a Valle as she knew the rest of her family did. She wondered if they would stay with the pack or venture off on their own. Even more she wondered how many would there be. She didn't really like waiting much but there wasn't anything to do to speed things up. 

Her thoughts about the pups was interruptes by a call specifically for her. It was Viorel, she wasn't ready to face him but she supposed she didn't have much of a choice in the matter. He was her leader and if she'd been taught anything it was to obey her leader. She changed her direction and with her tan paws to take her in the direction that he'd called from. Away from the pack of course, she huffed as she approached him. "You wanted something?" She asked stiffly as she came to sit back on her haunches in front of him. 

Warning for swearing!

Viorel didn’t have to wait long at all, and as soon as his eyes landed on the tawny form of his cousin he wished. Well. He didn’t know what he wished. Half of him wished it had taken longer for her to get there so he would have had more time to prepare, but half of him knew this conversation had come sooner. Shifting uncomfortably on his paws the leader dropped his eyes away, unable to meet Sharlee’s gaze and the accusations that were there.

He didn’t know what to say, he wasn’t used to this kind of reception from family, short of the council reprimanding him for his wrong-doings. Closing his eyes hard for a moment all he could think to say was, ”Sharlee, I’m sorry.” What else was there to really say about it? He had explained himself to the women and to Vayko and that had not made him feel any better. He knew that this was his fuck up.

Finally he looked up, ”I know this wasn’t the plan, and I know I should have talked to you sooner after it happened but, I didn’t know what to say.” He got to his paws now, pacing back and forth by the creek, ”This wasn’t my plan either, I hope you know that. I didn’t plan to lie to you, or to anyone else. And there’s no one to blame except myself.” Black paws paced, back and forth, back and forth.

(This post was last modified: Mar 25, 2021, 11:30 PM by Viorel.)

There had been plenty of time to think about everything once she'd realized what had happened. Sure she was hurt quite alot but she'd also thought of Clover. She and the other woman weren't close but that didn't stop her from feeling bad for her. She couldn't even imagine what the healer must be feeling and Viorel who she thought was considerate and caring had hurt her like that. 

She'd also thought about the pack and how that would look. It was a whole big mess and it caused her to worry. They were just starting out and Sharlee didn't want it to end before they even had a chance. She sat back watching her leader and cousin as he paced. His apology was only a small step in the right direction. "I appreciate your apology but I'm sorry too Viorel because I can't forgive you...not yet." They needed to talk and cone to some kind of understanding.

So she sat and she listened as he began to explain himself to her. She wanted to roll her eyes, of course she knew what happened wasn't the plan. She sighed before speaking. She wanted to yell at him but it really seemed pointless. He knew he'd messed up and now they had to fix it. "Of course I know you didn't plan to end up with two litters Viorel. As far as lying to me about how you felt about becoming a father. I understand that's how you felt at the time that we spoke and maybe you do still feel that way. I'm not really sure having two litters is the way to find out." What was done was done amd now they had to move forward. "But Vi you need to know why I'm upset with you." 

His paws finally stopped when she spoke, even if the words were not what he wanted to hear. They stung, that she wasn’t going to forgive him, at least not yet. How was he going to have an advisor who did not even believe in him? Had he already destroyed the pack before they had even been around for a full moon? Vayko’s words rang in his ears, all of the issues that he had really started, what they needed to prepare for.

The sigh hurt almost as much as the denied forgiveness. There was so much silent disappointment screaming loud and clear in that one breath of air. It made the man feel small, like a child who was about to be reprimanded. His stomach sunk at the thought, come this spring he was going to be doing the reprimanding, he had effectively ended his own adolescence. He felt ill when he spoke, ”I...I do feel still that way, except now instead of worrying that I’m going to screw them up I know I already have.” But, there was not time to wallow in his self pity.

Yellow eyes lifted from the ground, meeting Sharlee’s, a silent signal that he was listening intently to whatever it was she was going to say. He had thought she had been upset that he had gone against the plan, there was something else?

Vultures are circling something out of sight. Hunt Oppurtunity! +5 Health

Sharlee remembered when she first realized things hadn't gone to plan. Since then she'd done nothing (it felt like) but think about thus situation. She was angry at Viorel for many things that he'd done wrong. At the end of the day she was named his advisor and she couldn't just turn that part off. Still there were some understandings they needed to sort out before she could go on as his advisor. She hoped he could understand. 

The young Valle woman could only shake her head at him. "Don't do that Viorel," she stated firmly when he spoke of already messing the pups up. She wasn't going to let him mess the pups up whether or not he still wanted her as his advisor. She needed to share with him how she felt, it was the only way they could move forward. 

When he indicated that he was listening she finally spoke. "It made me really happy when you asked me to be your advisor, you know? It actually kind of hurt that my own brother didn't ask me." She hadn't told anyone that but she thought it was important to share now. "So I'd first like to thank you for thinking enough of me to ask. I just wish you would have thought enough of me to come to me with this situation." Sharlee got up and started her own pacing then, "I am angry at you for Clover, I can only imagine what she must be feeling," she stopped pacing long enough to give him a pointed look before continuing. "Look, your a young leader and your going to make mistakes ones that could cause problems in the pack. It's not my place to judge you it's my place to advise you. I'm upset that you didn't have enough faith in me to know that. I can't advise you Viorel if you can't trust me enough to come to me as soon as something arises." By the time she'd finished speaking she had stopped pacing and had come to stand in front of him. 

Viorel’s ears fell flat against his skull when Sharlee told him to stop, he didn’t continue with his pity party verbally, but it didn’t calm him. His biggest fear when Vayko had told him that they would need pups this season was that he had had no role model, that he would be a bad father, and he certainly wasn’t off to a good start. The memory of Vanadis saying that she would take the pups and leave if the pack couldn’t support them was fresh on his mind. Already his children were at risk of growing up without a father.

Her words were surprising enough. The wallowing expression left his face for a moment, and eyebrows rose over his eyes, ”He didn’t tell you? You were his first thought when we talked of advisors, and I had planned on asking my brother. Things just changed when Aunt Modesto came back.” Plus, Andrey had been less than thrilled to be staying here, certainly not the kind of advisor that he wanted to help him along the way. Smiling a little, he attempted to lighten the mood just a smidge, ”Frankly, I’m thrilled that I get to have you as my advisor,” then, realized that was a little presumptuous given their situation, ”if you still want the job that is.”

Her next words caused him to look away again, smile wiped completely from his maw, instead nothing but regret present. Nodding to her words he was quiet for a moment, allowing her to say everything that she had to say. Finally, he swallowed hard, ”I’m sorry I didn’t come to you sooner, and I mean that, I was just ashamed of what you would think. What everyone is going to think. I’m well aware that this has the potential to crush what we’re just beginning to build and I’m afraid.” Shifting on his paws, his signature sign of discomfort, he closed his eyes again. This time when he spoke his voice was raw, ”And I know that I’ve hurt Clover, and Vanadis. More than anything else, that is what I deeply regret. Neither of them deserve to be put in this situation, Clover because she’s so kind-hearted and wants what's best for the pack, and Vanadis because we’re in a relationship. Those aren’t crimes and yet they’re paying for my actions.” How was he supposed to remedy all of this? How could he live with the fact that he probably couldn’t?

Sharlee wasn't going to let him continue to think he'd already messed up his pups. She believed if he thought that way then he would and there wouldn't be anything that could be done to change it. She thought it best to take it as it came and do the best they could. Despite what had happened with Clover and Vanadis she still believed he woukd be a good father. They would have to speak more about it later, of course that depended in if he still wanted her as his advisor. 

Sharlee realized she couldn't ask her cousin for trust if she wasn't going to give hers in return. That was why she shared with him what she did and just as much as she surprised him he surprised her. "No, he didn't say a word so I just thought...well its pretty obvious what I thought." She tried not to be petty and think about the fact that Vayko had still chosen their aunt over her. She did however smile wide when he said he was thrilled to have her as his advisor. Her smile did wane slightly at what he said after that. "Of course I still want to be your advisor. I think once we work everything out you and I will make a great team." She really thought that. "I hope that the pack can understand the situation but I don't think all is lost." She did worry but she felt if he were honest with everyone it would be okay.

She had her chance to explain to him how she felt which was important but also nice to get it off her chest. He listened and apologized and she hoped that things would be different in the future. "I understand that you felt ashamed. Even talking with you now I can see that it all upsets you. I don't ever want you to think you have to be ashamed with me. I'm here for you to come and talk to and work through the hard stuff like this. Don't get me wrong I'll still let you know when your being an ass," she said the last part with humor in her tone. She wanted him to understand that no matter what happened she wouldn't judge. That he could always come to her and they would work out the problems and find solutions. He spoke of the two women and if how he'd hurt them. Sharlee sat back on her haunches once more to listen. She sighed and offered him a sad smile, "You're right none of what you've done is a crime. Still two wolves of your pack have been hurt by what's happened. I think the important thing now is that you do your best to make it up to them. It's going to be hard for them as they go through their pregnancies. Be there for them as much as you can Viorel. I believe you have a kind heart and being there for them will be a good start to hopefully repairing whatever damage has been caused and it will also be a good first step in being a good father." When she finished speaking she stepped forward and nuzzled his checking hoping it would give him some encouragement. 

Fade on your post?

The smile that adorned his muzzle when Sharlee said she still wanted to be his advisor was short lived. Her words reminded him that he didn’t have much time to inform anyone else, ”I’m going to call a meeting later today. I don’t know what everyone is going to think or say, but it needs to be out in the open, the pack needs to know.” It was weird because half the pack knew now, him, Clover, Vanadis, Vayko, and Sharlee had all been told outright. It didn;t matter, he wasn’t just going to let this be some weird non-secret like his grandmother’s illness had been at the Estuary.

She had given him a lot to think about, and frankly the exchange had left him emotionally exhausted. All he could do was nod along with what she had said because he found nothing amongst the words that he disagreed with. Finally he sighed, ”I’ll seek out Vanadis and Clover separately after the meeting and talk to them, find out what I can do to make them the most comfortable.” He thought that was all he could do for now, whatever they needed he would do, but without talking to them he didn’t know what that was.

Getting to his paws he moved forward and nudged his cousin gently on the shoulder with his own. Sighing, he closed his eyes, ”I’ve got some things to think about for a little while before I call the pack together this afternoon.” Then, looking over his shoulder so he could meet her eyes, ”thank you Sharlee, for talking through this with me.” Then he slipped away amongst the empress trees. He had some private thinking to do.