Iridescent Lagoon feels like home

It was time to have the hard talk.

Sita was certain what had transpired between her and Azra had taken. Perhaps because she'd already been through this once before, the sensations felt the same. Sita compartmentalized that happiness because there were other factors to consider. Azra's involvement, past and future. Finding her elder children. And if they were here, perhaps Vasco was as well. Each things sat in its own little box. And right now Azra's box was before her.

Admittedly, Vasco would cast a shadow over this conversation. They shared a torrid past and if he was here, he was a wrench. But Sita wouldn't make up assumptions about her feelings or his or anyones.

Azra.

In the light sheet of snow, Sita wandered the edge of the Lagoon. For the last few days, she'd been here because it was beautiful, and while it was not the largest body of water she'd ever seen, it was the closest to home she'd been in a long time. She felt like she belonged here...

The woman howled lowly, not desiring to summon every wolf in the area, but she hoped Azra was nearby to hear her.

This body of water was thawing. He couldn't help but think of another lake, smaller, that seemed so far away in time and distance now. It was on the other side of the mountain and he and Marian had laughed and wiggled around on the ice like fools. He had promised to teach her how to swim.

There would never be time. Marian had told him that she wasn't going anywhere soon, yet it had been very soon. Weeks. A month, maybe. Azra didn't know what time was anymore. She hated his guts now, and while he didn't think it was fair he felt more sad than mad. Marian had been his best friend, and now there was just an ache where she used to be.

A Sita where she used to be.

Taking his eyes from the stillness of the lagoon surface, he slowly made his way back to the woman he was still journeying with. They had yet to find her children—but apparently they had been making a replacement behind the scenes. "Hi," he said, glancing at her briefly before turning to look again at the water. He sounded sleepy. "What's up?

"Sorry if I woke you."

She hummed as he approached and turned to face him.

Had she considered that maybe she was the wrench? Or they both were. Just two hunks of metal missing their bolts. Sita sat by the edge of the lagoon, letting her tail flip over her toes. She wanted to be sure what she asked next was right, and though the construction of it felt like it took an eternity, there was maybe only the briefest pause.

"Do you want to be a dad, Azra?"

It was asked sincerely, her blue eyes turned on him. It wasn't a trick question. Not some sort of set up to a joke. She wanted to know.

(This post was last modified: Apr 02, 2021, 04:49 PM by Sita.)

currently travelling with walleye

"Mmpf," he said, shrugging but unable to find the words for "No, I wasn't sleeping. My eyes are just tired, my legs are tired, and my heart is tired." In the last few days it seemed like a lot of things had caught up to him, that he hadn't realized he'd been running from. He was here in Relic Lore: his family land. He'd passed through the mountains as his family once had, in the belly of darkness just chattering away with the ladies so he didn't have to think about how his father never made it to the other side. Azra had visited the broken remains of Oak Tree Bend, wandered Spectral woods with Marian at his side looking for constant stimulation and distraction from all the memories waiting at the periphery. Now there was nothing to keep them away.

He glanced back at Sita. She seemed... quite alive. She had a quietness about her that was very solid, comforting, and he wanted to fall into it but felt so guilty after everything. Sita, in Azra's eyes, seemed to have that kind of happiness that came from being determined, from having a purpose in life. She was tethered to somewhere, to her kids.

Azra was just floating. He'd been floating but he hadn't realized it til now.

Suddenly, though, he shook his head trying to free all the thoughts from his head. Had he heard her? "I'm sorry... what?" But as he spoke Azra realized he had heard and understood the question Sita asked him. "I.... " He looked around, wondering for a moment if Marian was lingering around to listen, or Walleye. In a softer voice, he asked, "Why, are you pregnant?"

Don't engage with the question, Azra.

The pause that stretched between them for a moment pricked some guilt within her. He seemed distant. Not emotionally, she supposed, since it wasn't as if they'd shared deep secrets between them, but mentally. Like something was distracting him. Maybe weighing on him. Worth asking, if he ever answered her. Her weight adjusted on her haunches. Just admiring him for a moment. She desired to treat him kinder. And not just because they would share a child now. But because she'd ruined what life he'd had. And she owed him that. Friendship. Perhaps a home. She liked it here by the water.

"The feeling is familiar. So, yes. I have reason to believe that I am." She wished he'd just answered the question. But they would get nowhere spinning around their own questions.

(This post was last modified: Apr 11, 2021, 08:12 PM by Sita.)

currently travelling with walleye

Sita didn't look any different to Azra. Maybe her scent was a little different, but it was hard to keep up with or taking any meaning from it. That she could just know that she was pregnant... so soon—or had it been weeks?—was baffling. Azra's body was unchanging, there wasn't anything to listen to.

"I.... I never really got to know my dad." he said finally. The statement was not really in answer to her question, but he couldn't think of anything to say. He had never really considered being a father or wanting to be a father. Ultimately, this was selfish of him: he had made his choice already when he and Sita locked eyes and swished their tails about. "But... But I could... try."

He felt woefully unprepared. A thousand thought raced through his head: they weren't mates, did she need water?, was she uncomfortable, do puppies like butterflies, where would they have the baby, were they ever going to find Sita's kids? It seemed impossible to ask them all at once. Worried, he just stared at her, hoping that she could guide them towards some answers or something more solid than all this. "How...how long do you think it'll be? Do you know how uhm. Are there a lot of puppies inside you?"

"Sorry, I ... this all just makes me feel..." Stupid? Nervous? Giddy? "A lot."

Seemed like an odd thing to open with. Was it a warning? That he'd never truly been fathered and his memories to pull from were scarce to none. A shame, truly. Her own father had been good to her. She missed him. She missed all of them still, even as she was trying to grow beyond the confines of her family's name. There was a yearning to feel the connections of family. It was just the doing of it. Urging Azra and Walleye towards something greater than being a loosely-defined trio of lone wolves.

She smiled at him and his attempts, hesitant as they were. If he'd chosen to run at the news, she would not have blamed him. Certainly it would be difficult raising a child by herself, even with Walleye's assistance. But Sita considered herself a very doting mother. Even if the current situation may have indicated otherwise.

"Quite a while." Was about all she could venture. Days tended to slide together. She hadn't counted the first time, nor for any of her siblings. They simply arrived when they arrived. "And I couldn't say. It's like a surprise that you wish wasn't."

Her tail swished about. "No need to apologize. I feel responsible for backing you into this corner. The fact that you're willing to stay at all is admirable. My mate, my childrens' father, died before they were born. Their upbringing was a labor of love within my family. Even if he was still alive it would have been the same. This does not make us mates, of course. But a family of sorts, all the same."

currently travelling with walleye