Lost Lake exonerate my blind eye

@Nash

But I put it out of my mind Long enough to call it courage To live without a lifeline

Settled. She supposed that she was trying to feel settled. Things had been going well, and her stores were quickly being built up, which was a good thing. The stars only knew how much she had been trying to settle the way her stomach frequently tossed and turned. She had to keep reminding herself that she was doing something beautiful, terrifying, but beautiful. She was going to be bringing life the world. She had seen how her mother had adored the process, even if she complained about it at times. There was a reason she’d had so many litters after all… just thinking of her mother brought a pang of sadness to her heart.

Still, everything would be okay. She would do better. A fate such as that would not befall the Cove if she could help it. She was following the tracks of a couple of rabbits who made their mistake of letting their scent cross her trail. She was hungry but that wasn’t new. She was always hungry, and she knew that she could probably justify it given that she was pregnant, but it felt cheap. She wasn’t the only pregnant one in the pack and she’d hunt for herself and help fill the caches in equal proportion. She was a healer, after all, and she knew about how much she should be eating to stay healthy. Her nose twitched, eyes focused as she broke off into a run, chasing the rabbit down. It was slow, with a limp suggesting it was injured which just suited her fancy. She quickly took it down, a bite to the neck securing her meal as she settled down in the warm sun to enjoy her feast. Spring was upon them and she was relieved. She hated the cold.

This is taking place sometime after Nash has a deep heart to heart with Chan so I might be a little vague with his thoughts in a few points

Nash was numb.

Actually, he was angry, and hurt, and betrayed, and felt like a puppy losing everything again. But all the emotions churned and tumbled and burned and froze and sloshed up inside him in torrents and it was so exhausting, so it was easier to say he was numb.

He didn't know what to do.

Usually he would spend his day roaming the territory, looking out for changes or hunting opportunities and filling their caches while it was still cold enough to preserve their food a little longer. Today, however, he just... walked. He paced the lakeshore and found himself in the water more than once without remembering splashing into the lapping waves. He finally steered himself away from the water's edge, hoping to keep from freezing himself by heading up the slope while he dried. He wanted to be alone, but his aimless wandering brought him upon their new member, Aquene, even as she was settling down in a patch of sunlight to dig into a warm rabbit. Nash pulled up short before he ran into her. "Oh, um, sorry," he mumbled, ears twitching uncomfortably. "I didn't mean to interrupt your meal."

But I put it out of my mind Long enough to call it courage To live without a lifeline

She hadn’t been paying much attention to her surroundings, not noticing Nash until he was on top of her, almost quite literally. He was apologizing, a mumble and an uncomfortable twitch that sent a concerned frown onto her features. “No, it’s okay, I was just enjoying a snack… getting ready to make a voyage down the mountain to get some herbs that won’t grow at this altitude.” She explained quietly, shifting over slightly as she made a motion with her head, inviting the mysterious man to sit down. She had promised herself that she would try to get to know her packmates, and that certainly included the man who had stumbled across her.

“Is everything okay? You seem troubled.” She observed, though she didn’t know if she really had a right to comment. She didn’t know him, and for all she knew, he could just appear that way as usual… still, there was that gnawing feeling in the pit of her stomach. Of course that could just be her child using her body as a punching bag when he or she felt like it. “A rabbit for your thoughts?” She offered him the half of the rabbit that she had yet to devour. It wasn’t much, but it was certainly something.

A young fawn has gotten separated from its herd. Hunt Opportunity, +8 Health

Nash was already starting to turn away, not caring for company, when Aquene made space for him and invited him to sit. He hesitated, then sank down with a sigh. He'd been avoiding socializing since he'd spoken with his brother the day the pack claimed their official territory. What sort of packmate was he, to stay aloof? Especially when there were members he hadn't really met yet, those he hadn't gotten to know.

He was more than a little embarassed.

Aquene offered him some of her rabbit and he smiled weakly. "You go ahead and eat it, I'm not hungry." He nudged it back towards her. His stomach betrayed him by rumbling quietly, and he ignored it, hoping she hadn't heard it too.

He sighed again, thinking about how he might answer her. He didn't really want to talk about it, but maybe it would be good for him. He was so used to shoving down any unpleasantness, but he usually had something good to replace it with. It was going to take some time for him to find that.

"My brother is leaving," he finally said.

But I put it out of my mind Long enough to call it courage To live without a lifeline

He just seemed… troubled. Aquene was a healer in more ways than one. She was a healer by trade but also one by personality, and so when she got the feeling that someone was distressed, she simply wanted to help, and she hoped others would do the same for her in a time of need. He smiled weakly and told her to have it so she shrugged, continuing to eat the rest of the rabbit. She hadn’t heard his stomach rumble of betray him. She wasn’t sure she believed him, but he wasn’t a patient as he wasn’t sick or injured so she didn’t have the right to make him eat.

She listened as he revealed what was happening, a soft frown on her maw. She considered her words carefully. “Sometimes, when you love someone, like a brother loves a brother… you have to let them go.” She mused, pulling from the personal though very different experience of losing her mother. “You were born with him, and you lived your life with him… but sometimes paths diverge… it doesn’t mean they diverge forever, but it does mean he has to find his own way.” She couldn’t offer him assurances that it would be okay; she didn’t know him well enough, he just figured perhaps some advice might help him.

He hadn't expected her to try and make him feel better, he really didn't, but he found he wasn't surprised, either. Her words weren't what he wanted to hear, but he supposed that was how he could tell they came from a place of truth. But as she continued, he shook his head.

"I wasn't born with him; he's a year older than me. My litter was just me and my sister. We were born here, as a part of the Cove, like Aleister, but Chan always... he liked to travel. Then the entire pack vanished while I was scouting and I spent the last two years looking for them, and then when they came home Chan promised he wouldn't leave me again and now he's..."

Nash took a deep breath. He probably sounded so petulant, like a puppy that wasn't getting what he wanted. "I'm sorry," he said with an apologetic smile, trying to squash his grief. "I've dealt with loss since I was a puppy. I should be able to handle it better."

(This post was last modified: Apr 12, 2021, 05:50 PM by Aquene. Edit Reason: fixing coding )

But I put it out of my mind Long enough to call it courage To live without a lifeline

His head shake and explanation just went to show how little she knew about her packmates. She should have figured, because she had met Chan previously, right after the claiming, and he did appear older than Nash. “I’m sorry… I’m still trying to learn about everyone… I think because you were brothers I just assumed you were agemates.” Admittedly she had not been terribly close with her older siblings, so it was odd for her to think of someone being close with theirs. There was a promise, and Aquene offered a sympathetic smile. He apologized and she just shook her head.

She knew a thing or two about loss. “Loss never gets easier in my experience… if anything, I think it gets a little harder.” She offered in turn. “Especially when it’s someone you’re close to…” She missed her mother. She always missed her mother, but especially in moments like this. “How have you been holding up? I know it’s tough, but have you been sleeping okay, and eating well?” It was important, and Aquene as a healer had her own concerns. She could give him something to help him sleep if he was showing any particular symptoms though appetite was a little trickier as she didn’t think the herbs for that grew on or near the mountain.

Nash didn't know why he was spilling everything to this woman he'd just met, but she was a member of Sanguine Cove, so she had to be good, right? Trustworthy? She certainly seemed that way, since she was trying so hard to be supportive to him. She was incredibly friendly, and Nash wished their first conversation hadn't been while he was depressed.

Depressed? He wasn't depressed. He didn't get depressed. He pushed those feelings aside and kept on being happy, optimistic. That was how he had to be to keep going.

"It's okay," he assured her. "It probably doesn't help that I'm almost as big as him now."

Her next words sent a chill down his spine. How could loss get harder? He though practice made perfect, and if he could handle the loss of his entire pack all at once, he would be able to handle anything, especially since he'd been so young.

His ears flicked in surprise when she began questioning him. "I've been okay, I guess. I'll deal with it. I haven't stopped eating or anything." She almost sounded like his mother, when he was a pup, and he found the thought comforting. Even though Moonshadow was back, there was something comforting about having someone worry about his health in this way.

But I put it out of my mind Long enough to call it courage To live without a lifeline

Aquene liked to think that she carried a more calming air about her, and that as a result wolves felt comfortable talking to her. She had always been a healer with a fixer-type personality. She liked to fix things, to fix other wolves… even when it wasn’t always possible. She offered a reassuring smile when he tried to assure her, and she noted that he said nothing about her comment. Loss, it stung each and every time, but in her opinion, when you started to get numb to it, it just got harder. That was when you started to question your beliefs or your motivations. It was when existential crisis happened… it was what had made her run away from home and now here she was, a teenager, and pregnant, and living in a pack with wolves she hardly knew.

She was a fixer. She liked to fix things. She nodded when he assured her that she hadn’t stopped eating. “If you do start to feel that, or a lack of motivation… I do have some herbs that can help, particularly if you ever start to have issues with your appetite or sleeping.” She wanted to help, that was all. She had a bit of a maternal gaze about her. She had been raised that to healers, the entire pack were their children… and she supposed she probably should hone those skills seeing as she was about to be a mother herself. “It’ll be okay… maybe not right now, but eventually… it will be okay.” She was trying to believe those words too.