Dead Empress Backwater silk road

For @Clover The day after the meeting. Late evening, Light snow, 21F/-6C

Despite everything that was going on, things with Vanadis were going stronger than ever. But, Viorel was not as stupid as his mess would make him seem. He knew he couldn’t live in bliss with his girlfriend when he had a pack to lead who was undoubtedly disappointed in him, and a friend that he had purposely knocked up. He could pretend everything was sunshine and daisies and rainbows, but that was just asking for further trouble.

He needed to find Clover and ask how she was feeling, what he could do to make her more comfortable, how he could help her through this. But, he didn’t want to just call out and have everyone know he was searching for her, he didn’t need any prying ears. Instead he waited until late evening, and skulked around the borders in the light snow, waiting for Clover to come back from wherever she was. He figured she was out rooting for herbs, or watching the herds, or something else productive. She had been an outstanding member of the pack since before there even was a pack.

Pacing along the borders silently, his paw prints melted into the ground before being covered in a light dusting of snowflakes he searched. He wasn’t going to sleep another night without speaking with the healer, he needed to do what he could.

She had thrown herself into foraging for a herb, a root, a flower, anything that would distract her from the thoughts floating around in her mind. While she had gotten over her initial reaction - anger, hurt, confusion - now she was left with uncertainty, worry, even a little bit of sadness. So much had happened so quickly, and she thought she had prepared well enough to deal with any bumps in the road, but the events that had happened were a little more than just a bump. It was more of a mountain, and she was struggling to climb over it.

Her fervent search was rewarded when she came upon a small patch of hellebore growing out from the bank of the creek, just barely big enough to grab a mouthful of the the herb while still leaving enough behind to continue growing as the season progressed. Clover grabbed what she needed, careful to carry it gently within her jaws, before quickly hurrying back to the pack border with the intention of securing it safely within a dry, sheltered spot. She had yet to dig out the medicinal den, the ground only just beginning to thaw out enough for her to begin, but for now she could stash it away nearby.

The light snow that had begun falling from the sky obscured her vision slightly, and the smell of the hellebore that she carried in her jaws strong enough that she did not notice @Viorel until she just about ran into him, managing to slide to a halt mere pawsteps away from him. She took a couple steps back, lowering her head and snuffling out a garbled apology around the herb in her mouth, half glad she was carrying it so that she did not have to instigate a conversation between them. Hopefully he was only planning on checking the borders and would be on his way without too much fuss, as she wanted more than anything to slip away and be with her thoughts for just a little longer. Maybe it was a little selfish, childish even, but she was unsure if she was ready to really talk things through yet.

He had had a whole speech planned out in his head of what he was going to say to Clover when he found her. He had always been good at that, at speeches and inspiring people into believing him. Naively he had thought that this was going to be another situation like that. He would know what to say and things would get smoothed over and maybe it would be hard but they would do it as a team.

That all went out the window as soon as he saw her, he couldn’t even bring himself to think of a cheerful greeting. The few pawsteps between them felt like it may have well been an entire canyon apart.

Viorel shifted on his paws, the tell tale sign that he was feeling uncomfortable with the situation. A situation almost entirely of his own creation. She let out a muffled greeting but could barely look him in the eyes, and a deep wave of shame washed over him. The speech that he had planned out so carefully in his head was gone now.

Instead he let out a strained, ”Clover. I am so sorry.” Really, that was what his speech was going to boil down to anyways wasn’t it? He was sorry, he knew that if he could go back and change things he would have thanked her for offering to make such a huge sacrifice for the pack but that he was exploring things with Vanadis. Or maybe he would go back and still be with Clover, and only be romantic with Vanadis later on. Or maybe he would have tried to make a romantic thing work with Clover, even though that didn’t seem to be in the cards for them.

There was a lot he would do differently, but that didn’t really matter did it? Just like the fact that he was sorry probably didn’t really matter much.

Viorel was initially silent, long enough that she raised her head to look at him as he finally let out a strained apology. She let out a soft sigh around the hellebore, knowing that he truly meant what he said and that it had not been his intention to cause such a mess. But that did not lessen the emotions she felt, and as much as she wanted to forgive him and move on, she was struggling with the notion. When it seemed he was not going to say anything else she dropped her head to gently place the herb on the ground, licking her lips to give her just a few more moments to try and figure out what the hell she was going to say.

"I know," Clover finally said, nose scrunching slightly in annoyance at herself for her response. I know? That was a bit of a stupid response. "I know you didn't mean for this to get so out of hand," she continued, "But a little heads up would've been nice rather than finding out on my own." He had had multiple days to tell her that he and Vanadis had also gotten together, but instead she had found out when the other woman's scent had changed. And that was the part that hurt the most, not the fact that he had done it in the first place, but that he had not told her until the secret was already out.

Viorel took it as a helpful sign that Clover put the herbs down, even if it was accompanied by a sigh. At the very least she hadn’t run from him, or completely given him the cold shoulder, or told him to get fucked. All of which he would have completely understood if that was her reaction, but he was dead set on starting to mend their friendship. At the very minimum they were going to be parents together and if they hated each other that was going to make it a hell of a lot harder.

I know.

Well, he had not been expecting that, and he didn’t know how to respond. He was ready to grovel, to plead, to try and prove his apology was sincere...but if she already knew, what else could he say? And it wasn’t like she was just saying it, he could tell that she meant it, she really did know that he was sorry. Salt and pepper ears flattened against his skull in confusion as her nose wrinkled, ready to be verbally - or maybe even physically if she were so inclined - assaulted.

She surprised him again. Her words mirrored what Sharlee had said, and in that moment he realized that perhaps his communication had not been as clear as he had thought. Dipping his head in acceptance of her criticism he said, ”I...I should have told you, privately, before you found out on your own, or with Vayko and Vanadis there.” He had thought that one foul swoop had been the best approach, and now his eyes were open that he had been completely wrong.

Glancing up towards the cream woman he added, ”I wanted to tell you, but, I was afraid. Afraid that you might leave, or hate me, and I didn’t know how to say it to truly express how I felt and what happened.” He knew it was still a risk that she would leave, that he would never meet his children, that she would hate him forever. But, he was trying his damndest to prevent that from happening.

It was hard to even look at him without feeling her stomach turn uncomfortably, almost like she had eaten something that did not agree with her. But she was an adult now, and adults were not supposed to shy away from things that made them feel uncomfortable, so she exhaled the breath she had been holding and lifted her head to meet his gaze. She could see the emotions plainly on his face, and that made everything just a little easier to bear, knowing that he too was struggling, even if it was for other reasons.

She was not the type of wolf to be precipitous, but his words brought a warmth to her face, and she could feel her eyes welling with tears. Clover blinked rapidly, trying to get them to go away before he noticed, not wanting him to feel any worse than he already clearly did. "I could never hate you," she said, hoping he did not detect the catch in her throat as she spoke. No matter what he did she knew she could not hate him, for everything he did he did because he cared. And that made it almost even more unbearable as she felt betrayed by his actions, but at the same time she knew he had not meant for things to transpire the way they had.

"It's just... a lot to handle," she continued. "You, me, Vanadis. I don't-" she stopped herself mid-sentence, not even sure where she was going with it. Clover knew Viorel and Vanadis were together romantically, and she was fine with that, having accepted to carry his children regardless of what she felt for the man before Vanadis was a part of any of it. But it was a lot to wrap her head around now that she knew both her and the other women were both carrying a brood of their own. She could only think of what might happen down the road when they grew older, how the whole dynamic would affect things. "I don't know how it's all going to work out," Clover finally finished, swallowing hard to hold back the tears that had yet to go away, trying not to devolve into a blubbering mess even though with every word it became an even harder challenge.

"And what about the pups? How is this going to affect them?" How would her pups deal with having a father who was in love with another woman who he also had a litter with? If it was difficult for her to wrap her head around the whole thing, she could only imagine what it would do to them, and she was not sure if she could put them through that.

In his upwards glance Viorel briefly saw the tears that were swelling in Clover’s amber eyes. Looking away politely as she obviously tried to blink them away, he made no comment on them, she had clearly not wanted him to see. He was relieved to hear that she didn’t hate him, and even more than that she declared that she could never hate him. Without meeting her eyes he murmured, ”I appreciate that, but you would have every right to hate me after what I did.” He wanted to close the gap between them, to embrace her, but he refrained not knowing how she would react.

Ears pricked forward to listen to the white woman intently, taking every last word to heart and saying nothing until she finished her thought. Taking an extra moment to mull over what he wanted to say, Viorel finally broke the silence, ”I know it’s a lot, it’s a lot more than any of us thought it was going to be.” That much was clear, there was no arguing that point, he had been overwhelmed by the thought of even a single litter. Swallowing hard, he continued, ”But, Clover I swear I am going to do everything I can to support you, and our children. There will be no difference in my heart between both litters, and I will love them all equally.” He paused for a minute.

He wanted her to look at him, to really feel that what he was saying was true. Taking a tentative step forward, but not quite bridging the gap between them he faltered. ”And they are Valles, my family takes that seriously.” Now he took the final step forward, and moved to bump his nose against her chin, if she would let him, ”It’s going to be unconventional, but I am going to do everything I can to make this a real family, as strange as it may be.” He didn’t know what else to say, only time could tell how things were really going to work out.

Had Viorel intended for things to happen the way they did and felt no remorse over it Clover might have agreed, but she always saw the best in others and could see that he felt bad about the situation. That was enough for her to not hate him, but she just needed some time first to feel her feelings and think everything through, rather than bottling it all up inside and making things worse. His next words brought forth another surge of emotions, and she quietly sniffed in an attempt to stop the overflow of wetness she was experiencing. She did not have the words to describe how she felt regarding his promise, but she did know they were good feelings. To know that, at the very least, he would care for her children regardless of what happened, well... it was enough to make a grown woman cry.

She was glad when he stopped talking as it allowed her the time to take a couple deep breaths and stem the flow of tears. Such an emotional reaction was not the norm for her, and so she chalked it down to the hormonal imbalance of being pregnant. Once she felt like she had her emotions more under control Clover raised her gaze to meet his, intending to speak but not knowing what to say. She stayed silent as he continued speak and slowly moved toward her, making no move to step into him, but also not rejecting his advance. It would do neither of them any good for her to shut down his offers of comfort.

Clover allowed him to touch his nose to her chin, even going as far as to gently brush her face against his to reinforce that she did not hate him for what happened. "I appreciate you saying that, and I know you mean it." While what he said had not magically fixed everything, Clover was glad to know that their children would be okay no matter what the situation was between not just her and Viorel, but also Vanadis. It would be something new and strange to work through, but she could only hope everything would work out for the better. "As long as our children will be okay, everything else will work out. I'm sure of it," she said with a small hopeful smile offered his way.

(This post was last modified: Aug 04, 2021, 09:23 AM by Clover.)

Feel free to fade on your next post!

Viorel could see that for better or worse, his words brought a wash of emotion over Clover’s expression. This time he couldn’t bring himself to look away, and his heart hurt at the tears streaming down the woman’s face, as he knew that he had caused them. But, these seemed different than the ones that had fallen just moments before, not as sad. Her fur was wet when his nose brushed against his chin and cheek, and he wanted it to dry, to see the same smile he had seen so many times before the last few weeks.

It would take time, Viorel knew that, but he wished there were some magic words he could say that would heal everything that he had done. Nodding seriously his voice was full of resolve, ”I do mean it, every word. I will take care of you, and our children, no matter what. We’re all family now.” A strange one, sure, but they were all linked forever, for better or for worse.

Smiling back at her, Viorel accepted that there was nothing else he could say for now, and so he thought it best that he should take his leave. Giving Clover one last sad look, ”I’ll let you go back to your herbs, but please let me know if you need anything, even if it’s just some silent company.” Not that he was the best silent listener, but he would try if that’s what she needed. He took a step back, unsure of what else to say or do, and then turned and walked back into the foliage before giving her one last look over his shoulder. Oh what a mess he had made.

(This post was last modified: Jun 17, 2021, 11:17 PM by Viorel.)

His words brought her some form of comfort, even if she did not verbally announce it. Her heart warmed slightly at the thought that he considered her family, for that was all she had been searching for when she left her birth pack. A new place to call home with others who she could make a new family with was her goal, and while there had been some bumps along the way with surely more to follow, she had attained that goal. In one way or another, and not the way that she had intended. But a family nonetheless.

"You'll be the first to know," Clover said, watching him silently as he turned and began to walk away. Still feeling a mix of emotions bubbling inside her, and still unsure of exactly how she felt about those emotions, she gently picked up the mouthful of Hellebore and set out to find somewhere safe to store them until she could dig out a new medicinal den. There were still so many things to do, but she had faith that they could all work together and create something successful.

FADE

(This post was last modified: Aug 04, 2021, 09:23 AM by Clover.)