until the dynamite gives in

Chan smiled back at her as she explained. Maybe the story didn't start off the brightest, but it seemed to have worked out in the end, right? It was an assumption that they were all so happy, really, but that was how his optimistic mind worked, and how it would continue to perceive the situation until she informed him differently.

"I do," he assured her, "Blood or chosen, it's all the same to me. I had a godfather, and he an' his kids were all family to me like that too."

Chan hoped dearly that past tense was not the appropriate way to phrase it, but it... felt the same. He was pretty sure he'd never see Kajika again, that his Mom and Lila were the only ones left from his childhood.

"I think we're all like that here, honestly. That's how the other Cove was, anyways, and I don't think Al plans on shaking things up that much."

But I put it out of my mind Long enough to call it courage To live without a lifeline

Aquene continued to shuffle that information away. Perhaps after her pregnancy, she might be able to seek out her cousin… or better yet, if Chan was going out. “If you do run into Landen again… just by chance, could you tell him I wouldn’t mind a visit?” It felt like a big thing to request, but she yearned for something or someone to remind her of home. She had a nervous but hopeful smile on her expression.

It seemed like he understood her, and understood what it meant to have a family that didn’t end in blood. For that she was relieved. It made it easier to relate and in a way it made her trust him more too. She hadn’t been very trusting of late, though perhaps she had been too trusting as she had thrown herself at Aleister as she had. She would never let herself live it down either. “I like it… I guess I’m just still a little nervous to see how I’ll truly fit in.” She admitted shyly once more. “I feel like there’s a certain connotation for wolves like me.” That being, wolves that got pregnant during their first heat. "I've been trying to do everything I can to prove I'm good and that I'm worth something." She admitted again softly, though she was not entirely sure why she was being so candid with him.

Chan was quick to answer her request with a nod and cheerful "absolutely!"

After all, who didn't love to visit with family? He could only estimate how much it would mean to Aquene, undertaking such a huge milestone without the comfort of those who knew her being near. In fact, he'd make sure to keep an eye out for Landen in particular during his trip.

She began speaking again, and Chan listened attentively. The initial concern voiced wasn't any kind of a surprise; all wolves, especially at her age, could relate to that anxiety. What he didn't expect was what she continued on with, pointing out the pregnancy herself and using what were, in his opinion, particularly poignant words. The smile faded from his features, replaced by a blatant, earnest determination.

"You are worthy," he informed her, voice soft but firm and resolute.

"That will never change, not because of your choices and certainly not because of what others think."

Chan believed in the inherent worth of all wolves, and he definitely did not believe that this child and the circumstances surrounding its conception impacted that.

"I know I'm still a stranger yet, but I promise that as long as you want to be here, you belong here, just as much as any of us. The same goes for any children you bring into this pack. They're worth the world, too."

But I put it out of my mind Long enough to call it courage To live without a lifeline

Aquene was delighted at the idea of being able to see her cousin again, though part of her feared a silent judgement. Perhaps if he were around, he could assist her with her own birth since she felt very skeptical over presiding over her own medical care while she was writhing in pain and pushing puppies out. She grinned at that, a lighter look in her eye before it started to fall and she started to cave once more into her own anxiety. She saw his determination, and it puzzled her, her head tilting to the side in a questioning matter at his words. “You can’t know that.” She stated simply in a dejected manner. He didn’t know her so how could he say with such certainty that she was worthy?

She couldn’t help but scrape lightly at the ground with her paws. Admittedly, it did make a part of her feel better. It made her heart swell in a way too. He managed to take all of her fears and address them all, effectively quelling them with one swoop, at least for the moment. “I just… it was my first heat… and I ran into him on the mountain and I feel so stupid now and I don’t even know what got into my head, especially now that I’m here.” Especially since it seemed she wasn’t the only one. She was not the only one he had been with that Spring and her litter was not his only one. She had just assumed at this point everyone knew of the parentage of her children, though the opposite was truly the case. "And I can't say I regret it because I would never regret my own children, but... what do I know about raising pups?" She was barely out of puphood herself.

Her response was a common and perfectly understandable one. It was true, she could have some very dark secrets stowed away behind those bright, young eyes. Even then, Chan knew from experience that every action had reason behind it, even the gruesome and seemingly senseless ones. Animals were driven to desperate and awful acts, they did not wake up deciding to wreak havoc. What mattered most was pressing forward, healing and pursuing the best inside oneself. That could only happen for any wolf if their needs were met first. Whatever her past was, Aquene had that chance now, just as they all did.

"You weren't stupid, you were inexperienced," he offered, voice still gentle. Chan wasn't pure himself, and while he mostly participated in 'safe' activities, there'd been a few times where he'd thought a mistake had been made, and that he'd be a dad before he was ready. That alone had been pretty scary, he couldn't imagine if the scenarios had proven to be his reality. Then to be without that second party to help raise them?

Because of course, as Aquene spoke of an unnamed him, Chan did not at all suspect that this litter's father was actually @Aleister.

"You'll learn. Mom's had two litters and helped with plenty more, and I've helped with kids too. Birthing, nurturing, teaching. I wouldn't be surprised if the others have as well. As long as you're ready to love them, you can't fail."

But I put it out of my mind Long enough to call it courage To live without a lifeline

It felt pretty stupid to do something like this when she was still so inexperienced… still, she didn’t continue to argue with him because she didn’t see the point, really. She continued to listen to his words… and admittedly it helped a little bit. “I’ve helped… I helped deliver my little siblings with my sister… I just never did any of the nurturing or teaching…” She offered, because it wasn’t necessarily that. “And… and I’m the healer… the only one in the pack that I know of…” She started to stutter again. “So I have to handle my own medical care and writhe in pain.”

She was worried about more than that of course… still, she sighed softly, internally fretting. “I… thank you… I’ve just been so freaked out I guess…” It was perhaps an understatement, to say the least. “My mom was such a good mom… I guess I just have these impossible standards in my head.” She didn’t think her mother had ever messed up when parenting… then again, Aquene had been the third litter she had so she had plenty of practice before she and her siblings were born.

“I… thank you.” She didn’t know what else to say.

Chan's empathy continued to build for the younger girl. Her fears were legitimate, and the pitch of her voice when she spoke of having to midwife her own birth especially tugged at his heart strings. Chan decided then that he needed to keep his eyes and ears open in search of a second healer, if only for Aquene's peace of mind.

"I'm sorry. This is scary," he commiserated, attempting to validate that knot she must be feeling inside of her stomach. He could of course never understand exactly what it was like to be in her position, but it didn't take large leaps and bounds of the imagination to appreciate the struggle she was currently enduring.

Mention of her own mother caused him to give another small smile.

"Sounds like an excellent reference to start from, yeah?"

At the end of the day, there was really nothing to do but just get through it. Then she could see for herself how much strength and resourcefulness she really had inside of her.

"I won't be with the pack forever, but while I am, I'm happy to listen any time, okay?"

But I put it out of my mind Long enough to call it courage To live without a lifeline

He seemed to understand fully when she explained things more. She was grateful for that, because she needed someone to know. She needed to tell someone about these fears that had torn at her since she realized her scent was changing. She continued to listen to him and she let a small and slightly melancholy smile onto her features as she nodded. “You’re right…” She trailed, meaning that she knew he was right.

Her head tilted to the side when he admitted he wouldn’t be with the pack forever. “Where will you go?” She asked curiously, latching onto that information. She cared about wolves, and she wasn’t asking to criticize or anything, just to understand why he was there if it wasn’t his intention to stay. “I… thank you.” She offered with a sense of ease falling across her features. “I might have to take you up on that.”

Chan smiled before answering.

"I have no idea. I rarely do."

He rather preferred it that way, enjoyed being pleasantly surprised by the situations he found himself in.

"You're welcome Aquene. I'm glad you're here," the Eastfall continued to speak sincerely, thankful that such a kind and level-headed medic would be present for his own family. It was a selfish benefit that would've never been asked for, but her having a litter also made it more likely she'd stay atop the mountain long-term, as the Vuesains and his own parents had. His mother would, paws crossed, have proper care well into her sunset years.

And they would of course care for Aquene and her children just the same.

"I was gonna grab something to snack on, want anything?"

(This post was last modified: Jul 01, 2021, 10:09 PM by Chan.)

But I put it out of my mind Long enough to call it courage To live without a lifeline

There was the faintest hint of a smile at his words, a light glimmer in her eyes. “Your heart will be your true north.” She offered, because his heart and his instincts would guide his paws… and he would always return home. He might not realize it, or even Aquene might just be wrong, but paws always led home… be it the homes that one came from or the homes that one made.

Her smile grew a little bit at his mention of being glad she was here. She was glad that her presence was so warmly received by the wolves of the Cove. She often felt so unsure in her own skin, but right now, she was laid at ease… and then the question came and she chuckled lightly in response, a hint of sassiness finding her features. “I’m growing tiny beings, I always want to be eating.” She teased lightly, pushing up onto her paws, intent to join him on his venture.