Sanguine Cove that's the shrapnel

For @Aquene only.

There were only a select few loose ends to tie up, now that his leave of the pack was imminent. One of them he didn't want to put off for much longer, now that Kateri's safety was no more a concern and specifically because it was rather clear that whatever admissions @Nash had made to Aquene, they had gone over well. At least for the foreseeable future, the young woman would be a key part of his brother's support system as both his lover and his shaman. Therefor, it was time Chan addressed something with her.

He sought her out, and was thankful to find her alone. Still, to make absolutely sure, he spoke his purpose first as he approached his friend with a waving tail.

"Hey Aquene... could I speak privately with you? It's not urgent but it's, important."

(This post was last modified: Mar 13, 2023, 03:46 AM by Chan.)

But I put it out of my mind Long enough to call it courage To live without a lifeline

She felt more at peace than she had in awhile. Of course, everything was starting to look up. She had Nash by her side, her daughter home safe, and no hard feelings with the man who’d given her Kateri despite it all. She honestly hadn’t been sure how Aleister would take it even if there had never been any sort of romantic feelings between them. They both moved on, and that brought the Slayer woman some peace. The question fell, hearing Chan’s voice from outside her den as she turned her head and poked it out. “Of course.” She always had time for members of the pack, but Chan was more than that. He was a close friend, and her mate’s brother.

He was family in the truest sense. “Is everything okay? What do you need?” She worried something had happened even though he had said it was nothing urgent. Nothing urgent, in her mind, translated to everyone and everything was fine. They just needed to communicate about something. Still, after Kateri’s initial disappearance she had grown more worried about the little things in life such as wording.

Chan wanted to assure her that everything was fine, but was that really an appropriate thing to say of what he suspected? Instead, he tried to get to the point as swiftly as possible. Still, this was not something even every medic knew of - and she had to have a certain level of understanding if she was going to be able to do her best for Nash in this capacity.

"Are you trained to tend to mental health as well?" he asked with curiosity and only a small hint of concern in the bunching of his brows.

But I put it out of my mind Long enough to call it courage To live without a lifeline

Aquene could not help the frown at the question, the way the concern hinted in his features as he asked it. Worry struck her in that moment that something was wrong, that a member of the pack was distressed enough to need a concoction of herbs she had only given once to treat hysteria through a days long sleep… a pacification as her mother had called it. “I was not formally trained as a mindweaver, no, but I do have experience handling mental health as well as physical, within reason.” She had never treated a wolf who had gone made, she had left that to the mindweavers as it had not been a shaman’s role…

But she had treated mental health before, in limited cases of depression and anxiety that could be tended to with a shaman’s concoctions. “Why is something wrong? Has someone fallen to an illness of the mind?” She asked with worry, racking her brain about the idea of what to do until the first buddings of spring arose. Lavender was one of the herbs that she was running low on and one she would need for anxiety.

Chan couldn't help but feel a little disappointment that the answer was not a confident and resounding yes, though strove not to show this upon his features. He listened as she hinted at what she did know, and while he wasn't sure what to make of the word 'mindweaver' in regards to how it might approach mental illness, he would have to trust her regardless.

"Do you-," he stopped, catching himself about to just ask more questions rather than answering hers much less explaining what the core of the issue here was.

"Okay. I'm pretty sure-," another pause as Chan struggled with how to phrase what he felt needed to be said to their resident health professional but, at the same time, might come across to his brother as a betrayal of some ilk, "I think Nash has post-traumatic stress disorder."

(This post was last modified: Jan 28, 2022, 11:44 PM by Walrus.)

But I put it out of my mind Long enough to call it courage To live without a lifeline

He started to catch himself on his words, which Aquene felt was very unlike him. A frown found her features as she waited for him to properly find his words, her concern growing with every passing moment… and then out came the words, confusion and a pensive expression crossing her features at the same time as she considered it. She knew that Nash had fears of abandonment, but post-traumatic stress disorder? She liked to think that with how close she was to him, she would have noticed.

Then again, his brother had known him quite longer.

She frowned and opened her maw to try and ease his concerns. “I have experience with post-traumatic stress disorder… my Aunt Lilya had it from her days of war… but Nash doesn’t present with any of the typical symptoms. What makes you think he has it?” She was curious if he was merely good at hiding it from her knowing she was a healer, or if Chan had simply seen something that she had not. Either way, she was concerned that this might be true, and that there was something more she should be doing for the man that she loved. She remembered a recipe of herbs that her uncle Lachesis had used when her Aunt Lilya grew restless with the nightmares. Was he having nightmares? Perhaps she could do something for that.

Chan felt a sense of relief when she said that she had experience, and in her family no less. Good, that would benefit Nash in the long run. He nodded as she said the words typical symptoms, though not because he necessarily agreed. His brother wasn't a wolf that often unloaded much less freely burdened others with what he was experiencing. Without intending to, he kept a rather pretty veneer. Like their father.

"He doesn't remember key events from before the trauma, like when I broke my leg and was holed up in the den with him and Staryn for weeks, or Uncle Kaj. He straight up completely forgot the leader of our pack, our Godfather."

Some things he had noticed the moment they'd manifested, others had occurred to him later on, after certain conversations had failed to sit right and leave his mind.

"He doesn't sleep, either. Not steadily, not like most do. He hasn't talked to me about it but I've seen him wake many times, and I'd bet the rest of my tail it's nightmares. The anxiety, the fear of abandonment, the vigilance - he might not be flashing back at the drop of a leaf, but he... he needs therapy."

But I put it out of my mind Long enough to call it courage To live without a lifeline

She had not witnessed any of the typical symptoms, and for a moment she had not considered that he might be guarding from her because of what she was to him, or just the nature of her profession in general. She frowned as Chan continued on, the concern showing in her eyes the more he spoke. That did sound like her aunt. There were moments she had forgotten. She had forgotten when she and her uncle had challenged the wolves across the lake… Lachesis had to remind her. It had been a particularly bad day when she was on the fritz quite a bit.

He had forgotten about their godfather? A frown found her features and her tail started to waver in a more anxious manner. He doesn’t sleep. She couldn’t help but let out a soft whine, trying to hold it back but it had slipped out anyway. @Nash was hurting and she hadn’t noticed. He wasn’t sleeping, the abandonment issues tied into it… it all made sense. “I’ll do everything I can, Chan… you’re right, it’s not normal… I knew of his fear of abandonment, and anxiety over it… I just didn’t notice the memory gaps, or the lack of sleep.” Perhaps because she had so selfishly slept through his restless nights. She could not help but feel guilty herself.

Chan's gaze turned sympathetic, knowing that this couldn't be easy for Aquene to learn about due to her relationship with his brother.

"I know you will, 'Ne," he spoke with a small smile, hoping to encourage the young woman. He really did believe in her ability to be a positive, healing influence on Nash - especially now that she knew more of what he was dealing with.

"You couldn't know about things that happened before you were ever on the mountain," Chan also assured, "and being guardian has given him a pretty good cover."

It surely looked like he was simply passionate about his job, and that was true. Chan knew that the role had given Nash more confidence and was a positive outlet, that he loved protecting the pack and the wolves in it, but he couldn't ignore where that drive really stemmed from - immense fear that it would all happen again, that one day everyone and everything would be gone and he'd be condemned to wandering alone, forever searching once more.

"If anyone in this pack can help him feel safe again, it's you."

(This post was last modified: Jan 29, 2022, 01:41 AM by Chan.)

But I put it out of my mind Long enough to call it courage To live without a lifeline

The soft smile did assure her that the man was not mad for her lack of notice. She was normally quite attentive and so she blamed herself for not noticing all of this before. It felt all so obvious now that Chan had pointed it all out, even if she had never experienced these symptoms in him before. She sighed softly as he reminded her of a good point: Nash was good at guarding, and she had not been on this mountain as long as the Eastfalls had. She nodded to show that she understood what Chan was trying to assure her of but the guilt remained.

He wasn’t the only one good at guarding, and in that moment Aquene felt herself walking down a familiar road of someone asking for help too late… the same road she had walked with her mother, she only hoped that she had the knowledge to help in time before sleep deprivation or nightmares drove him to something extreme like insanity or death.

No, she wasn’t catastrophizing in that moment… but she was terrified of losing another loved one to something she could help with.

“I will… I can help… I just wish he would talk to me about it.” It felt like some kind of back alley hack to have his brother tell her about it. She wished he could have talked to her about it. That he felt comfortable talking to her about this, regardless of what he thought it might do. She’d never leave him. He’d never be alone.