Sanguine Cove satellites can be our shooting stars

@Nash

But I put it out of my mind Long enough to call it courage To live without a lifeline

There had been a lot on her mind with Kateri’s recovery lately. She loved her daughter, but the time of year was fast approaching that made her look ahead and wonder… she did not admit it was on her mind, not even to Nash… at least not yet. Aquene was seeking him out, having just given Kateri medicine to help with her recovery and help her settle down for sleep, hoping she would not get wandering paws and wander without Aquene’s watchful eye.

She sought out her love, chocolate gaze eagerly looking for the ebony form she associated with safety, happiness, and solidarity. He had been her rock over the past month, and she felt she had never properly thanked him. She also knew he didn’t expect a thank you… but it was something she wanted to give him anyway. Besides, they had much to talk about, topics they had not had the time to discuss due to the panic and flurry of activity that Kateri’s disappearance had created. It was a conversation she could not put off any longer. She follow his scent, her voice calling out for him. “Nash?” She knew she was close to him. She recalled Chan’s worries as well.

It appeared they both had quite a bit to talk about and confide in one another with… she wanted to help. It was time for him to let her be his rock as well.

(This post was last modified: Feb 03, 2022, 03:11 AM by Aquene.)

It had been relatively quiet since Kateri had been located and returned home safely. At least her injury was relatively minor, and Aquene had settled with the knowledge that her daughter was okay. Nash had caught the girl wandering, but he'd been able to use it as a bonding opportunity, for which he was grateful. He wasn't her father and never intended to take that place - Al did a wonderful job filling it himself - but since Nash was with her mother, he felt having a positive relationship would be best. He wanted to have a positive relationship with every member of the pack.

Nash was enjoying a quiet afternoon on the lakeshore, not far from the border. He'd finished a quick border patrol and decided to take advantage of the calm atmosphere to be lazy for a little bit. The only thing that could have made it better was a little bit of sunshine.

It seemed he would get his wish, as his own personal ray of sunshine's voice called out. "Over here," he replied, hauling himself to his feet and trotting toward his love to greet her warmly. "How's my darling today?"

But I put it out of my mind Long enough to call it courage To live without a lifeline

It did not take her long to find him. He called out and she moved over, nuzzling lightly at his neck in greeting as the question fell over her ears, a soft smile on her features. “She is wonderful, thank you for asking.” She responded with a hint of humor by answering in the third person. “And how are you?” She asked with a hint of a knowing tone. Chan’s conversation with her weighed heavily on the back of her mind, she was just trying to figure out the best way to broach the subject. It was this part she did not have experience with.

She had seen her uncle treat her aunt diligently for her own post-traumatic stress, but the diagnosis had already been known… this was new territory for her. “Chan came to talk to me the other day… he seemed a little worried.” She stated to only further show her concern. They could get into everything else later, happier topics to pad the serious nature of what they were going to discuss now. She could help; she wanted to help him. It wasn’t right for him to suffer needlessly when she had the means to help.

Nash grinned at his love's humor and gave her an affectionate kiss between the eyes before beckoning her to come lay on the shore with him, where he offered her the warmed-up spot and settled next to it. "I'm good," he said. "It's been a nice day... better, now that you're here to enjoy it with."

Her next words caught his attention and his head cocked as he frowned. "Is he okay?" he asked. He knew Chan would be leaving soon... very soon, he realized, his gut churning. Within the fortnight. Nash swallowed. He hadn't realized just how fast time was flying by. It seemed only a few weeks ago he'd managed to convince him to stay the winter, and now his departure was only a few days away... And yet it had been an eternity, because in that time Nash had fallen in love and become a guardian and decided to stay home.

But I put it out of my mind Long enough to call it courage To live without a lifeline

As he spoke, it was clear he had not even an inkling of a suspicion as to what was going on. She offered him a sympathetic smile in turn as she settled down next to him, hearing his question. “Yes, he is fine.” She confirmed as she brushed her nose over his cheek to assure him. “He was worried about you.” She admitted softly, her head tilting to the side slightly as she looked at him. There were only so many ways to soften what she was about to state next without it sounding so… medical.

“He thinks you have post-traumatic stress disorder.” She stated with a hint of worry in her eyes. “He said that you have gaps in your memory from before your trauma… when he broke his leg, memories with your godfather, and he says you haven’t been sleeping well either.” She explained softly, that concern in her eyes carrying through into her voice. She wanted to ask if he was okay, but she also didn’t want to risk him seeing it as her wanting reassurance that it wasn’t true. She wanted the truth; she wanted to know how he genuinely felt, and if it was true. "Talk to me, please..." She had talked to him about his fears once before, but never had she realized it was that bad.

(This post was last modified: Feb 08, 2022, 09:46 PM by Aquene.)

His relief that Chan was okay was short lived; Aquene shared that his brother had been worried about him. He frowned, brow creasing, and about to ask another question when his love answered it unprompted.

Nash stopped, staring at Aquene until she began to explain further. His gaze slowly drifted away from hers, unintentionally reverting to his nervous habit of avoiding eye contact. He didn't feel like he had gaps in his memory... it was just that sometimes Chan or his mom would talk about something from before and he didn't recall it. That was normal, though, wasn't it? That had been a long time ago and he'd been so young. But then, a yearling wasn't a pup anymore and that's what he'd been when everyone disappeared. He'd certainly thought he was grown up enough to go out by himself. Silly, now that he thought about it. He couldn't imagine any of Al's children going on solo scouting missions at their age.

The insomnia... that was true enough, even if he didn't want to admit it. Falling asleep wasn't the issue - staying asleep was. He didn't know Chan had noticed, was even paying attention to it. There was a reason Nash stayed out late most nights and slept in the mornings. He didn't want to disturb anyone, least of all his love, which was why he had been hesitant to sleep with her at first.

He realized she'd stopped talking and Nash glanced up, meeting her worried eyes. His gaze flicked away again and he shrugged. "I don't really... I don't think about it," he said hesitantly. He didn't know what to say. "I... have nightmares most nights, yeah, but it's not that big a deal. I deal with it, and I can still perform my duties, so I just... avoid sleeping with others so I don't wake them up." he risked another look up. "I don't have them when I'm with you," he added softly. For some reason when he was curled up next to Aquene, he could sleep soundly.

But I put it out of my mind Long enough to call it courage To live without a lifeline

His gaze broke with hers and she tried to nuzzle him, to comfort him and show that it was okay. She didn’t want him to hide from her. She wanted to be there for him just as he had been there for her. The silence dragged for a moment before his gaze finally met hers again. It flicked away as he spoke. She nuzzled lightly at his neck again in a comforting manner and she listened. He had been having issues sleeping, nightmares… but not with her. Her eyes softened; how had she not noticed? How had she not known?

She kept his gaze when he looked up. “You don’t have to deal with it.” She reminded him softly. “My aunt had PTSD from the wars in her homeland; I saw how her and my uncle Lachesis treated it… there are things we can do to lessen the symptoms… but pushing it down isn’t healthy, Nash. Trying to soldier through is just going to hurt you.” It could be debilitating, and it might be okay enough for him to push through it but she didn’t want him to feel like he had to push through it because that was not the case. She worried about him, and she loved him, and she never wanted to see him hurting.

“Tell me about the nightmares?” She asked softly, hints of concern still lingering in her eyes. What haunted him so much? She had an inkling of an idea, but truly he was the only one who could confirm her suspicions.

Aquene was nuzzling against him, clearly trying to comfort him, for which Nash was grateful. This compassion was why he'd fallen in love with her - that, and her selfless dedication. And her smile. And... well, he could go on and on listing reasons he'd fallen for the beautiful shaman, and they'd be there all day.

Nash sighed and leaned into her side, tucking his face into her shoulder as she spoke, and when he replied it was into her fur. "I don't feel like I have ptsd," he protested again. "I just get nightmares, and there are a few things from my childhood I don't remember. That's normal, especially with..." he trailed off and contemplated what he'd been about to say. "Oh my god I have ptsd."

He'd never really thought about it too much. He was always trying to be happy, pushing down those thoughts that tried to drag him back. When he'd finally let them crash over him, he'd nearly run away from the pack. Look at everything he would have missed - he wouldn't have fallen in love with Aquene, he wouldn't be here with his mother, they wouldn't have had him to help with the cougar...

Never had he been more grateful to anything than he was to his past self for choosing the stay.

When she asked him about his nightmares he slowly peeked up at her, and sighed, drooping. "They vary. Sometimes it's about my dad dying. Sometimes he's telling me how disappointed he is in me, that I'm not living up to his expectations like my brother is. How could I be good enough next to him?" He took a deep breath. "Mostly it's being alone. Coming home from a trip outside the territory to find it empty. It's Chan dying far away from home and us never knowing what happened to him."

Nash looked back up in to his love's eyes. "Lately, more and more often, it's been that you leave. Or someone takes you, or something happens and you..." he swallowed. "Whatever it is, you always end up gone."

Her comfort seemed to work, if only a little as he leaned into her side and he started to explain. Nightmares were not always an indicator of PTSD; not all nightmares were caused by it. She had nightmares of her own… she had gone through a trauma, though the other indicators of the disorder were still absent leading to her own lack of diagnosis. She wondered if her uncle would agree or if she simply was too blind to her own issues. He reached the conclusion on his own and she offered him a kind smile. “Yes, Love… I think you do.” She stated softly, because this was one thing she could not do: sugarcoat diagnoses. He had it. It did not make him any less the wolf she fell in love with, just as it did not define him.

The topics he brought up lingering in his dreams did not surprise her. It sounded commonplace… and in that moment she considered maybe she did have some symptoms of her own, even if she presented them differently. Still, she could focus on that later… perhaps she’d speak with Clover about it, get a second opinion. “They are normal things to be afraid of… especially with everything that has happened in your life.” She assured him, doing anything she could to validate his experiences and feelings so he knew there was no ounce of judgement for the things that lingered in his mind. “I’m here. I am right here.” She assured him as she tenderly brushed her nose against his cheek.

“I will be here at your side until you either grow old or grow tired of me.” There was even a hint of a tease in her voice. “And I have remedies that can help with the anxiety and the nightmares that come with it. My uncle treated my aunt for it; I am very familiar with the tinctures needed.” She assured him of that as well. It didn’t need to haunt him as much as it currently did.

Aquene Slayer

Nash was relieved when Aquene not only validated his fears promised she was there and would stay there. He sighed and pressed into her, inhaling her comforting scent. He knew these things, when he thought about it without his fears, but it was little comfort in the dead of night when he woke alone. Maybe he should make a habit of sleeping with his love whenever possible. It would offer relief in a variety of ways.

Her offer of remedies made Nash wince slightly. He'd rather not have to take medicine, but... if it helped... "Maybe for a little bit," he conceded, "but a little anxiety is good for a guardian to have. Keeps me on my toes." He couldn't go getting complacent, after all. "Thank you, love," he said, affectionately placing a kiss behind her ear before sitting back just enough to look at her. "Is this why you came to find me?" If so he was appreciative of her concern, glad that there was one less thing between them, but he hoped she'd also sought him for his company.