Fool's Gold Chasm it could have been us

Her words angered him, at least that was her interpretation. Her eyes levelled with him as he asked the question, and it cut harsher than a claw or tooth ever could. Her teeth bared at him as her tail started to curl and then she remembered who she was faced down with. Her alpha. Her escort, friend… except was he really? If he were to make such vain implications about himself, could he truly be called a friend? “No. I’m not them… or have you not been paying attention?” She hissed out.

She wasn’t Huddy or his sister or anyone else who had left the Chasm all of those months ago. She took a step towards him, daring to close the distance. “I’ve been here the whole time and just because I went out and got myself some tail because of the infernal burning of this season does not mean I will ever be like them. This is my home, my daughter’s home and you will pry it from my cold, dead paws before I leave.” She meant that wholly, truthfully, with all of the fire that had been burning in her gut.

He wasn’t getting rid of her that easy, as much as she was sure he would like to in this moment. She refused to leave. “I lost a home once before. It was ripped away from me viciously, blood and what was left of my parents scattered on the ground in front of me, on the lands I used to call my future kingdom. I will not allow you or anyone else to pry a second home away from me.” She would go down fighting, even if she was not a Princess any longer, she would fight like one.

Adelard had clearly not been paying attention. His mind had been preoccupied. He had attempted to woo Saga by the Creek, been worried about his sister, and kept an eye out for those they had lost.  Anything to keep the pack together. A ragtag band of unrelated kin that Hudson had seemingly rallied for him, a misplaced monarch.

He rumbled another muffled snarl at her, but she continued. To hear that she called the Chasm her home quelled his anger but not by much. At the very least, he held her words at face value, and it was all he had wanted to hear. She would not leave and take Enera with her in the night. He loved them both still too much to let them abandon him, too

A heated exhale erupted from him and he had to adjust his stance. He regretted everything now and he would have to live with it. His molars ground together. "Was that all it would have taken? Time?" his tone was still offended, but there was a sliver of curiosity that shone through. His guard was down and so were his hackles and tail. "I... would have, if you asked me."

         

ADELARD

heat stroke, bring the fire black smoke, I take it higher

She did not relent, not until she had said her piece. He wanted the truth, he wanted answers… well, she would give them to him. He exhaled and she could not decipher what it meant, instead huffing at his question. She could hear the offense in his tone. “It’s easier… scratching the itch with someone who cannot possibly get close enough to disappoint me, to leave me, to disappear and break me the way that Huddy did Saga.” She stated simply. She was not sure that it was a matter of time. She was protecting herself while giving herself what she desperately craved: the love of a child, like she’d had with Enera… the peace and ease that came with the fading of her itch.

He admitted he would have and in that moment she let her expression soften. “I don’t want to ruin you.” She stated simply in return. She would bring him ruin. “You did not ask me either. This is the second year I’ve gone searching and never once did I get the opinion that you were even an option.” Perhaps her judgement would have been swayed… perhaps she would have sought affection closer to home. “I would have said yes.” She stated back, the anger having dissipated even though the heat didn’t fade from her belly, a hint of longing in her tone that she had been trying to push down as far as she could. Perhaps they should have this conversation when her head was clearer, not scrambled from the remnants of heat she hoped would fade soon…

Her mind had been cleared, but he’d made it muddled again. She didn’t think it possible to think straight or clearly.

The answers that came, followed by the simplest of explanations, only drew the sharpest of stones to his chest. Crestfallen, he listened, and his ears eventually dropped to the sides of his skull.

True, he had not asked her either, and he knew he was equally to blame. His gaze had dropped to her feet as she admitted that she would have accepted him. When he came to look upon her face, the man that had intercepted her at the border was gone. He took a step closer to her and sighed, "I was already ruined when I met you." A shake of his head and another tuck of his chin, drawing his eyes to the ground, "You may go, though." His face distorted in remorse, unable to face her. "Get some rest. I've already made sure Enera's been tucked in."

         

ADELARD

heat stroke, bring the fire black smoke, I take it higher

There was resignation in his gaze and in his tone. She frowned at his words and shook her head. She didn’t believe that. She’d spent so long trying to empty herself so she would feel nothing, in the hopes that the pain of all she had lost would dissipate but instead it felt like a repeating cycle, battling the world around her and living like the uphills were mountains and the downhills were cliffs… and she had no real control over any of it. Even now, when she claimed to have the most control she felt weak under his gaze and his words.

“Adelard…” Her voice drawled softly, a hint of remorse in her features at the way he would not even look at her. She didn’t know what to say, and in the heated exchange between the two, the exhaustion had ebbed from her bones and she was simply left confused. “Why?” She asked softly, finally confronting the question that had been burning underneath the surface. “Why didn’t you tell me?” She knew her own reasons, and she had told him as much… but if he had yearned all this time, why had he simply not said so? He did things, like helping care for her daughter, even making sure she was tucked in while Rhae had snuck out for her own selfish desires…

“What if I don’t want to go right now?”

“Adelard…” Not even the utterance of his name could pull him from the shroud of wistfulness that had drawn around him. He was biting his tongue and waiting for her to leave, to retreat to her part of the Chasm. He was ready to do the same, eager to sleep and wake as if this had never happened. But, then she asked, “Why?”

His head remained bowed, even as she spoke again, "Why didn’t you tell me?"

Scenes of the past flickered before his eyes, memories from when the rank shift had been so painful. He frowned at himself, at how naive and tunnel-visioned he had actually been. At present, he lacked the words and reasons. More than a moment would have been required. For a year's worth of wonderings and longings, there was too much to sift through at a glance.

"What if I don’t want to go right now?"

Golden eyes closed as he gulped down the emotion gathering in his throat. In the past, he would have snapped and let his frustration get the better of him. He was working actively on that, someone had to keep a level head in the heat of the season. "Go," he bid her, the word but a puff of air on his tongue. For good measure, he gestured with a slow jab of his muzzle towards the heart of the Chasm.

         

ADELARD

heat stroke, bring the fire black smoke, I take it higher

The world had been turned upside down. He told her once more to go, a hint of sadness in her eyes as he gestured with his muzzle. She did as he asked, slowly turning and beginning her disappearance towards where she knew her daughter was nestled for the night. It was in that moment that the wolf she thought could never hurt her stabbed her straight through the heart and twisted the knife, leaving it there and sending her on her way.

She didn’t know why it had hurt. She had pushed and buried things down and she was left more confused than ever, and without the sensibilities or brain power to handle processing much of anything. She could not trust herself. She thought she could, but she could not. She could not trust her opinions, her own code, or even her thoughts on other wolves. Even she was lying to herself, and she didn’t know how she was supposed to keep on keeping on, a good soldier in a storm, if she didn’t know what the hell she was fighting for anymore.

She tucked in next to her daughter, closing her eyes and waiting… but sleep would evade her still, and she'd toss and turn for the rest of the night.

The Leader grew still, eyes only fluttering upward as she moved to take her leave. It was not a demanding order or a simple request, given its weight, but he was glad for every step she took over the border.

He sniffled when he thought she was out of earshot and finally straightened to examine the sky. The haze of the clouds made it hard to find the waxing crescent moon, but Adelard did not need it. He already knew that a new phase in his life had begun. Letting Rhaegara go, in that way, was only the start of him shedding the last remnants of his old self.

Almost by instinct alone, he glanced around and placed his paws where Rhaegara had been. The size of his pads widened her imprints in the ground beneath him. He hoped it would be enough; the red-touched woman was not alone, and she had someone bigger protecting her. With a moment's pause, he waited for a while before he followed after her. Step by step, until he broke away from the Rayvnes' hideaway.

The Leader was quick to find his large tree close to the pack den entrance and curl up behind it, out of sight. They would talk again, he was sure, when things were calmer... better... clearer... easier... but, for now, this was where he wanted to leave it. Misplaced monarchs with empty homeland thrones were meant to make Fools Gold Chasm glimmer and shine.

{Fade.}

         

ADELARD

heat stroke, bring the fire black smoke, I take it higher