Fool's Gold Chasm and she begs to be loved

For @Enera, set for 3/15. 1 week post-breeding with Hellhound. Since she's a subordinate in a pack, and that is the only breeding thread currently planned for her, she has started to exhibit pregnancy symptomos.

They told me once, "there's a place where love conquers all"
A city with the streets full of milk and honey
I haven't found it yet, but I'm still searching
All I know is a hopeless place that flows with the blood of my kin
Perhaps hopeless isn't a place
Nothing but a state of mind
They told me once, "don't trust the moon, she's always changing"
The shores bend and break for her
And she begs to be loved
But nothing here is as it seems

-Good Mourning, Halsey

She still found herself frustrated and angry. With it had come avoidance, hiding herself away from him and everyone else who didn’t share her last name… her daughter was the only exception. She’d never turn away from her little girl. The symptoms of her heat had subsided, and with it came the sweet relief of having full control over herself once more, not blinded by the season as she went about her careful early morning patrol of the borders, making each distinct tree thoroughly as if to say I’m not going anywhere, jackass. She was still angered at the thought of Adelard simply assuming she’d leave, scoop up her daughter in the middle of the night and flee.

The only time she’d left a home, she had been driven out… and that certainly was not going to happen anytime soon. He could work through his own feelings and emotions and she’d simply employed herself under the belief that she should not care. She had done nothing wrong. He had not propositioned her in any way so how was she supposed to know? The conversation had been living rent free in her head. It was hard to not be angry at just how that night had turned out.

Even thinking clearly, her thoughts were not clear. It showed in the light irritation that wore down her features every day… with it had come with the nausea, and looking at food made her want to find the nearest bush to hurl into… this was all… shit.

She hadn’t noticed the symptoms before… but she certainly remembered the way she had started to feel around this time, a week or so after her rendezvous with the white night that had given her a daughter as a parting gift… Shit. She was frozen in place for a moment, eyes widened before she simply started to look around at her again. She certainly had known it was a possibility. She knew the risks of caving to the heat and to some extent she didn’t care… but now it meant she had to have a conversation with her daughter that she had wanted to put off for some time more.

(This post was last modified: Mar 15, 2022, 04:23 PM by Rhaegara.)

had a dream so big and loud

JUMPED SO HIGH I TOUCHED THE CLOUDS

Enera had noticed the tension around the territory with the onset of slowly warming weather, but she didn't understand it. She was avoiding Woya more than she had been lately, as the woman seemed grouchier than usual and Enera didn't want to set her off. She still didn't understand why the white woman seemed to slide into anger more easily with her, but until the Oddness of spring she had been nicer.

But it wasn't just Woya. Everyone was acting weird, even Mama, who'd vanished a little while ago for the night and @Adelard had made sure she'd gone to bed on time. She'd been scared, worried that her mama was going to vanish like Aweho and Riven. So many seemed to disappear. But her mama had come home the next morning, snappy smelling strange - even by the standards of this new Oddness. Enera didn't like it. She was confused. The other pups didn't seem to understand either, and Enera wasn't sure she wanted to. She just hoped it all went away and they could get back to normal soon.

As such, she was playing not far from the den she shared with her mama. She didn't want to wander far while the Oddness was happening, and she certainly didn't want to go outside the borders.

Rhae had not considered how confusing the season was for her daughter. She had not considered her own behavior changes or the changes of everyone else in the pack and how it might have affected the sweet and innocent girl who wanted nothing more than for everyone to get alone with one another. All Rhae really knew was that she was sticking close to her, and for that the Ravyne woman was relieved. “Little Dove.” She called out softly when she caught sight of her, a soft smile on her features as she moved close to sit next to her.

They needed to talk, and the sooner they did, the better it would be for all involved. “We need to talk about something very important, Little Dove.” She assured her, greeting her with a light nip to the ear to pull her attention. “You know how you were a pup not long ago, and how this year you’re going to become more of an adult?” She asked, figuring it was the best way to Segway into that conversation.

had a dream so big and loud

JUMPED SO HIGH I TOUCHED THE CLOUDS

Enera looked up when she heard Mama's soft voice call to her and with a big smile she trotted over to her, resisting the urge to wrinkle her nose against the Oddness mingled with mama's scent. "Hi mama," she said, sitting next to her and looking up as mama declared she had something important to talk to her about. Enera cocked her head. She hadn't realized just how much she'd grown; she barely needed to look up at all anymore. And mama was telling her she was going to be more of an adult soon - something the girl had been thinking about but was trying not to dwell too much on. She wasn't entirely sure what it meant.

The Rayvne girl slowly nodded with a small frown, wondering where mama was going with this.

Rhaegara wasn’t entirely sure the girl understood what she was saying, but she kept pressing on for fear of losing the confidence to broach the topic. It wasn’t often she found herself nervous, but in this moment she did. “Well, you’re almost to your birthday… which means you’ll be an adult and help out with the hunting… which, I know all you kids have been doing, but it’ll be official.” They had all reached the age where they could do that.

“What if I told you, there were going to be more pups next year? Younger siblings for you to help raise?” She broached the topic carefully. Enera had been an only child. Sirius had not survived to be her brother, really… so she was not certain how the news could come across. She was a docile girl, which meant she hoped the girl would take it well where others, such as herself, might have been jealous.

had a dream so big and loud

JUMPED SO HIGH I TOUCHED THE CLOUDS

Something was wrong, Enera could tell. Mama was... off. It wasn't just the Oddness in the scent about her, or her mood over the past weeks, or the way she and Ad no longer seemed to get along. Was growing up really so bad? Was mama sad to see her daughter so old now? Enera didn't feel that old. She still felt like a puppy. She wanted to run and play, but now she could do more. She could go further from the territory and help feed her family. She was proving to Woya that she wasn't just another mouth to feed!

She supposed that's what adulthood was like, after all.

"What if I told you, there were going to be more pups this year?"

Enera stared at mama for a moment, processing. Younger siblings? "Like... like Marrah and Caelyn, but new babies?" she asked slowly. She loved Marrah and Caelyn, and Aweho too, so she supposed new little friends wouldn't be too bad. But why did mama sound so nervous?

Admittedly, at first Rhaegara had planned to raise a warrior who could protect herself long after Rhae was gone… but her pacifistic daughter was no warrior, and she loved her for it. She loved the peace that she was able to live in. The question came and she nodded with a soft smile. “Yes, exactly like that.” She offered. “Except, it will be a little different… Marrah and Caelyn are friends, and like family… but these puppies will be family… brothers and sisters like Marrah and Caelyn are to each other.” She explained, hoping the girl would understand fully.

She honestly didn’t know how she might take her mother’s split attention. She had been an only child for a year now, and Rhae would not be able to give her all of her attention with more siblings on the way…

had a dream so big and loud

JUMPED SO HIGH I TOUCHED THE CLOUDS

Enera listened closely as mama spoke, explaining how new siblings would be different that Marrah and Caelyn. Her ears flicked back briefly. She knew the difference between her relationship with her agemates and their relationship with each other, how Saga was their mama and Rhaegara was hers. She also knew that Huddy hadn't really been a dad to any of them, but that he wasn't her father at all. Still she frowned up at Mama for a moment.

"You're having babies," she finally said, understanding. It all made sense now, the way everyone was acting and the funny smell. She glanced away. "Do they have a dad?" she asked, perhaps a little bitter. Would her little brothers and sisters have a dad while she didn't? She had Adelard, of course, but would it be different if he'd actually been her father?

She was intuitive, and with it brought a soft smile and a nod. “Yes, Enera, I am having babies.” She explained to her, offering a soft nuzzle of affection to her daughter as well. The second question brought a soft frown on her features… how exactly was she supposed to tell her daughter that she had whored around for a second season in a row?

“Like you, they do have a father… but he will not be close to us. He went his separate way.” She explained with a frown on her features. “Family is not only blood Enera. This pack is your family, regardless of who your father was, regardless of who your siblings’ father is.” She reminded her.

had a dream so big and loud

JUMPED SO HIGH I TOUCHED THE CLOUDS

Enera leaned into her mama's nuzzle, always eager to soak in her affection. Still, she wondered about her siblings. She was selfishly relieved to hear that, like her, their father had gone away. "I love my family," she said quietly. "I don't need my dad anyway. I have Ad." She peeked up at Rhae. "So will they," she added, though it was a little more uncertain than she would have liked. There was still tension within the pack and she didn't know if her mama would allow Ad to get close to her newborns the way he had to Enera.

"I can help you take care of them," she offered, always wanting to be helpful. There was something else bothering her too, though. She tucked her face into her mama's side. "You'll still love me too, right?" she asked, voice muffled by Rhae's fur. "You're not gonna abandon me?"