Willow Ridge Sometimes the timing is all wrong

There it was out. Though she hadn't full out told him exactly how she felt he wasn't stupid. Words that she'd been too afraid to voice before for one reason or another. All excuses not to face the truth. Now she was paying for that but she hoped this would be what they both needed.

As expected he spoke of Camden and she couldn't help but roll her eyes at the name. In her eyes he was the cause of all of this. The disconnect between her and Hagar. The way she felt about her leadership and herself.

Again her chocolate friend was very wrong about her feelings. "Camden was a stupid mistake that distracted me with his fancy words from what I really felt. I never loved Camden and its pretty clear ge never loved me. I realize now Hagar how badly I have failed you and I hope one day you can forgive me for that."

Hagar couldn't help but frown, an expression that deepened the more she said. He finally felt drawn to her then, stout legs closing the distance so that he could look her directly in her colorful eyes as he spoke, voice impassioned.

"You have never failed me, Avella. You haven't failed anyone as long as I've known you."

Yes, he had been disappointed in the way things had transpired. That was a part of life, however. Relationships weren't always even, didn't always pan out into what you wished them to be. Sometimes, they became something else entirely, something you cherished even more than what you'd thought you wanted.

Hagar did not have to be in love with Avella to still have respect and adoration for her, to still have love for her.

"Camden being gone now doesn't mean he chose that, and even if he did... even if they all left by choice, that's not on you. You gave me a home, gave me my own family. I love our children more than anything on this earth. That's why I want this, to give you the support you deserve, to keep what we have and to make sure it's everything the children could need or want, and more. Because I believe in you."

She saw the frown on his face and wondered what he might be thinking. She didn't have to wonder for too long because he soon closed the distance between them. His voice brought her gaze up to meet his as he spoke. His words were encouraging and they brought a sad smile to her face. "Haven't I?" she asked, "I promised a pack, a home for those who needed it and that includes you. What about our children? They were supposed to have a home with packmates and friends."

As much as she wanted to believe the words coming from his mouth she couldn't. The Archer woman didn't understand what had happened that they had all left. She looked at her paws unable to look at him anymore. All she could see was failure. "I wish Hagar that I could believe what your saying but I feel that the evidence is all around us."

Avella didn't even know where to begin making things right let alone putting herself back together. All that she'd lost in just the past year had left her feeling broken. Sometimes she thought it best if she left the children with Hagar and left the Ridge. She hadn't because she couldn't do that to them.

He was talking again about Camden and all the others. How it wasn't on her that they had left. He spoke of what she'd given him and how those were the reasons he was asking to lead with her. She listened of course to all that he said but only looked up at him when he said he believed in her.

"I don't understand why 5hey left. Didn't I provide a good pack that they could call home?" Or were her rules and expectations just too much for them. "I'm really happy that you love our children and that you've been able to build a relationship with them Hagar. You have been steady in my life and always looked out for me. You've cared for the pack and worked hard to make sure we had food and water. So I feel that you've earned your place to lead next to me." She took a deep breath, "And maybe one day your belief in me can help a broken queen put herself back together"

Because she didn't believe in herself anymore.

Hagar felt a pang of guilt then, for he hadn't realized just how low her confidence had fallen, how deeply she had been affected by all of those missing faces. It would seem that when he had needed time to lick his own wounds had been when she'd most needed his friendship. He tipped his head forward, and would rest his crown against hers briefly if she allowed it. A silent show of support and understanding, along with hope that this had been the conversation needed for them to both be able to move forward from the tangle of last spring.

"I don't understand it either. This is a home, even if it's always just the six of us."

Even if it came down to the five of them. Romance might not be in his cards, but the love he held for his children and the trust he had in Avella would be enough. Of course, that wasn't to say that was Plan A or even D. As he had declared, they all deserved more; a life not just full but brimming.

Hagar stepped back, stood tall in his new role regardless of their numbers.

"Thank you, Avella. I'm sorry I've been distant. I am here for you, and I promise I will do everything in my power to support you and this pack."

It was hard admitting to him how she was feeling but getting it out. Talking with him had helped even if it was only marginally. The Archer woman knew she still had a lot of healing to do after all that had happened in the past year. As Hagar rested the crown of his head against hers she knew that she wouldn't have to do it alone. That he understood she needed him. For the first time in a long time she felt just as close to him as they had once been. She let out a long slow breath as he spoke sharing in her sentiment.

"Then I suppose what's important is that we're all still together and haven't lost any of our family during the hardships of the past year."

Avella felt that even though she and Hagar weren't mates they had created a family. Through everything they'd stuck together and made it work in their home with just the six of them. She knew Hagar was right about that. Perhaps that was something she needed to remember when the darkness fell over her and she couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

When Hagar stepped away her mismatched gaze followed his movements. She smiled as he thanked her but then he apologized and assured her that he woukd be there for her.

"I'm sorry too Hagar. I wasn't fair to you even though I thought I was doing what was best for you. I wanted to protect you because I cared too much about you to let you get hurt. In the end you were hurt anyway and that's my fault. I should have spoken to you sooner and I'm so sorry for that. I do know you'll support me Hagar. You have been a steady presence in my life and done everything you could to try and keep my dream alive."

(This post was last modified: Mar 24, 2023, 03:05 PM by Avella.)

Hagar's smile renewed then, heart warmed by her words for both their earnesty and the lack of need for them. He had very much not enjoyed some of the emotions he had experienced over the past year, but there had been far more that he had, solely because of her. The joys of fatherhood ranked the highest among them. And those that had been painful? Hagar still did not see them as her fault. She'd had every right to follow her heart, no matter where it had led her.

"You're too hard on yourself," he spoke the words fondly, recognizing it as a facet of the fires that were also her drive. It was part of what made her special, a leader and not a follower.

"It's mine, too."

His tail wagged along with the explanation. Their triumphs were shared, especially now that they would lead together as equals.

"Oh!" it occurred to him then, he'd almost forgotten! "@Niamh. Let's see if we can find her, yes?"

Hagar would motion with his muzzle then, inviting Avella to walk with him as he filled her in on his new friend.

"She refers to herself as a trader, and can give 'fortunes.' I have a very good feeling about her, like when we met."

He'd trusted the masked Archer from the start as well.

She had finally said the things that she needed to say to Hagar. Most of them anyway and she felt a little better. There was still plenty she had to become at peace with before she could move on from the past year. Avella hoped that time would help her to do that. Hagar was smiling as she spoke which she took to be a good sign that he wasn't angry with her and that maybe that the damage that was done could be repaired.

She shrugged, "That might be but I am an Archer. Besides I needed to say those things to you. I've wanted to for a long time."

She was just sorry that it had taken her so long. She supposed what was done was done and it was time to move on from that. Start again and learn from her mistakes.

She wasn't surprised when he spoke of sharing her dream. They'd spoken often of these things in the past. "Since we share the same dream we must work harder to accomplish it. I believe that some things will need to change."

Avella had given many things a lot of thought over the past months. She might have failed before. Maybe with Hagar leading next to her together they could be more successful.

He then remembered the original reason he'd come to meet with her. Niamh. Avella nodded that she'd go with him to meet the woman and listened as he told her a little more about her. Avella was curious what the woman might be like. So she followed Hagar to find Niamh.

Fade